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Pakistan v England: second ODI – as it happened

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Excellent with the bat (in the main), excellent with the ball (by and large) and excellent in the field (give or take), this was an emphatic win for England

Well, that was … straightforward. England won the toss, their innings started well, and their day just got better and better. They could have reached a bigger total – Wahab and Irfan bowled brilliantly towards the end of their innings – but at no point did Pakistan look like getting close to their target, as England’s seamers started excellently and Rashid made sure there was no sudden acceleration thereafter. And so it’s 1-1, halfway through the four-game series, and all to play for. Match three is next Tuesday, and it’ll all be wrapped up next Friday. See you next week!

45.5 overs: Pakistan 188 all out

Topley’s first ball is sent flying over midwicket by Yashir Shah for a hefty six, and he just keeps swinging from there, though with less success: one complete miss, and then a miscued single. Irfan changes his bat before he’s even faced a ball, which must be some kind of record, and is then profoundly yorked second ball.

45th over: Pakistan 181-9 (Yasir 8)

Yasir has been the most positive and sprightly Pakistan batsman on show here, and he reacts well to spot a slow ball, delay his shot and take a single. Sarfraz certainly doesn’t spot the slow ball that comes next.

A slower ball, a top edge, and an easy catch. Sarfraz’s innings stands out like a giraffe in a lemming-field on this scorecard, but his effort’s long become irrelevant and now he can have himself a nice sit down, and ask himself if such a thing as a lemming-field exists.

44th over: Pakistan 178-8 (Sarfraz 63, Yasir 7)

Sarfraz gets but a single off Topley’s first three deliveries, but then Yasir pummels the ball to the extra cover boundary for four, struck sweetly and powerfully. “I am drawn to Steve Ditchburn’s comment in the 47th over of England’s innings decrying that they hadn’t pushed on to reach 330,” writes Robert Darby. “I couldn’t agree more. Had they done so, Pakistan would now be chasing a target of over 20 an over instead of a paltry, er, 15 (now 17.66, in fact).” It’s easy to be wise after the event, though. England scored poorly towards the end of their innings, and couldn’t possibly have known that, as it turns out, they could pretty much have stopped with 10 overs to go and still won the game.

43rd over: Pakistan 172-8 (Sarfraz 62, Yasir 2)

Woakes replaces Moeen Ali, bowling at Yasir Shah – and Pakistan might have lost another wicket in their desperation to get Sarfraz on strike after Yasir nudges towards cover – a direct hit would have done for him there. There’s no direct hit, and two twos and a single follow.

42nd over: Pakistan 166-8 (Sarfraz 57, Yasir 1)

Willey bowls, Sarfraz clips off his pads, sweetly timed, and just past a diving fielder at deep midwicket for four. Much of the crowd has already left, but those remaining are doing an excellent job of cheering every Pakistan run and they get another single to shout about before Sarfraz loses one more partner.

A shortish delivery from Willey. Wahab Riaz swings his bat across the line and top-edges the ball high into the dark night sky, giving Buttler time to get underneath it before it plops down to earth.

41st over: Pakistan 158-7 (Sarfraz 50, Wahab 5)

Moeen’s final over. “Send Marc Troy the names of the England seamers – because they’re cleaning up here!” writes Gary Naylor as Wahab Riaz, inspired perhaps by all this talk of cleaning, tries to sweep. It doesn’t really come off, but he gets a couple of runs anyway, and a few moments later Sarfraz completes his half-century. The required run rate is now precisely and exactly 14.

40th over: Pakistan 152-7 (Sarfraz 48, Wahab 1)

England passed 150 in over No29. Pakistan get there in over 40, and now need 13.20 an over if they’re to win this. “Like most of those OBOers who email in, I strive for comedy, insight or passionate cricket nostalgia,” writes Robert Wilson. “I play around with form and eccentric digression. Anything to amuse or delight. It’s a strange pursuit and sometimes a mind-racking effort early in the morning or late at night. Why do we do it? In search of the ultimate OBO email? Well, all that is over now. Marc Troy (36th Over) has just walked away with the prize of the best email any of you have ever received. Multipurpose cleaning products! The guy’s a genius. I could weep.”

39th over: Pakistan 146-7 (Sarfraz 43, Wahab 0)

Bosh! Anwar hits Moeen over cow corner for six! Woakes tries to run round to field it, but a ginger cat gets in his way as it sprints across the outfield. Even the cat can’t stop him two balls later, though.

Anwar Ali, having scored one six already this over, hits down the ground in search of a second! He doesn’t get it.

38th over: Pakistan 139-6 (Sarfraz 42, Anwar 17)

Willey, whose first five-over spell brought two wickets and cost seven runs, returns. Good variety of pace and line frustrates the batsmen: Anwar tickles the ball fine, but a diving Buttler gets a tiny bit of glove to it and it’s fielded by third man, and then another single later he tries to heave through the covers, mishits and gets another single. The required run rate slips past 12 as drinks are taken.

37th over: Pakistan 135-6 (Sarfraz 40, Anwar 15)

“Bowling a real tight line,” says Boycott of Moeen on Sky, forgetting the two wides in the over. His last two have gone for a combined 21, or 15.56% of Pakisan’t total. “A decent showing by Cook on the Flight Simulator round,” says Tom Hopkins. “Do they do the Observation round or the Assault Course next?” Ah yes, the Krypton Factor. Those were the days, eh, what.

36th over: Pakistan 125-6 (Sarfraz 37, Anwar 12)

Topley puts the brakes back on, two runs off the over and the run rate up to 11.35. “My name is Marc Troy and I am looking for multipurpose cleaning products,” writes Marc Troy. “Could you kindly send me a price list and also availability.” You what?

35th over: Pakistan 123-6 (Sarfraz 36, Anwar 11)

Back-to-back boundaries! Sarfraz with the first, hoisting the ball over midwicket, and then he tries to sweep Moeen’s next delivery, misses, and the ball disappears for four byes. Add another three, as Sarfraz spears towards the deep point boundary but Rashid just about chases it down, and you’ve got yourself an 11-run over! The run chase starts here!

34th over: Pakistan 112-6 (Sarfraz 30, Anwar 11)

Topley bowls. Four runs. As Pakistan still look for take-off, looks like a couple of England cricketers have just completed their landing:

Captain Cooks attempted landing in @EtihadAirways amazing simulator. I tried to film it steady but it wasn't easy! pic.twitter.com/kqKPIGm80e

33rd over: Pakistan 108-6 (Sarfraz 27, Anwar 10)

Moeen bowls. Four more singles scored. The most Pakistan have scored off any over is eight – a feat they’ve achieved twice. They now need 10.35 an over, but first things first: can they get double figures once? You never know, it might open the floodgates.

32nd over: Pakistan 104-6 (Sarfraz 25, Anwar 8)

They’ve done it! A hundred runs! Topley returns, and leaks a few singles (and a leg bye), and at the end of the over the required run rate stands at precisely and exactly 10 an over. And I’ve finally got an answer (of sorts) to the question I posed back in over seven – and it’s from our very own Mike Selvey: “Don’t know who the world’s luckiest human is, unless it is that bloke in Yosemite who kept getting struck by lightning. But I do know that I was the world’s most unlucky bowler. Gus disputes that but I know it for a fact.”

31st over: Pakistan 99-6 (Sarfraz 22, Anwar 7)

Moeen is milked for a few singles, and then Anwar Ali inside-edges just wide of his stumps and away for a streaky four. Pakistan stand on the verge of a triple-figure score, (at least) 15 overs later than England reached that milestone. “Not that I’m not absurdly confident in all things England, but that hole Pakistan find themselves in probably needs to get a bit deeper before they uncover the door that will let them out of this metaphor and onto a memorable victory,” notes Ian Copestake.

30th over: Pakistan 91-6 (Sarfraz 20, Anwar 2)

Rashid’s final over brings an lbw appeal against Anwar Ali, turned down by the umpire. It looked a good shout, but there’s no review – and slow-mos suggest there may have been a slight edge. Then his last delivery of the day goes straight through everything, past batsman and Buttler and rolls off towards the boundary, though it doesn’t quite reach it.

29th over: Pakistan 86-6 (Sarfraz 19, Anwar 1)

Sarfraz sweeps to a deserted long leg for four, Pakistan’s fourth boundary of the innings and probably their finest.

28th over: Pakistan 79-6 (Sarfraz 14, Anwar 0)

Anwar tries to take a single off the last, and had plenty of time to do so, but Sarfraz sends him back. Rashid’s ninth over brings his first wicket, but he’s bowled well tonight.

Pakistan’s hole gets a little deeper, as Rashid adds a little pace, slides one straight on, and Rizwan leans back, gets his timing all wrong and edges it very slightly into his own stumps.

27th over: Pakistan 79-5 (Rizwan 17, Sarfraz 13)

Pakistan nearly get four more! They don’t, though, because Topley slides to stop it, perhaps a foot from the rope. Still, nearly-four is better than not-even-nearly-four, in some ways. The required run rate is now 8.91 an over, and rising fast.

26th over: Pakistan 76-5 (Rizwan 15, Sarfraz 12)

Pakistan nearly got a boundary here. But then it was fielded on the rope, over at deep square leg, so they only got two. That’s the way it’s rolling at the moment.

25th over: Pakistan 72-5 (Rizwan 12, Sarfraz 11)

Rizwan mistimes a sweep, but though the ball thumps him in the middle of the pad it was certainly on its way wide of leg stump, and there’s no sniff of a wicket. England are ripping through the overs here, and the match is flying away from Pakistan – halfway through their innings England were on 139-1, and though they got bogged down towards the end, it’s certainly preferable to being bogged down throughout.

24rd over: Pakistan 70-5 (Rizwan 12, Sarfraz 10)

We continue to wait for an assault that isn’t coming. Pakistan add another three to their total and need 8.23 runs an over from here on in.

23rd over: Pakistan 67-5 (Rizwan 12, Sarfraz 7)

Moeen Ali bowls for the first time, and the batsmen continue to not make hay. Indeed, Pakistan’s hay production this evening has been extremely poor all round. Though you could say that a few of them have bailed.

22nd over: Pakistan 66-5 (Rizwan 12, Sarfraz 6)

Pakistan score three more singles, so the over can hardly be counted as a great success, but Rizwan’s great escape means it certainly could have got worse.

The ball would have clattered leg stump pretty much full on, but it comes out as an umpire’s call by the most tiny of margins, and England lose a review! Bah!

England think so! The umpire – the error prone (today at least) Shozan Raza didn’t!

21st over: Pakistan 63-5 (Rizwan 11, Sarfraz 4)

A boundary! And it’s the first for one ball short of 10 overs, since midway through over 11, Rizwan – who scored more in this one over (7) than Pakistan as a team had from any previous over of this match – pulling wide of square leg.

20th over: Pakistan 55-5 (Rizwan 4, Sarfraz 3)

If Pakistan are going to win this, anyone watching this is about to have a lot of fun. Singles alone – and there are four from Rashid’s fifth over – aren’t going to cut the mustard, what with them now requiring 7.63 an over.

19th over: Pakistan 51-5 (Rizwan 2, Sarfraz 1)

Sarfraz works Woakes’ final delivery to third man for a single, denying the bowler a wicket maiden.

Last six matches: 0-72 0-64 0-57 0-37 0-22 0-40 So far today: 3-15 Woakes gets his 50th ODI wicket! https://t.co/80xP59wmd9#PAKvENG

Chris Woakes’ 50th ODI wicket leaves Pakistan 50 for 5. That’s as many fives as you can squeeze into a sentence, in all likelihood. Azhar Ali tries to drive a wide one, and bottom edges back into his own stumps! Pakistan are in a pretty deep hole here.

18th over: Pakistan 50-4 (Azhar 22, Rizwan 2)

Rizwan sweeps his first ball fine for a couple, a nice shot first up. Beyond that, there’s a couple of singles, with Rashid ending the over with a couple of fine deliveries that Rizwan can’t pick.

17th over: Pakistan 46-4 (Azhar 21)

After the fourth ball of the 17th over – precisely a third of the way through the innings – Pakistan have 45 runs, and are thus on course for a tally of 135. Though of course they’d have run out of wickets by then. England at this stage had a nice, round 100 runs and were yet to lose a wicket.

The final ball of the over sees Shoaib Malik decide it’s about time he hit his first boundary, so he takes a bit of a swing, and it comes off the bottom of the bat and flies straight to Taylor at midwicket.

16th over: Pakistan 41-3 (Azhar 18, Shoaib Malik 11)

Rashid bowls, and the batsmen take a couple more singles. At the end of the over the broadcasters take an extended look at what cuddly toys fans have brought to the ground today. The cricket’s not that bad, surely?

15th over: Pakistan 39-3 (Azhar 17, Shoaib Malik 10)

Just one dot here, though there should have been two – one was ruined when the fielder at third man raced in to field the ball, picked it up and then threw it at the stumps – it hits, with Shoaib Malik’s bat grounded, and deflects away to allow the batsmen to take a single.

14th over: Pakistan 34-3 (Azhar 16, Shoaib Malik 7)

Rashid’s driving the fast train to singletown and the batsmen punch their tickets and climb on board. Though to be fair, there’s a two in that over, and also a couple of dots.

Rashid misses out on 4th wicket after Malik, initially out lbw, survives on review. https://t.co/VGqwXNXqvh#PAKvENGpic.twitter.com/mtgwimBlUm

It would indeed have missed leg stump – by the tiniest of margins, perhaps a centimetre – so Shoaib Malik gets a lifeline!

The umpire raises his finger, but it looked a close call – I thought the ball might have missed leg stump. The batsmen review – and we’re about to find out!

13th over: Pakistan 29-3 (Azhar 15, Shoaib Malik 3)

Pakistan may yet win this, of course, but this has been an extremely timid first quarter-and-a-bit (not-quite-a-third?) of the innings. Shoaib Malik barely even attempts to score runs here, before eventually taking a single to cover off the last.

12th over: Pakistan 28-3 (Azhar 15, Shoaib Malik 2)

Rashid, whose nine overs in the first match went for a devilish 6.66 apiece (a little less than Pakistan require here), brings some spin. Four singles off it.

11th over: Pakistan 24-3 (Azhar 13)

A bowling change, with Chris Woakes replacing Willey. After a couple of dots, Azhar attacks … and sends the ball straight to a fielder. Next ball, though, is worked off the pads, wide of mid on for four, Azhar’s 30th delivery being the first that brings more than one run. He still sneaks in a single this over, but that leaves Iftikhar with a single ball to face, which is one too many.

Willey’s no longer bowling, but he’s still taking wickets – Iftikhar tries to clear mid-on but gets nowhere near enough on it, and Willey runs to his right to take a nice low catch.

10th over: Pakistan 19-2 (Azhar 8, Iftikhar 5)

Oooh! A run-out chance here, as Iftikhar hits to cover, tries to get off strike, gets told not to be so silly, turns around, and would have been well short of his ground if the fielder had hit the stumps. In the end it’s a maiden, and Pakistan end their 10th over with a remarkably paltry 19 runs on the board – England were 51 without loss at this point.

9th over: Pakistan 19-2 (Azhar 8, Iftikhar 5)

Willey’s first five overs have brought two wickets and just seven runs, which is, well, good. Azhar banks his single here second ball. If you’re wondering which over he didn’t score a single in, it’s No2.

8th over: Pakistan 17-2 (Azhar 7, Iftikhar 4)

Another over, another Azhar single, after which some excellent fielding on the off side stops Iftikhar getting off the mark until the final delivery – Taylor does particularly well at cover, diving to his left to stop the ball – but then he drives the last square, past point and away to the rope, Pakistan’s first boundary.

7th over: Pakistan 12-2 (Azhar 6, Iftikhar 0)

At the end of the seventh over Azhar Ali has a) scored 50% of his team’s run total, and b) scored only singles, and c) never more than one in any over. There’s another one here. “Further to Jonathan Wood’s sensible suggestion that someone other than Cook call heads or tails, rather than having Morgan go out to the square (which would be odd as he presumably wouldn’t be in the team, much less captain), couldn’t he just tell Alistair what to call?” suggests Alex Henderson. “He wouldn’t even have to be part of the squad, he could text in ‘heads’ or ‘tails’ from wherever he is the night before or morning of the match. Or do we think the bad luck is physically attached to Cook, so no matter what he says, even if it’s prompted by someone else, it’s destined to be wrong 75% of the time?” I think the call would have to be delivered by another human, but perhaps Cook could take a recording of Morgan’s voice onto the field with him? Or someone luckier even than Morgan? Who’s the world’s luckiest human?

6th over: Pakistan 11-2 (Azhar 5, Iftikhar 0)

Topley’s first ball flies well wide of Azhar Ali, but the umpire unaccountably fails to raise his arms, and in the end Azhar’s push to mid-off, where a diving Morgan can’t hold it, brings the only run.

5th over: Pakistan 10-2 (Azhar 4, Iftikhar 0)

This has started magnificently for the tourists. One run and one wicket from Willey’s over, with Hafeez misjudging one that doesn’t really move, and none of these first five overs has cost more than three.

Hafeez, whose unbeaten 102 decided the first game, goes without bothering the scorer this time, nibbling a little nick through to Buttler!

4th over: Pakistan 9-1 (Azhar 3, Hafeez 0)

Movement for Topley, too, though it’s not as controlled, and there’s a wide when a ball sails down the leg side. Meanwhile, there’s no sign whatsoever of an early-innings assault from the batsmen.

3rd over: Pakistan 7-1 (Azhar 2, Hafeez 0)

Inswing here from Willey, first doing for Azam and then letting Hafeez get off strike with a leg bye. Just two runs off the over. Babar Azam’s departure means that I can finally stop mentally trilling the intro to this song:

A second consecutive Willey delivery leads to a loud lbw shout, and the first ball of over two, unlike the last of over one, gets the umpire’s finger twitching!

2nd over: Pakistan 5-0 (Azhar 1, Babar Azam 4)

Reece Topley’s first ball flies off Babar Azam’s bat, bisecting cover and point for a couple. “Given Cook’s and Morgan’s relative prowesses on calling correctly in the UAE, could Morgan be England’s captain for the purposes of the coin toss only in the South African Test series. A Designated Tosser, if you will,” wonders Jonathan Wood. “Unless that title is already taken.” There seems no reason to me why the active, on-field captain couldn’t let someone take the official duties – coin tosses (fun) and being the subject of fines for slow over rates and the like (less attractive) – if they consider themselves chronically unfortunate.

1st over: Pakistan 2-0 (Azhar 1, Babar Azam 1)

Two singles and a loud, last-ball lbw appeal from the over. England discuss a review but decide against it, Azhar being way down the wicket when the ball hit him, leaving too much uncertainty floating around.

The players are back out. David Willey holding the ball, Azhar Ali facing.

So England were 51-0 after 10 overs, and managed 56-3 off the final 10 – the bowling at the end of the innings there was pretty magnificent. Still, England’s score, while not overwhelmingly daunting, still seems pretty serviceable. “Whats the average 2nd innings score at this ground?” wonders Matthew Tottle. Well, I can tell you that in 29 previous matches only three teams (Pakistan on each occasion) have scored more than 280 runs in the second innings, twice in a winning cause.

Hello world!

Simon here, taking over from Rob for Pakistan’s reply. Feel free to send me emails and tweets. While we wait for more action, a musical interlude: given the quality of Irfan’s bowling he probably deserves a little lovin’, courtesy of the only vaguely similarly-named musical-type I can think of.

Pakistan need 284 to win

50th over: England 283-5 (Taylor 9, Moeen 2) England’s bowlers will have noticed the effectiveness of the slower ball in this innings. Taylor is beaten by yet another, bowled by Anwar Ali, and then a slower bouncer hits him on the arm. Lasith Malinga would have been very happy with those slower balls.

Taylor manages to whap the last ball of the innings for four to take England to 283, so Pakistan need 284 to win. England are probably slight favourites, despite that poor finish, though they need the spinners to bowl well. Simon Burnton will talk you through Pakistan’s run-chase. Thanks for your emails, bye!

49th over: England 275-5 (Taylor 3, Moeen 0) Irfan ends with figures of 10-0-46-1. Replays confirm that was another slower ball from Irfan to dismiss Morgan. England have suffered death by slow bowling in an ODI yet again – but this time it’s against two left-arm quicks.

Now Morgan has gone, lifting Irfan high in the air and straight to the man at deep midwicket. This doesn’t look good – England were 240/2 after 42 overs – but it is more the consequence of some marvellous bowling than of poor batting. Probably.

48th over: England 270-4 (Morgan 27, Taylor 0) Wahab beats Taylor to end an exhilarating spell of 3-0-9-2, and ends with figures of 10-0-43-3. This Pakistan team are relatively atypical and methodical, but Wahab would have fit perfectly in any of the great sides of the past. He’s an authentic cornered tiger.

Only Pakistan could produce a bowler like Wahab Riaz; he is one of the joys of sport right now, never mind cricket. This will be his last over of the innings – and he bowls Buttler with the penultimate delivery! It was the slower ball again; Buttler was too early on the shot and the ball deflected off his pads onto the stumps. This is a wonderful spell of death bowling from Wahab, full of charisma, skill and fire.

47th over: England 266-3 (Morgan 25, Buttler 9) Buttler should enjoy not having to think too much about his innings, or needing to play himself in. He can just see the ball and hit the ball, as he does when he drives his third delivery, from Irfan, over extra cover for four. Irfan and Wahab have done superbly nonetheless: since they came back England have scored just 26 from five overs.

“What absolute rubbish from England,” says Steve Ditchburn. “How to ruin a good start - at one point they should have been aiming for around 330, now they won’t even reach 300 - awful batting and no ambition.” I’d argue – though not with my fists – that it’s been more a case of good bowling than bad batting.

46th over: England 257-3 (Morgan 24, Buttler 1) Jos Buttler has been promoted above James Taylor, a good decision in the circumstances. But Wahab is bowling wonderfully in this spell; that over cost just one run and brought the wicket of Root.

Wahab puts Root out of his misery. Root had started to lose his way in the last few overs, and now he has been bowled by a superb slower ball. He made a good 63 from 77 balls, though he will be annoyed that he couldn’t accelerate after reaching fifty. He’s annoyed at getting out too, swishing his bat and shouting in frustration.

45th over: England 256-2 (Root 63, Morgan 24) A fine over from Irfan is tarnished by a low full toss off the last delivery, which Morgan swipes to deep midwicket for a one-bounce four.

44th over: England 248-2 (Root 62, Morgan 19) Yasir is replaced by Wahab, who unwittingly breaks Morgan’s bat with a low full toss. Morgan then survives run-out chances off consecutive deliveries; twice he turned back and was nowhere near his crease, and twice the throw whistled past the stumps. Pakistan’s left-arm quicks have slowed things down impressively, with only four runs from wach of the last two overs.

“Re. the Root/Warner debate,” says Robert Wilson. “I think that Warner is all about defiance, even when there’s nothing to defy or little to gain. When he got out cheaply and badly in the 4th Ashes Test, he was immediately out on the balcony, staring down the cameras. Next day, he was bowling half-pace bouncers and shoulder-bumping opposition twice his size. I don’t think Root feels that anyone is against him. And he’s a fan of the funny. They’re an interesting contrast - what the different attitudes add to or subtract from their game. Kane Williamson, on the other hand, is just really, really good at cricket.”

43rd over: England 244-2 (Root 60, Morgan 17) A fine over from the returning Mohammad Irfan, including a couple of perfect yorkers delivered from the heavens, costs only four.

42nd over: England 240-2 (Root 58, Morgan 15) Yasir Shah, nursing figures of 8-0-60-0, returns to the attack. Morgan swings him miles in the air and over midwicket for six. Four singles make it a really good over for England, and Yasir is now nursing figures of 9-0-70-0.

41st over: England 230-2 (Root 56, Morgan 7) England will still be looking for 300 at this stage. Iftikhar, whose relative economy has been a bonus for Pakistan, continues. It’s another effective over, with just three from it. Iftikhar’s figures are excellent in the context of the innings: 6-0-31-1.

40th over: England 227-2 (Root 54, Morgan 6) Root reaches the usual half-century by lapping the new bowler Anwar Ali over short fine leg for four. Morgan gets going with three twos to make it 11 from the over.

“I wonder if Root is driven currently by Warner’s success and whether they can drive each other on to new heights powered by mutual loathing,” says Ian Copestake. “If Warner saw something in Root he felt he could not aspire to due to his own self-destructive tendencies and thus tried to pummel him out of existence, then his recovery from that is very impressive.” I thought they were BFFs now?The selfie never lies. Hang on, that’s not a selfie is it? Oh whatever.

39th over: England 216-2 (Root 49, Morgan 0) Eoin Morgan is the new batsman.

Alex Hales walks on a stumping. He monstered Iftikhar over long-on for six the previous ball, and was trying to clear the boundary again when missed a violent slog-sweep. He dragged his back foot too far, and Sarfraz smoothly took the bails off. Hales waited near the boundary for the third umpire but he knew he was out. It’s the end of an impressive and timely career-best innings: 109 from 117 balls with seven fours and three sixes.

38th over: England 204-1 (Hales 102, Root 44) Wahab continues, and Hales pushes a single to bring up the second century partnership of the innings. No sign of the long handle being unsheathed just yet, by Hales or Root.

37th over: England 200-1 (Hales 100, Root 41) That’s it! Hales reaches his maiden ODI hundred by lapping Iftikhar for a couple. Terrific stuff. He’s faced 111 balls, with seven fours and two sixes in one over from Yasir Shah. And now you would expect him to go into T20 mode.

36th over: England 197-1 (Hales 98, Root 41) The new bowler Wahab keeps Hales stuck in the nineties with a good over that costs just three.

35th over: England 194-1 (Hales 97, Root 38) Hales, on 95, flicks Iftikhar in the air and just wide of the diving Rizwan at short midwicket. Iftikhar has been an unlikely wicket-taking threat in his three overs, with a review, a dropped catch and that near miss.

34th over: England 190-1 (Hales 95, Root 37) We know that Hales is a world-class T20 player, but in 10 years’ time we might look back on today as a breakthrough in his ODI and even Test careers. Or we might not. There’s your insight! He moves to 94 with a flicked single off Yasir. One hit. He just needs one more hit.

Root still hasn’t hit a four, never mind a six, but he is going well on 33 from 45 balls. Hales flicks another single to move to 95, and then Root does find the boundary by hoicking Yasir over mid-on. England have punished Yasir today: 8-0-60-0. If he has figures like that, imagine what Rashid and Moeen might do on this pitch!

33rd over: England 181-1 (Hales 92, Root 31) Oh, Pakistan. Root is dropped by Wahab at point, a fairly straightforward diving chance from a mishit reverse sweep off the bowling of Iftikhar.

32nd over: England 176-1 (Hales 89, Root 29) When England won the ODI series 4-0 against Pakistan in 2011-12, an opener scored a century in each match: two from Alastair Cook and two from Kevin Pietersen. It’s a decent template for victory, and they will hope Hales can follow it. He whips Yasir for two, and Wahab Riaz hurts his ankle in the act of fielding. He’s limping, though he hasn’t left the field.

31st over: England 170-1 (Hales 86, Root 26) Five from Iftikhar’s over. “Surely Jonny ‘Jonny’ Bairstow is the palest,” says Gareth Fitzgerald. “He catches even less sun than he does cricket balls while wearing gloves.”

REVIEW: England 166-1 (Root not out 24) It’s time for a bit of part-time offspin from the debutant Iftikhar Ahmed. Root survives a big shout for LBW off the second ball, and Azhar is going to review the decision. It was very full, but I suspect it pitched just outside leg stump with Iftikhar bowling from around the wicket. Root had a similar shout turned down off his own bowling the other day. Replays show that this pitched comfortably outside leg, so Root survives.

30th over: England 165-1 (Hales 84, Root 23) Yasir Shah is back. Hales launches his first delivery emphatically over midwicket for six to bring up the fifty partnership. He is dropped later in the over when he under-edges Yasir onto the shinpad of the keeper Sarfraz. It would have been a half-chance for Alan Knott; for anyone else it was about a tenth-chance.

Hales has clearly decided to go big: he charges the penultimate ball and chips it down the ground for another six. Terrific stuff. Even though one-day cricket in Abu Dhabi bears precisely no resemblance to Test cricket in South Africa, I would imagine this innings has sealed Hales’s place for the first Test on Boxing Day.

29th over: England 151-1 (Hales 71, Root 23) This has been a superbly constructed innings by England, though that’s conditional on them not collapsing in the comedy style later in the innings. But really, you couldn’t ask for much more at this stage: they have been controlled, sensible and busy – and the milking of the spinners (11-0-73-0 between them) has been rewardingly unEnglish.

I remember Derek being on one of those live Saturday morning quiz shows, Multi Coloured Swap Shop or Tiswas or something,” says Andy Brittain. “At the end the presenter was holding up an England cricket tea towel and banging on about how you could win it. Derek, who was also in the shot, took the opportunity to blow his nose on it for a laugh. Good times.” Yeah but these days he could have put it on eBay and sold it for charity. Progress.

28th over: England 146-1 (Hales 68, Root 21) Hales cuts Anwar Ali for a couple to move out of the nervous 64s, and a single down the ground takes him past his previous best ODI score. Root, meanwhile, has moved skilfully to 21 from 30 balls despite not hitting a boundary.

@100ashesquotes I always liked Younis Khan for being a smiler. I'll miss him just for that. And Darren Sammy - Chris Man (Gayle), less so.

27th over: England 140-1 (Hales 64, Root 19) With Pakistan needing a wicket, Mohammad Irfan replaces Shoaib Malik. He beats Hales with two three four consecutive deliveries outside off stump; Hales’s face is a picture of self-disgust. A fine over.

“Is Eoin Morgan now the world’s palest cricketer?” asks Robert Wilson. “Ben Stokes has been dominating the melanin-deficiency tables for eighteen months or more, but now Morgan seems to have sneaked up on the inside. This can’t be helping in the world’s hotter places (I worried that Stokes would actually ignite when he was in Australia). What about acclimatising a little? All they’d have to do is to contact some early 90s English footballers to learn a little lobsterising-by-the-pool techniques. Couldn’t hurt.”

26th over: England 139-1 (Hales 64, Root 18) Hales is inching towards his highest ODI score of 67. I wouldn’t expect him to go back for another 10 overs or so, and nor should he because he is scoring at almost a run a ball with minimal risk. If he is still there in the last 10 overs, we will be in for a bit of the old ultraviolence.

“Surely the endearingly jovial Mark Wood is the bowling foil to Root’s grinning batsman?” says Guy Hornsby. “He’s genuinely pretty batty, but seems to play cricket as if it’s been given to him for Christmas. Reassuringly lovely, and a throwback to the days where you did it for the love, rather than a central contract and a [KP] promoted tweet [/KP].”

25th over: England 135-1 (Hales 62, Root 16) England are gettin’ ‘em in singles at the moment. It doesn’t scream BRAND OF CRICKET but it’s a sensible approach in the circumstances, and pretty effective too. This is a superb platform for the second half of the innings. Actually, the moment I type that, Hales whips Shoaib Malik over midwicket for the first boundary in eight overs. That was a wonderful shot.

Re Joe Root and “He reminds us what the word ‘sport’ used to mean...”,” begins Gary Naylor, “one early use of the word sport was a synonym for hunting - hence sporting dogs for example. So if we take that meaning and sport is about slaughtering weak, defenceless prey, it’s David Warner who doing the reminding right now. PS Trent Boult should wear a green and gold wig to bowl the first over tomorrow.”

24th over: England 126-1 (Hales 54, Root 14) Anwar Ali is more English than Pakistani in style, with his medium-paced accuracy. Four from the over.

While I agree with most of your happy sportsmen list, I harbour an irrational yet virulent grudge against Dwight Yorke from a Derby v Villa match a good 15-20 years ago,” says David Hopkins, “so might I request that his name is expunged and replaced with Usain Bolt?” I just can’t say no to you David: you know that, and you take advantage of it to make me do things I wouldn’t do for anyone else.

23rd over: England 122-1 (Hales 53, Root 12) Five singles from Shoaib Malik’s boring middle over. England are not pushing too hard because they know that, in these conditions, 300 is the new 400.

“I always found Bayern München’s own Peruvian smilemeister, Claudio Pizarro, to be constructed entirely out of happiness,” says Ian Copestake. “Like a generic OBO contributor.”

22nd over: England 117-1 (Hales 51, Root 9) Anwar Ali returns to the attack and gives another demonstration of his wicket-to-wicket stylings. A lot goes on but nothing happens: three singles from the over.

“Joe Root’s up there,” says Mark Robinson. “But I would plump for Derek Randall - who was a bit like Norman Wisdom’s Mr Grimsdale when facing Lillee & Co.”

21st over: England 114-1 (Hales 50, Root 7) Hales reaches his third ODI fifty in his 21st innings, a controlled innings that includes six fours from 57 balls. In the context of his ODI career and even his Test career, this would be a very good time to explode and make his first century.

20th over: England 112-1 (Hales 49, Root 6)“Joe Root comes in, smiles a lot, makes runs,” says Adam Hirst. “Have England ever had a cricketer that looks like he’s enjoying it all more than Little Joe? Our cricketers have been a fairly dour bunch down the years. Maybe only Gower treated it all like a lark.”

Yes, that’s one of his greatest qualities. He reminds us what the word ‘sport’ used to mean, yet he also manages to be extremely hard-nosed. It’s a helluva trick. Actually, that would be a good Joy of Six: shiny happy sportsmen. Joe Root, Martin Adams, Dwight Yorke, Bob Willis.

The slowest caught-behind decision in the history of all cricket is given against Alex Hales. He reviews it straight away, however, and replays show why: it missed the bottom edge and hit his back leg. Not out.

19th over: England 111-1 (Hales 47, Root 6) Hales and Root carefully milk the dangerous Yasir for four singles, and then Root muscles a full ball wide of mid-on for three. He is admirably busy from ball one, in all forms of the game.

“As good as the offer looks for Benaud in Wisden, are you aware of any offers for it which are more in the £5.88 to £5.96 bracket?” Come on, it’s only been available for a week; you’ll have to wait at least another few days before it’s remaindered.

18th over: England 103-1 (Hales 45, Root 1) The new batsman is Joe Root, who played brilliantly in his new role at No3 against New Zealand last summer.

Meanwhile, this email arrived precisely 0.0000001 seconds before Roy decided to drive Wahab over mid-on. “Roy’s biggest problem in his ODI career to date has been not making the most of his good starts,” wrote Dominic Gillan. “Come on JJ, do us proud!”

A tame end to an excellent innings, with Roy driving a slower ball from Wahab Riaz straight to mid-on. Wahab angrily punches the air in celebration. Roy made 54 from 57 balls and played with class and confidence.

17th over: England 100-0 (Roy 53, Hales 44) Shoaib Malik continues to bowl his offspin from around the wicket, and Hales dumps a sweep high over square leg for a two-bounce four, and slams another boundary through the covers off the back foot. A single from Roy brings up a splendid hundred partnership, 60 of which have come from the last eight overs.

16th over: England 90-0 (Roy 52, Hales 35) Roy is beaten, heaving at the new bowler Wahab. I was going to say “give him the clap, Wahab,” before realising what else that could mean. Wahab smiles anyway. A high-class back-foot drive through mid-off brings Roy a boundary off the next ball, and later in the over he pulls four more to bring up an extremely accomplished fifty from 53 balls. He ends the over with another wild heave at fresh air.

You can buy Benaud in Wisden for £6.04. No idea why that particular sum was chosen, but anyway, look! https://t.co/CE5b6olwzy

15th over: England 81-0 (Roy 43, Hales 35) That’s a fine shot from Roy, who dances down the trick and chips Shoaib Malik over mid-off for four. He has been very impressive so far, really certain in his strokeplay. Eight from the over.

“Following you from the office in Madrid,” says a nameless person in Madrid. “Perfect cricket weather here - in fact it has been so good that an arbitrary speed limit has been introduced on the orbital motorway and parking on the streets in the city has been reduced to residents only, in a desperate attempt to reduce the high amount of pollution. Given that these temperatures are forecast to continue for at least another week, additional measures look to be looming - i.e. alternate driving days depending on your number plate, to eventually a total ban. Mind you coming into work this morning the usual traffic flow i.e. stopped, didn’t look any different to a normal day!!” How does that work? I’m even more confused than I was when I read Khawaja’s tweet.

14th over: England 73-0 (Roy 36, Hales 34) You’d think England would want at least 280, maybe 300, ideally 500. It shouldn’t be easy to chase on a dying wicket against the spinners, though England’s bowlers aren’t exactly walking on sunshine at the moment. Yasir is bowling nicely now after a loose second over, and England settle for two singles from the over. There was a suggestion that Sarfraz might have dropped Hales, though replays were inconclusive as to whether it took the outside edge.

13th over: England 71-0 (Roy 35, Hales 33) Shoaib Malik replaces Wahab Riaz, and has Roy dropped off his third ball. It was a really sharp chance to the keeper Sarfraz Ahmed off a thickish inside edge after the ball straightened from around the wicket. Roy bleaches the wound by creaming a sweep for four next ball.

“Commentators wondering about the fifth bowler and seem to be forgetting Azhar Ali,” says Krishnan Patel. “His brief spell in the Sharjah Test was good. Or is it one of those things when a player becomes captain, he stops bowling for some reason (see Steve Smith, Michael Clarke).” Michael Vaughan and Graham Gooch were like that too. In the parlance of our time, it’s definitely a thing.

12th over: England 64-0 (Roy 30, Hales 31) Just four from Yasir’s third over. England have some serious batting to come: Root, Morgan, Taylor, Buttler and Moeen, not to mention one of the shorter tails in their ODI history.

“Your fifth over description reminded me that I once ‘pulled witheringly’,” says Ian Copestake. “All I have left is the memory of the look of disdain on her coupon as I made my approach.” Normally with emails from the OBO regulars, you can recognise the writer without seeing a name. But that email could have come from Copestake, Mac Millings, Guy Hornsby...

11th over: England 60-0 (Roy 29, Hales 29) Pakistan need Wahab to get nasty feisty and take a couple of wickets. Roy cuts him wristily behind square for a couple, prompting a post-watershed exclamation from Wahab. He’s not exactly the poster boy for happiness when, later in the over, he appeals for a catch down the leg side, only for the umpire to call wide. There was a noise, but it came off Hales’ trousers. Nine from the over.

10th over: England 51-0 (Roy 22, Hales 28) Hales sweeps Yasir round the corner for four, with Irfan at short fine leg going down with all the grace you’d expect of a 7ft man. Hales gets another boundary off the last delivery, this time with a pretty lovely push through the covers. He has 28 from 30 balls, Roy has 22 from 30.

9th over: England 40-0 (Roy 21, Hales 18) A double bowling change, with Wahab Riaz coming on for Mohammad Irfan. Hales snicks wide of slip for four, one of Nasser’s genuine edges. This is decent progress in view of the conditions, though it does feel a bit like a preamble to a batting collapse.

Does Nick Compton go to South Africa every winter to work on his batting?” says Richard Simpson. “He is there soon - is this an ECB back up plan? Surely he needs to relax and instead go to Alton Towers/Legoland/Flamingo land, as wasn’t he dropped for being too intense? Although I do like the image of a frighteningly intense man festering in county cricket, playing out a game to 18 spectators in Somerset.” And being told to chill out by Roy Keane, who makes a surprise move into the Sky cricket commentary box.

8th over: England 34-0 (Roy 20, Hales 13) Yasir Shah replaces Anwar Ali (3-0-12-0). He is likely to be a big threat on this used pitch. Crikey, what a shot that is! Roy gets into position for the switch hit and pings it sweetly over point for a one-bounce four.

7th over: England 28-0 (Roy 16, Hales 12) It’s been a pretty good start from England. Roy in particular is starting to play with a bit of a swagger, although he is beaten by a ball from Irfan that keeps low. Those are good signs for England, as the bounce should get more uneven as the match progresses.

@100ashesquotes I'm slightly confused by the subtle nuances of this tweet. Which old times does a 28 year old mean https://t.co/EhOTPunHhP

6th over: England 23-0 (Roy 13, Hales 10) Hales, on the charge, heaves Anwar not far short of the man at deep midwicket. Then Roy picks the slower ball and drives it sweetly over mid-on for four.

5th over: England 18-0 (Roy 9, Hales 9) That’s more like the Hales we want to see: when Irfan drops a fraction short, he pulls witheringly through midwicket for four. Just a single from the five balls after that. We do need to be patient with Hales as an ODI batsman; his potential is stratospheric, and as such he probably deserves a bit more slack.

4th over: England 13-0 (Roy 9, Hales 4) The pitch should get slower and lower, through the innings and through the day, so England will want to get off to a flyer. Not a full Summer 2015 Brand of Cricket flyer, but a relatively fast start. At the moment Hales in particular is struggling to time it, and manages just a two and a single from an accurate Anwar Ali over.

“I’m disappointed by BA’s grovelling, first name twitter response to the baggage travails of a cricketing God,” says Ian Copestake. “A simple LOL would have sufficed.” That would have bantered him right off.

3rd over: England 10-0 (Roy 9, Hales 1) Hales eventually faces his first delivery of the match, and then edges his second wide of the slips for a single. Roy is then beaten, pushing at one angled across him by Irfan. One from the over.

“If Warner makes 400 I will cry,” says John Bowker. “It will be a sad day for cricket. He’s going to do it isn’t he.” I’m not sure he’s greedy enough to do it. One thing in his favour is his speed of scoring; if he gets to 400 it will probably be sometime in the afternoon, so fatigue will be less of an issue.

2nd over: England 9-0 (Roy 9, Hales 0) Roy gets his second boundary with a lovely, wristy flick through midwicket off Anwar Ali. Roy’s ODI record so far are modest – average 27, two fifties in 11 innings – but he has looked a bit better than that. England may be short of openers in Test cricket but they have plenty of options in ODIs, as Moeen Ali is also a very good pinch-stroker at the top of the order.

1st over: England 5-0 (Roy 5, Hales 0) The 7ft left-arm seamer Mohammad Irfan opens the bowling to Jason Roy, who slams his fifth ball square on the off side for four to get off the mark. In other news, and talking of the darts, this picture essay is very nice.

“So who would you have opening against South Africa?” says Jonathan Wood. “ We seem to have a long list of “not quites”, don’t we? Compton, Ali, Hales, Robson, Carbery, Lyth…God help us if Cook injures his back picking up a pig before the South African trip.” I’d have Compton, without question. You need to blunt the new ball against that attack, and even 70-ball 25s would be very handy. I’d fear for Hales. Compton is 32, not 37. He’s four years younger than Adam Voges, for example.

In other news Anyone watch the darts last night? Those four matches had pretty much everything.

“Glorious day for it...” says Sarah Bacon. “Today was the first in the ‘winter season’ where it was colder outside than in; it’s 28C here, so England shouldn’t face the weather challenges they experienced earlier in the series. Hopefully, they will also be more circumspect about their reviews than New Zealand were this morning.

“PS. Did you know Trott is a studio pundit for TEN Cricket in the region? He’s astute, clinical, knowledgeable … just what you want topping and tailing the action.”

First email of the day

“I’ve had a cold all week and I’m at my desk with a pile of snotty tissues and a watch that’s way too far away from 5pm,” says Guy Hornsby, mistaking this for a Soulmates profile. “As for the cricket, isn’t Alex Hales supposed to be the new Warner? I like him but I suggest not getting out recklessly would be a good start. Woakes currently 0-292 off 49 overs in ODIs. And picking the same team? What’s the definition of insanity again? The gloom’s here already, so I’m getting my reverse-jinx in early.”

England are unchanged. Pakistan bring in Mohammad Rizwan – the DRS troll– and Iftikhar Ahmed for Bilal Asif and Younis Khan.

Pakistan Azhar Ali (c), Babar Azam, Mohammad Hafeez, Shoaib Malik, Iftikhar Ahmed, Mohammad Rizwan, Sarfraz Ahmed (wk), Anwar Ali, Wahab Riaz, Yasir Shah, Mohammad Irfan.

Toss department

England have won it and will – yep – bat first. That’s a good toss to win. This is the same pitch that was used for the first match, so you would expect it to turn.

Brand of cricket department

David Warner? Bloody hell.

@sachin_rt We're sorry to hear this Sachin, could you please DM us your baggage ref, full name and address so we can look into this for you?

Hello. Cricket is developing quite the travel problem. Despite the benefits of globalisation, teams are increasingly incapable of winning away from home. As always, English cricket was way ahead of the curve. The one-day side has had this issue for decades, and the early signs are that Andrew Strauss’s born-again ODI team could have a similar problem.

In one sense, it’s not so big a concern. The Champions Trophy in 2017 and the World Cup in 2019 will both be played in England, where the team look pretty strong. But 48 consecutive defeats overseas would not be great for morale, so England do need to learn how to win away from the green, green grass of home. Might as well start today, eh?

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Pakistan v England: third ODI – as it happened

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A 117-run, 117-ball partnership between James Taylor and Jos Buttler decided the match in England’s favour after Pakistan’s innings slipped from quality to calamity

Buttler wears a massive grin as he’s high-fived off the field by his team-mates, even if the match ended just too soon for him to reach a half-century. His 117-ball, 117-run partnership with James Taylor was decisive, and with one game to play England lead 2-1. Pakistan bowled well in patches and batted fine for a while, but thanks to those comedy run-outs they just didn’t have enough runs on the board to give their bowlers any wriggle-room.

Anyway, that’s all from me. John Ashdown and Niall McVeigh will be here on Friday to take you through the final game of the series. Bye!

41st over: England 210-4 (Taylor 67, Buttler 49)

Taylor paddles the ball over his left shoulder for a couple, and England are just one big hit from victory. On Sky, Ian Botham speculates about which part of the stands the ball is about to be deposited into, inevitably presaging two straight-bat defensive prods and an only-because-of-a-misfield single. Still, at least Buttler’s read the script, and he immediately sends the ball over midwicket to end the match.

40th over: England 201-4 (Taylor 64, Buttler 43)

Anwar Ali returns, and given the total absence of close fielders Pakistan are pretty much waving a white flag. England are invited to tiptoe to victory a single at a time, and duly take five of them. They need eight to win.

Ridiculous stubbornness from a couple of key people. https://t.co/q2TTdMmcKn

39th over: England 196-4 (Taylor 61, Buttler 41)

“If Buttler can hang on until the end of this innings he’ll probably have done just enough, just in time,” writes John Starbuck, as Iftikhar bowls and another couple of singles are taken. “It won’t make up for his missed stampings but the batting is always important enough to matter.” He’s needed this innings, sure enough. The difference between the sides, though, is that only one of them surrendered three wickets by running about like absolute clowns.

38th over: England 194-4 (Taylor 60, Buttler 40)

Oh no! Taylor sweeps in the air and straight to Zafar, who lets the ball fly through his arms, and also his legs, and away for four! He incicates that he was blinded by the floodlights, but nothing’s going Pakistan’s way now. Otherwise, there’s a truckload of ones and a brief cameo for twos and the partnership is now worth 101 from 97 balls. England need 15 more runs, from 12 overs.

37th over: England 184-4 (Taylor 54, Buttler 36)

Zafar’s final over. He’s had a fine day, scoring a decent 15 with the bat and taking his first wicket in his first over of international cricket, and another one along the way. It won’t end in victory, though. England need 25 runs at 1.9 an over.

36th over: England 180-4 (Taylor 53, Buttler 33)

Again Irfan’s spell lasts a single over, with Malik replacing him now. Buttler hits his first ball for a single, and Taylor smites the second - another full toss - down the ground for six, the ball landing on the rope. A fine way to reach his half-century. Nine runs from the over, the partnership between Buttler and Taylor bringing 87 runs from 87 balls, rescuing England from a potentially rocky situation and leading them now to the brink of near-victory.

35th over: England 171-4 (Taylor 46, Buttler 31)

Zafar’s ninth over starts with another full toss, again not really punished, which perhaps explains why he bowls another one a little later. This one, though, is punched down the ground for four, which seems to have sent the Pakistan fans scurrying for the exits. England need 38 runs from 15 overs.

34th over: England 164-4 (Taylor 41, Buttler 29)

Irfan’s back, after a swift change of ends, and after a couple of singles Taylor hits one-handed over cover, with all nearby fielders inside the circle, and then he puls the next to Wahab, who misfields, diving and scooping the ball into the air, into his head and into the rope. The required run rate is down to 2.8 now.

33rd over: England 153-4 (Taylor 32, Buttler 27)

Zafar returns, and Buttler fails to capitalise on a loose full toss second ball, picking out a fielder. Still, he gets a single, the only one from an over that also includes an optimistic appeal, the ball having pitched way outside the line.

32nd over: England 152-4 (Taylor 32, Buttler 26)

Pakistan just won’t put their feet on England’s throats here. A diet of singles will do for the batting side, and it’s up to the fielders to do something to stop it. They get four here, in unhurried, unworried style, and Pakistan will go back to spin for a bit.

31st over: England 148-4 (Taylor 30, Buttler 24)

Irfan starts with something slow, wide and short, and Buttler gets nowhere near the pace of it. But he’s cranking slowly through the gears, and England milk four singles from the remainder of the over without really being troubled.

30th over: England 144-4 (Taylor 28, Buttler 22)

The batters seem to struggle with the change in pace, and Wahab gives them absolutely no freebies, bowling straight annd full. Just a single off the over, and Irfan’s coming back too.

29th over: England 143-4 (Taylor 28, Buttler 21)

England have six wickets and need 66 runs at just over three an over. Wahab is coming back now, and these are key overs in the game, with England a couple of wickets from a crisis, and a couple of good overs from a cakewalk.

28th over: England 140-4 (Taylor 27, Buttler 19)

Malik switches to over the wicket mid-over, whereupon Taylor immediately smites the ball over midwicket for six. Eleven off the over.

27th over: England 129-4 (Taylor 17, Buttler 18)

Azhar Ali gives himself a bowl and Taylor, perhaps deciding he should be punishing the part-timer, chases a wide, wide delivery and is lucky not to nick it. Azhar is still looking for his first ODI wicket, having bowled 14 overs this year alone (and eight previously), with an economy rate of 5.72. There are four singles and a wide here, which will reduce that a smidgeon.

26th over: England 124-4 (Taylor 14, Buttler 17)

Malik bowls, England take four singles. They need three and a half runs an over.

25th over: England 120-4 (Taylor 12, Buttler 15)

Buttler gets his first boundary of the day by nailing a reverse sweep, and enjoys it so much he does it again, finer this time. The two balls between the boundaries were extremely uncomfortable for the batsman, flying as they did just past the edge, but that’s an 11-run over, the second most expensive of the day, and England are 89 runs from victory at the half-way stage.

24th over: England 109-4 (Taylor 12, Buttler 4)

That sense of wild panic and endless possibilities that I mentioned a while back appears to have come back, with something of a vengeance. Malik continues despite a skid-induced bum-bruise, Buttler comes down the pitch and misses, but then so does Sarfraz.

23rd over: England 102-4 (Taylor 10, Buttler 0)

Zafar gets manic movement, and Taylor nudges it inadvertently between slip and keeper for four. He tries to sweep the next, but bottom0edges into the ground and up into the grille of his helmet. Then he tries to sweep again, more successfully this time, though Malik would have stopped it on the rope had he not slipped and fallen rather embarrassingly on his behind.

22nd over: England 93-4 (Taylor 1, Buttler 0)

Taylor sweeps for a single, and then Morgan cuts to a near-identical spot for two, bringing him back on strike for the fateful delivery. Engand are in trouble now. Buttler’s last five ODI innings brought 13, 4, 0, 1 and 11. Time for a big ‘un.

The captain’s gone! He misses this one by a mile, as it turns back past the bat and clips leg stump!

21st over: England 89-3 (Morgan 32, Taylor 0)

Hales sweeps low past Irfan, who makes another game but comically inept attempt to get down and stop the ball. Taylor comes in, and the last ball spins just past his bat, and also past the wicketkeeper, wide of slip, and away for two (I’m not totally sure this didn’t hit the bat, but Sky have it down as byes).

The breakthrough comes! And it’s another one for the debutant, as Hales hangs his bat out and Rizwan takes a good low catch at slip.

20th over: England 85-2 (Hales 28, Morgan 32)

The spinners are making the ball do all sorts of tricks, but they’re not taking wickets and England need only to score at a trickle to win this. Shoaib Malik’s over features two leg byes and a wide, which doesn’t help.

19th over: England 81-2 (Hales 27, Morgan 32)

Another reverse sweep from Morgan, and another four, before Zafar goes a little appeal-dizzy, first for a ball that hits Morgan way outside the line, and then for one that looked to be turning too much - though HawkEye suggests it might have clipped leg stump.

18th over: England 76-2 (Hales 27, Morgan 28)

Malik bowls, and Morgan reverse-sweeps beautifully to third man for four, but then nicks the penultimate delivery, which lands just short of slip, and the review follows off the last.

The ball flicked no more than trouser pocket, and Pakistan’s review is gone.

Pakistan appeal loudly, and call for a review when the umpire shakes his head.

17th over: England 71-2 (Hales 27, Morgan 23)

Wahab Riaz continues after a generous drinks break, and concedes a few singles and a leg-side-bouncer-related wide.

16th over: England 67-2 (Hales 26, Morgan 21)

There’s turn here for Shoaib Malik, who gets the ball to spin back past Morgan’s bat, the batsman fortunately keeping his back foot grounded. Four more runs are scored, all singles.

15th over: England 63-2 (Hales 24, Morgan 19)

A couple of singles for England, but if they’re not always scoring with wild abandon the sense of wild panic and endless possibilities that was abroad for a while has very much fled, for the time being at least.

14th over: England 61-2 (Hales 23, Morgan 18)

Hales, loving life without Irfan around to terrify him, sweeps for four, the ball just evading a desperate dive on the rope.

13th over: England 54-2 (Hales 19, Morgan 16)

Ooooh! Morgan takes a quick single to mid on, where the fielder collects the ball, throws and hits the stumps, and Pakistan are celebrating again - for at least as long as it takes the TV umpire to be certain that he was not out, just about. Another single later Wahab bowls a slow full toss, and England’s captain only just checks his stroke, getting nothing from it. The next, though, is pulled fine for four.

12th over: England 47-2 (Hales 18, Morgan 10)

Iftikhar’s first over brings five successive dots, and then a single off the last.

11th over: England 46-2 (Hales 18, Morgan 9)

Irfan, to the very great relief of Alex Hales, is hooked, and Wahab Riaz replaces him. He bowls short to Morgan, who despite taking a blow to the head from Irfan not long ago goes after it, and pulls it perfectly for four. The sides are pretty well matched on ye olde over comparison, with Pakistan having stood at 45-1 at this stage, though it was overs 24 onwards that really did for them.

10th over: England 41-2 (Hales 18, Morgan 4)

Hales gets a chance to face someone significantly less in-yer-face intimidating than Irfan, and duly smashes the ball over midwicket for six.

9th over: England 33-2 (Hales 11, Morgan 3)

Before Irfan bowls Morgan gets some physio attention, for the blow he took on the chin during Irfan’s last over. Then he bowls at Hales, who’s having an absolute stinker of a time against the gangly paceman here. He nervously survives the first two deliveries then pulls out of the third at the last moment when a security guard starts strolling around behind the bowler, leading to a bout of evil-stare-trading between batsman and bowler. Another fine over, just one run from it. “You googled ‘Hide the Rhino’?!?! You absolute mug – surely you know what that’s slang for? Delete your search history FAST,” writes Tom Adam. I’m innocent, honest guv.

8th over: England 32-2 (Hales 10, Morgan 3)

Dropped! Kind of! It’s another caught-and-bowled opportunity, and if the last went low and loopy, this flew fast into Zafar’s forearm, hitting him before he knew it was coming. Pakistan were 37 without loss at this stage of their innings, and this looks anything like a sure thing at the moment.

Joe Root 11(14) c Iftikhar Ahmed b Zafar Gohar https://t.co/fmXWIA5ZoD#PAKvENG#ENGvPAK#cricingifpic.twitter.com/eoMqnLvLz1

7th over: England 30-2 (Hales 9, Morgan 2)

Irfan continues, with a combination of great aggression, enormous quality and outstanding height. He sends in a short ball that hits Morgan on the helmet, gets an official warning for running on the pitch, then there’s a cutter that Hales pushes at and misses, and another that moves away a fraction as Hales plays and misses. Lovely bowling.

Zafar strikes with the big wicket of Root!! #PAKvENG#PakvEng#EngvsPak#ENGvPAK

6th over: England 28-2 (Hales 9, Morgan 1)

Some early spin action, courtesy of debutant Zafar Gohar, and it brings near-instant reward.

A full-toss from debutant spinner Zafar Gohar which Root sends flying to deep midwicket, where the fielder catches it a couple of feet above his head! Root didn’t have long to celebrate this landmark tonight:

Adding three tonight means @root66 has 2000 runs in all formats in 2015. What a stellar 12 months #classpic.twitter.com/w9Hxieftn8

5th over: England 23-1 (Hales 8, Root 8)

Dropped! It’s another leading edge, this time from Hales, and the ball loops straight back to the bowler. Fortunately for England it reaches the bowler at ankle height, and the bowler involved is seven feet tall - Irfan gets fingertips to it, but no more. Then Root fends a short ball into the air, but there’s nobody at short leg to catch it. This is a mean old over from a bowler who’s out to prove, well, something. Definitely something. Two singles from it.

4th over: England 21-1 (Hales 7 Root 7)

Anwar Ali’s final delivery is a bit short, a bit all-round not great and Root pulls it away for four. “I remember biorhythms well,” writes John Starbuck, as Hales gets a thick edge that flies well wide of slip. “They were one of the first ways computer engineers tried to convince their lay colleagues in the early 1970s that computers could be interesting*. Everyone on the staff got theirs sent to them as a giant printout and managers were instructed to study them to avoid overloading people with work at the wrong time. Didn’t last. *The alternative was one of the first (mainframe) computer games, Hide the Rhino: much like Battleships.” Even Google’s never heard of Hide the Rhino.

3rd over: England 13-1 (Hales 5 Root 1)

Irfan is such a ludicrously-shaped human. Just to see him run past the umpire, whose head barely reaches his shoulder (and he’s wearing a hat) is to be reminded of the wonderful randomness of life.

Jason Roy 7(6) c Shoaib Malik b Mohammad Irfan https://t.co/CSrK6xaHE7#PAKvENG#ENGvPAK#cricingifpic.twitter.com/zY8VXsjwsy

First one down! The ball holds up off the turf and Hales gets a leading edge to cover! Pakistan celebrate in the manner of a team that’s still pretty sure they can win.

2nd over: England 12-0 (Roy 7, Hales 5)

Anwar Ali bowls over two, and his second ball is flicked by Hales to Irfan at backward square leg, who takes so long to get down that by the time he does the ball is past him and on its way to the rope. Given the quality of his batting and his fielding, Irfan’s bowling pretty much has to be amazing.

1st over: England 8-0 (Roy 7, Hales 1)

The first ball of the innings is sent between point and cover for four, and England are on their way. “If England go 2-1 up in this four ODI series, is it cowardly to pray for a sandstorm?” wonders Tom Ireland. Not cowardly, as such, but perhaps - given the state of Pakistan’s batting here - a bit of a waste of prayer-tokens.

The players are back out, England chasing 209, Mohammad Irfan holding the ball. Action imminent.

“I can only watch this today in random 10-minute bursts and every time I switch on, something absolutely preposterous happens. Riotous comedy cricket,” writes Robert Wilson. “But Nasser’s being a little harsh about the Pakistan team. I think their biorhythms are low. Do you remember biorhythms? Can we bring them back? I loved biorhythms. They were my best excuse since ‘a flock of swans stole my homework’.” I’m afraid my biorhythm knowledge is low, but they sound, well, like a totally invented cod-scientific excuse-generator, and who doesn’t like those?

Always worth following your local paper, if only for the occasional lovely only-in-the-locals headlines. In today’s Watford Observer: “Nightmarish tale of couple surrounded by horses”. Apparently they were surrounded by horses.

“I’d just like one OBO to not have any voodoo, jinxing etc talk,” begs Jack Pearce. “Ever since I first tuned in (admittedly at the start of the summer, so not as avid as some followers) it’s been more hocus-pocus focused than Robert De Niro in Silver Linings Playbook. Can’t we just have faith in our players? I know it’s England but come on!” I’ll do my very best to nix my jinxing. No promises.

Sky have generously put highlights of the day’s play thus far online here (presumably only for UK-based viewers, or people who can convince their computers that they’re UK-based)

Hello world!

Some choice cuts from Nasser Hussain on Sky, discussing Pakistan’s batting display:

So England need 209 to win. It’ll be slightly tricky on such a slow pitch against Pakistan’s spinners, but they’ll be confident of chasing it. They bowled very, very well from the middle overs onwards there, although Pakistan were guilty of throwing their wickets away as well. Bat sensibly and England will get home without too many problems.

Now having jinxed them, I’ll take my leave. Simon Burnton is yer man from here on in. Bye!

50th over: Pakistan 208 (Wahab 33) It’s Woakes with the final over. He’s had a lot of success with the short ball today, but begins the over with a wide half volley that Wahab slaps effortlessly over mid off for six. Woakes thinks he has his man next ball and the umpire agrees, but Wahab calls for the review straight away and it only takes one replay. Ha, and then the very same next ball! Not a great over this for umpire JD Cloete. Wahab steps across and shovels the next ball to square leg for a single, bringing Irfan on strike. He’s gone first ball and Woakes finishes with excellent figures of 4-40.

Goes for the big mow and doesn’t get near the ball, losing his off stump to a yorker.

Next ball it’s another yorker, this one hitting Wahab flush on the boot. It’s in line with leg stump, but there’s a chance this is going down. Ha! It is and the decision is overturned again!

This is not a duplicate entry.

It is overturned.

Given out, but this will be overturned as he whacked the leather off the yorker.

49th over: Pakistan 201-9 (Wahab 26, Irfan 0) So with Irfan having survived, Wahab is going to get a crack at Willey for six balls. The former (sob) Northants man pulls is length back and Wahab top edges, but the ball lands safely. He cracks the next ball down to long off, but opts not to run. This is a bit silly now. Another short one and this time it’s heaved horribly over cow corner for six. That’s the 200 up and a single off the last means Wahab will have the strike for the final over.

48th over: Pakistan 194-9 (Wahab 19, Irfan 0) Topley again and Wahab misses out on a full toss, mistiming it down the ground and getting none. He doesn’t miss out on the next one though, smearing a length ball from well outside off, over midwicket and into the stands for six! He goes again next ball, picks out Root at deep square... but he drops it tumbling forward! Irfan is on strike and gets a waist-high full toss to begin with. Bear in mind that Irfan’s waist is at about the same height as James Taylor. The giant No11 blocks out the over. Booo!

47th over: Pakistan 187-9 (Wahab 12, Irfan 0) Woakes comes back and Zafar lifts him up and back over his head; Taylor – I think – does very well to reel it back in and save a couple though. He goes two balls later though, ending a brief but sparkly innings and a handy 26-run partnership. That’s three for Woakes, all from short balls. I have to say, he’s been the pick of the England seamers today.

Zafar backs away and looks to club a short ball over mid on. He gets a thick edge on it though and Buttler takes an easy catch behind.

46th over: Pakistan 185-8 (Wahab 12, Zafar 13) Topley cuts Wahab in half with a lovely slower ball out the back of the hand. A couple of balls later, Zafar gets into position early and scoops/shovels a low full toss over his shoulder and down to long leg for a couple. He screws the next one over the top of mid off for a single.

45th over: Pakistan 181-8 (Wahab 11, Zafar 10) Wahab cuts the first ball of the over away for a single, bringing the 20-year-old Zafar on strike against Willey. He looks to lift him up and over square leg, doesn’t get hold of it, but sees the ball land short of the man in the deep. He wants two, but is wisely sent back by Wahab. Another single, then Zafar hits the first boundary in 19 overs as he mullers a length ball miles over long on for a massive six!

@DanLucas86 Reading about these runouts I'm wondering whether Pakistan have employed Nasser Hussain as their running coach.

44th over: Pakistan 172-8 (Wahab 9, Zafar 3) As Botham points out on the telly, England’s bowlers have varied their pace well. It’s been very clever stuff on this dead wicket and has stopped Pakistan’s batsmen from ever really settling into a groove. Another hasty single and Wahab is inches away from being run out by mid on... oh then Taylor sends in a good throw from third man but, with the batsman short of his ground coming back for a second, Buttler fumbles it behind the stumps!

43rd over: Pakistan 167-8 (Wahab 5, Zafar 2) Regarding that last run out, Shoaib Malik’s turning circle was quite hilarious. As has been much of this innings, if you consider “hilarious” and “pathetic” synonyms. David Willey is into the attack as England look to wrap this up quickly. Five from the over as Pakistan nudge the run rate back up towards a mighty four.

A third inexplicable run-out of the innings accounts for Shoaib. So that's now 5 skied catches, three needless run-outs...

42nd over: Pakistan 162-8 (Wahab 2, Zafar 0) England carry on with Topley, but quite frankly they could bowl me here and Pakistan would contrive to run themselves out. Zafar Gohar on debut is the new man. The left-hander clubs his second ball straight to the fielder at mid on – Roy, I think – and calls for the single. Luckily for Wahab, he realises his mistake quickly enough and sends him back in time to avoid a fourth run out.

Anwar nurdles it straight to Jordan at silly mid on and calls Malik through for a run. Halfway through he realises just how stupid an idea that is and sends the senior batsman back. Far, far too late.

41st over: Pakistan 160-7 (Wahab 1, Malik 15) A change of ends for Woakes, who has three left and a frankly heroic two for 28 from his seven so far. The batsmen are just milking him, guiding the ball down to third man and rotating the strike. 16 overs now since the last boundary. We nearly get one here, via overthrows from Roy, but Taylor flings himself to his left and once again pulls off a very good stop, this time backing up.

40th over: Pakistan 157-7 (Wahab 0, Malik 13) Topley comes back on for Woakes. The more times you watch that missed stumping by Buttler the worse it looks – Anwar was out of his crease for a long old time. Still, he’s gone now without adding to his score, so Jos will be a relieved man. The batsmen crossed, so Malik is on strike, and he goes for a big mow but can only drag it along the floor to midwicket for one. Pakistan will do well/England will do badly to get/concede 200 from here.

Anwar takes a step down the wicket, looking to turn it into a half-volley, and smashes the ball a long long way up in the air rather than over midwicket as the bat twists in his hands. Ali takes it easily on the edge of the circle.

39th over: Pakistan 156-6 (Anwar 7, Malik 12) Rashid’s final over now. He beats Anwar all ends up with a beautiful, tossed up looping delivery, but Buttler fumbles it and badly, badly misses the stumping, fumbling the spinning, high bouncing ball. Really should have made it though. Rashid finishes with 1-51.

38th over: Pakistan 153-6 (Anwar 5, Malik 11) Pakistan’s run rate is now hovering just above four and heading in the wrong direction. Not what you want with just 12 overs to go. Just three singles from this over won’t help, either.

I have to say, that Hawkeye projection did look odd to me.

According to Hawkeye, impact was umpires call... #bullshit#PAKvENGpic.twitter.com/p7PmYoBTSh

37th over: Pakistan 150-6 (Anwar 3, Malik 10) With Moeen bowled out, Morgan opts to keep going with spin and gives it back to Rashid, who has two left. He has a shout for lbw against Anwar, but there was a good-sized inside edge on that one. Then a misfield from the godawful, useless clown Woakes allows the batsmen two when there should only have been one. What a chump, eh? A couple more singles takes Pakistan up to 150.

@DanLucas86 thats nothing; I remember watching an Ipswich Town game a few years ago where the ball went from Clapham to Venus. #PAKvENG

Googly from Rashid turns back past the inside edge and strikes him in front of middle and leg. I think this will be umpire’s call on leg stump... in fact no, it’s umpire’s call on impact outside off, and was bouncing high and going down leg by a distance.

Given not out, but it’s close...

36th over: Pakistan 146-6 (Anwar 0, Malik 9) Everyone’s favourite, Chris Woakes returns in a bid to prove me wrong. He goes up enthusiastically for lbw against Malik, but does so on his own. It was a decent shout, actually, as his off cutter did clip the pad before going on to the bat. It might have been a bit high though. Yep, high and just outside the line of off. No matter though, as he strikes just two balls later.

B. Dean is unhappy with my 33rd over entry:

Moeen again and another wicket gifted to England, whom you’d make favourites from here.

Another good bouncer from the extraordinarily talented Chris Woakes, another top-edged hook and another catch for Root, running round to the square leg boundary and looking safe as ‘ouses underneath it.

35th over: Pakistan 144-5 (Iftikhar 3, Malik 7) A few of you now have pointed out the Yemen/Jordan joke I unforgivably missed. Thanks for that. Moeen is into his last over here and he’s through it in a flash, conceding just a couple of singles and finishing with figures of 10-0-30-1, with just two boundaries conceded and 37 dot balls sent down. Very well bowled.

34th over: Pakistan 142-5 (Iftikhar 2, Malik 6) The last 25 balls have seen Pakistan lose – and yes they’ve very much lost them rather than England taking them – three for eight. More singles milked, but England won’t mind – they haven’t conceded a boundary in the last nine overs. Four from the over.

33rd over: Pakistan 138-5 (Iftikhar 0, Malik 4) Moeen again and another wicket gifted to England, whom you’d make favourites from here. Iftikhar Ahmed is the new batsman and he nearly presents Moeen with a return catch via the leading edge first ball.

This is dire. Rizwan turns one to the fielder square on the on side and jogs off while ball watching. He’s halfway down the track when he realises Malik isn’t coming, turns and watches Buttler whip the bails off.

Cannot believe I missed this. As Simon James points out: “When Sarfraz got out, you say he was trying to launch it Yemen. However he misdirected it and hit as far as Jordan”

32nd over: Pakistan 137-4 (Rizwan 1, Malik 3) The lights are on now. This is all going rather nicely for England, although the ball is sticking in the pitch a bit and they could still struggle to chase anything north of 230. Rizwan gets off the mark with a push through cover, before Shoaib Malik bottom edges a muscular pull out to midwicket for one. There’s nothing at all in this pitch now.

Gareth Fitzgerald outs himself as a Woakes sympathiser: “He has taken six wickets in an ODI twice. Paul Collingwood did it once, but that’s it for six-fers in that form for England. In ODI, neither he nor Stokes really have much to write home about. 30-odd ODIS each, both averaging mid-30s with ball and late teens with bat. Bah! Sack ‘em all!”

31st over: Pakistan 135-4 (Rizwan 0, Malik 2) Moeen into his eighth over on the, er, spin. He gets Sarfraz, who had been playing well up until that stupid shot, and we could be on the verge of a patented Pakistani batting collapse.

This is poor. Sarfraz comes charging down the pitch and looks to launch it somewhere towards Yemen. He doesn’t get hold of it and sends it tumbling down the throat of Jordan at deep mid on.

30th over: Pakistan 134-3 (Sarfraz 26, Malik 1) Sarfraz pulls out the sweep against Willey and there’s half a shout for leg before. It came off his gloves and went down to long leg, allowing the batsmen just enough time to get the single. Willey strikes though, removing the set batsman and, for the third time, a Pakistan partnership ends in the 40s.

Hafeez misreads the pace of the off cutter completely. He tries to turn it round the corner, the ball loops up off the top edge and sails up and out to Root at deep midwicket. Root applies the formalities.

29th over: Pakistan 130-2 (Sarfraz 25, Hafeez 44) Moeen continues. A single from his first ball, a single from his last but not a jot in between. You feel like we’re about five overs away from something happening here.

“Ah, anniversaries are just another scam dreamed up by card companies to make us spend money,” writes the presumably single Matt Dony. “Bah, humbug. You’re better off this way. Don’t feel things. Keep it all locked deep, deep inside.”

28th over: Pakistan 128-2 (Sarfraz 24, Hafeez 43) Now we do get a left-arm seamer, but it’s Willey rather than Topley. You would imagine these batsmen will want to go after the seamer sooner rather than later after getting tied up by spin in the last few overs. He begins with a wide down the leg side, but the rest of the over is pretty nondescript – a slower ball dug into Hafeez’s ribs the closest to a noteworthy incident it bears.

The extra special edition of The Spin I mentioned earlier has dropped. It’s an excerpt from the new book, Benaud in Wisden, by none other than OBO demigod Rob Smyth.

Related: Richie Benaud: cricket’s best friend – as all-rounder, captain and commentator

27th over: Pakistan 122-2 (Sarfraz 21, Hafeez 41) Topley was warming up a few overs ago, but there’s no sign of him yet. Instead Moeen continues with a very nice over, conceding just one run. Only nine from the last four.

In the interest of balance, here’s Jeremy Smith with some actual facts. Not that we’re interested in that kind of thing around here:

26th over: Pakistan 121-2 (Sarfraz 20, Hafeez 41) Hafeez looks to go big but can’t get hold of it, clubbing to mid on for a single. Sarfraz then moves ahead of his partner in the four-hitting stakes with a good hard drive against the spin and through extra cover, to the rope. Another single, then Taylor makes back-to-back excellent stops at backward point to save a few more runs. He’s been outstanding there today.

25th over: Pakistan 115-2 (Sarfraz 15, Hafeez 40) England have pulled this back a bit. Pakistan are still looking to rotate the strike, but they’ve cut out the boundary balls. Two from the over and we’re halfway through the innings already.

24th over: Pakistan 113-2 (Sarfraz 14, Hafeez 39) This is nicer from Rashid – three dots in a row including a leg break that turns just a hair’s breadth past the outside edge. Make that five dots... six as Hafeez blocks out the googly. The first maiden of the innings, I believe.

23rd over: Pakistan 113-2 (Sarfraz 14, Hafeez 39) Hafeez clubs over the top of mid on again, but doesn’t get hold of it and they only get one. That brings Sarfraz on strike and he nails another very nice sweep shot up and over square for four. Hafeez then mistimes another drive, which just flicks the fingertip of Willey diving spectacularly to his left at mid off.

Some cruel, but probably correct emails have come in saying Woakes is playing the Luke Wright or Jamie Dalrymple role in this team.

22nd over: Pakistan 104-2 (Sarfraz 9, Hafeez 35) With a new batsman in we’re continuing with spin, although Hafeez has been dominant against Rashid so far – the Yorkshireman has gone for 6.5 an over so far. A quicker ball takes the top edge of Sarfraz’s cut and bobbles away through the vacant slip region, but Taylor chases it down and keeps them to two as the ball slows up in the outfield.

21st over: Pakistan 101-2 (Sarfraz 7, Hafeez 34) Pakistan just look a little nervous now, as Moeen finds good turn back into the right hander and beats Hafeez’s attempted cut. “Catch it” is the cry when Sarfraz sweeps in the air from outside off, but it flies past Morgan like a rocket, he doesn’t have time to react and it’s away for the four runs that bring up the 100.

20th over: Pakistan 95-2 (Sarfraz 2, Hafeez 33) A wicket from nowhere for England and it’s a very useful one, breaking a 47-run partnership. That’s the fourth time Azhar has been run out in the last eight ODIs, according to Sir Iron Bottom.

“If you look at Woakes’ numbers in the first-class game,” writes Gareth Fitzgerald, they’re pretty phenomenal. Bats 37, bowls 25. Can’t help but feel he’s more suited to red-ball than white-ball, as his List A numbers are poor. Do you not see Stokes as a batsman who bowls and Woakes as a bowler who bats though?”

See what I mean about throwing wickets away? Hafeez cuts a leg break behind square and sets off for a single, but Taylor makes an excellent stop at backward point. He flings it back into Buttler and Azhar was already turning round to berate his partner – even though it was his call – before he got in the shot.

19th over: Pakistan 92-1 (Azhar 36, Hafeez 32) We’re back and Moeen Ali is bowling once again. And once again the batsmen are finding the singles far, far too easy to come by – England have exerted absolutely no pressure today and the only wicket came from a badly chosen shot. The rattle of stumps almost makes me feel like an idiot, but it ricocheted off Buttler’s gloves with the batsman’s back foot well grounded.

Further to the below on Woakes, I feel like the coaches are seduced by the extra pace he has over Stokes, but I don’t think it’s threatening enough to warrant his ongoing security in the team.

Ian Copestake writes: “Let me add to the waves of good feeling sweeping the OBO hoards on this day of days for your good lady and yourself. I am sure the soulless office in which you sit is enlivened by the love you are keen to celebrate.”

18th over: Pakistan 88-1 (Azhar 33, Hafeez 31) It looks like these two might want to get stuck into Rashid, as Azhar drives him expansively through cover for a single. Then Hafeez confirms that theory, by going down on one knee and slog-sweeping from outside off deep into the stand at midwicket for six. That’s drinks.

“Interesting with Woakes,” writes Henry Lubienski. “His statistics don’t seem to warrant the level of loyalty shown by 3 coaches. But they can’t all be wrong – can they?” I guess he’s been seen as the least bad all-rounder for a while now. I can’t fathom why you’d have him ahead of Stokes though.

17th over: Pakistan 79-1 (Azhar 31, Hafeez 24) Spin from both ends as Morgan tosses the ball to Moeen Ali. Both batsmen happy to step across to off and rotate the strike, adding three – all in singles – to their total as they do so.

16th over: Pakistan 76-1 (Azhar 29, Hafeez 23) England might have been hoping that Rashid would at least look a bit more threatening on this pitch. As it is, he’s being easily milked for singles; one of them here, but then just as I write that Hafeez mistimes a lofted drive a foot or so over the man at mid on for four lucky, lucky runs. He goes big off the next ball too, clubbing one out the slot, straight down the ground and a few inches over the rope for six. Two more singles take the tally for the over up to 13 – the highest of the innings.

Mark Lewis asks: “Apologies to hear of your truncated anniversary (the blame of which lies firmly at Branson’s door, it seems) This does lead me to wonder whether an anniversary has ever been cut short for a more inauspicious occasion?”

15th over: Pakistan 63-1 (Azhar 27, Hafeez 12) Four runs! Hafeez gives it a bit of a hump, up and over extra cover and safely to the boundary. A couple of singles in that over too.

“Hello Dan, and my condolences on the Anniversary,” writes Harvey Lock. “The absence of Stokes is showing itself here, would be very handy to have that extra seamer in the side. Having said that I’m not sure who he’d replace. Is there any news on his shoulder? Is he going to be fit in time of SA?”

14th over: Pakistan 57-1 (Azhar 26, Hafeez 7) It’s a fairly intriguing contest this, I suppose. There are runs to be had as it seems wickets will only fall (a) if you give them away or (b) one of the England bowlers produces something special that they don’t look capable of bowling. They’re just not there to be scored quickly, even when Rashid chucks down miserable full tosses as he does here to Hafeez, but the batsman can only get one down to long off. Four singles, including a very nicely swept one from the final ball.

13th over: Pakistan 53-1 (Azhar 24, Hafeez 5) Couple of singles, then Root wears an awkwardly bobbling Azhar drive on his knee, leaving him limping. Then another single.

Ravi Nair disagrees with my cinematic critique. Is there anyone out there interested in this cricket match, or did my preamble put you off?

@DanLucas86 Forgot to say it earlier - yes, happy fourth anniversary Dan and Liz! Now stop trolling about James Bond films!

12th over: Pakistan 50-1 (Azhar 22, Hafeez 4) England switch to spin now as Rashid is rewarded for that catch with a bowl. Azhar nudeges into the on side for a single first ball to bring the new man, the in-form Mohammad Hafeez, on strike and the Test opener steps back and drives through cover for two straight away. He’s beaten by a quicker one two balls later though, hte ball going straight on and missing off stump by a couple of inches. Hafeez responds by going over the top – he doesn’t time it, but mid on is up and the chip lands safely over his head, allowing the batsmen two.

11th over: Pakistan 45-1 (Azhar 21) Woakes continues as Rashid warms up. He bangs one in that Azhar thinks about playing at but pulls out, allowing it to fly over his shoulder. Just a couple of singles from the over, before Babar throws away his comfortable start off the last ball.

A good bouncer, outside off and Babar can’t resist; he gets a top edge and Rashid holds on comfortably at long leg.

10th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Azhar 20, Babar Azam 21) I’ll confess: I generously gave Azhar an extra run in that last over when typing the score. Refresh the page and it’ll correct. He gets it for himself in this over, before Babar misses out on a juicy full toss that he can only knock to the fielder at short fine leg. One more, then Azhar jogs down the track and misses out with an airy drive outside off at a bumper. Totally the wrong shot that, but nothing much happens. That’s the end of the powerplay. To reiterate, I cut my anniversary celebrations short for this. Sorry, Liz.

9th over: Pakistan 41-0 (Azhar 19, Babar Azam 20)“Bring the excitement of Spectre straight to your home” implores the inbetween-overs advert on the telly. I walked out after the first hour of Spectre, as it made the (rubbish) last Bond film look like Die Hard. Azhar flicks the first ball, a bumper, over his shoulder for a single to long leg. Another short one, this time the batsman ducks under it and it’s called a wide – England aren’t happy but it’s a fair call. Two more to Babar Azam, driven nicely on the up through mid off; only four from the over, but England look short of ideas.

8th over: Pakistan 37-0 (Azhar 18, Babar Azam 18) Topley, who looks like Steve Finn if he could grow facial hair, continues and, after Azhar drives for a single, he floats a slower ball very wide outside off; Babar waits on it and drives hard, but can only pick out the man at cover. Couple more singles from the next two then the final ball is driven straight back down the ground perfectly for four more.

7th over: Pakistan 30-0 (Azhar 16, Babar Azam 13) Change of bowling, earlier than you’d perhaps expect, as England turn to the extra pace of Chris Woakes. Yeah it was depressing writing that sentence. After Babar nudges him for a single, Azhar charges down the track and whacks a length ball miles over mid off for six – the very epitome of inelegant but effective, that. Another single, flicked to mid on, makes it eight from the over and 15 from the last two.

6th over: Pakistan 22-0 (Azhar 9, Babar Azam 12) Wide from Topley this time and Babar clubs it fairly elegantly through extra cover for four. The bowler gets a touch enthusiastic fielding the next delivery, accidentally bumping into Azhar and causing the batsman to drop his bat. They complete the single comfortably though, as they do from the next two balls. The second of those should really have been four, a low full toss on leg stump, but Babar could only pick out the fielder at deep square leg.

5th over: Pakistan 15-0 (Azhar 8, Babar Azam 6) Willey drops too short and Babar Azam slaps it hard through cover point, but it’s a very slow outfield and the shot isn’t perfectly timed, so they just get a couple. Another single, out to deep midwicket this time, then Azhar is a lucky boy as he thrashes at a good length ball and inside edges inches past his off stump. It’s very difficult to time it out there and we can expect a low-scoring match today I’ll wager.

4th over: Pakistan 12-0 (Azhar 8, Babar Azam 3) A fish and a miss first up, to one that moves just a fraction away from the right-hander. Topley responds by chucking away a run – fielding a good straight drive, feigning to throw down the stumps, but then accidentally releasing the ball and sending it trickling to square leg and allowing the batsmen to dash through. One more to mid on next ball, then the final ball brings an edge that drops short of the two slips, where Morgan makes a good diving stop to his right.

3rd over: Pakistan 10-0 (Azhar 7, Babar Azam 2) Azhar skews an attempted drive off the edge to backward point, but along the ground. Two balls later we get the first boundary of the day as Willey goes a bit too full and gives Azhar a juicy half volley outside off, which the batsman drives classily through extra cover for four. One more from the final ball, a nice push standing tall on the back foot to mid off.

2nd over: Pakistan 5-0 (Azhar 2, Babar Azam 2) As you’d expect, Topley has it at the other end. His first ball is followed down the leg side by Azhar, to a cry of “catch it” from a solitary fielder. Catch it, Buttler does, but the bat was nowhere near ball and it’s a wide. The next one is slanted across the right-hander, who drives and misses by a long way. As has been the case throughout this series, Pakistan’s captain doesn’t look to be reading the pace very well. A nudge to mid on brings him a quick single, then Babar Azam is struck on the pad by a full one on leg – he gets a thick inside edge on it though, and that’s enough to send it down to fine leg for two, then Morgan makes a good diving stop at mid off to save his side four runs.

1st over: Pakistan 1-0 (Azhar 1, Babar Azam 0) Willey starts with one that swings just a touch, outside the right-hander’s off stump and it’s just guided gently through cover for one. The following two are blocked and left respectively, before Babar turns one off his leg stump and round the corner, where Rashid makes a nice diving stop to keep him from getting a run. Just the one from the over.

We’re about to get going. David Willey with the new ball.

Heh.

Retiring in the middle of a series? Disgusting!

JJ Roy, AD Hales, JE Root, EJG Morgan*, JC Buttler†, JWA Taylor, MM Ali, CR Woakes, AU Rashid, DJ Willey, RJW Topley

I'm sorry but what the hell is that standing behind Eoin Morgan pic.twitter.com/Rg4PDLxSPj

Jonathan’s not a Star Wars fan, as I’m pretty sure that thing’s the new Jar Jar Binks.

Just the one change for Pakistan, as Zafar Gohar comes in for his international debut in place of the injured Yasir. Eoin Morgan says England are unchanged.

No surprises there.

Nowt to do with the cricket, but it’s the first email of the day and it comes from Phil Sawyer. “Hi Dan. Virgin really are the worst. Unfortunately, you can’t even hold the threat of ‘Well I’ll take my business elsewhere’ over them as from experience they tend to get in there first. They pre-empted me earlier this year by sending me a letter that essentially said ‘we can’t be arsed to service the flats where you live anymore’ and bundled me off to Talk Talk without me asking.”

According to Bumble on Sky, there’s no pace at all in this pitch, which is likely to spin a fair ol’ bit. You wonder, then, if England might be regretting not having Samit Patel in their squad especially considering he played in the Test here. He didn’t have the best match with the ball then, admittedly, but he’s a fine player of spin bowling and is a handy third spinner in ODI cricket, albeit with a pretty poor bowling record on the subcontinent, where you would expect a spinner to do better.

We’ll have full team news around 10.30am GMT but, according to Cricinfo, the leggie is definitely missing this one. England played him very well in the last ODI, but that will still be a relief for them given this is being played on the same pitch that he tormented them on during the Test series.

I won’t give anything away, but we have an extra special edition of The Spin coming out later today. I believe it’s sitting with the subs right now, but you should sign up for it right here.

Nothing to do with this match, but over at the Waca Australia and New Zealand have shaken hands on a draw in the eighth-highest scoring Test match in history. That means that Mitchell Johnson – a man who perhaps made an inauspicious start to his Test career but ended with a quite marvellous one – will no longer be around to terrify Test batsmen around the world. As an English cricket fan, I’ll simultaneously miss him and be glad to see him gone.

Related: Mitchell Johnson: a bowler who at his peak was capable of remarkable feats | Russell Jackson

Morning, folks. Why are we here? What’s life cricket all about? Is god really real? Or is there some doubt? Well tonight today we’re going to sort it all out. For tonight today, it’s the Meaning of Life third of four ODIs between Pakistan and England in the UAE.

Hello. Dan will be here shortly for today’s match, the third one-day international of the four-match series between England and Pakistan. It’s finely poised at 1-1, and England’s James Taylor is feeling confident after England’s impressive victory in the second game of the series:

“This is the most I’ve enjoyed my cricket for a long time now. It’s great to be playing with these guys; they’re super-talented and it’s good to be among them,” Taylor said on the eve of the match, adding that this was a confident group who were eager to learn – not a bad combination.

Taylor was asked about the problem of facing the 7ft tall Mohammad Irfan. From Taylor’s stance there may be times when Irfan’s hand is above the sightscreen. As with most obstacles he meets Taylor was inclined to make light of this. “I don’t look at what’s going on behind. I try to look at the ball as much as possible, so I haven’t had a problem – but I’ll use anything as an excuse down the line if I need it.”

Continue reading...

England beat Pakistan by 84 runs to win ODI series 3-1 – as it happened

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Jos Buttler guided England to 355-5 with a spectacular 46-ball century, the fastest in ODIs by an England player, and Pakistan fell 84 runs short with Moeen Ali and Adil Rashid taking three wickets each

And here’s Vic Marks’s match report.

England’s players, weighed down after receiving an endless supply of novelty cheques, gather round the trophy. A job very well done in tough conditions, bouncing back from the Test defeat in style. As Eoin Morgan pointed out, everyone has played their part, culminating in Jos Buttler stepping out of his slump to guide England home in the third match, and clinch the series today.

That’s it from me; we’ll be back for the three-match T20 series, which rounds off England’s stay in the Gulf, and begins next Thursday. Won’t you join us? Thanks for reading. Bye!

Here comes Eoin Morgan. “Outstanding performance today, the most impressive thing was the batting... Jos Buttler was outstanding, and he was set up by Joe Root and Jason Roy early in the innings.”

On their bowling performance: “we were conceding runs at a clip but we kept taking wickets. This series has been a huge learning curve, but our big performances has been shared around.

Azhar Ali: “That big innings [from Buttler] was the difference, although we made a good start to our innings... it’s a big loss, congratulations to England, they played well... over the series, we played some bad cricket.”

Azhar gives full credit to Buttler, but says he is disappointed with the bowling at the end of England’s innings. A frank assessment from the Pakistan captain.

The man of the match award goes to... Jos Buttler. Not a massive surprise. The man of the series award goes to... also Jos Buttler. He was England’s leading run-scorer, and edges out Chris Woakes, who took eight wickets in the series.

Buttler: “Today was really satisfying for me, great to win the series most of all. It was one of those days, it’s amazing how things turn around.”

I’ll be sticking around for a few moments yet, with man of the match and series to be announced, and impending chat with both captains.

In the end, Jos Buttler’s heroics put the match beyond Pakistan’s reach, as they slumped to 271 all out after a defiant start to the innings. England win comfortably to complete an impressive series win, bouncing back from an opening defeat to win the series 3-1.

Anwar clubs the ball glumly to Rashid at cover, who scoops it up in front of him. Both umpires think it’s out, but they check with the third umpire, just to delay the inevitable. It’s out, and it’s all over!

40th over: Pakistan 271-9 (Anwar 24, Irfan 0) Irfan is stuck on strike, with each successful straight bat met with cheers that may or may not be ironic. Woakes fires in a bouncer which hits the lofty No11 in the armpit. A maiden, the first of the innings.

39th over: Pakistan 271-9 (Anwar 24, Irfan 0) Anwar sees out the over. It’s a matter of time now, with the crowd turning from cheers to disgruntled mumbling.

Yasir offers a big swing into the on side, and it sails straight to Woakes at cow corner. Mohammed Irfan is all that stands between England and a 3-1 series victory.

38th over: Pakistan 270-8 (Anwar 23, Yasir 5) Woakes returns – he would be especially keen to tidy up the tail end, with a place in the side against South Africa very much up for grabs. Yasir is composed enough, exchanging singles with Anwar, before a clip into the leg side for another.

Pakistan need more than that though, and Anwar takes a big swing, the ball dropping way short of the boundary. Willey races in from long on, but can’t reach it – the ball instead crushing his finger as it falls from the sky. He’s clearly in some pain, and I wouldn’t expect him to return to the attack today.

37th over: Pakistan 266-8 (Anwar 21, Yasir 3) There’s an appeal as Yasir looks to have edged through to Buttler, but replays suggest the bat struck the turf. Yasir picks up three runs either side of that awkward moment, before Anwar, who isn’t licked yet, smacks the final ball of the over beyond midwicket in defiant fashion.

No such heroics from Wahab, who is out second ball! Moeen gets a bit of turn to outfox the batsman, who prods the ball straight back to him. Pakistan’s defiant chase is in danger of going out with a whimper.

36th over: Pakistan 258-7 (Anwar 17, Wahab 1) Wahab, who hit an unbeaten 33 in Sharjah, is next to the crease. Anwar keeps motoring, spanking consecutive fours to keep the scoreboard moving, even if the wickets are running out.

Sarfraz sends Rashid for four with an impetuous slap shot down the ground. He tries to repeat the trick next ball, and sends it straight to Willey at mid-on. That rather sums up this series for Pakistan’s batsmen – deadly one minute, daft the next.

35th over: Pakistan 245-6 (Sarfraz 20, Anwar 9) Sarfraz, who has grubbed his way to 16 off 20, picks up another couple with a sweep to bring up 1000 ODI runs. A single puts Anwar on strike, and Moeen keeps the batsmen running for singles with an impressive, conservative over.

34th over: Pakistan 240-6 (Sarfraz 16, Anwar 8) Sarfraz lashes towards midwicket, and Morgan, diving full to his left, gets fingertips to it. That would have been an exceptional catch. Anwar, who is certainly capable of clearing the fence, picks up four along the ground with a well-timed sweep.

33rd over: Pakistan 231-6 (Sarfraz 14, Anwar 1) Malik joins Babar Azam in departing straight after reaching his half-century. Four of Pakistan’s batsmen have departed on scores between 37 and 52; if any of them had stuck around, Pakistan would probably be favourites now. As it is, Anwar Ali comes to the crease with just four wickets required for England to win the series.

If that first drop from Hales was the moment Pakistan started to believe, this quite spectacular catch may mark the beginning of the end. Malik tries to club a Topley full toss over midwicket, but it drops short. Hales still has plenty to do, racing in from deep square to take a diving catch. About ten times harder than the one he dropped.

32nd over: Pakistan 227-5 (Malik 52, Sarfraz 11) Malik completes his half-century in just 31 balls – including five boundaries – picking up seven runs in three balls as Rashid goes fuller to little effect. Ten runs off the over, England proving unable to stem the tide at the moment.

31st over: Pakistan 217-5 (Malik 43, Sarfraz 10) Topley continues, but the runs keep trickling in, with both batsmen poking tentatively around the field to pick up a slew of singles. Topley, conceding nine runs an over, has been England’s most expensive bowler, and there’s some competition.

30th over: Pakistan 211-5 (Malik 39, Sarfraz 8) Dot, dot, dot, four from Sarfraz, as he bides his time with Rashid before sending a flatter ball sweetly through midwicket. This has been toe-to-toe stuff from the start, with momentum edging either way on a ball-by-ball basis. Pakistan will be happy with their run rate, England pleased with their haul of five wickets at the 30-over mark.

29th over: Pakistan 206-5 (Malik 39, Sarfraz 3) Topley comes back into the attack. Interesting choice. Sarfraz attemps a cut to point, but his momentum is stalled by his bat snapping at the handle in mid-air. That’s a shoddy piece of kit right there. Sarfraz has to wait for a new bat, then prods a single away with Topley coming round the wicket. Sarfraz continues an eventful over with a hasty single, Moeen almost running him out with a direct hit from some distance away. It’s another final-ball boundary, but a fortunate one, as Topley’s yorker finds a thick inside edge and flies away past fine leg.

28th over: Pakistan 197-5 (Malik 32, Sarfraz 1) England are chipping away at the order, with Rashid getting two key wickets to swing the momentum back in their favour. Sarfraz is another aggressive, intelligent batsman though – this game could hinge on how long Pakistan can preserve this partnership.

Rizwan gets in on the act with a six, moving down the track to smack a straight Rashid delivery down the ground. Rashid isn’t having that, and brings out a leg-breaker which Rizwan misreads, edging through to Buttler!

27th over: Pakistan 188-4 (Malik 30, Rizwan 4) Pakistan’s halfway mark score of 176 is their highest since the distant, nu-metal days of 2000. Woakes with a welcome quiet over here, restricting the batsmen to two singles – until, you guessed it, the last ball, which Malik drives cannily over mid on for four.

26th over: Pakistan 182-4 (Malik 25, Rizwan 4) Pakistan have shown some uncharacteristic steel, with everyone (with the possible exception of Shahzad) choosing their shots nicely. Rizwan gets in on the act, with a masterful sweep for four, off the first ball faced.

Redemption for Hales, clearing two other fielders out of his way and taking a one-handed catch from deep cover to dismiss Babar Azam, who went for the rope off Rashid and just got underneath it. That’s a timely breakthrough, and no mistake.

25th over: Pakistan 176-3 (Babar Azam 50, Malik 23) Azam inches towards his half-century with a quick double, as Woakes returns to the attack. On 49, Azam swings at a delivery outside off, and almost edges through to Buttler. He regains his composure to tuck a single through the off-side to get his half-century off 49 balls. We’re halfway through, and Pakistan are, give or take a couple of runs, halfway to their target.

24th over: Pakistan 171-3 (Babar Azam 47, Malik 23) Here’s an eye-watering stat: England had seven fours after 23 overs; Pakistan have 17, and five sixes. Rashid, England’s most economical bowler, keeps the batsmen on the defensive in this over, with just three off the first five balls... and then Malik ends the over with a booming six, crashed back down the ground. There’s a pattern emerging here.

23rd over: Pakistan 162-3 (Babar Azam 45, Malik 16) Pakistan have continued with their aggressive approach, and Malik dances down the pitch, sending a gigantic six over midwicket. That even cleared the first tier of the stands. Malik follows that up with two run from a tickle off his pads, and the batsmen run another quick double to end an expensive over for England.

22nd over: Pakistan 150-3 (Babar Azam 45, Malik 5) Rashid continues, with Malik making his first impression with a cover drive that gleans a couple of runs. Rashid, left out of the Test squad for the tour of South Africa, has looked dangerous, and again has Babar Azam looking edgy with a couple of turning deliveries.

21st over: Pakistan 146-3 (Babar Azam 45, Malik 2) Shoaib Malik, who was run out in similarly farcical circumstances in the last match, is next to the crease. Pakistan have suffered the most ODI run-outs this year, three ahead of New Zealand, with daylight to the rest. Azam gets his sixth boundary, sending a full toss through the off side for four, and adds a late double with a dab down to third man.

20th over: Pakistan 138-3 (Babar Azam 38, Malik 1) So it seems the answer to the Mohammed Hafeez problem is to give him plenty to swing at, and wait for him to get himself out. That was a lucky wicket for England, in truth, but Rashid and Ali have done well to restrict the batsman, edging the required run rate up. That’s until Babar Azam, who is putting together an intelligent innings, crashes Rashid over extra cover for six.

Oh dear. It’s another one for the Allan Donald’s Ridiculous Run-Outs DVD, as Hafeez pushes the ball in David Willey’s direction, and with Azam unmoved at the other end, Hafeez is forced to trundle back, but is out of his crease by a good foot as Buttler clears the bails.

19th over: Pakistan 129-2 (Hafeez 37, Babar Azam 30) Spin from both ends, with Moeen continuing and causing problems for Babar Azam, who rotates the strike with an awkward swipe that drops between the fielders...

18th over: Pakistan 128-2 (Hafeez 37, Babar Azam 29) Pakistan have bagged at least one boundary in each of the last seven overs. England’s inexperienced attack getting a bit of a workout here, and it’s Adil Rashid’s turn to try and make the breakthrough. He almost gets it with a corking ball that drifts from middle stump, almost nicking Babar Azam’s outside edge. Rashid does at least stem the flow of runs – four from the over.

17th over: Pakistan 124-2 (Hafeez 36, Babar Azam 26) Moeen leaks just a single from the first four balls, after the players return from drinks. Pakistan have tended to wait for their chances, looking for a boundary or two per over to keep things moving. They get it, with Babar Azam tickling the final ball round the corner for a slow-motion four, with Willey chasing in vain.

Here’s a melancholy Angus King: “what is it about Hope and OBO? Every time you think it’s going to last she leaves you standing in the door of the Pink Flamingo crying in the rain.”

16th over: Pakistan 118-2 (Hafeez 35, Babar Azam 21) England, and Hales in particular, will be keen to get shot of Hafeez. Breaking this partnership, now 50 from 45 balls, is also a pressing concern. Babar Azam mistimes a cover drive but it drops short of the fielder, before Hafeez cracks another four with a pull through midwicket. Drinks!

15th over: Pakistan 111-2 (Hafeez 30, Babar Azam 19) Someone in the crowd has a handwritten sign that reads ‘356 is chaseable; Pakistan are unpredictable’. Sanguine stuff. Hales is back on the field, but probably wishes he wasn’t; after an exchange of singles, Hafeez swings for cow corner, and Hales gets right under it – but it falls through his fingers and dribbles away for four! That’s a dolly, and Moeen in the middle looks furious.

14th over: Pakistan 105-2 (Hafeez 25, Babar Azam 18) Hafeez has all day to set himself for a slow Topley ball, getting down on one knee and clubbing it into the crowd for six. Topley offers up a couple of wides as he struggles to find his range – and Babar Azam is on hand to offer more hurt, smacking another meek effort back down the ground. Topley on 0-32 after three overs, with Willey the only England bowler impressing.

13th over: Pakistan 91-2 (Hafeez 18, Babar Azam 13) Time for a bit of Moeen magic, although the spell is broken immediately by Babar Azam, who crunches his first ball straight through the covers for four. The bowler offers little else in the over, with only a couple of sneaky singles – but the scoreboard keeps moving.

12th over: Pakistan 84-2 (Hafeez 17, Babar Azam 7) Babar Azam runs a single, and has to coax Hafeez out of his crease. He’s finding his groove when on strike though, and sends Woakes packing with a one-bounce four over mid on. Woakes has bowled four overs, with figures of 0-31.

11th over: Pakistan 77-2 (Hafeez 12, Babar Azam 5) Willey is frustrating Hafeez here, forcing defensive shots when the batsman needs to come out swinging. He does find the fence with a wide, shorter ball that he sweeps awkwardly to fine leg. It was a better, more deliberate stroke than it looked. Willey doesn’t learn, and Rashid has to move over smartly to stop an identical effort from reaching the boundary.

10th over: Pakistan 68-2 (Hafeez 4, Babar Azam 4) Woakes, who has been expensive in his opening two overs, is helped out by Topley, who dives full-length to stop a mow through midwicket from Hafeez. Just three singles from the over. After ten overs, Pakistan’s run rate is bang on track, but those two cheap wickets will mean England won’t be panicking.

“A fine start from Pakistan, but when the rate is more than seven an over to begin with it’s a tall order” says Simon McMahon. “And when wickets fall (as they inevitably will) and the required rate edges up towards double figures, it becomes nigh on impossible. So, Pakistan to win by 6 wickets with 4 overs remaining?”

9th over: Pakistan 68-2 (Hafeez 4, Babar Azam 4) Pakistan’s shot of choice at present seems to be the nervous top edge just past the slips. Babar Azam gets a four in this fashion, with a slip and gully in place.

An inauspicious end to what was becoming an excellent knock from Azhar. After spearing a top edge beyond Buttler for a fortunate four, he chips a slower ball straight back to Willey, who gathers it in and does that sinewy celebration of his, square in the captain’s grill.

8th over: Pakistan 60-1 (Azhar 40, Hafeez 4) Woakes has impressed in this series, but he’s had a tough start here, with Azhar smashing an enormous six into the stands, then flicking a loose, wide delivery beyond Buttler for four. Azhar, clearly in the mood, nicks a single to keep the strike. England were 42-0 at this stage of their innings...

7th over: Pakistan 49-1 (Azhar 29, Hafeez 4) Here comes Mohammed Hafeez, who will need to stick around if Pakistan are to really threaten that England total.

John Starbuck asks: “do England have a special Cunning Plan for him? And when that doesn’t work (no plan survives contact with the enemy), how do they adapt to the circumstances?”

The opening partnership is broken, and in routine fashion. Shehzad gets two off a scrappy pull to square leg, but after a chat with Morgan, Willey bangs in a short delivery, and Shehzad sends it straight into the arms of Ali at deep midwicket.

6th over: Pakistan 43-0 (Azhar 29, Shehzad 11) Woakes comes in, with Morgan hoping to stem the steady flow of runs, but after a short ball causes confusion – and a half-chance at a run out with Azhar stumbling back to h is crease – the Pakistan captain punishes a couple of tame short balls. The first is dispatched over midwicket for six, the second driven through the off side for four more. An excellent start from Azhar.

5th over: Pakistan 33-0 (Azhar 19, Shehzad 11) Chris Jordan is on the field, in place of Alex Hales. Not sure what the issue is with Hales, but it can’t hurt to have Jordan in the field for a short while. An eventful over for James Taylor, as he gets hands to a fizzing, head-height blast from Shehzad, but can’t reel it in. A tricky chance, and he makes amends next ball, racing to the rope to save a boundary and sending the tiny hoardings skittering all over the place.

4th over: Pakistan 27-0 (Azhar 17, Shehzad 7) Buttler is having a rare old time behind the stumps, grinning away to himself. Lovely stuff. Pakistan struggling to pick out the holes in the England field, with a thump into the leg side from Azhar, and a carbon copy stroke from Shehzad, both finding a fielder. Azhar offers up a heave over mid on to finish the over with a four.

3rd over: Pakistan 20-0 (Azhar 12, Shehzad 6) It’s been a positive start from Pakistan’s openers, with plenty of early runs needed to stop that target drifting into the distance. Azhar gets set to spank a short ball through the covers, but only finds James Taylor in the field. A handful of singles from a scrappy over.

A good point well made, from Oliver Wilkes: “Well done Eoin for promoting Jos up the order. Please tell me that someone on TMS or Sky was chuntering away about how important it is for batsmen to know where they bat. Preferrably Boycs.”

2nd over: Pakistan 16-0 (Azhar 11, Shehzad 4) Reece Topley is up next, with Azhar still plumping for that flick through the leg side. It finally comes off with a four through square leg, and another two from an inswinging delivery. The captain mixes it up with a swing at fresh air, then a composed cover drive for another boundary!

1st over: Pakistan 5-0 (Azhar 1, Shehzad 4) A menacing opening over from Willey, who fires straight and true towards Azhar, who prods a single into the leg side. The bowler finds a bit of swing in both directions, almost catching Shehzad’s outside edge. A fine over is spoiled slightly by a delicate flick past Buttler from Shehzad. It runs away for four.

Azhar Ali and Ahmed Shehzad way their way to the crease. David Willey will open things up.

Play will be getting back under way shortly. Here’s a song for Jos Buttler:

Thanks John. That wasn’t bad, was it? Jos Buttler has just scored the seventh fastest ODI century in history, behind only AB de Villiers, Corey Anderson, Shahid Afridi (x 2), Mark Boucher and Brian Lara.

Buttler’s knock was also, as you may have deduced, the fastest ODI century by an England player. Buttler has hit three centuries in all formats for England; all came in ODIs, and stand as the three fastest by an England player. When he’s on, he’s on.

And with that I shall pass you over to the estimable Niall McVeigh, who is on hand to take you through what will surely be a forlorn Pakistan chase. Send him your thoughts on niall.mcveigh.casual@theguardian.com.

Related: Jos Buttler scores fastest one-day hundred by an England player

“I don’t really know what we’ve just witness,” says Jason Roy, who in the end provided a Salieri innings to Buttler’s Mozart masterclass. “It was incredible.”

It’s also worth mentioning that Buttler’s flurry has taken England to their highest overseas ODI total.

England 355-5. The story looked like it was going to be Jason Roy’s maiden ODI ton but Jos Buttler has just rewritten the record books.

116 runs. 52 balls. 10 fours. Eight sixes. His second 50 came off just 16 balls. Perhaps the most spectacular, absurd, mind-boggling, wonderful ODI innings by anyone ever wearing an England shirt.

50th over: England 355-5 (Buttler 116, Moeen 4) The cricketing world outside Pakistan says thank you very much to Moeen Ali once more – he takes a single off the first ball of Wahab’s final over. Buttler waits like coiled spring … and Wahab sends five wides down the leg side. The bowler responds with a slower dot ball outside off but then gets it all wrong from then next with a nipple-high no ball outside off. Free hit: clipped into the gap at square leg for four.

He crumps the next between the sweepers at long on and midwicket for four more. They skitter two off the penultimate ball of the innings. And the last is again squirted away for two.

49th over: England 336-5 (Buttler 104, Moeen 3) Anwar Ali once more. Moeen again takes a single from the first ball of the over. Seatbelts on …

Buttler almost castles himself with a mis-hit ramp shot but a miserable delivery from Anwar disappears over the rope at midwicket. He moves to 90 from 43 balls. A very decent yorker is dug out for two. And it’s six from the next! A full ball just jabbed back over the bowler’s head and into the crowds. 98 off 45 … and that’s it. Six more! England’s fastest ever ODI century: 104 from 46 balls. Utterly incredible, otherworldly batting from Jos Buttler. Batting from the future, from outer space.

48th over: England 315-5 (Buttler 84, Moeen 2) Moeen takes a single to hand the strike back to Buttler.A full toss from Wahab is guided between the two fielders square on the off side. Four. The next, though, is skewed into the leg side … but somehow drops between three fielders. Two more. And a single pings away off the stumps at the non-strikers end. Buttler is 16 runs short of what would be the fastest ODI hundred for England. And there are two overs left. Moeen, though, has pinched the strike from the last ball of the over.

47th over: England 306-5 (Buttler 77, Moeen 0) And that’s over.

As a bowler there are v few players that you absolutely can't bowl at when they're 'on' - AB for sure. Maybe Buttler when he's like this.

James Taylor, who has had the best seat in the house for this astonishing innings, finally gets to face a delivery and quite sensibly he takes a single to hand the strike back to the whirlwind at the other end. Out comes the ramp … and there goes another boundary to bring up the England 300, a total no team has ever chased in the UAE. A yorker is dug out for a single.

Taylor flails the next into the evening sky and is a fortunate to see the ball drop safe. Taylor misses with a wild swing from the fifth ball and from the last he picks out the man at long on.

46th over: England 298-4 (Buttler 72, Taylor 10) Swing-and-a-miss from Buttler as Anwar Ali returns to the attack. But the next – an attempted bouncer – as swatted to square leg for four. Again Taylor turns a single into two from the next, and from the fourth ball of the over there’s the most casual of reverse-sweeps (again with no foot movement necessary) for four more.

The fifth ball of the over disappears into the stands at square leg for six. AND SO DOES THE LAST! It’s a big full toss from Anwar Ali, and Buttler gets it over the rope via the fingertips of the square leg fielder. He has 72 from 36 balls. The partnership is now worth 71, of which Taylor has scored 10.

45th over: England 276-4 (Buttler 50, Taylor 10) This is some shot from Jos Buttler – Wahab strays a touch short outside off and the batsman, feet barely moving, allows his hand-eye co-ordination to take over and slaps the ball baseball-style over extra cover and away for four. And he follows that up with something even better – a ferocious pull for six to cow corner. Buttler moves on to 47 from 27. Wahab responds with a clever slower ball, full and outside off. Smart stuff. Taylor turns a single off the next into two with some superb running and the last is a single that brings up Buttler’s half century (from 30 balls) and allows him to keep the strike.

44th over: England 262-4 (Buttler 37, Taylor 9) Buttler keeps his foot firmly on the gas, planting his foot down the track and biffing four to midwicket. From the next, he almost makes a mess of a ramp shot but adjusts at the last second and instead picks up four more despite the fine leg fielder’s dive. Overthrows from the next and four more from the last, thanks to some Pretty Average fielding from Yasir on the point boundary. Fifteen from the over.

43rd over: England 247-4 (Buttler 23, Taylor 8) Six more! Jos Buttler dances down the track – risky given Azhar’s ability to turn the ball – but unlike Morgan he gets hold of it, sending the ball crashing into the stands. Taylor skitters a single from the last – 10 off the over.

42nd over: England 237-4 (Buttler 15, Taylor 7) Irfan returns with a wide. A few balls later, the bowler attempts to bounce Taylor (which pretty much means he bowls on a good length) and the batsman sways out of the way, bringing his bat around as he does so to club a huge flat six to long leg.

41st over: England 229-4 (Buttler 14, Taylor 1) The Taylor-Buttler axis back in harness, then. But this has been a brilliant little spell from the Pakistan captain: his figures read 4-0-17-2

Azhar, whose three overs thus far have gone for just 14, gets another wicket! Again it’s a stumping, with Morgan the man caught out of his crease on this occasion. The England captain skipped down the track and missed the ball by a good distance.

40th over: England 226-3 (Buttler 12, Morgan 14) Shoaib Malik returns. Six! Buttler thrashes Malik to cow corner with a slog-sweep. Two balls later, Morgan latches onto a short ball from Shoaib and carts into the space at midwicket for four more. And he repeats the trick from the last ball of the over. Sixteen from the over.

39th over: England 210-3 (Buttler 5, Morgan 5) Azhar Ali continues. And England have to be satisfied with singles again, five of them in all.

38th over: England 205-3 (Buttler 3, Morgan 2) Irfan returns and Morgan gets off the mark with a single. It’s a good over from Irfan, though – just three runs from it.

37th over: England 202-3 (Buttler 2, Morgan 0) That’s Azhar Ali’s first ODI wicket and it comes at a vital time for Pakistan. England’s momentum has stalled a touch with those two dismissals. Root’s 71 came off 71 balls.

Root rocks forward looking for the reverse-sweep but misses and Sarfraz removes the bails.

36th over: England 196-2 (Buttler 1, Root 67) Jos Buttler, back in the batting groove, comes up the order. I really like the flexibility the England ODI team shows at the moment – wouldn’t have happened a year ago. He gets off the mark with a single.

Roy has gone! A skip down the track and Yasir just tweaks the ball a touch wider. Roy ends up stretching for the ball and can only send it steepling into the outfield. Babar takes a comfortable catch and a fine innings comes to a disappointing end.

35th over: England 193-1 (Roy 102, Root 65) Azhar Ali brings himself on for a twirl. A roll of the dice from the Pakistan captain. It’s tidy enough in the end, with neither batsman wanting to throw their wicket away needlessly against the part-timer. Four from the over.

34th over: England 189-1 (Roy 100, Root 63) Yasir Shah (8-0-50-0) comes back into the fray. Roy drives for a single to move on to 99 … and brings up his first international century with another smart push through the covers. He had a slice of luck in the middle of the innings and he was briefly becalmed, but in general it has been a really fine knock. It comes off 113 balls.

33rd over: England 185-1 (Roy 98, Root 61) England should be looking for 310- or 320-odd from here. A Root cut whistles past the man at point and flies away for four more. Wahab strays onto Roy’s pads later in the over and, with fine leg up inside the circle, that’s a straightforward four runs for the opener. The bowler responds well, with three successive dots to end the over. Even so, nine from it.

32nd over: England 176-1 (Roy 94, Root 56) Shoaib continues and Root brilliantly finds the gap in the on-side field – four runs down to cow corner, the ball bouncing perhaps a yard inside the rope. Two balls later he goes to his half century with a mammoth straight six down the ground. What a shot that was.

31st over: England 163-1 (Roy 93, Root 44) Wahab returns as Azhar Ali looks to find some control from his bowlers. And he gets it from the left-armer. Roy, who has a shirt now utterly drenched in sweat and under the helmet a face reddened by effort, is beaten twice outside off. Three from the over.

30th over: England 160-1 (Roy 93, Root 41) Roy gets out the reverse-sweep again and confidently thumps Yasir to the point boundary for four runs that bring up the 100 partnership from 109 balls. And eight in total from the over.

29th over: England 152-1 (Roy 86, Root 41) Root, playing beautifully now, takes a trio of twos off Shoiab’s latest.

28th over: England 146-1 (Roy 85, Root 34) Yasir Shah is having a pretty miserable time here. Six more from this over means his figures read 7-0-42-0. And his series figures to 26-0-150-1.

27th over: England 140-1 (Roy 82, Root 33) Roy pushes Shoaib through the covers for three and England pick up five from the over.

“I’m something of a Roy fan-boy, so this might come over a bit one-eyed, but I think it’s far too early to consider dropping him,” writes Michael Avery. “He’s meant to be in the team to get things going quickly, to be attacking from the off to counter Hales’ tendency to build slowly. Roy’s stats before this match were 15 matches, 421 runs at a 32.38 average. By way of comparison, Aaron Finch after 15 marches had 484 runs at a 34.57 average. The comparison does falter slightly because by that point Finch did have a high score of 148 (against Scotland), but I think Roy will manage something similar given time (or similar opposition).”

26th over: England 135-1 (Roy 78, Root 32) Roy is beaten all ends up by Yasir Shah here, a big slog-sweep goes for four at fine leg courtesy of the outside edge. And he picks up two more off another outside edge. That prompts Pakistan to put a slip in – bolting the stable door once the horse has bolted? Um, no: Roy edges the next too but the ball flicks of Sarfraz’s and the man at slip can only fumble the rebound down to the turf.

25th over: England 124-1 (Roy 70, Root 29) Roy goes over the top for six! He dances down the track to Shoaib and lofts, rather than smashes, a drive back over the bowler’s head – it plops a couple of yards over the boundary rope and the fielder at long on. This is more like it from this pair – reverse-sweeps and shovel-sweeps agogo.

24th over: England 114-1 (Roy 63, Root 25) Roy swats a drive through the man at mid off for a single. And Root crashes the first six of the innings off the next, crunching a slog-sweep into the stands at cow corner. Yasir responds by firing a few in.

23rd over: England 106-1 (Roy 62, Root 19) Three from Shoaib Malik’s latest.

22nd over: England 103-1 (Roy 60, Root 18) Yasir Shah again. More singles. This is just drifting a touch into 2014 England territory.

21st over: England 98-1 (Roy 58, Root 16) Shoaib Malik comes in for a twirl. Five risk-free runs are added to the total.

Rob Smyth has weighed in on the No10/opener question, pointing out that both Phil DeFreitas and David Brain have batted in both positions.

20th over: England 93-1 (Roy 56, Root 12) Roy comes down the track at Yasir but the spinner, perhaps chastened by the six scoring shots played off his last over, has the batsman tied down for the first four balls of this over. From the fifth, though, Roy crashes a slog sweep to the midwicket boundary for four.

19th over: England 88-1 (Roy 51, Root 12) Jason Roy brings up his half century (from 64 balls) with the latest of late cuts down to third man off Anwar Ali. He needed this innings – it turns a mixed series into a pretty good one.

18th over: England 83-1 (Roy 47, Root 11) Yasir Shah continues. And England continue to rack up the singles – five in a row from the first five balls of the over, then Joe Root ruins everything by driving wide of extra cover for two from the last.

17th over: England 76-1 (Roy 44, Root 7) Root clipsAnwar Ali away for four, then cuts a little uppishly for a single. Quiet accumulation is the name of the game at the moment.

“Afternoon John, afternoon everybody,” writes Guy Hornsby. “This is rather serene progress but while we need to get in, the run rate isn’t stellar, and another wicket would put us right in the proverbial (add a wicket when each goes down [/Boycott]). Anyone else getting a bit nervous? Roy’s in need of a big score to just cement his place after some good starts, and Root’s not scored big bar his 3 in the last game. A 3-1 would be an excellent result, 2-2 would feel like a missed chance. In short: PRESSURE”

16th over: England 72-1 (Roy 43, Root 4) A little later than expected, Yasir Shah enters the fray. Four dots … and then a misfield allows Root a single.

15th over: England 71-1 (Roy 43, Root 3) Still no spin from Pakistan – Anwar Ali returns. Roy is finding the gaps nicely now but three singles and three dots are all England get from the over.

14th over: England 68-1 (Roy 42, Root 1) Irfan continues. Joe Root gets off the mark with a sweetly-timed pull for a single, Babar making a fine stop on the midwicket boundary to prevent four. Roy, though, beats the sweeper from the next with another superbly timed flick.

13th over: England 62-1 (Roy 37, Root 0) Shot! Roy unfurls a glorious straight drive off Wahab – makers name, high elbow, the full works, with mushrooms and a fried slice.

12th over: England 57-1 (Roy 32, Root 0) Excellent stuff from Irfan, who has Roy squirting the ball just wide of gully. And he finds a bit of seam movement later in the over, jagging one past Root’s outside edge.

Pakistan have the breakthrough. Irfan bangs one in a little shorter, and Hales looks to pull from outside off but can only get a toe-ended top edge onto the ball. Over the keeper and down to the boundary it goes, where Shoiab, running round from third man, takes a fine tumbling catch.

11th over: England 54-0 (Roy 29, Hales 22) Wahab keeps things tight. Just three from the over.

“With Broad, Finn and Wood to come back in ODI-wise, and Tymal Mills as an option, they should be just fine for the pace bowling options behind those playing today,” writes Dominic Gillan. “Lessens our batting a touch replacing Woakes/Willey with them, but having Willey at 10 in this series almost seems a luxury too far! If we want Stokes as the sixth bowler on the other hand, not sure who to drop. Roy, with Willey opening?”

10th over: England 51-0 (Roy 28, Hales 20) Irfan has switched ends here and there’s a stifled appeal as Roy is clumped on the pad – it pitched outside leg and was bouncing over so there wasn’t much going for it. Roy miscues a drive over extra cover and picks up three, then chops away for a couple more to bring up the England 50. And the umpire has a quiet word with Irfan, whose follow-through is sneaking into the danger zone …

9th over: England 45-0 (Roy 25, Hales 17) Some fine shots in Wahab’s latest but few runs, with both batsmen picking out the fielders.

8th over: England 42-0 (Roy 23, Hales 16) Just to expand a little on Alex Bramble’s email in the last over, an equally interesting selection puzzler comes when England play on surfaces that might require more than one out-and-out seamer. Would a pace attack of Topley, Willey, Woakes and Stokes be adequate at, say, The Oval next spring?

Anyway, in the here and now Alex Hales has just crunched Anwar Ali away for four to backward square and England are building (shudder) a Really Good Platform.

7th over: England 36-0 (Roy 22, Hales 11) Wahab Riaz comes into the attack. Roy has a big slash outside off and another inside edge whistles past the wicketkeeper for four. He moves on to 22 from 26, with eight of those runs coming in the V behind him.

“I have no desire whatsoever to dampen the entirely justified love for James Taylor, but watching him bat so well has got me pondering what happens when Stokes is fit?” frets Alex Bramble. “Does the axe fall on Taylor again, or one of the two openers, or Moeen, or Rashid?

6th over: England 30-0 (Roy 17, Hales 10) Wonderful fielding from Ahmed Shehzad, who makes a brilliant stop at backward point to deny Roy a certain boundary. Ali drifts onto Hales’ pads with the last and the batsman smites the half-volley away for four to backward square leg.

5th over: England 24-0 (Roy 16, Hales 5) Hales clips Irfan off his hip for two more. The bowler comes round the wicket as a result, but Roy as able to shovel wide of midwicket for a couple more. And there’s a lovely little push down the ground for two more from the last. Nine from the over in risk-free ones and twos.

4th over: England 15-0 (Roy 11, Hales 2) The first boundary of the day – Roy attempting a cover drive and getting a thick inside edge that whistles away to fine leg for four. The only runs of another sharp over from Anwar Ali.

3rd over: England 11-0 (Roy 7, Hales 2) Roy turns Irfan round the corner for two more. The bowler is finding an awkward length, though. It’s nudge and nurdle from England so far and that’s because they’ve been forced to be cautious by some excellent bowling.

“This is the most comfortable I’ve been with England’s middle order in a long time,” writes Shola Clarke. “Root, Morgan and Taylor I have confidence in every time they walk to the crease. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.” It’s a strange feeling isn’t it? Like seeing a hammer float in the bath or a donkey playing canasta.

2nd over: England 6-0 (Roy 3, Hales 1) Rizwan misfields to allow Roy another single as Anwar Ali begins his first over. Hales gets off the mark with a risky single – a direct hit from midwicket might well have seen him run out.

“In honour of James Taylor playing so well, are you gonna post us a bit of music?” writes Paul from Finland. “This for example?”

1st over: England 2-0 (Roy 1, Hales 0) JJ Roy could do with a few runs here – it’s been a mixed bag of a series for him so far (and a mixed bag of an ODI career for him so far, in truth). Mohammad Irfan starts with the ball for Pakistan and immediately wangs one down the leg side. Roy cracks a couple off the back foot straight to the cover fielder but then picks up the first runs off the bat with a little dab down to third man.

Out come the players: Alex Hales and Jason Roy stride out to open the batting for England.

Pakistan: Azhar Ali, Ahmed Shehzad, Mohammad Hafeez, Babar Azam, Shoaib Malik, Mohammad Rizwan, Sarfraz Ahmed, Anwar Ali, Yasir Shah, Wahab Riaz, Mohammad Irfan.

England: Roy, Hales, Root, Morgan, Taylor, Buttler, Moeen, Woakes, Rashid, Willey, Topley.

England have won it and they are going to have a bat.

Hello all. I don’t know about you, but I’m still reeling from Thursday’s announcement of the Test squad to tour South Africa. Whither Ian Ronald Bell? It was probably time for the Sledgehammer of Eternal Justice to be put out to pasture but still. I suppose we’ll always have 2013.

But the man set to take over the mantle as England’s Most Aesthetically Pleasing Diminutive Middle Order Batsmen is in stunning form out in the UAE. James Taylor is busy chiselling out a role in the side for years to come and due in no small part to the Notts batsman, England now stand on the cusp of a series victory.

Related: England in driving seat to fulfil Andrew Strauss’ demand for ODI success | Vic Marks

England are aiming for a 3-1 ODI series victory over @therealPCB tomorrow. Catches win matches. https://t.co/nDDgWjmjC4

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Pakistan v England: first T20 international – as it happened

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  • England 160-5 beat Pakistan 146 by 14 runs
  • England lead three-match T20 series 1-0

That wasn’t quite as comfortable for England as it should have been; some lusty lower-order hitting from Tanvir, Wahab and Anwar rescued Pakistan from an embarrassing thrashing after their middle order imploded quite spectacularly.

For the tourists, Jordan was expensive and the top-order failed, but they can be pleased with the contributions of those who came into the side from the fringes: Vince, Billings, Parry and Plunkett.

Imran Khan has a big wild swing outside off and gets a thin edge through to Buttler for 0.

19.5 overs Pakistan 146-9 (Tanvir 25, Imran Khan 0) 16 to win Chipped down the ground and Moeen fields it on the bounce at long off. They take the single.

19.4 overs Pakistan 145-9 (Tanvir 24, Imran Khan 0) 16 to win A good yorker drilled down the ground and Tanvir declines to take the run.

19.3 overs Pakistan 145-9 (Tanvir 24) 16 to win Hit hard and straight, but he hasn’t got enough on it and it’s down the throat of Moeen in the deep. That should be that.

19.2 overs Pakistan 145-8 (Tanvir 24, Wahab 20) 16 to win Full outside off again and smacked over mid off for four.

19.1 overs Pakistan 141-8 (Tanvir 24, Wahab 16) 20 to win Full outside off, play and a miss. Billings appeals for a catch behind but it was nowhere near the edge.

19th over: Pakistan 141-8 (Tanvir 24, Wahab 16) Target 161 Chris Jordan again – his last over disappeared for 14 and England could do without him putting pressure on Reese Topley with a repeat. A trio of bang-on-the-money yorkers are just what are needed – just one run conceded from them – then Wahab slashes a half volley hard through backward point for four. Two boundaries on the spin as Jordan offers up a full-toss and a thick edge flies down to third man. One from the last ball and Pakistan need 20 from the final over. Let’s go ball-by-ball.

18th over: Pakistan 131-8 (Tanvir 23, Wahab 8) Target 161 Topley has two overs left, so on he comes. Pakistan need another 40 – they’re only three runs behind England on the “at this stage” comparison, but that’s as meaningless a stat as ever considering they’ve lost four more wickets. Tanvir smashes six more with a lovely pick up over cow corner, then Topley sends a wide down leg. He comes back well though: a slower ball and a yorker yielding consecutive dots. A mistimed release gives up another dot, outside off this time, then the last ball is dug out for a single. 30 needed from the last two.

17th over: Pakistan 121-8 (Tanvir 16, Wahab 7) Target 161 Plunkett again and Wahab turns him off the knees and very fine for four. England are going to leave themselves with Adil Rashid bowling the final over with 15 runs to defend, aren’t they? Plunkett comes round the wicket for the left-handed Tanvir and has the batsman diving for the ground with a very sharp, fast, well-directed bouncer. A leg bye and a single from the final two balls and that’s a fantastic effort from Plunkett: four overs, 19 dot balls, three wickets for just 21.

16th over: Pakistan 114-8 (Tanvir 16, Wahab 1) Target 161 Jordan is back on and he begins with one in the slot, which Tanvir drives uppishly and hard, back down the ground for a straight four. The next one is a length ball and Tanvir slogs hard to mid on for four more. Billings pulls off another excellent stop next up when Tanvir gloves down the leg side, saving four with a good diving stop, but then Jordan fires an enormous wide across the left-hander and outside off. Back-to-back wides as Jordan strays down leg, then Tanvir slices a big slog high in the air, but it drops just short of Hales charging in from the mid off boundary; he and Morgan both hesitated as they converged on the ball. A well-run single through to the keeper then Tanvir tries to tee off again, just clearing mid off and getting two. 14 from a good over that keeps hope flickering.

15th over: Pakistan 100-8 (Tanvir 5, Wahab 0) Target 161 Plunkett is back on for Moeen, who finished with one for 30 from his four overs; I assume Morgan wants the paceman to finish this off given that Rashid hasn’t had a look in. Anwar is looking to go after England’s quickest bowler here but can only get it squirting away for singles; he looks to mow a yorker into the leg side, bottom edges between his own leg and Billings adjusts quite brilliantly to make the diving stop. An inelegant uppercut that drops short of third man brings two runs and the Pakistan hundred. That’s his final contribution though as Plunkett ends the over with the wicket.

Anwar steps back but Plunkett follows him and does the batsman for pace. His back foot drive loops up high and drops from the night sky into the safe hands of extra cover.

14th over: Pakistan 95-7 (Tanvir 4, Anwar 16) Target 161 Anwar has shown us before that he can swing a bat and does so here, smashing a fuller ball from Parry back over the bowler’s head for a lovely six. England won’t mind too much as this game is already just about done. That was preceded by a two and succeeded by a pair of singles, then Anwar does some damage to the final figures with a second six of the over, over long on. Still, two for 33 is decent enough from Parry.

13th over: Pakistan 79-7 (Tanvir 3, Anwar 1) Target 161 If you refresh the page, our Pictures Editor Steve Bloor has stuck a screengrab of that run-out in the wicket entry; I strongly recommend having a look for yourself. Tanvir replaces Maqsood after a very nice bit of teamwork between Moeen and Billings removes the latter, then Morgan is very close to getting rid of the new man: Tanvir went for the reverse sweep and got a top-edge, with the ball just flicking the England captain’s fingertips as he dived desperately towards leg slip.

This is lovely. Maqsood gives Moeen the charge, the bowler sees him coming and fires it down the leg side. Billings completes the formalities with no fuss.

12th over: Pakistan 74-6 (Maqsood 24, Anwar 0) Target 161 What a shot this is: Parry is fractionally short but Akmal is back in his crease in a flash, before depositing it over midwicket for six. Of course, that moment of brilliance is inevitably followed by the comedy run out and Pakistan are back in trouble. Here comes Shahid Afridi to inspire pointless nostalgia for things he hasn’t done in years from the commentators... for two balls. Honest to god he got out the moment I finished writing that sentence.

@DanLucas86 Re. Frightening Fruit debate. Denis Warren has knocked it out of the ground. Definitely a Sharon Fruit. And truly mingin'.

Another lovely flighted delivery and Afridi pushes it softly to cover.

Maqsood got his bat down fractionally ahead of Akmal. That was hilarious.

Akmal slogs into the on side and sets off. Maqsood sets off too, but turns back halfway down. Akmal does not turn back and the throw comes in to the non-striker’s end. We’re now looking at slow-mo replays of two bats being grounded at the same end to decide who is out.

11th over: Pakistan 68-4 (Maqsood 24, Akmal 13) Target 161 Maqsood slaps it back past Ali in the air, but it’s too wide for the bowler and down to long off for one. Akmal then plays an absolutely gorgeous late cut, against the spin and down to fine third man for four. These two are just settling Pakistan now after that early collapse. The boundary aside, the batsmen just spend the rest of the over milking Ali for four singles.

10th over: Pakistan 60-4 (Maqsood 22, Akmal 7) Target 161 A bottom edge from Akmal sends the ball squirting through the keeper’s legs, but it’s cut off by a fielder and they only get one. Parry, who has been giving it a lot of flight and no pace at all, to the powerful Maqsood now, but the batsman is watchful and just punches him into the off side for a single. Four from an excellent over for England.

9th over: Pakistan 56-4 (Maqsood 21, Akmal 4) Target 161 Maqsood comes down the pitch and doesn’t quite get hold of his attempted clump towards cow corner, but he hits it hard enough to squirt the ball out to midwicket for two. His footwork is very good against the spinner and he looks to smash it again, but can only find Jordan and run two more. Realsing that Jordan isn’t 50ft tall, he goes for the same region but high and sailing over the rope for Pakistan’s first six of the match.

8th over: Pakistan 45-4 (Maqsood 11, Akmal 3) Target 161 Steve Parry, whose last name Bumble insists on pronouncing “Perry” as though he’s the singer from Journey, is on to make it spin from both ends. Slightly odd situation this: England going with three spinners and Pakistan just the one. A single, a two, another single and then Rizwan is done all ends up in the flight by the left-armer. Umar Akmal is the new man, off the mark with a cover drive for two and a single from the final ball.

This is a lovely ball. It’s slower and pitched on leg stump; the batsman gives it the charge and the ball turns past his outside edge to hit middle.

7th over: Pakistan 38-3 (Maqsood 8, Rizwan 5) Target 161 Time for some spin from Moeen Ali. Maqsood gets a single so comfortable that the batsmen can afford to get confused and stop in the middle of the pitch without endangering themselves. Rizwan then gets a much-needed boundary, using his feet well to get down the track and drive through extra cover for his first four runs. One of the last makes six off the over.

Dear required run-rate: welcome to NearlyTenTown. Population: you.

6th over: Pakistan 32-3 (Maqsood 7, Rizwan 0) Target 161 I know England were in a very similar situation at 19-3, but history and instinct tell me this is going to be harder for Pakistan to fight their way back into, especially with Hafeez gone. A really loose swing from Rafatullah sees him back in the hutch. Sohaib Maqsood is the new batsman and he shows how to pull straight away: on to the front foot, rolling his wrists and hammering it out to deep midwicket where Topley can only palm it into the rope. A well-run – I know! – two follows before a tuck to long leg for one ends the over.

Plunkett strikes straight away! It’s another shorter ball, the veteran debutant backs away, looks to pull and sends a thick top edge through to Billings.

5th over: Pakistan 25-2 (Rafatullah 16, Rizwan 0) Target 161 Enter Mohammad Rizwan as Topley changes ends. Rafatullah uses the left-armer’s angle nicely, running a cut down to deep backward point and getting through for a surprisingly spritely two. He pulls the next ball through midwicket for the same before an easy single brings Rizwan on strike. Nowt on offer from the two balls he faces though.

Robert Wilson is back and points us in the direction of this piece he wrote a few days ago.

Related: The solace of an Australian summer – when cricket brought hope and light | Robert McLiam Wilson

4th over: Pakistan 20-2 (Rafatullah 11, Rizwan 0) Target 161 An early change as Plunkett comes on. He too starts the over with three dots, then Roy very nearly removes Rafatullah as the 39-year-old goes for a sharp single to backward point – the throw just off target with the batsman short. A couple of balls later Hafeez picks up a short one and lifts it out to deep midwicket for two, but he gets out repeating the shot next ball.

More on fruit, from Robert Darby: “I have also just eaten a piece of tropical fruit that answers to Robert Wilson’s description, that is, it is big, round(ish), orange in colour and tastes of not very much. My fruit is a paw paw, also known as papaya, and I only buy them because they are cheap.” I do like papaya you know.

A bumper from Plunkett and Hafeez picks it up, hooks and picks out deep square leg. Two quick wickets caught in the deep? How very Pakistan.

3rd over: Pakistan 17-1 (Rafatullah 10, Hafeez 5) Target 161 Jordan continues and continues well, opening the over with three dots on the spin and drawing a play-and-miss from the third with a slower one outside off. Hafeez flips a straighter one round to square leg for a single then Rafatullah gets himself in all kinds of a tangle, charging at a slower bouncer, misreading the pace and stopping his bat dead mid-hook to just block the ball into the ground. A wide, then Hafeez gets his first boundary with a lovely clip off his ankles when Jordan gives him a half-volley with the extra ball.

2nd over: Pakistan 10-1 (Rafatullah 9, Hafeez 0) Target 161 Topley is the man to share opening bowling duties. Sarfraz gets off the mark straight away, dabbing one that was slanted across his body to backward point for one. Rafatullah emulates the shot and the ensuing number of runs before Sarfraz goes next ball. Out strides Mohammad Hafeez. Rafatullah slices a big carving drive up and over cover for a couple more. Ugly and unconvincing, but T20 is hardly an aesthetic game.

Sarfraz looks to slog-sweep into next week, but his top edge is perfectly judged by Plunkett out at deep midwicket.

1st over: Pakistan 6-0 (Rafatullah 6, Sarfraz 0) Target 161 Jordan opens up with a short one that has Rafatullah swaying out the way. His second delivery is aborted mid-stride as a distraction appears in front of the sight-screen; “Oh she’s forgiven” says Rameez Raja when it emerges that said distraction is a very pretty blonde girl. A swing and a miss from Rafatullah but then he gets his first runs in international cricket when he top edges an attempted late cut up and over the slips, down to third man for four. Another top edge next, from a hard cut this time, and Billings can’t cling on high above his head. It was tough, but that’s a drop as well as a couple more runs.

“Dear Dan,” begins Robert Wilson. “This mightn’t seem hugely germane but you could save a life here. I’ve just realised that England’s T20 shirt is precisely the same colour as the disconcertingly large piece of exotic fruit I just ate. I haven’t the foggiest notion of what it actually was. And now I’m getting a little worried. It was big, round and tasted exactly like nothing at all. But that shirt-colour is a dead ringer. Does anyone know know what it might have been, this funny fruit? Am I going to be...alright?”

Here we go. The players are out.

We’re about to get our first look at 39-year-old debutant Rafatullah Mohmand. Earlier on, Campbell Ogilvie wrote: “Bit of trivia for you. If you haven’t already been advised, the 39yr old Pakistani debutant played for Clifton in the Derbyshire County League for 3 seasons (2008, 2009 and 2011).”

A decent effort in the end from England, considering they were 19-3 in the fourth over. Billings and Vince were the standout performers on a wicket that wasn’t the easiest to bat on. If I had to back either side from here it’d be England, but not with any great certainty against the world’s No2 ranked side.

An excellent final over means this is a very chaseable target for Pakistan. Of course if any team is going to blow it going for a chaseable target...

Join me in 10 minutes or so for the chase.

20th over: England 160-5 (Morgan 45) Full and wide to begin with from Tanvir and Morgan chops it down to third man well for a single. Billings then digs out a good yorker, down the ground for a single of his own that brings up his half century. Morgan mistimes a hook when Tanvir drops short, but the ball drops safely away from the fielders and they get one more. Billings gets a top edge next, trying to slog sweep, and the ball sails miles over the keeper’s head and down to third man, where Wahab chases and reels it in well to save a run. Morgan pings the penultimate ball, a full one, down the ground for two more to take England to 160, then Billings is run out for 53 trying to run a bye to the keeper from the final ball.

19th over: England 152-4 (Billings 49, Morgan 41) Four more for Billings off Wahab, going across and scooping it down to the fine leg fence. Remember when we used to think of those shots as audacious? Now everyone thinks they’re AB de Villiers. He goes again next ball and this time gets it quite magnificently over the rope for six! A full toss outside off and a slow bouncer mean back-to-back dots and a good comeback from Wahab, before Billings pulls to mid on for a couple to bring up the 150. Two more from the final ball, punched out to deep cover. Morgan will have the strike at the start of the final over.

18th over: England 138-4 (Billings 35, Morgan 41) In case you were wondering, Anwar finished with one for 19 from his four overs. Imran Khan is the next man to complete his allotment and his first of the over, a slow bouncer, is pulled hard over midwicket and away for four by Billings. Back to back boundaries as he picks another slower one, advancing and pumping it down to long on. A third slower ball on the spin and Billings absolutely murders it, using his bottom hand to send it sailing over midwicket for six more! 14 from the first three balls, but the fourth – a full toss – is fielded by the man down the ground and they only get two. A slower ball nudged out to mid off brings one more, then Morgan takes two from the last.

He's like a left arm Chris Harris, this latest incarnation of Imran Khan. Very effective. #PAKvENG

17th over: England 119-4 (Billings 18, Morgan 39) Anwar returns for his final over and immediately sees Morgan dropped badly by Imran Khan at backward point when the England captain spoons a mistimed cut straight into his outstretched hands. Instead, England get a single. A hard sweep out to midwicket is well cut off, meaning Billings only gets two, before they scamper another quick single. Morgan miscues for the second time in the over, toe-ending it over mid off, but the man in the deep loses sight of the ball and doesn’t get anywhere near enough to attempt the catch. Anwar is, you’ll be surprised to hear, not impressed. Six from the over in the end, all in ones and a two.

“Ahem. All records set/milestones achieved by Paul Collingwood definitely “count”. In fact, they count double,” reckons Marie Meyers, not unreasonably.

16th over: England 113-4 (Billings 14, Morgan 37) Tanvir is back, what with Wahab presumably wanted for one of the last two overs. He gets a thick outside edge as Billings looks to smash his second ball over mid off, but the ball flies a foot or so over backward point and the batsmen get two. The next one is fuller and straighter, so Billings – who once followed me on Twitter then immediately unfollowed me, the git – steps across and scoops it over his shoulder and down to fine leg for four. The batsmen takes a single apiece, then Billings shows off his outstanding wrist speed to change his placement mid-shot and lift it over mid on for four more. England could still get 150 here.

15th over: England 101-4 (Billings 3, Morgan 36) Back into the attack comes Imran Khan (the third one) with Wahab having well and truly applied the brakes in that last over. Still, that was a delightfully breezy knock from Vince on debut – his 41 is the second-highest by an England batsman on T20 debut. The only one to beat it is Paul Collingwood’s 46 against Australia in 2005 and that doesn’t really count, what with it being England’s first ever T20 international. Six singles from this fuss-free over.

14th over: England 95-4 (Morgan 33) You have to say England played Afridi, the second highest wicket-taker in international T20 cricket, magnificently. Wahab Riaz, whom I probably should have mentioned came back on for the 12th over, continues – he’s recovered quite excellently from that poor first over and cuts Morgan in half with a quicker delivery. It had Sarfraz appealing for the inside edge behind the stumps, but no one else was interested given the daylight between bat and ball. Understandable really. Morgan gets a single, the first run of the over, from the fifth ball, then Vince is bowled!

Big wicket! It’s a fast one on a good length. Vince swings, misses and Wahab hits the top of middle and off.

13th over: England 94-3 (Vince 41, Morgan 32) Cap’n Afridi is going to bowl through. A leg bye from the first ball as Roy plays around a straight one and I’m surprised there’s no shout, even if it was probably going down leg. That gives Morgan the strike and he comes down the wicket and smashes a huge shot, lifting it over mid on and deep into the second tier! Another single to Morgan and Roy feathers a lovely sweep past short fine leg and away for another four. A slap to long off brings one more and a cut to point means they finish the over with another single. Afridi finishes with 4-0-33-0.

12th over: England 80-3 (Vince 36, Morgan 24) Roy looks to smash a short one to Sharjah but doesn’t get hold of it; fortunately for him, it drops well short of the fielder coming in from mid on. An excellent over as England can’t get their timing right and pick up just the three singles.

11th over: England 77-3 (Vince 34, Morgan 23) Morgan brings up the 50 partnership, nutmegging the keeper with the finest of bottom edges off a reverse sweep. Four. They run a couple more singles, then Afridi gets his release all wrong and gives Vince a big juicy full toss, which the Hampshire man swings dismissively through mid on for another four. England are suddenly back on track.

10th over: England 67-3 (Vince 29, Morgan 18) Another slower one from Imran Khan and Vince goes for the slog-sweep; it doesn’t quite come out the middle but he’s a strong lad and gets enough on it to just about clear the midwicket rope and get the first six of the match. An exchange of singles, a wide, then Roy tries to cut one that keeps low and is too close to the body in any case, missing out. He punches the fifth ball to long off for one more, then Morgan does the same and England have unobtrusively picked up 11 from that over.

9th over: England 56-3 (Vince 21, Morgan 16) Four more for Vince, absolutely nailing a smashed cut off the back foot and through cover when Afridi drops short. Two balls later the reverse sweep is out for the first time, from Morgan, but he can only bottom edge it into his own pads. A punch through mid off brings two more from the final ball.

8th over: England 49-3 (Vince 16, Morgan 14) Wahab’s expensive over sees him dropped from the attack and replaced by Imran Khan. He’s full of variations, with a range of slower balls that call to mind a less objectionable Jade Dernbach. Morgan gets four by hooking a slow bouncer round the corner to long leg and seeing it spin away from the fielder in the deep. He then goes charging down the wicket to another slow one but, having misread it, is forced into the meekest of forward defensives.

“Glad that Vince is in up the order (unlike some of the pre-match projections of him in at 6),” writes Dominic Gillan. “He’s been brilliant batting basically the full innings for Hampshire quite a few times. Looking for a big partnership with Eoin lad.” Indeed he is an opener for Hampshire and is effectively playing as one here.

7th over: England 43-3 (Vince 15, Morgan 9) Time for Northamptonshire legend Shahid Afridi; weirdly, he’s the only full-time spinner in the Pakistan XI. He’ll be tough to get away, I imagine, with his quick top-spinners sticking in the pitch a bit. Just a single, to Morgan, from the first four balls, but then Vince misses out when Afridi drags one down a bit too short – only a single from the pull shot though. Morgan gets a third single to complete the over.

6th over: England 40-3 (Vince 14, Morgan 7) A change: left-arm seam for left-arm seam as Wahab Riaz comes on for a bowl. His first delivery is too short and too wide outside off, and Morgan hammers a cut through cover point. The England captain is a lucky man next up though as he toe-ends a pull just eight inches or so over the man stumbling backwards at mid on. The batsmen jog a single then Vince clips an excellent pull to long leg for four more. Couple more singles then Vince backs off and fires a fine shot along the ground through mid off and to the boundary in a flash. 15 from the over.

5th over: England 25-3 (Vince 5, Morgan 1) It looks like that run for Roy in the last over has actually been given as leg-byes, so if you refresh the page it’ll correct. Again. Anwar is into his third over and why not? He has one for seven from his first couple and another wicket here would come pretty close to ruining the England innings. Vince actually gets off the mark this time, flipping a short ball through square leg on the pull but seeing it fielded nicely on the bounce to keep the batsmen to one. Morgan works another single to midwicket to get off the mark himself before Vince charges at a straight one and misses completely with an attempted swish over mid off. He does connect with the final ball, standing tall, walking towards it and slapping it past the diving fielder, through extra cover for four.

4th over: England 19-3 (Vince 0, Morgan 0) Vince is off the mark with a scrambled single, taken after yet another leading edge while trying to work it to leg. The batsmen need to play straighter on this slightly two-paced pitch. As if to prove my point, Moeen has a big mow, trying to spank it through cover, and connects with naught but Dubai air. He middles a similar shot a couple of balls later, but picks out the fielder to give up a third early, easy catch. Out comes the England captain who, despite having bumped himself down the order, is in the middle much earlier than he would have expected.

Moeen goes for a pretty damn poor duck. It’s full, outside off and simply spanked straight to the man at cover, who takes a sharp catch at chest height.

3rd over: England 18-2 (Vince 0, Moeen 0) The new man is James Vince on debut. He’ll watch from the non-striker’s end to begin with, as Hales mishits an attempted straight slog, toe-ending it high in the air and seeing it plug beyond the fielder at mid on. Two runs, but there will be no more as he gets another leading edge – his third mistimed shot by my reckoning – and goes. England are in, if not trouble then certainly bother, with two batsmen on 0 at the crease. It was the scrambled seam that did for Hales, good bowling from Anwar. Moeen is the (new) new man and calmly sees out the rest of the over.

Hales looks to turn it into the on side but gets a leading edge and the ball loops comfortably to mid off.

2nd over: England 16-1 (Vince 0, Hales 6) Time for the first of the three left-arm seamers in the Pakistan side: Sohail Tanvir. His first ball is, frankly, miserable, slung miles down leg for a wide. Roy clips the first legitimate delivery square for one. It gets worse for Tanvir, when Hales chips it back to him, he palms the ball up in the air to give himself a dolly but then drops it badly after juggling! The next ball is back of a length and, inevitably, smacked on the pull through mid on for the first four of the day. Another single, then Roy stands, delivers and smacks a slower length ball over mid off for four more. The final ball brings the wicket though, making it an eventful over: a wide, 11 runs, a comedy drop and a wicket.

Back of a length and Roy looks to swat it over mid on. It gets a top edge and flies limply to the man on the edge of the circle.

Refresh the page please. I fired that last entry off one ball too early. Sorry.

1st over: England 5-0 (Roy 4, Hales 1) Here we go then, Anwar Ali opening the bowling for Pakistan. He’s a bit of a rarity in this XI: a right-armer (there are three lefties). Jason Roy, who looked in very good touch in the warm-up against the UAE takes strike and miscues his first ball, a slower one that he was looking to smash through extra cover. He’s off the mark second ball though, pushing nicely past mid on and sprinting three. Hales as a crack at cutting his first ball and misses out, swinging and missing at a nice lifter that moves away just a touch off the seam. Anwar tries, and fails, to throw down the stumps next ball with the batsman out of his crease, then the fifth one is worked square off the pads for a single. Same goes for the final ball, which happened after I’d already finished this entry because I miscounted the number of ball.

Another thing to note: the Imran Khan playing today is a different Imran Khan. And I don’t just mean different to the great all-rounder, but also different to the one who played in the Tests. This fellow is a 27-year-old left-arm seamer, with 36 wickets at a ludicrous 13.41 from his 18 T20s to date.

Fun fact: Rafatullah will today become the oldest debutant for a Test playing nation in T20 history, beating youthful Indian sprite Rahul Dravid. As my colleague John Ashdown sat next to me points out, picking a 39-year-old debutant under the captaincy of Shahid Afridi might be the most quintessential Pakistan move.

Interesting team then, for England. I’m not sure what they gain from leaving out Willey and Buttler, especially given the latter’s current form and given he’s not in the Test side either. But they have given themselves a chance to look at what Vince can do with the bat and Billings with the gloves before picking their 15-man squad for next year.

AD Hales, JJ Roy, JM Vince, EJG Morgan*, SW Billings†, MM Ali, AU Rashid, CJ Jordan, LE Plunkett, SD Parry, RJW Topley

Pakistan bring in Rafatullah Mohmand for his debut at the age of 39.

So for England, Root, Willey, Woakes and Buttler – surprisingly – miss out. Jordan, Plunkett, Parry and Vince all get a game.

Ahmed Shehzad and Shoaib Malik are missing the match with injury. England pick the same team that beat the UAE earlier in the week, resting a few senior players. Whether it’s the XI that batted or fielded is yet to be confirmed.

Team news in a moment.

It’s probably worth mentioning that, unbeaten in three as they may be, Pakistan are on a winning streak twice as long. As a consequence, they’re second in the ICC rankings (same as in Tests!), while England sit one place above Afghanistan in eighth.

I’m loath to promote a rival site, but given how reliant on Cricinfo I am in doing these OBOs it’d be churlish to ignore them. There’s a video on there that’s well worth your time, with the ever-excellent George Dobell having a chat with the ever-entertaining Kevin Pietersen. Asked about whether or not he’d share a dressing room with Mohammad Amir, KP is pretty unequivocal... although you’ll be entirely unsurprised to hear he does believe in second chances.

Speaking of Amir, he’s the subject of this week’s edition of The Spin.

Related: Why the return of Mohammad Amir is not a story everyone wants to buy into | Andy Bull

Good day, folks. And so we enter the ash end of England’s tour to the UAE, right? The three T20s may be expected to fetch the biggest crowds of the series but there is an argument to be made that, in this country at least, this is the least-loved format of the game. It’s the low-key end to a slightly alien-feeling tour that few people here have actually given much of a thought about. These next three OBOs might well be published in the next edition of the OED next to “perfunctory”. Honestly, why even bother?

Well, er, not quite. In fact we are in the perhaps unique situation for English cricket where the T20s, tacked on at the end as they may be, are in fact the most important leg of the tour. We learned little from the Tests that will stand us in good stead for a tour to South Africa or the next two series, in home conditions against Sri Lanka and Pakistan. Winning an ODI series here is scant preparation for the next two ICC events, both of which will take place back in England. But then the World T20? That’s in India (well, somewhere in India) next March and, though this isn’t the subcontinent, the conditions aren’t a million miles away.

Continue reading...

Pakistan v England: second T20 international – as it happened

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England survived a stunning late assault from Shahid Afridi, who hit 24 from eight balls after taking three for 15 with the ball, to seal a series win with victory in Dubai.

That puts England 2-0 up with two to play. In truth it wasn’t the highest quality game – James Vince’s 38 was the highest score and the only truly noteworthy performances both came from Afridi, with bat and ball. Indeed it was only thanks to his absurd assault on Woakes, who continues to fail to convince, that Pakistan came close.

We’re back for the final match of the series, and indeed the final match of the tour, in Sharjah on Monday at the same time. Do join me for that. In the meantime, thanks for reading. Bye!

19.6 overs: Pakistan 169-8 (Tanvir 6, Anwar 3) Buttler brings in a fly slip for the final ball, a boundary needed to win it... and Woakes sends a quick ball down on a good length and beats Anwar outside off!

19.5 overs: Pakistan 169-8 (Tanvir 6, Anwar 3) 4 to win Woakes is treading such a fine line between hero and chump. Although if we’re being harsh, he’s the only reason Pakistan are close. Clipped out to long leg, but it’s fielded and they only get one. England favourites now, surely?

19.4 overs: Pakistan 168-8 (Tanvir 5, Anwar 3) 5 to win Anwar, who hit a couple of lusty blows himself in the last match, is on strike. Down to deep mid off for a single – five from two needed.

19.3 overs: Pakistan 167-8 (Tanvir 5, Anwar 2) 6 to win This is a bit good, isn’t it? Tanvir has a couple of glances up to the leg side, but then crashes a full one down to mid off and scampers through for a quick single.

19.2 overs: Pakistan 166-8 (Tanvir 4, Anwar 2) 7 to win This is the hat-trick ball for Woakes. Tanvir, the new man, can hit them a fair old way... and he gets it up and over square leg for four!

19.1 overs: Pakistan 162-8 (Anwar 2) 11 to win Sarfraz has the strike, Chris Woakes has to bowl and he strikes! Sarfraz goes across to try and scoop over long leg, but can only feather it into his stumps!

19th over: Pakistan 162-7 (Sarfraz 19, Anwar 2) Target 173 Pakistan need 25 off the last two, the penultimate of which will be bowled by Willey. Sarfraz steps across to a full one outside off, goes down on one knee and swats it hard behind square leg for four! He works the next one into the on side and scampers through for one, back for a second... in comes the throw, it hits the bat as he slides and runs away for four overthrows! Singles from each of the last three – a good comeback from Willey.

Ball by ball as Pakistan chase 11 from the last over. Ten means a super over.

18th over: Pakistan 148-7 (Sarfraz 8) Target 173 Woakes to bowl this over and the last. His first ball is in the slot and slammed hard and flat, sent skimming over mid off for six. He sends the next ball out to deep mid on and is desperate for two to retain the strike; Sarfraz declines, so Afridi has no interest in a second run next ball. Woakes goes for the yorker and Afridi steps across, turning it into a full toss and flicking very nicely over backward square leg for six more. A high full toss from Woakes outside off... and Afridi cuts it high over backward point for six more! It’s been called a no-ball on height too, so Afridi – strike rate 400 – has a free hit... and it’s a good wide yorker that the batsman can’t connect with. One ball left in the over, and Woakes sends down a wide outside off. 22 off the over, but he gets his man in the end.

@DanLucas86 Erk... I guess it was a pretty good free kick in retrospect. Apologies to all concerned

Afridi looks to go big, but sends a thick outside edge looping up to Plunkett at backward point. He goes for 24 from just eight balls.

17th over: Pakistan 126-6 (Sarfraz 7, Afridi 5) Target 173 Plunkett’s last over now. He begins with a yorker and I’d be surprised if we saw much different from the next five balls. He sends a searing one right between Sarfraz’s feet and I reckon it’s only the faintest inside edge that diverts it past leg stump. Sarfraz clumps into the leg side for a single, then Plunkett shows what I know by banging one in short and getting the wicket. Afridi comes in to huge cheers: “That’s a MASSIVE shot,” says Ramiz Raja, “it’s... almost a six”. Yes, it dropped inside the rope and bobbled away for four to cow corner. A leg-side wide follows, but Plunkett ends with three for 33.

This is pretty much spot on:

@DanLucas86 Ah Afridi, the cricket equivalent of "that" Roberto Carlos free kick....

Back of a length from the seamer and Malik rocks back, looking to put it in the crowd beyond midwicket. He doesn’t get hold of anything like enough of it and Billings jogs in to take the catch.

16th over: Pakistan 118-5 (Sarfraz 6, Malik 25) Target 173 With nearly 13 an over needed now, Pakistan probably need to go in this over or the next. The steady drip of wickets obviously isn’t helping them, but they bat (or at least hit) very deep. Willey is back in the attack and gets driven cleanly, but only out to fielders in the deep. A woeful full toss, high outside off, gets absolutely slaughtered cross-batted back down the ground, but Billings slides round and makes an excellent save. He’s such a brilliantly athletic fielder as he demonstrated with some of his stops behind the stumps yesterday. Nine from the over, all in ones and twos, which isn’t enough.

15th over: Pakistan 109-5 (Sarfraz 1, Malik 21) Target 173 It’ll only take a big over or two to get Pakistan back into this, but the required rate is starting to get a hurry on in its climb. The ball is back with Plunkett, so you would think it’ll be Willey and Woakes at the death. Just one from the first two balls, then the wicket – there was a definite noise, but I think it was thigh pad. The new man is Sarfraz.

This is a brilliant catch, though I think it’s off the pad. Plunkett drifts down the leg side and Akmal tries to flick it down to fine leg, but Buttler springs to his left and takes a cracking catch, diving one-handed. Umar isn’t happy about the decision.

14th over: Pakistan 106-4 (Akmal 3, Malik 19) Target 173 Parry is back and his first ball is dragged too short – Malik sitting very deep in the crease smashes it flat over midwicket for six. A couple more – well run, would you believe it? – when Malik cuts out to deep cover point then he drives out to cover for one more. Another sharply taken two takes them to 11 from the over. Parry finishes with one for 33.

13th over: Pakistan 95-4 (Akmal 1, Malik 10) Target 173 Rashid very nearly gets Maqsood bottom edging into the stumps twice in a row – the batsman having a slog at a pair of googlies and just squeezing it past the timber. Third time lucky though for Rashid, who takes the dangerous hitter out. Umar Akmal is the new man.

I love Umar Akmal:

Rashid has Maqsood wrapped around his little finger in this over and sends a googly through the massive gap between bat and pad, straight into middle and off.

12th over: Pakistan 93-3 (Maqsood 2, Malik 9) Target 173 Back to seam and Plunkett. His first ball is short and innocuous and, with fine leg up, worked round the corner for four by Hafeez. It’s not too costly though as he strikes with his next ball, bringing the big-hitting Maqsood to the crease. He has a massive wild swing at his first ball and sends a very thick outside edge down to third man for one. A couple more singles and the required run rate is now dead on 10.

Hafeez tries to turn a full-ish one off his pads and into the on side, but gets a leading edge and sends it looping to the man at mid off.

11th over: Pakistan 86-2 (Hafeez 21, Malik 8) Target 173 This is lovely batting from Hafeez, playing nice and straight against the spin without doing anything stupid. That allows Malik to go on the attack, using his feet well to turn a decent enough ball from Rashid into a half volley and rocket it back down to long on for four. A single brings Hafeez back on strike and he sweeps perfectly when Rashid drifts down the leg side, sending it down to fine leg for four. Twelve from each of the last two overs and Pakistan get their noses back in front, you’d think.

10th over: Pakistan 74-2 (Hafeez 15, Malik 2) Target 173 Too short from Parry and his first ball is pulled hard over midwicket for a flat – much-needed – six by Hafeez. The bowler comes back well though, turning it past the batsman’s prod two balls later. He gives up a rank full toss and Hafeez pulls towards cow corner, but doesn’t get hold of it and there’s just one there. Parry got away with that one, but he doesn’t when he overpitches the final ball of the over and sees it smitten back over his head for four runs more vicious than Vic Mackey.

9th over: Pakistan 62-2 (Hafeez 4, Malik 1) Target 173 Rashid strikes with the first ball of the over, bringing Shoaib Malik, one of the better players of spin in the side, to the crease. Looking at the replay, that’s the googly from Rashid that beat the batsman on the inside edge. Single, dot, single, dot dot goes the rest of the over, with the final ball very nearly trapping Malik on the back foot.

The opener comes down the track, looking to mow it through the off side. Rashid sees him coming and drops his length back a touch, spins it past the batsman and Buttler completes his second stumping of the match.

8th over: Pakistan 60-1 (Hafeez 3, Rafatullah 23) Target 173 This is really lovely, slow stuff from Parry and Pakistan aren’t willing to take risks against the extra turn that’s generating. Hafeez tries the pull, Rafatullah the reverse sweep, but with no pace on the ball they can’t get it away to the fence. Four from the over, all in singles and England have reeled it in a bit.

7th over: Pakistan 56-1 (Hafeez 1, Rafatullah 21) Target 173 Pakistan win the battle of the power plays then, for what it’s worth. With that done, Rashid comes on for a bowl having been asked to do so little in the first match his name might as well have been Stereo Mike.

6th over: Pakistan 54-1 (Hafeez 0, Rafatullah 20) Target 173 England desperately needed the wicket of Shehzad. They reckon they have Rafatullah here too as he charges at Woakes and misses out with a big swing, but the umpire says no edge – he was probably right too. The next ball gets thumped out to cow corner for an ugly, ugly three, but there’s a bit of hesitation mid-pitch as they think about the fourth. Eventually they decide against it just in time to avoid another comedy run out. A single to third man brings new man Hafeez on strike for the first time and he plays out three dots. A much better over from Woakes.

5th over: Pakistan 51-1 (Hafeez 0, Rafatullah 17) Target 173 England desperately need to change something, so Buttler goes to the spin of his Lancashire colleague Stephen Parry. Shehzad uses his feet well to get to the pitch and work it into the on side for a single, then Rafatullah clubs to mid on for four, the ball just beating the despairing dive of Billings to the fence to bring up the 50. This is followed by an overthrow as England get a touch panicky in the field. The wicket from the final ball should calm them though.

This is a lovely ball, slowed down and flighted down on middle and off. Shehzad’s eyes light up and he comes haring out of his crease towards it, but gets beaten by a bit of extra turn past the outside edge and Buttler has all the time in the world to remove the bails.

4th over: Pakistan 45-0 (Shehzad 27, Rafatullah 12) Target 173 Plunkett, who was excellent with the short stuff yesterday, comes in and opens with a bouncer that’s top edged down to fine leg for four more by Rafatullah. He follows this with a no-ball, so we get our first free hit of the series: Rafatullah skies it and gets caught at long leg by Hales, but he sent it high enough that they can run two. A single, then Shehzad gives a back-of-a-length ball the charge and absolutely mullers it over midwicket for six more! It would be generous to call this bowling ordinary: 31 from the last two overs.

3rd over: Pakistan 30-0 (Shehzad 20, Rafatullah 5) Target 173 Six from the first ball as Willey serves up a leg-stump half volley and Shehzad flicks it quite beautifully over long leg. It’s dropped beyond the boundary by drinks boy Eoin Morgan to boot. Two balls later Shehzad goes for the same area, but doesn’t hit it cleanly and square leg is around to keep them to two. Shehzad gives himself room and slaps it over mid off, the ball trickling over the rope for four. The final ball is pretty woeful, sloppy, down the leg side and tickled round the corner to the boundary for four more. Pakistan’s openers are flying.

2nd over: Pakistan 14-0 (Shehzad 4, Rafatullah 5) Target 173 Woakes has it at the other end. His second ball is a nice lifter that just swings away a touch outside off and has Shehzad fishing. A leg-side wide yields the first run of the over and the next ball, tucked to midwicket, brings the first off the bat. Another wide down the leg side and Buttler goes up for the appeal but, again, the umpire isn’t fooled by the attempted distraction. That one actually moved from leg to off after passing the stumps. A third one down the leg side – Woakes needs to find his radar quickly – then the 39-year-old Rafatullah clubs it tennis-style down to long on for four.

Once again, I have miscounted the number of balls in the first over. Please refresh to see the addition of a single. Sorry!

1st over: Pakistan 6-0 (Shehzad 3, Rafatullah 1) Target 173 David Willey has the new ball for England. There’s very nearly a run-out second ball as Shehzad turns it to Hales at midwicket and goes for a quick single, lucky the throw misses. Willey finds a touch of movement, both ways, away from Rafatullah and striking him on the thigh pad – they take a leg bye – and back into Shehzad as it goes down the leg side for a wide. One more to Shehzad as he comes down the track and crunches it to mid on, but Plunkett saves three with a good diving stop on the edge of the circle. A quick single from the fifth ball and Willey throws down the stumps, but he’s home by half a yard. Good bit of fielding though from the, sigh, Yorkshireman. One more from the last.

That’s a decent final over from England, and a very useful 15 from seven for Woakes after England’s lower-middle order collapsed. Shahid Afridi was brilliant with the ball, but this will be a tough chase in 10 minutes or so. I’m off to make a cup of tea before then.

20th over: England 172-8 (Woakes 15, Rashid 3) The final over is going to be bowled by Wahab as England look to push to 170. Woakes gets a couple with a mistimed clump to square leg, then one more with a push into the off side. Rashid strikes the third ball sweetly out to deep cover, but there’s a sweeper there keeping them to one. Woakes gets four – just the eighth of the innings next to nine sixes – when Wahab’s attempted yorker comes out as a full-toss outside off and the all-rounder cuts elegantly behind square. Two more, very nicely run, from the penultimate ball take them to 168 and the final ball is another full toss, cut hard through backward point for four more.

19th over: England 158-8 (Woakes 2, Rashid 2) So Buttler’s enterprising innings – 33 from 22 balls – comes to an end swiftly followed by the dangerous-ish Plunkett a couple of balls later. England’s innings is in danger of petering out here. Woakes gets a single first ball, and Willey is dropped! A big swish sends the ball miles and miles into the air, then Tanvir takes his eye off the ball and fumbles it to the ground. It’s a bad drop, but not a costly one as he perishes the very next ball. England have lost four for 24 in 16 balls. Rashid nearly goes a couple of balls later, sending a thick outside edge in the air and down to third man for two.

Short ball, hooked, doesn’t middle it and the ball flies flat to deep square leg.

Plunkett has a big wild swish at a half-volley outside off, but can only nick it behind.

18th over: England 151-6 (Plunkett 1, Willey 2) Tanvir into his final over. Willey clumps a single into the on side, then Buttler tries to play the reverse ramp over third man, who’s up in the circle, but he misses it. The captain thus opts for something a bit more orthodox, smashing it up and over extra cover for four. Tanvir comes back with a bouncer and, with fine leg up, a thin top edge sails quite ludicrously over the rope for six. 170 the minimum target here, you’d have to... oh never mind. Plunkett the new man.

Buttler tries to play that weird reverse ramp of his to third man but just gets a thin edge through to the keeper.

17th over: England 139-5 (Buttler 23, Willey 1) Wahab returns and his first ball, full and inviting on middle and off, is crunched back over his head for a beautiful six from Billings. How on earth do you set a plan for this pair, both of whom can hit sixes all around the 360 degrees? Well, Umar Akmal gives me an answer and it’s “pull of a miraculous bit of fielding.” David Willey, the latest Northants player to be cruelly pinched by the big money wielders of Yorkshire, comes to the middle.

This is brilliant. Billings reaches from outside off and doesn’t quite get hold of it. Akmal takes the catch at long on and, after an age of trying not to, stumbles over the boundary rope. At the last possible moment though, he chucks it back up in the air, turns, wanders back into the field of play and coolly collects the catch.

16th over: England 130-4 (Buttler 22, Billings 5) Back comes the left-armer Tanvir. Billings steps across and hoicks a short one down to deep fine leg, but there’s not enough pace on the ball to take it to the boundary. Tanvir is still so, so wide on the crease from round the wicket and I’m not sure half these deliveries are legal. The umpires are either satisfied or not doing their jobs though. Finally a PRESSURE-RELIEVING (TM) boundary for Buttler, who rocks on to the back foot and effortlessly swats a short one over square leg. And another! This time it’s fuller from Tanvir and crushed high over long on. Add a leg bye, a wide and a couple of singles and you’ve got 16 from that over.

15th over: England 114-4 (Buttler 9, Billings 4) Anwar comes back on and Billings should be a gonner: he clumps one straight to the mid-on fielder and sets off for the run, but the ball is fumbled and they get through for the single. Buttler is then beaten fishing, walking down the track and misreading both the length and the pace when he tries to ramp it to third man. You can sense the batsmen feeling bogged down here. Billings gives it the charge and Anwar sees him coming again, dropping his length back and the batsman has to pull out of the shot. This has been excellent bowling.

Howard Appleby asks: “Regarding that photo of Sam Billings. How come the marks on his bat are green if the ball is white? They wouldn’t be greasing up the ball with the unthinkable, would they?”

14th over: England 109-4 (Buttler 8, Billings 0) Back comes Afridi and... is that a googly?! He’s just got one to turn back into the right-hander. England work the singles but then Vince gets greedy and gives his wicket away – the sweep was never really on there. Afridi finishes with a remarkable three wickets for 15 and takes Saeed Ajmal’s record as the highest wicket-taker in T20 internationals. Very well bowled, sir.

Full and straight from Afridi and he gets his third wicket! The set batsman tries to sweep and sends a top edge sailing high into the night sky. Anwar comes in from square leg to complete the catch comfortably.

13th over: England 106-3 (Buttler 7, Vince 36) Malik goes up for lbw against Buttler when the batsman attempted a reverse sweep, but it was turning down the leg side. And indeed struck him flush on the arsecheek. They run a single, then Vince takes England into three figures with a classy lofted drive for six over mid off and a sweep over midwicket for four. Make it three boundaries on the spin as he nails another sweep through square leg for four more. A low full toss is squeezed down to long leg for a single, then the last ball is nudged round the corner for a quick one as the fielder hesitates. 17 from the over, which is much more like it from England.

12th over: England 89-3 (Buttler 5, Vince 21) A huge shout for caught behind first ball as Wahab comes back – Vince following a bouncer down the leg side. The umpire isn’t even close to fooled by the ruse and signals a wide. There’s a much more genuine appeal a couple of balls later when Buttler drives and misses outside off, but he missed it comfortably. The final ball is a slower one in the slot and Vince looks to have sent it down long-on’s throat, but the jumping Tanvir can only tip it over the rope for six. He was too far infield I reckon.

11th over: England 78-3 (Buttler 3, Vince 13) Malik very nearly yorks Root with his first ball, a quicker, flatter one pushed into the batsman’s feet, Darren Lehman-style. Root responds with a much-needed boundary, a clean slog-sweep for six timed very nicely over midwicket. He goes for it again next ball though and falls on his sword; Afridi getting involved with the wicket again. England in a pickle as Cap’n o’ t’day Buttler comes in. He’s off the mark with a well run two out to deep mid on. Afridi makes a good diving stop from the final ball to save a couple.

Root looks to slog sweep for the second ball in succession, but doesn’t get the elevation required to clear Afridi at midwicket. The Pakistan captain times his jump perfectly to take it above his head.

10th over: England 68-2 (Root 14, Vince 12) Afridi has changed ends and he continues to frustrate England. His two wickets so far today have moved him level with Saeed Ajmal as the most successful bowler in the format. Root hammers a pull out to deep square leg but can only find the boundary sweeper on the bounce. Five from the over, all in ones. Something’s gotta give.

Out on the boundary there is a bat out for Philip Hughes, who died a year ago today.

Related: Phillip Hughes, like fellow Australian Archie Jackson, will stay forever young | Russell Jackson

9th over: England 63-2 (Root 11, Vince 9) Afridi is happy to strangle England with the spinners here so he turns to Malik, who begins with a leg-side wide. Three singles from the next three balls, then Root looks to go on the attack but can’t get it past the fielders – just one with a hammered pull out to square leg. A swing and a miss from the last.

Robert Wilson, fresh from his fruit-based nightmare yesterday, writes: “This is just utter bliss. Best day off ever. I was up at the crack for the start of the Pink Ball Test. Then quick snooze. And now there’s this second Run-Outs on Ice spectacular. Must say I’m hugely behind this new Guardian cricket around the clock business. Perhaps, we can slough off all the news, culture and politics stuff if you guys are getting a little punchy. Because it’s top larks from this end, I can tell you.”

8th over: England 58-2 (Root 9, Vince 8) Another new bowler, Ahmed Shehzad comes on to throw down a few of his part-time leggies with England struggling to time the ball against spin out there. His line and length are, well, all over the place, but the two batsmen don’t want to take any risks having lost two wickets in the last three overs and just work singles from the first four balls. Root runs the fifth down to third man for a couple, then gets lucky as he top edges a sweep out to deep mid on, only for the ball to drop between the two converging fielders and bounce away for four. England have, almost by mistake, scored 10 off that over.

7th over: England 48-2 (Root 1, Vince 6) That’s the powerplay done and England will be closer to satisfied than ecstatic. Afridi is carrying on here and, while there’s no turn, he’s getting a lot of top spin and after a couple of singles he gets his second wicket – that of the set batsman. Root comes in and is struck on the pads first ball, but it was shooting down leg. This is excellent bowling from Afridi.

The captain gets his second. It’s another quick, straight one and Roy has a wild swing. He gets a thin edge and, after much juggling, the keeper just snatches hold of it before the ball hits the deck.

6th over: England 45-1 (Roy 28, Vince 5) Tanvir returns and the left armer comes round the wicket to Roy. The Surrey man looks for his third six with a big booming drive, but it goes further up than forward and drops just beyond the retreating fielder, inside the rope and bobbles over for four instead. A clump to deep midwicket next ball brings two more and that’s followed by a single as Roy backs away, Tanvir takes the pace off and the batsman has to rethink his shot. The bowler is bowling from very wide on the crease and needs to be careful he’s not no-balled for going outside the tramlines.

Happy birthday, by the way, to Finbar Anslow’s wife Elisabeth. Hope you have a lovely day.

5th over: England 36-1 (Roy 20, Vince 4) A double change in the bowling, a first sight of spin and, with those, a wicket from the first ball of the over. Vince comes to the crease and gets off the mark with a hard slash over extra cover that spins away for four. He’s beaten by the next one though and only saved by a late inside edge on to the pads. Much better over for Pakistan, with the wicket and just one delivery scored off.

Here’s Nicola Davies, with today’s first entry in the Good Causes Dept.:

Hales goes back and plays round a quick, straight one that keeps low and hits him dead in front.

4th over: England 32-0 (Roy 20, Hales 11) First bowling change of the day as Wahab Riaz replaces Tanvir. The batsmen exchange singles then Roy steps down the track again and hammers a flat, hard six over mid on. He tries the De Villiers scoop next, ramping it up over the keeper, but doesn’t quite get enough on it and has to settle for a single. Hales gets one more to square leg.

File under sad cricket mascots https://t.co/qbZWA8e4hFpic.twitter.com/4znC1AK369

3rd over: England 22-0 (Roy 12, Hales 9) Roy shuffles down the pitch and, with a huge swing of the arms, deposits the ball deep into the crowd over mid on for the first six of the match. He comes forward again next ball, but Anwar sees him coming and pulls his length back cleverly. The bowler follows this with a few words that, according to Ramiz Raja, can’t be translated live on air. Anwar sends down a second straight bouncer, but this one is far too high and called wide. A single from each of the three remaining deliveries and that’s a very good over for England.

2nd over: England 11-0 (Roy 4, Hales 7) It’s the left-arm seam of Sohail Tanvir from the other end. The crowd in Dubai is very noisy, it has to be said, as you’d expect for a Friday. Hales comes down the track to a length ball and smacks it over mid off; it’s off the bottom of the bat but safe enough and skips away for four. He takes a single into the on side next ball, before Roy is beaten all ends up by a nice lifter that moves away from the right-hander’s outside edge. A leading edge follows, this time all along the ground, but that’s worrying given the number of times these two openers got leading edges while looking to turn it into the on side yesterday. Two runs to long leg to finish the over.

1st over: England 4-0 (Roy 2, Hales 2) Anwar Ali, probably Pakistan’s best player yesterday with both ball and bat, has the new ball. He’s over the wicket to Roy, at around 80mph but without much movement and Roy gets off the mark with a flashed cut to backward point for one. Hales then gets a single first ball to the same region, albeit played far more delicately. One more to Roy, tucked to mid on then Hales looks to drive through cover only for it to be cut off: “How good was that? Finds the fielder” says T20 mediocrity apologist Ramiz Raja. A single from the final ball makes four from the over.

Here we go. Players are out and ready to go.

Interesting:

Pakistan Cricket Board has issued show cause notice to Mohammad Hafeez for his statement against fast bowler Muhammad Aamir.

Worth noting that Buttler is down to keep for England today. I was very impressed with Billings yesterday, both with bat and gloves. There was an excellent stumping, a good sharp catch off Plunkett’s bowling and two or three really good stops to save byes – his reactions were quite outstanding and I’m not sure he got enough credit for that.

Calm down everyone...England had six captains in 2011 https://t.co/Kzb5mKBoTy#pakveng

Quick trivia quiz: can anyone, without looking it up, remember the game in which James Tredwell captained England?

JJ Roy, AD Hales, JM Vince, JE Root, JC Buttler*, SW Billings†, DJ Willey, CR Woakes, AU Rashid, LE Plunkett, SD Parry

Morgan, Jordan, Moeen and Topley are the men left out for England.

England’s fourth captain of 2015 confirms four changes: Buttler himself, Root, Woakes and Willey in. Shahid Afridi – who tossed the coin right across the pitch – confirms Malik and Shehzad come in. “Seven batsmen plus me,” he says.

Again. And Buttler was the man to win the toss, so I guess that confirms the news below.

More team news: according to Twitter, once again, Jos Buttler will captain England today for what I’m pretty certain is the first time. I’m confident this means Morgan is sitting it out.

Even if this series gives us nothing else, we’ll always have this glorious memory.

Bit of early team news for you. If Twitter is to be believed, Shoaib Malik and Ahmed Shehzad have shaken off a knock and an illness respectively and will play today, with Rizwan and Imran Khan dropping out. This is, apparently, according to team manager Intikhab Alam.

Hello again, folks. I was all set to tell you about how today is a historic day in cricket. Pink balls and day-night Tests? No, not that but, after a quick discussion yesterday, I was convinced this was the first time that England had played back-to-back T20s on consecutive days. As it turns out, it’s happened four times before, somewhat spoiling what would have been a tenuous preamble anyway, but the last time they did it was five years ago – against these very same opponents in this very same stadium. Bugger.

Then again, only one England player remains from those two matches, Cap’n Morgan. The short turnaround from yesterday’s win is therefore as close to ideal preparation as this young side will get ahead of next year’s World T20. That tournament, surely, is the sole focus throughout this three-match series.

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Pakistan v England: third T20 international – as it happend

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Chris Jordan bowled a magnificent super over as England beat Pakistan by the narrowest of margins, to take the T20 series in the UAE 3-0.

So England win the series 3-0, although they can hardly claim the last two results were comprehensive. Shoaib Malik and Shahid Afridi were brilliant for Pakistan but it was all in vain as Chris Jordan bowled a quite magnificent super over to win it for England.

It means that England go off to South Africa on a winning note. They end their tour to the UAE having won both the ODI and T20 series comfortably. Andrew Strauss’s brave new white ball dawn is off to a start better than I think any of us expected.

Super over ball 5: England 4-0 (Morgan 3, Buttler 1) Pushed down to long off they come back for the second. The throw comes in with Buttler short of his ground at the non-striker’s end, but the throw is fumbled at the base of the stumps by Anwar!

Super over ball 4: England 2-0 (Morgan 1, Buttler 1) 2 to win Chipped out to extra cover, they scamper a single.

Super over ball 3: England 1-0 (Morgan 1, Buttler 0) 3 to win Reverse sweep to backward point, no run.

Super over ball 2: England 1-0 (Morgan 1, Buttler 0) 3 to win Pushed down the ground for a single.

Super over ball 1: England 0-0 (Morgan 0, Buttler 0) four to win Even England can’t blow this, can they? No slip in place and Afridi starts with a fast, flat one that Morgan can’t lay bat on.

Oh for... it IS Afridi now. Morgan and Buttler are coming out for England.

Change of plan: they’ve gone with Tanvir. Not what I’d have done, but then I wouldn’t have gone with Jordan either.

Afridi to bowl.

@DanLucas86 this is the future of cricket, none of that boring middle over stuff in 2020.

@DanLucas86 afridi is going to bowl a maiden isn't he?

England will need four to win. What Pakistan wouldn’t give for Umar Gul right now, eh?

Super over ball 6: Pakistan 3-1 (Afridi 0) Fast leg stump yorker and Akmal misses an attempted scoop. That’s an outstanding over.

Super over ball 5: Pakistan 3-0 (Afridi 0, Akmal 1) Yorker dug out back to the bowler and it’s a dot!

Super over ball 4: Pakistan 3-0 (Afridi 0, Akmal 1) This is great bowling. Full, on off and they can only get another leg bye.

Super over ball 3: Pakistan 2-0 (Afridi 0, Akmal 1) Full and straight again and Akmal can only get it out to midwicket for one.

Super over ball 2: Pakistan 1-0 (Afridi 0, Akmal 0) Full and on the pads, they take a leg-bye to square leg.

Super over ball 1: Pakistan 0-0 (Afridi 0, Akmal 0) Dot ball, he nutmegs Afridi with a fast yorker and Buttler gathers.

It’s Chris Jordan to bowl. Bloody hell.

Afridi and Akmal to bat first for Pakistan.

The super over then. Pakistan will bat first. They have three wickets to play with. England can use one bowler.

19.6 overs Pakistan 154-7 (Anwar 0, Tanvir 10) 2 to win Swing and a miss and they run the bye. Woakes removes the bails and we check for a run out but he’s home safe! The players are shaking hands, but the TV reckon we have a super over now. Damn.

Two needed from the final ball, one for the super over. Tanvir has the strike as the batsmen crossed.

19.5 overs Pakistan 153-7 (Tanvir 10) 2 to win Malik has the strike with two need from two. It’s a yorker and he goes big... but can only find the man at long on! Blimey.

19.4 overs Pakistan 153-6 (Malik 75, Tanvir 10) 2 to win Bunted down the ground with no great timing, one run.

19.3 overs Pakistan 152-6 (Malik 75, Tanvir 9) 3 to win Full and moving away from the left-hander’s mow a fraction. Through to Buttler it goes for a dot.

19.2 overs Pakistan 152-6 (Malik 75, Tanvir 9) 3 to win It’s a super over if this is tied, by the way. Let’s all hope that doesn’t happen, I have packing to do. Full from Woakes, just short of a yorker length and my word that is a magnificent shot! Picked up on off and driven straight back over the bowler’s head for six!

19.1 overs Pakistan 146-6 (Malik 75, Tanvir 3) 9 to win Woakes will have the last over. He held his nerve to defend 11 in the final over of Friday’s match. Clumped down to long on for just the one.

18.6 overs Pakistan 145-6 (Malik 74, Tanvir 3) 10 to win Rubbish high full toss but Malik is tied up and can only squirt it away for a single. Jordan lucky that wasn’t called a no ball on height.

18.5 overs Pakistan 144-6 (Malik 73, Tanvir 3) 11 to win Full and wide, Malik falls over reaching for it and gets a thick outside edge down to third man for four!

18.4 overs Pakistan 140-6 (Malik 69, Tanvir 3) 15 to win Good yorker and Malik can’t get it away – dot ball.

18.3 overs Pakistan 140-6 (Malik 69, Tanvir 3) 15 to win That’s better from Jordan, yorker driven straight back down the ground for one.

18.2 overs Pakistan 139-6 (Malik 69, Tanvir 2) 16 to win Full toss outside off driven through cover point. Sweeper keeps it to one.

Oh right, forgot about this:

@DanLucas86@guardian_sport oi! I'm totally RIGHT about that Manics song!

18.1 overs Pakistan 138-6 (Malik 68, Tanvir 2) 17 to win It is Jordan, who’s had a pretty wretched day, to bowl the 19th. Yet another full toss, driven through extra cover for one by Tanvir.

18th over: Pakistan 137-6 (Malik 68, Tanvir 1) target 155 Willey, the pick of England’s seamers so far, to bowl his last over. I imagine Jordan will get the 19th and Woakes the 20th... if it lasts that long. The batsmen exchange singles but then Afridi tries to get cute and loses his wicket. It was all rather strange really, a very delayed reaction from England amid silence from the crowd.

Into the tail now, though Tanvir can’t half hit them. He clubs an agricultural shot down the ground for one. Oohh and that’s lovely from Malik, backing away and guiding it through the vacant slip region for four... then he pulls the next ball square through midwicket for four more. Let’s go ball-by-ball.

Afridi steps across and looks to scoop a slower ball over the top and down to fine leg. He misses it though and, though no one realises it at first, Willey has taken out his leg stump. Game on?

17th over: Pakistan 126-5 (Malik 59, Afridi 28) target 155 Jordan, 0-20 from his two so far, comes back and his first ball is gloved down to fine leg for two. Afridi then steps across to an off stump full toss and effortlessly flicks it through square for one, before another full toss is driven hard through point for four by Malik. Yet another full toss next, driven through extra cover but the diving Vince flicks it brilliantly back in play to save two. That was a great shot and an even better bit of fielding. He gets his yorker right, at last, with the fifth ball, and they can only get a single, then he ends with his fourth full toss of the over, lucky to see Afridi only find the fielder at cover point. 11 from the over and Pakistan, needing 29 from 18, are favourites now.

16th over: Pakistan 115-5 (Malik 52, Afridi 24) target 155 Pakistan need 51 from 30 balls. The last 18 have brought 37. Willey returns and Afridi is very nearly gone taking a quick single first ball – Morgan’s underarm throw just missed the stumps with the batsman short. Four, then Afridi monsters one miles out of the stadium – 103 metres – over midwicket. Eventually a new ball is found for Willey (heh) and Afridi knocks the last one for a quick single to bring up the 50 partnership off 29 balls. 48 runs have come from the last four overs.

15th over: Pakistan 104-5 (Malik 50, Afridi 15) target 155 Woakes returns, with England needing to break this partnership sooner rather than later. He’s so close to doing so first ball as Malik has a mow and gets an inside edge inches wide of his leg stump. To compound things, it zips off on its way down to fine leg for four. Oh and then he edges the next down to third man for four more! Actually that’s unfair, he guided that very late and very nicely to bring the hundred up for Pakistan. These two have brought them right back into this. Two more out to deep backward point and Malik raises his bat... before realising he’s on 49. He’s not for long though, as he runs it down to third man for a single to bring up his half century from 39 balls. Excellent innings and Pakistan will want him to hang around for a bit yet.

14th over: Pakistan 92-5 (Malik 39, Afridi 14) target 155 Afridi slog-sweeps one from outside off and clears midwicket, clanking it into the roof of the stand. Such a lovely woody noise when his bat connected with that one. He misses the next and only gets a leg bye, but no matter as Moeen offers Malik a low full toss that gets dismissed over long on for six more! Single from the last and Moeen finishes with slightly tarnished figures of one for 22 from his four.

13th over: Pakistan 78-5 (Malik 32, Afridi 8) target 155 On we go with Rashid; England are strangling the life out of Pakistan here and Afridi is beaten by an enormous leg break that starts a good six inches outside leg and turns well past off. Sadly for Rashid, he follows that with a full toss that Afridi can only meet with the bottom end of his bat, but he sends it over mid on for six anyway. A single brings Malik on strike and he uses his feet well, coming down the track and hitting a tracer bullet straight back down along the ground for a violent four.

12th over: Pakistan 67-5 (Malik 28, Afridi 1) target 155 You get the feeling this could be over very soon if Pakistan aren’t careful, as Umar Akmal goes first ball bringing Afridi to the crease. The batsmen crossed during the wicket, so he has to wait a couple of balls for Malik to take a single to come on strike, then he very nearly goes second ball when Moeen fires it down wide of off stump and, reaching for it, Afridi gets a thick outside edge over backward point for one.

Akmal pulls out the slog sweep and sends it flying, flat to deep mid on where Jordan runs round and takes a smart tumbling catch.

11th over: Pakistan 65-4 (Malik 27, Akmal 4) target 155 A half-volley so juicy you could use it as crow-killer (how’s that for a 90s reference?) gets smashed high into the stands for a straight six by Malik. He then gets a single to bring Umar Akmal on strike and the newer batsman is fortunate his leading edge drifts too far wide of the bowler. A few more singles worked around and there are those 10 runs needed by Pakistan.

10th over: Pakistan 55-4 (Malik 19, Akmal 2) target 155 Moeen continues and continues to find good turn, tucking up the batsmen. He turns one back past Malik’s inside edge, but I’m not convinced it (a) hit him in line or (b) wasn’t going down leg. The required run rate is heading towards 10.

9th over: Pakistan 52-4 (Malik 17, Akmal 1) target 155 Rashid pulls off a quite stunning caught-and-bowled off the first ball, with the decision taking far longer to come from the third umpire than it really should have. Umar Akmal is the new batsman and gets off the mark straight away, then Rashid rips one past Malik’s outside edge. Just two runs and the wicket from an excellent over.

Shozab Raza saves cricket's reputation. A good job too. Bet it was more of a toss-up than it should have been

Lots of slow-motion replays, foreshortening, all that nonsense. In the end, it was pretty clearly out.

He hasn’t got this has he? Rizwan steps down the track and looks to smash it into the on side. He gets a leading edge that barely ever gets a couple of inches off the ground, but Rashid moves quickly low to his left, sticks out his left hand and takes the catch. We’re checking it with the third umpire, but it looks clean to me. The umpire’s soft signal was out...

8th over: Pakistan 50-3 (Malik 16, Rizwan 24) target 155 Spin from both ends now, with Moeen into the attack and he too finds appreciable turn from the, er, off. Too much, in fact, second ball, which spins down the leg side and is called wide. That aside, there are just three singles from the over, all worked with the spin into the leg side. I honestly can’t remember ever seeing Moeen get turn that vicious.

7th over: Pakistan 46-3 (Malik 15, Rizwan 22) target 155 Well that kinda of fell apart for Jordan, didn’t it? Rashid is on now, with the fielding restrictions off and he opens with a straight one that Malik cuts for two. Malik, then Rizwan hammer hard pulls out to deep mid on, but on both occasions they can’t get past the fielder and only pick up one apiece. A bit of encouragement follows for England though as Rashid rips a big leg-break past Rizwan’s outside edge, earning a knowing smile from the batsman, who top-edges a sweep out to deep square leg for one off the last.

6th over: Pakistan 40-3 (Malik 11, Rizwan 20) target 155 Tight from Jordan until Rizwan goes with hard hands and slices a big thick outside edge down to the third man boundary for four. The next one’s shorter and straighter – too short and Pakistan’s keeper swishes it behind square leg for a second boundary on the spin. Two ball later Jordan sends down a slower one, which Rizwan reads beautifully, adjusting and delaying his shot before sweeping it down to long leg for another four.

5th over: Pakistan 26-3 (Malik 10, Rizwan 7) target 155 Woakes has changed ends. He finds a thick outside edge from Rizwan, who sends it down to third man for a single. The batsmen exchange ones into the on side, before Malik chips over midwicket for a couple. Five from the over.

“Woakes was absolutely bound to play a blinder after what you said earlier,” points out Robert Wilson. “Happens to the best of us. Still pretty funny... You should own it, proudly, triumphantly. Eff it, you should claim it.”

4th over: Pakistan 21-3 (Malik 7, Rizwan 5) target 155 Woakes is replaced by Jordan, who beats Malik’s wild cut first up with a nice lifter. A couple of balls later he finds the batsman’s bottom edge and is a touch unlucky not to see it cannon back into the stumps. Never mind spin, Pakistan are struggling with Jordan’s extra pace... and as I write that, Malik backs away and cracks a vicious drive off the back foot and through extra cover for four. Very nicely played. One more out to deep backward point, then Rizwan grabs another single from the last ball/

3rd over: Pakistan 15-3 (Malik 2, Rizwan 4) target 155 Willey continues and Malik pinches another sharp single from his first ball, before Rafatullah plays all around the second. Hawkeye confirms that it was a good lbw decision too – the ball would have hit the top of middle. Rizwan takes his place at the crease and opens his account with a fine four, slashed hard, along the turf and through extra cover.

Remarkably, according to Sky, the earlier run-out was Pakistan’s ninth of the tour; five have involved Hafeez.

Full, swinging back in and it hits him just below the knee roll. It’s a golden duck for Rafatullah and this is carnage.

2nd over: Pakistan 10-2 (Malik 1, Rafatullah 0) target 155 Well that was about as eventful an over as you’ll get. It was remarkably similar to this:

1st over: Pakistan 9-2 (Rafatullah 0) target 155 No one has ever succesfully chased more than 140 at Sharjah and David Willey will be the man to open England’s attempt at stopping Pakistan becoming the first. His first ball is full and on leg stump, and turned to long leg for four. A couple of dots are followed by a wide swung down leg. Another couple of dots, then Shehzad goes. In comes Hafeez; “look out for a run-out here folks... he’s absolutely terrible between the wickets,” says Rameez Raja, wryly. Two more wides down leg, both very well stopped by Buttler, who perhaps read those a bit too easily. Oh and then a third on the bounce. Finally he gets a yorker right, Hafeez pushes it out for what should be a comfortable two and... well, what was that you were saying, Rameez?

It’s contrition o’clock for Jonathan Wood: “Yes, you would choose to print the most ridiculous email I’ve ever written, wouldn’t you, rather than some of my more brilliant utterings? Made the mistake of looking at his run-rate, as he was overtaken by the number 8 batsman, without thinking about context. I’d love to claim someone hijacked my computer, but I think it’s more a case of someone hijacking my brain. I accept all abuse that comes my way.”

Rafatullah made his ground first so Hafeez goes.

Hafeez drives to extra cover and takes the run. He comes back for the comfortable second, but Rafatullah has hesitated and turned back. Once again there are two batsmen jogging into the same end, while Eoin Morgan removes the bails at t’other.

Shehzad has a rush of blood to the head and comes hurtling down the wicket, looking to batter the living daylights out of the ball. He misses completely and the ball clips the top of the stumps.

I would imagine the spinners will be key for England here. Steve Parry, with his willingness to take all the pace off the ball, could be a big miss.

Not a bad total from England after an awful start that saw them slip to 86 for six. Back in 10 or so.

20th over: England 154-8 (Willey 2, Jordan 0) Woakes’s fine innings – 37 from just 24 balls, comes to an end but he’s helped to propel England towards a competitive total. The second ball of the over is knocked away for a single, bringing the dangerous Willey on strike. Another single for him, as a bottom edge squirts past the stumps, then Vince tickles a sweep round the corner to fine leg for four. He goes to the penultimate ball, then Willey scrambles two from the last.

Vince waits on a slower ball and looks to smash it into the stands, but he can’t quite generate the power to clear the man back on the rope. He goes for 46 from 45 and WELL DONE JONATHAN WOOD.

Woakes looks to smite it over midwicket but does not.

19th over: England 146-6 (Woakes 37, Vince 41) Irfan with the penultimate over. Woakes picks up two with a cleverly placed drive up and over cover, then smashes a drive along the ground to the same region for the single that takes the partnership to 50. Woakes has 37 of those from 23 balls. Vince gets in on the act now, waiting on a slower ball and slog-sweeping square to the boundary. A very strange moment next, when Vince turns and plays a delicate scoop shot straight into Rizwan’s gloves, but the keeper’s appeal is a strangled one and play continues. It continues with another six, as Vince picks one up off a length and dumps it into the crowd at square leg.

Jonathan Wood asks “I think James Vince has a lot of talent – but could this be the least impressive carrying of a bat ever in an international T20?” Come on Jonathan...

18th over: England 133-6 (Woakes 34, Vince 31) Anwar now to finish up his spell. He begins with a length ball and Woakes hits the biggest six of the night, clearing midwicket and bouncing off the roof and out the stadium! A pause ensues as we look for a replacement ball. Woakes digs out a good full ball for a single to backward point, then Anwar sends a woeful wide flying down leg. Another single, down the ground, then Woakes reaches for a very wide full one and drives it brilliantly, on his knees and square over point for six more! Single off the last makes 16 from the over.

17th over: England 117-6 (Woakes 20, Vince 30) Six! Irfan offers up a juicy half volley and Woakes hammers a cracking drive up, over mid off and into the stands. That was a nice fast half volley and Woakes was able to use the pace of the ball there. Irfan slows it down and tries the cutters, the first of which is chipped down the ground for two, the second called a wide outside off. Woakes cuts for one more before Vince does well to dig out a yorker, scoring the same in doing so. The last ball is full, in the slot and driven high in the air by Woakes off the bottom of the bat. It flies up in the air and three men converge under it at backward point, where Shehzad drops it badly.

16th over: England 105-6 (Woakes 10, Vince 29) The spinners are operating in one-over bursts too – Afridi on for his last. Just the five singles and he finishes with two for 19. That after taking three for 15 in the last time. England were rampant when he first came on and his might well be a match-winning spell.

15th over: England 100-6 (Woakes 7, Vince 27) The Pakistan seamers continue to operate in one-over bursts – Tanvir is back on – and who can argue with that? England are playing their shots like Nick Compton at Headingley 2013 now. Woakes gets four with a firm shot clubbed about a foot over the man at cover and flying to the fence. A single gets Vince back on strike, then Tanvir is unimpressed as a very slow bouncer beats the batsman’s attempted ramp shot only to be called a wide. Eight from the over, which constitutes a success for England.

14th over: England 92-6 (Woakes 2, Vince 26) Back comes Malik with another dose of off spin. Woakes punches his first ball down to long on for one, then Vince is done all ends up looking to walk down the pitch to smother the turn and very nearly losing his leg stump. One more out to deep backward square, a big leg side wide, and another clip square on the leg side take it to a mighty four off the over.

13th over: England 88-6 (Woakes 0, Vince 25) Another change in the bowling: Anwar back on now. He drops short and Billings pulls expertly, rolling the wrists and crunching it from outside off, through midwicket and away for four. He tries something similar next ball, but it’s a much better ball from Anwar and England, like Courtney Love are in (a) hole (you’ve no idea how much I wanted to make an inappropriate Kurt Cobain joke here). Woakes comes in at the non-striker’s end and watches Vince punch nicely through cover for a couple.

Billings goes for the pull, but it was a touch too full and too straight for the shot. Off the top edge it comes, up in the air and Akmal takes it well at midwicket.

12th over: England 83-5 (Billings 3, Vince 23) Afridi returns and Vince gets lucky again, lofting a big drive up in the air to extra cover where it drops between the converging fielders. The Hawkeye replay of Malik’s lbw shout against Vince two overs ago confirms that he was absolutely plumb. Afridi fires one through Billing’s defence and gets him on the knee-roll, but a sizeable inside edge saves the batsman. Seven from the over, all in ones and twos.

11th over: England 76-5 (Billings 1, Vince 20) Vince has a big leaden-footed waft first up against Irfan and is lucky not to feather it behind. Looking at the replay of that lbw shout from Malik against Vince in the last over, the England opener is a very very lucky man. Some Pakistan-esque confusion in the middle sees Buttler back in the hutch, then there’s a big shout for a catch behind against Billings first ball as Irfan beats him with a cutter.

Vince tries to deposit it over square leg but can’t connect and the ball gets stuck in his clothing for a bit before dropping to the pitch. They think about the run, keep thinking, and keep thinking without ever really committing one way or another. Buttler eventually slides back towards the crease, but before the bat reaches it Rizwan has removed the bails.

10th over: England 73-4 (Buttler 2, Vince 18) More spin, but a change of bowler; Malik into the attack so Afridi can hold his own threat back. And what a decision it proves to be, as Malik removes the England captain with his first ball! Buttler plays and misses the reverse sweep first ball, exciting the fielders futilely. Just like in the ODI here, there’s a lot of turn and Malik finds a bit too much as he sends one down the leg side for a wide. A couple of singles, then there’s a huge shout for lbw off the last ball, though I think it struck Vince outside off.

Round the wicket and Morgan plays down the wrong line. I don’t think he was expecting as much turn as it pitched on leg and turned back to hit middle and off.

9th over: England 68-3 (Morgan 15, Vince 17) Morgan opens the over with a frankly ludicrous six: getting enough height and distance over midwicket to endanger some of the penthouse suite windows at the Burj Khalifa. He runs the next down to third man for a single, before Vince tries to force a boundary but can’t get his timing right. Just another one for him then. Anwar sends down a couple of short ones, the first a well-directed bouncer following Morgan as he backed away, the second taking the top edge as Morgan pulled but dropping safely to the turf at midwicket.

8th over: England 57-3 (Morgan 5, Vince 16) Afridi then, on a hat-trick, to Vince. The Hampshire man plays it sensibly, pushing out to midwicket for a single. Singles from every ball in the over, in fact, the fourth of which brings a run out appeal as third man hits the stumps with his throw, but Vince was more at home than Johnny Depp in a naff Tim Burton movie.

7th over: England 51-3 (Morgan 2, Vince 13) Well that was pretty handy for Pakistan, wasn’t it? Cap’n Morgan comes in with the powerplay done and a rebuilding job on his hands; Anwar Ali has the ball. A leg bye first up bringing Morgan on strike and he’s unable to get any of his first four balls away. The last one is knocked out to deep backward square for two.

6th over: England 48-3 (Vince 13) With this pair rampant, Afridi turns to himself and spin. He could be a tricky customer on this very skiddy, slightly dewy pitch. Indeed, he is hurrying the batsmen just a touch. Vince rocks back and hammers a pull in the air out to midwicket, where it’s fielded on the bounce, then Afridi takes out the dangerous Root. Already, you sense that’s a massive wicket given the touch Root looked to be in. Moeen is the new man... but not for very long.

“I’m not down with today’s youthspeak,” lies Ian Copestake, “but when Peter Miller stated that nearly every England player has ‘at least one FC hundred’ was he FC taking the proverbial?”

Moeen gets his second duck in two innings in this series. He tries to pull his first ball, a skiddy, straight one, and hammers it straight back into the hands of the bowler.

Lovely ball from Afridi, drifted in towards leg stump and picking up pace off the pitch to go through Root’s drive and knock out leg stump.

5th over: England 46-1 (Root 31, Vince 12) It’s a change of ends for Tanvir as he reenters the attack. He too serves up a juicy half volley, which Root hammers over mid off for four more. A lovely bit of timing sends the next ball through midwicket for a couple more – after that early loss of Roy, Root is looking in the mood to launch a bloody counterattack. Vince gets a couple as he whacks a drive straight to Afridi, but the ball spins off the Pakistan captain and Afridi has to chase it to the long off boundary. Four more flicked along the carpet and through midwicket off the last ball.

4th over: England 33-1 (Root 24, Vince 6) Mohammad Irfan – did you know he’s really tall? – comes into the attack and begins over the wicket to Vince, who gets a thick edge having a waft and sends it flying down to third man on the bounce for one. He drops short to Root and the batsman picks it up, sending a beautiful hook high over long leg for the first six of the match. Root’s three boundaries so far have all looked absolutely beautiful. His fourth is less aesthetically pleasing mind, a half volley outside off dispatched over extra cover, but not quite timed and bobbling to the fence. A full toss from the final ball is worked off the pads for a single.

3rd over: England 21-1 (Root 13, Vince 5) England won’t miss Ian Bell if Root continues to bat like this: back in the crease and sending as beautifully soft a cover drive as you’ll see caressing the turf all the way to the rope. Another single out to deep midwicket, then Roy is struck on the pad. The ball heading miles over and down leg though I’ll wager. Yamin is still finding some good movement back into the batsmen off the pitch. They run a leg bye, then Root whistles a beauty of a drive through mid on this time for four more.

2nd over: England 11-1 (Root 4, Vince 5) From the other end it’s Sohail Tanvir. Over the wicket, the left-armer starts with a big booming wide, swinging down the leg side and Rizwan – taking the gloves from Sarfraz today – can only parry it to square leg. England take a bye, then Vince knocks square into the leg side for a couple more. The next ball he pushes straight back to the bowler and, for the third time in this series, it’s a drop by Tanvir, the ball bursting back through his raised left hand in his follow through. A quick single brings Root back on strike and he works a wristy one round to square leg for a couple more. Root looks to punch through cover point by Shehzad makes an excellent stop diving to his right, saving at least two, probably four. One more from the last ball makes eight, all run, from the over.

Gareth Fitzgerald writes: “Hi Dan – which out of Jordan or Woakes do you find most rubbish?”

1st over: England 3-1 (Root 1, Vince 2) Aamer Yamin opens the bowling for Pakistan, with one slip in for Jason Roy. He doesn’t need him though, the newcomer striking with the very first ball of the match and his very first ball in international T20 cricket! Joe Root strides in at number three and gets off the mark with a push to backward point. Vince clumps it out to the same region for a couple, his top hand coming off the bat as he does so, then gets beaten all ends up by a lovely outswinger. Impressive start from Yamin.

Roy goes first ball! Aamer gets it to nip back very sharply and skid through Roy’s defence. It thuds into the back pad in front of middle and leg and the batsman is on his way.

We are about to begin cricket! Well, the teams are anyway.

“Dan, your girlfriend is very wrong,” writes Manics fan Steve Johnson, riskily, “but enjoy that fact as it only happens every now and again. Love that tune, though perhaps it is somewhat influenced by the fact that hearing it takes me back to wasted afternoons in the mid-90s as a student in my local sat drinking ale with my mate from South Wales who used the free jukebox to play it repeatedly. It wasn’t a ‘student’ local but fortunately the inner-city locals didn’t seem to mind one bit.”

The first email of the day comes from Robert Wilson:

“Dear Dan, I know you’re far from knocking him, but Chris Jordan always feels to me like he’s mere inches away from being astonishingly good. He’s got the tiniest touch of the Malcom Marshalls about him in delivery stride and where he pitches it. Reminds me of Rashid too in that ooooh-so-close thing (he could be spectacular). I wonder if they would get that last inch if they just relaxed into their talent. Maybe a pre-match chill room or something? Tai-chi?”

I’m not sure how relevant this is to T20 cricket, but it’s an impressive stat on the surface.

The lowest first class high score in that England XI is Chris Jordan's 92. Every other player has at least one FC hundred

The ones posted before are a bit off; refresh the page for the correct ones.

Morgan is back in the side. Surprisingly, given the likelihood of the pitch turning, Parry misses out, as do Topley, Plunkett and Hales. No word on who comes in.

Shahid Afridi, looking for his side to avoid a whitewash, says there are three changes to the Pakistan side. “This is the last experiment before the World T20,” he says. Irfan, Rizwan and Aamer in.

For the third time in this series. No word on who actually tossed up for England, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t Eoin Morgan.

According to the Twitter rumour mill – scoff if you will, but it’s actually been pretty reliable through this series – Aamer Yamin and the Mohammads Irfan and Rizwan will come into the Pakistan side today.

Hello once again, folks. Today we stand on the verge of history: whereas once an England fan would only write WWWWW in a drunken bid to open a website, they can now enter that as their team’s current form in Twenty20 cricket. Five times in the past they have played a three-match series in the format; never have they completed a 3-0 whitewash. Pakistan have been pretty poor and it would take a brave person to bet against this talented, likeable young bunch of players – 2-0 to the good with just this match to go – completing a second white-ball series win of the tour.

Reading Vic Marks’ preview raises an interesting question. Just consider the following excerpt:

“It’s the sort of problem that the selectors like to have” is an observation trotted out whenever a side do well with key players missing. I’m never sure whether selectors really relish this situation that much. They like to know what constitutes their best side.

But it is better to be in a “How can we possibly leave him out?” frame of mind rather than a “Who the devil can we pick?” pickle. This is where England find themselves at the moment.

Continue reading...

Australia v New Zealand: day three of the pink-ball third Test – as it happened

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Peter Siddle hit the winning runs to see Australia home by three wickets on a dramatic final day of the inaugural day-night Test in Adelaide

Well, that was all an awful lot of fun. Mad, but a lot of fun. Australia were deserved winners of the series but New Zealand fought back well and had a couple of what you might euphemistically call unlucky breaks in Adelaide. Day/night cricket looks here to stay as Mark Taylor painfully forces Steve Smith to admit that he loved every minute of it (I’m not convinced he did, but whatever). Australia are back in action a week on Thursday in Hobart against the Windies, and that will be one of those old-fashioned day Test matches. How antiquated.

That’s all from us here at Hotel OBO - see you soon, and have a great week.

Mark Taylor’s doing the presentations. Josh Hazlewood is man of the match for his nine wickets. He admits that he and Nathan Lyon were pretty keen on the injured Starc heading out to bat at No9 when injured. Hazlewood’s pretty glad he wasn’t required I reckon.

The man of the series is.... David Warner and that seems very fair after the gazillions of runs he scored in Brisbane and Perth.

Updated... Allan Border Medal... 3 votes: Nigel Llong 2 votes: Shaun Marsh 1 vote: Mitchell Starc's foot #AUSvNZ

When he hit the winning runs, Siddle looked to the skies and saluted his grandmother. He gives an interview to Mark Nicholas and, to be honest, I’m welling up a bit. He nearly is too. She would - as he says - be mighty proud. He came out on a pair and looked pretty damn calm. What a guy. Thankfully she saw his 200th Test wicket before passing away.

Trent Boult is being interviewed by Ian Healy and seems pretty chilled about losing. He’s a pretty chilled out guy in general. I’m sure he’s gutted, especially having bowled so magnificently, he ended up with 5-60. Healy mentions how great five Test series would have been and I can’t help but agree. Luckily, they’ll meet again the other side of the Tasman in February. I reckon the Kiwis will fancy their chances in those conditions.

So much about this is just incredibly special. It was a staggering game of cricket, with a great crowd, and all sorts of controversy. Peter Siddle, so deserving of a place in the side and having lost his grandmother this week, hit the winning runs with everyone in close. The Marshes did their bit too, with their places in the side under such scrutiny. Quite what Starc was doing out there at the end is anyone’s guess, but only added to some remarkable drama.

A thought for the Kiwis, who battled brilliantly to get back into this game after a tricky first day.

Gutted. Just gutted.

Eeesh. This is extraordinary. Ridiculous. Siddle looks to have inside edged one that falls just short of gully, but I don’t think he hit it. Then he absolutely middles a drive off Southee that nails the stumps at the non-strikers. That was four all the way. He pushes into the legside but there’s no single. Can Starc even do singles? The next one is full and he tries to smack it out of the ground. No run. Then he squeezes out a yorker. This is incredibly tense. Lyon and Hazlewood are both padded up apparently. Five slips in place, everyone catching.

But Siddle’s done it! He’s threaded it through off the last ball of the over. The dressing rooms’s gone mad, the crowd’s gone mad. He’s pushed off the back foot and he’s beaten point’s finger tips by nothing, and they dash through for two.

50th over: Australia 185-7 (Siddle 7, Starc 0) - AUSTRALIA NEED 2 TO WIN

Starc is in, for some reason. He’s injured and drives first ball but no run.

New Zealand wanted to bowl at Siddle and they get their wish. But Boult’s first ball is edged through a baying, bulging cordon and they scamper three. Two required, and all of Australia breathes a little easier. Nevill is firm in defence for a couple, but then one swings and he gets an inside edge. WHAT A CATCH FROM BJ WATLING. FIVE WICKETS FOR BOULT. MY WORD.

49th over: Australia 2nd innings 182-6 (Nevill 10, Siddle 4) - Australia require 5

Peter Nevill is the man. He really is. So calm. He just works Southee to leg and immediately barks “TWO!”, and they scamper through. He’s leaving what he can again, and for the last ball - which is driven firmly back to the bowler - every fielder is up in what would be the one-day ring. There is no ring because it’s Test cricket, but you get me. Two from the over.

48th over: Australia 2nd innings 180-6 (Nevill 8, Siddle 4) - Australia require 7

My word, it’s all happening. Siddle’s on a pair, and his grandmother died today, so he’s wearing two black armbands. The first ball is on his pad and he flicks hard to leg, and it just evades midwicket. That is so close, and it runs away to the fence, as Guptill races and can’t keep it in. In fact he might have taken it over himself. 7 to win.

Australia 176-6 - require 11

Oh no! Shaun Marsh! How Shaun Marsh! Boult gets the ball to move but he just guides into the hands of Taylor at first slip and the crowd sound ever so disappointed. So do the commentators. I’m a bit gutted for Shaun Marsh too, ya know.

47th over: Australia 2nd innings 176-5 (S.Marsh 49, Nevill 8) - Australia require 11

Marsh sees out five dots from Southee, letting everything he can go. The crowd roar as he pulls the last of the over, thinking he’ll get the 2 required for that 50, but they settle for one.

Bit late on this, but yeah...

Ok if Shaun Marsh is there at the end i promise to not give him shot on twitter ever again, but if we lose and he gets out LOOK OUT TWITTER

46th over: Australia 2nd innings 175-5 (S.Marsh 48, Nevill 8) - Australia require 12

Boult find a beauty first up, which angles away from Marsh in the air and a little off the seam too. He misses, obviously. After a sequence of 15 dots, he gets off strike with a push into the covers to move a little closer to just the fourth 50 of the match. Nevill finds a very brave leave, then defends the last in a similar channel, learning his lesson. One from the over - surely it’s Australia’s now? Little bit of whiteline fever here, mind...

45th over: Australia 2nd innings 174-5 (S.Marsh 47, Nevill 8) - Australia require 13

All of a sudden, the pink nut is doing a touch under lights. It’s probably too late. Southee loves bowling to right-handers but Nevill is pretty secure. Most of the over finds the middle of the bat, but he has a swish and a miss at a lifter to the penultimate ball. Another maiden.

This is a lot of people. Test cricket is dead! Long live Test cricket!

123,736 total crowd for the first day-night Test. #AUSvNZ

44th over: Australia 2nd innings 174-5 (S.Marsh 47, Nevill 8) - Australia require 13

Boult’s back too, and there’s an edge first ball from Shaun that just drops short of first slip. It’s played with soft hands, but the ball is pretty soft now too. Marsh is more than happy leaving the ball outside off, and it’s a maiden. The camera pans to Rod Marsh and a selection of other Cricket Australia grandees, who are all looking very pleased with themselves. The attendance is 33,923 today, which is marvellous again.

43rd over: Australia 2nd innings 174-5 (S.Marsh 47, Nevill 8) - Australia require 13

Southee’s back for one last dip from the River End. 19 runs for Australia. Five wickets for New Zealand. Peter Nevill gets two of those runs immediately, flicking behind square on the legside for two. He defends to a man at silly mid-on, before driving down the ground for two - Southee got a hand to it, but couldn’t stop it. Again, he goes legside, this time for a single. Mike Hussey makes a typically sensible comment on the call - the oldish ball just hasn’t swung much since dinner, which is no use for New Zealand. Shaun Marsh flicks to deep square for a single to end the over. 13 required.

Grant Baldwin a shoo-in for Man of the Match, surely. #AUSvNZ

42nd over: Australia 2nd innings 168-5 (S.Marsh 46, Nevill 3) - Australia require 19

Craig continues. His nickname is Pidgey, by the sounds of things. Nevill scampers a single to mid-on that Marsh is a bit slow to set off for, but they’re safe. Shaun takes a single to mid-off then Nevill goes back to mid-on for another. That’s going to be his go-to. Looks like they’re having a drink.

41st over: Australia 2nds innings 165-5 (S.Marsh 45, Nevill 1) - Australia require 22

Peter Nevill strikes me as a man for a sticky situation, which this is. He’s had a great game, with his tail-marshalling 50 and top keeping. He sees a couple out from Santner, who is coming round the wicket, before just nudging past short leg for one to get off the mark. Shaun Marsh finds midwicket a couple of times and the over is done with just one from it. Australia are very close.

40th over: Australia 2nd innings 164-5 (S.Marsh 45, Nevill 0) - Australia require 23

It’s spin from both ends! Craig’s on, and Shaun is trying to cut his second ball when it’s not there to cut. He misses and there are massive umms and ahhs behind the sticks as Watling takes. There’s the tiniest gap on the off-side and he threads through for two, before defending the rest of the over.

39th over: Australia 2nd innings 162-4 (S.Marsh 43, Nevill 0) - Australia require 25

Shaun sees out a very eventful over, taking a single from the last ball into the legside. Bums are squeaking again, but Australia are very close.

Jeez, how’s your bottle Mitchell Santner? He’s batted well in this Test at crucial times, but now he’s on for his first second innings bowl. McCullum’s playing on Mitch Marsh’s ego, I reckon. First ball he defends in the off-side, then he’s after the next! He hasn’t even caught it but it’s gone for six. My word.

He’s gone again at the next one but really not got it this time. It’s swirling about in the evening’s sky, but Williamson’s under it and takes a brilliant catch. It’s all happening. Mitch gone to Mitch for 28.

38th over: Australia 2nd innings 155-4 (S.Marsh 42, M.Marsh 22) - Australia require 32

Southee’s back, and Mitch takes one through midwicket off the first. Shane Warne is talking about body language. Of course he is. Shaun ducks under one, then defends hard. Oh, that’s lovely from the fourth - it’s sent through the covers very sexily. Four valuable runs. And two more, as he nails a pull in front of square that Latham clears up. Dot off the last, driven to mid-off. Australia are going to win this cricket match, and this is a very handy partnership indeed.

There’s no question Kane can’t answer....

Time for Brendon to apply the Kane I suggest @willis_macp

37th over: Australia 2nd innings 148-4 (S.Marsh 36, M.Marsh 21) - Australia require 39

All of a sudden, Mitch Marsh is looking decent. Not calm - that would be a lot to ask - but like he’s going to win the game on his own. He sends the first two for a couple each - backward of point, then down the ground - then gets a single into the covers. Oh, and now Shaun has joined the party. That’s a delightful drive down the ground for four. Lovely. It’s shots like that that have been seducing the selectors all these years. Just 39 to win.

36th over: Australia 2nd innings 139-4 (S.Marsh 32, M.Marsh 16) - Australia require 48

It’s probably not the done thing to say it, as he’s the man he’s replaced in the side, but Mitch has a bit of a Wattoian front pad at times, and Boult is honing in on it. The bowler is coming around the wicket and bowling more than 140 clicks, which is good. The second raps him on the pad and there’s an appeal, but not a very gutsy one. He’s pushing forward so hard in defence. The fourth is a half-volley and it’s nailed through cover on the up for four - what a beauty! The next is even fuller - I mean, it’s a full toss - but Mitch can only get one. Shaun misses out on a legside fullie last up. Target below 50. New Zealand need action ASAP.

Word.

In generating tense finish in prime time in front of big crowd, this match has done enormous good for Tests. Can work on bat/ball balance

35th over: Australia 2nd innings 134-4 (S.Marsh 32, M.Marsh 11) - Australia require 53

This is over is slightly calmer, which is good news for my heart rate. It’s a maiden - Bracewell bowling a tight off-stump-or-just-outside to Shaun, who is disciplined, leaving everything he can, and defending at those he can’t shoulder arms to. Breathe.

34th over: Australia second innings 134-4 (S.Marsh 32, M.Marsh 11) - Australia require 53

This is a big over for Australia. Not only do they take nine from it, but Mitch shows signs that he can actually bat. Shaun takes a single to mid-off, before Mitch chops down on one and it goes over point for two. Next one is laced so hard through the same region for four. Cracking shot. The last is hit hard again and it goes through cover for two. Boult doesn’t look happy.

33rd over: Australia 2nd innings 125-4 (S.Marsh 31, M.Marsh 3) - Australia require 62

Eesh. Bracewell bangs the second ball of the over in and Shaun goes after it and getting a top edge. There’s a man down there but he’s not near it and it bounces a couple of time before he cleans up to prevent a four. Later in the over, there’s one he is desperate to cut, but leaves, before taking a single off the next. Mitch edges the last but it falls short of slip. Those hands are so hard. My word.

32nd over: Australia 2nd innings 122-4 (S.Marsh 28, M.Marsh 3) - Australia require 65

Mark Taylor, bless him, is trying to explain Shaun Marsh’s test career, which is some challenge. Shaun is at the non-striker’s as Mitch defends so hard at Boult’s first, then has a huge swish at the second, which he is very lucky not to nick. Not clever. There’s an aggressive leave - if such a thing exists - to the third, before a horrid, slow, short wide is served up. He drives just short of mid-off, before driving wide of mid-off for two from the last ball. Better from Mitch.

31st over: Australia 2nd innings 119-4 (S.Marsh 28, M.Marsh 1) - Australia require 68

Bracewell continues and Shaun (the Marshes will from here on in be referred to by the first names to avoid confusion, not because I’m mates with them like the lads from Channel Nine) drives the first one uncomfortably and a bit uppishly through the covers for three runs which Tom Latham does brilliantly to prevent being four. With so little to play with, they need to look after runs that much, magnificent fielding. Mitch, who is desperately out of form, looks to play through the covers but inside edges to fine leg to get a single. Shaun sees out the remaining three balls safely, with a crunching drive cut off by mid-off. 68 required.

Important for cricket that New Zealand lose by one wicket here so that they can be maximally fuelled by Nigel Llong fury in future years.

30th over: Australia 2nd innings 115-4 (S.Marsh 25, M.Marsh 0) - Australia require 72

My word this session is not going to good for my heart rate. The Kiwis go wild when Voges goes, and Boult is steaming in. Two Marshes at the crease and New Zealand think they’ve got Mitch caught down the legside first ball! No dice. And they don’t review. He leaves the next two then defends the last very firmly to extra cover. Wicket maiden. Some game.

Australia 115-4, need 72 to win.

Game on. Boult’s back, he angles it across Voges, who goes with hard hands and gets a thick edge which is well taken low down by Southee at third slip.

29th over: Australia 2nd innings 115-3 (Voges 28, S.Marsh 25) - Australia require 72

Bracewell take the ball for the first ball after dinner, and he’s still got three slips and a gully. It’s darkening, and the ground is fully shadowed, but we’re not quite in the period where batting gets really tough. Marsh takes a single to backward square before Voges is beaten by a full one that shapes away. Belter. But he gets his bat inside it and takes a single to square-leg next ball.

Well hello everybody. Happy Sunday. Welcome to the twilight zone.

What a game of Test cricket this is. What a game Test cricket is. We have one humdinging session of day three left which, surely, will be the last of the match. The equation is very simple: Australia need 74 runs, New Zealand need seven wickets. Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh have shared 47 and, for mine, Brendon McCullum let the game drift slightly before the break, with Tim Southee not quite at his best, and Mark Craig unable to prevent a boundary each over. Earlier on, Mitchell Santner looked rather lovely with the bat in his 45 and the Kiwi tail had a bit of sting that Josh Hazlewood eventually nipped in the bud with a Test-best 6 for 70. Thanks to Russ Jackson for taking us through all that.

28th over: Australia 2nd innings 113-3 (Voges 27, S Marsh 24) - Australia require 74

Here’s a surprise; Adam Voges has something in his eye so stops, pulls off his helmet and sets about removing it as slowly as humanly possible. Back at his crease he bunts Southee towards cover to pick up one. Marsh does so too to Santner but its a far riskier venture that one. A clean gather would have had him in trouble but the rookie is fumbling everything now. Poor kid; he’s been magnificent for two and a half days.

Well outside the line. Nothing to see here.

And they’re not confident but it’s worth a try.

27th over: Australia 2nd innings 111-3 (Voges 26, S Marsh 23) - Australia require 76

It is Bracewell who replaces Craig at the river end but as he does so, Shaun Marsh is actually starting to look confident, like he’s meant to be here. Bracewell’s over is a maiden but not a particularly threatening one. We’ve got 5 and a half minutes until dinner; time for one long over or two quick ones.

Stumped. pic.twitter.com/3RLh8ebKiP

26th over: Australia 2nd innings 111-3 (Voges 26, S Marsh 23) - Australia require 76

Southee keeps trucking but he’s lost the earlier magic now and when he strays short and wide outside off stump Voges delights in pounding him between point and cover with another square-driven boundary. Might it time to roll the dice and try Santner? He couldn’t do any worse than Craig, surely. Doug Bracewell is warming up for another trundle but time is fast running out for the Kiwis to make inroads before dinner.

25th over: Australia 2nd innings 105-3 (Voges 21, S Marsh 22) - Australia require 82

There’s a bit of a pattern developing here and one that’s working well for the Aussies; Voges gets off strike early against Craig and Marsh continues to find his way and off the final ball of the over, hammers another boundary down the ground. He’s really hitting his stride now.

24th over: Australia 2nd innings 100-3 (Voges 20, S Marsh 18) - Australia require 87

Let’s just pause for a minute; irrespective of the kind of ball they use and what time play starts, how bloody good is Test cricket? We’re such a self-loathing mob, cricket fans. We really should revel a little more in this kind of game. Speaking of revelling, Southee has an LBW shout here against Marsh but after it’s turned down the Kiwis deliberate for too long to call for a review, so the moment passes. Replays show that a challenge wouldn’t have been able to overturn Illingworth’s ‘not out’ call because it was only glancing leg stump.

Marsh has now scored more than in 50% of his previous Test innings.

23rd over: Australia 2nd innings 95-3 (Voges 19, S Marsh 14) - Australia require 92

Voges gets another early-over single off Craig and Kiwi pundit Ian Smith says he’s still certain that the Kiwis can pull this off later tonight. He’s not out of line there, but it won’t happen if Mark Craig sends down full bungers. Even Shaun Marsh belts those ones away for boundaries.

22nd over: Australia 2nd innings 90-3 (Voges 18, S Marsh 10) - Australia require 97

The Nine team are writing off Tim Southee now and right on cue he sends an absolute peach rearing past Adam Voges’ outside edge as the batsman gropes for the ball. Southee has a big shout for LBW but Umpire Illingworth is having none of it and when the batting pair scamper through for a single it’s given as a run off the bat.

@rustyjacko new prediction: he makes a gorgeous looking fifty and gets himself out with the target in sight. #chroniclesofShaun

21st over: Australia 2nd innings 89-3 (Voges 17, S Marsh 10) - Australia require 98

Marsh faces up to Craig again and though the spinner’s got his trademark wrap-around sunglasses on, there’s nothing relaxed about this situation and he’s darting them through a little to quick to truly threaten so it’s easier for Marsh to press forward and find a gap on the off side. The target’s now in double figures and so is Marsh.

20th over: Australia 2nd innings 87-3 (Voges 16, S Marsh 9) - Australia require 100

Crack! Now Voges gets moving with a super cut shot when Southee drops short and wide. As per the Voges house style, it’s slammed hard into the turf with a downward motion and screams away between gully and point and then from the last ball of the over he goes squarer to pierce the ring of in-fielders and pick up four more.

Dilemma faced by Marsh & Voges: defend dourly now to stem the NZ momentum, or attack now in daylight to avoid having too much to do tonight

19th over: Australia 2nd innings 79-3 (Voges 8, S Marsh 9) - Australia require 108

Ooh, some spin now but contrary to my armchair captaincy choices, McCullum plumps with Mark Craig. Again Voges clips a single to start the over and the crowd becomes hushed. They needn’t be too nervy; it is Mark Craig. He drags one short and Marsh cuts late to beat the man at point and pick up four. He’s now sitting on the greatest 9 in Australian cricket history – surely even superior to Rob Quiney’s.

18th over: Australia 2nd innings 74-3 (Voges 7, S Marsh 5) - Australia require 113

Tim Southee is back for another blast now and Voges gets a leading edge towards cover for one when it’s angling in dangerously towards his front pad, which means an entire nation has five balls of white-knuckle torture as Shaun Marsh continues to prod away. He survives. We’ll take that.

17th over: Australia 2nd innings 73-3 (Voges 6, S Marsh 5) - Australia require 114

You know when I was paying out on Doug Bracewell during the Brisbane Test? Yeah, someone hacked my keyboard. Sounds implausible but I assure you, it’s a tech-crime that is sweeping the suburbs of Australia. Tell you what hasn’t changed? Shaun Marsh is still terrible at running between the wickets and here turns a Voges two into a Voges one by ambling down the wicket and rounding the crease with the turning circle of the QEII. We’ve got fifty minutes until the dinner break now and I don’t know about you, but I’m having fingernails for my tucker.

Day-night tests, it's the jet-lag that's most difficult to deal with... #AUSvNZpic.twitter.com/iZOLZt0218

16th over: Australia 2nd innings 72-3 (Voges 5, S Marsh 5) - Australia require 115

Phwoar, there’s a dead-set run out chance here when Marsh drops a single to mid-wicket but Santner is a bit slow moving in and his throw well wide. Mark Taylor reckons Marsh is on clover now because he’s past 5, traditionally a stumbling block in Tests. Welcome back to the era of adjusted expectations.

15th over: Australia 2nd innings 70-3 (Voges 4, S Marsh 4) - Australia require 117

Doug Bracewell is bowling an absolute treat here, angling it across the doubtless nervy Marsh but the left-hander pinches three through the cordon thanks to some hard-running and clear calling from Voges; probably the ideal chaperone in a situation like this because he’s a Western Australia teammate and a man known for his common sense approach to things. I’m still not unclenching though.

Shaun & Friends. #AUSvNZpic.twitter.com/EGcftOQjAS

14th over: Australia 2nd innings 67-3 (Voges 4, S Marsh 1) - Australia require 120

This pink-ball stuff is off its head, isn’t it? There’s a huge LBW shout against Shaun Marsh first up but Umpire Illingworth turns it down. Then he’s forward and defending...confidently? Probably not. He’d be bricking it now but gets off the mark with a single to leg. It’s not entirely fair, but this man probably has voodoo dolls made in his honour. Can he make a hero of himself today? Those 120 runs look like 400 now.

Smith’s gone! And so is my heart! This is just bonkers at the Adelaide Oval. It’s a twilight nightmare for the Aussies and their skipper is gorn! It was only clipping the top of middle but that’s all that’s needed in this case. See ya later Smudger. Australia is in all sorts.

"We're into the Marshes" - genius by @GerardWhateley

It’s on! It’s bloody on! I reckonVoges thinks he’s out but says they may as well try in case it was high.

13th over: Australia 2nd innings 66-2 (Smith 14, Voges 4) - Australia require 121

Voges is off the mark with an outside edge along the deck through gully and it races away for four biscuits. I don’t mean to be an ‘I told you so’, but Bracewell was always going to be the man, wasn’t he? One thing I forgot to mention: they were busily checking the front-foot no ball when Warner left the arena. Hmm...

Nope, it's out. https://t.co/epZa7ro9kf#AUSvNZpic.twitter.com/U8W4An7anh

Warner departs! My oh my. Bracewell sends one rising across Warner and the batsman just hangs his bat out at it to send the catch through to Southee in the cordon. This is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG COUNTRY AT YOUR COUSIN’S HOUSE. Adam Voges is in next but an entire nation turns its hateful eyes to Shaun Marsh. Buttocks update: back to firmly clenched

12th over: Australia 2nd innings 62-1 (Warner 35, Smith 14) - Australia require 125

And wouldn’t you know it, Smith starts this Boult over by cracking a classical cover drive to the fence. He gets a single too and then so does Warner with great enthusiasm because he’s having a real struggle trying to keep Boult out. The constant switch of line isn’t ideal for Boult either and he’s desperately unlucky when Smith plays a through-the-legs glance inches past leg stump for four.

11th over: Australia 2nd innings 50-1 (Warner 34, Smith 3) - Australia require 137

SMITH IS DROPPED! Holy hell. That was an absolute sitter. Poor Mitchell Santner. Smith bobbed up and down as Bracewell came in, shanked a pull shot into the air and straight to Santner at mid-wicket and though the debutant was looking into the sun he should have swallowed it. He doesn’t. It goes straight through his nervy hands and lands on the grass. Warner rubs it in by thumping Bracewell through mid-wicket for four. Has Santner just dropped the game? The poor kid.

10th over: Australia 2nd innings 45-1 (Warner 30, Smith 2) - Australia require 142

ARGH! Has Smith just been put down? I think so. He slashes at an attempted square drive off Boult and sends an outside edge low to Watling but the diving keeper can’t hold it falling to his right. I think it hit his glove before the ground. A tough chance but a chance. Smith is happy enough to get off strike but the next one to Warner is an absolute peach and screams past his outside edge. Boult is real handful at the moment. He’s gotta be the guy, but he’ll also need a rest soon.

9th over: Australia 2nd innings 44-1 (Warner 30, Smith 1) - Australia require 143

Dougie Bracewell is on to replace Southee now and he’s no more lucky than his old mucker when Warner sweats on a bit of width outside off stump and dabs through gully for a boundary and then clubs him over the infield to pick up two. He’s got 587 runs at 117.40 in this series, Warner. Bradmanesque stuff.

8th over: Australia 2nd innings 38-1 (Warner 24, Smith 1) - Australia require 149

Smith hasn’t really settled at all here. He’s flapping like 20yo Smudge when Boult sends one across him and past the outside edge. The left-armer is really hitting his stride in this spell. This next 30 minutes, to resort to blatant cliche-peddling, is just vital for him.

7th over: Australia 2nd innings 38-1 (Warner 24, Smith 1) - Australia require 149

Now there’s a stifled shout against Warner when Southee jags one back into the lefty’s front pad but it’s more than a little high and Warner clips to leg next up to get off strike. A hush descends across the ground, then a brief round of applause as Smith takes his mark. The crowd doesn’t know what to do. Smith does. He gets off the mark by dropping one towards cover and taking off for the quick single.

6th over: Australia 2nd innings 34-1 (Warner 21, Smith 0) - Australia require 153

Steve Smith arrives at the crease and also gets a few full ones, the last of which draws a spirited appeal from the Kiwis but it’s more enthusiasm than anything. Not out.

Burns goes! Well, it has to be said that he never really looked like it there. Boult swings one in appreciably and Burns just sort of falls across it and misses clipping it to leg. Again he was playing with a bit of a diagonal bat. It’s proving a real issue for him in the last few innings. There’s no complaint from the batsman or his partner when the finger goes up and off he trudges. Boult’s done the trick. What might this trigger?

5th over: Australia 2nd innings 30-0 (Warner 18, Burns 10) - Australia require 157

This is a real puzzle for McCullum early in the Australian chase; both bowlers have bowled ‘wicket’ balls but if the batsmen keep going at this sort of clip it’ll be over by the dinner break. In addition to the odd boundary Warner is finding twos everywhere early and Ian Chappell reckons it might quickly deflate the Kiwi bowlers. Time for some Mitchell Santner and Doug Bracewell I reckon; everything those two have done in this Test has been gold. Keep it going.

4th over: Australia 2nd innings 24-0 (Warner 14, Burns 9) - Australia require 163

Deary me. Warner doesn’t quite get forward enough to drive Southee here but still goes through with it and he really has to reach in order to spear it the left of the man at point. It hung in the air for an eternity, that one, but flew away for a boundary. More messy fielding gifts Warner a second where only one should have been available. Ross Taylor looked like a very old man backing up a wayward through and failing. He needs one of those Allan Border circulation kits I think. Boult’s nightmare over continues when he strays onto Burns’ pads and gets clipped for another boundary. The Aussie pair is hurtling along now.

3rd over: Australia 2nd innings 13-0 (Warner 7, Burns 5) - Australia require 174

Ouch. The last thing you need when you’re defending a small total is misfields and Brendon McCullum has a Grant Baldwinesque fumble through the legs here at mid-off to gift Warner two. Far worse is Southee’s fourth ball; a rank half-tracker that Warner slaughters to the boundary at deep cover.

SHOT! Good battle between Southee and the Aussie openers at the moment. LIVE: https://t.co/0nF46zDa50#AUSvNZhttps://t.co/Q5JGGOStUc

2nd over: Australia 2nd innings 6-0 (Warner 1, Burns 5) - Australia require 181

By the way, Brendan Brown from an over before has just cursed Australia’s chase. “He’s a very juicy stat to create a bit of frisson in this run chase - in 1993 at the Adelaide oval, the West Indies set Australia 186 runs to win the 4th Test and the series. Australia were bowled out for 184, West Indies winning by 1 run. How about that for a spooky portent?” Sorry Brendan, I am blocking my ears and going “LALALALALA”. Also, they’re chasing 187 today. Totally different kettle of fish you see?

1st over: Australia 2nd innings 2-0 (Warner 1, Burns 1) - Australia require 185

Orright, the Aussie chase is under way and Tim Southee steps up the plate with a truly magnificent opening delivery, which swings in the left-handed Warner, pitches on an awkward length, cuts him in half and flashes over the top of middle stump. Wowsers. That was just too good. Warner’s very keen to get down the other end when he nudges a follow-up to leg.

Australia need 187 to win

...and opinion is divided on the email stream with doubting Thomases as plentiful as supreme optimists. First time reader Bill Thacker has this to say: “I’m new to cricket and finding this whole OBO business very intriguing. It’s better than the telly which has WAY too much scoreboard-type information. Very confusing. And ugly. I prefer your streamlined, pared-down narrative. Very Scandi-noir detective story. I don’t really know what a yound Michael Hussey is, though (Over 43). is it a good thing?”

Hazlewood castles Boult! Phew, and not before time. He was starting to boil away like Peter Finch in Network as Boult and Bracewell biffed him around but he slams down a fast and full one that splatters Boult’s timber. The Aussies trot off for the 20-minute tea break and must now steel themselves for a tricky 187-run chase to take out the Test. We’ll be done today either way, you’d think.

62nd over: New Zealand 204-9 (Bracewell 24, Boult 4) - NZ lead by 182

Boult’s pulled his head in a little now – perhaps at the insistence of his partner – and gets off strike early in the Marsh over by bunting to leg. Bracewell thanks him by crunching Marsh out to cow corner for a boundary and the Kiwi total is now past 200. Boult’s finding singles everywhere, too. He almost does the Fosbury flop cutting Marsh out to point but somehow gets a run and Bracewell’s accordingly playing with freedom and intent but he can’t find a single late in the over to Boult’s on strike for the next. We’re about ten minutes away from the tea break, by the way.

61st over: New Zealand 197-9 (Bracewell 19, Boult 2) - NZ lead by 175

Hazlewood should probably put on a bib as he starts this over to Boult because he’s basically licking his lips at the prospect of a cheap sixth wicket but he’s let down badly by Joe Burns at mid-wicket when the latter misfield’s Boult’s artless swipe to leg. He gets through for a single.

60th over: New Zealand 194-9 (Bracewell 17, Boult 1) - NZ lead by 172

Interesting. Bracewell gets a chance to run through for a single with three balls still to come and while most batsmen of his sturdiness might have avoided exposing a Trent Boult type tailender to so much of an over so early in his innings, Bracewell calls him through. The two balls that follow show why he might have reconsidered; the latter flies inches past the top of Boult’s middle stump as he backs away and slashes. Even more bizarrely, Bracewell lets his partner take a single off the final ball.

Marsh gets Southee! And just as I’d been slagging off the Aussie fielding, Nathan Lyon circles around the boundary to take a gem of an outfield catch at deep square leg, where the ball had swirled around and dropped from a great height. New Zealand lead by 170 now. I still fear that might be enough.

59th over: New Zealand 191-8 (Bracewell 15, Southee 13) - NZ lead by 169

Josh Hazlewood is an angry, angry man right now. He forces Southee into an awkward prod to one that lifted nastily off a length and the outside edge flies at catching height right where the cordon ain’t, running away for four. The over finishes with a quick single and a shy at the stumps by Lyon, but in line with a worrying new trend in Australian Test cricket, both batsmen probably knew on some subconscious level that the Aussies rarely hit the stumps like that anymore.

58th over: New Zealand 185-8 (Bracewell 14, Southee 8)

One thing that you can say of Marsh in this spell is that he’s bowling the kind of stump-to-stump line that more bowlers ought to try against the tail, because as they say, they miss, you hit. It’s an eventful maiden from the younger Marsh.

Okay, the professional cricket umpire was right and I was wrong. It was bouncing a little too high there but late in the innings as it is, it was probably worth a try by the Aussies.

And I think he has a point...

57th over: New Zealand 185-8 (Bracewell 14, Southee 8)

Clonk! Bracewell and Southee actually look like they’re having fun out there now and the latter steps down the wicket to loft Lyon for a boundary down at deep square leg. He could really punish the Aussies here.

56th over: New Zealand 179-8 (Bracewell 13, Southee 3)

The New Zealand lead has crept up to 157 now and I don’t know about you, but I’m incredibly nervous about this whole scenario. Can’t you just see Boult, Southee or Bracewell doing literal cartwheels as Australia collapses for 112 or something? I’m feeling very pessimistic.

Bad Santner. #AUSvNZ

55th over: New Zealand 176-8 (Bracewell 12, Southee 1)

Tim Southee can certainly knock up a quick 40-odd, so the Aussies need to be diligent here as the big Kiwi arrives at the crease. He’s off the mark with a single to leg.

Santner departs! And that is a classic spinner’s dismissal from Lyon. A ball prior Santner had skipped down the track and turned a decent delivery into a half-volley, smashing it for six over cow corner against the spin. But Lyon strikes back perfectly, spearing one down wider and faster as Santner advances again and Nevill pulls off a neat stumping. Poor Santner; he did the splits to try and make his ground again but his enterprising knock is over. His 76 runs for the game may well prove decisive though, who knows?

54th over: New Zealand 169-7 (Santner 39, Bracewell 12)

Mitch Marsh took some welcome poles in the gloom yesterday and had he not, you can bet your bottom dollar that both he and his brother would be facing plenty of scrutiny should Australia bungle this Test. He still might, to be honest, but for now he’s performing his bowling role well in the absence of Starc and an edge from Bracewell in this over falls millimetres short of Steve Smith’s outstretched right hand at second slip.

53rd over: New Zealand 169-7 (Santner 39, Bracewell 12)

Hello, there’s some sharp turn here for Lyon as he resumes to Santner, so much so that Peter Nevill’s having a hard time gloving everything cleanly. Santner’s also trying to cut another boundary when it’s a little too close to his off stump for comfort but he survives a decent examination from the offie.

52nd over: New Zealand 169-7 (Santner 39, Bracewell 12)

There’s some fantastic areas from a group of stags in the crowd, who were all wearing t-shirts emblazoned with a photograph of Chef Shane Warne pouring a bottle of Foster’s over some BBQ fare. It’s making me hungry, I’ll be honest. Mitch Marsh comes on for his first bowl of the day and sends a real pearler past Bracewell’s outside edge from the final ball of the over, which signals drinks.

51st over: New Zealand 167-7 (Santner 38, Bracewell 11)

Nathan Lyon’s back now to replace Hazlewood and Santner is looking for something to drive through the off side. He waits and waits and then gets a short one he can cut wide of point for a boudnary. James Brayshaw is calling Adelaide Oval a “bespoke stadium”, as opposed to the ones you buy off the rack.

Santner looking decent. Bring your child to work day paying dividends for New Zealand. #AUSvNZ

50th over: New Zealand 163-7 (Santner 34, Bracewell 11)

Teased by that near-miss of a few overs ago, Steve Smith has put a man in at a very short mid-on now in the hope that Santner will nudge an on-drive in the air again. He doesn’t though and like the Craig partnership, this one is quickly acquiring nuisance value for the Aussies as Bracewell gets comfortable.

49th over: New Zealand 159-7 (Santner 33, Bracewell 8)

As Good Haze becomes Bad Haze again in the blink of an eye, Santner seizes the initiative by cracking him for a smart pair of boundaries, the last a rasping pull shot wide of mid-wicket. The Nine team are full of praise for not only this, but the way the young Kiwi calmly departed the arena after Mitchell Starc’s first innings spray. Well he was hardly going to turn around and clock him, was he? The Kiwis lead by 137 now. That’s an awkward chase as it is. Strap in.

48th over: New Zealand 151-7 (Santner 25, Bracewell 8)

Peter Siddle is being the most fast bowlery fast bowler in this Test, isn’t he? Anything that hits the pad is just definitely out, no matter where it pitched or made contact. He’s launching into another enthusiastic appeal here when he raps Bracewell’s leg guard but if Merv Hughes had squatted next to leg stump then, this one wouldn’t have even hit him. Bracewell celebrates by hoofing the Victorian over the deep square leg boundary from the final ball of the over. Good stuff.

47th over: New Zealand 142-7 (Santner 22, Bracewell 2)

Doug Bracewell arrives at the crease and gets of the mark with two to cover and the Aussies know well what a threat he can pose with the blade so won’t be resting on their laurels after the two early breakthroughs.

Hazlewood gets the first pink-ball five-fer! So Siddle’s arrival wasn’t a segue to a change of ends for Lyon because Hazlewood continues from the river end and removes Mark Craig after the Kiwi spinner drives lavishly at a length ball that cut away from him ever-so-slightly. That’s a well-deserved haul for Hazlewood, who bar a couple of misfires has bowled tremendously in this innings. New Zealand is 118 ahead with 3 wickets in hand.

The more you watch Hazlewood, the more you're convinced the #Ashes were an aberration. Kid's going to be around for the long haul. #AUSvNZ

46th over: New Zealand 140-6 (Santner 22, Craig 15)

Peter Siddle’s back into the attack now, but the sense is that it’s just so Nathan Lyon can switch to the river end of the ground. While all that’s going on, Mitchell Santner continues to look like a potential match-winner for the Kiwis; how important do his his 31 first-innings runs look now? And his unflappable bowling? And cool-headed catching? A lot to like. He has an awkward moment here half-driving towards Raphael at mid-on but the ball drops a metre or so short of that man.

45th over: New Zealand 140-6 (Santner 22, Craig 15)

Santner’s showing his full range of strokes now, rocking onto his back foot and driving Hazlewood through cover to pick up three. Even more frustration for the bowler is the next one, which Craig safely deflects wide of the cordon for a boundary. He’s far too short right now, Hazlewood, and seems to have temporarily lost his way. If you were wondering – and I guess it’s possible that I’m the only person still interested in this – today’s sub-fielder is Sam Raphael.

44th over: New Zealand 133-6 (Santner 19, Craig 11)

Hmm, not a hugely impressive crowd so far for a Sunday, is it? 15,000 max, I reckon. Isn’t Sunday the day you’d most want to head down? Maybe they’re all out the back having a few sherbets while the sun is still out. Mark Craig’s solid as a rock against Lyon in this over. Maybe his teammates have been getting stuck into him about losing his wicket to the offie.

43rd over: New Zealand 131-6 (Santner 18, Craig 10)

Am I getting a bit overenthusiastic if I compare Santner’s batting to that of a young Michael Hussey? Obviously he’s nowhere near Test-era Hussey but there’s something eerily familiar about the physique, the leaving technique and his compact, economical movements around the crease. Hazlewood finishes the over by banging in a bouncer that Santner has no chance of scoring from. That’s also economical, I guess.

42nd over: New Zealand 130-6 (Santner 18, Craig 9)

Clonk! Mitchell Santner skips down the track to Lyon and effortlessly lofts him over cow to pick up four runs and continue his stellar debut. How composed has he looked? A real find, I sense. And isn’t this cute; the bankers have co-opted the enthusiasm of a loveable old man?

Here’s to Nugget Rees - all round Aussie team supporter; his inspiring speeches always motivate the Aussies. #AUSvNZpic.twitter.com/wOximk41XP

41st over: New Zealand 125-6 (Santner 14, Craig 8)

Let’s be honest, there were a few doubters heading into this New Zealand second innings when it came to Hazlewood’s credentials as attack leader and he really blew them away last night. He’s also started well today with the wicket of Watling. A six or seven-fer isn’t beyond him here. Craig drives him down the ground for three but he’s moving it away from the left-handers quite nicely. Smith and the cordon should be at the ready.

Good news IAN Chappell has driven to ground. Bad news he's locked keys in car. Contact @CricketTalkback to help pic.twitter.com/kUSGGepezf

40th over: New Zealand 122-6 (Santner 14, Craig 5)

Ooh, Steve Smith clearly saw enough of Siddle in that first over and he’s decided that Mark Craig is a far greater chance of falling to Nathan Lyon, as he has on a number of occasions already in this series; Craig seems to handle the quicks much better than his spin-bowling kin.

39th over: New Zealand 120-6 (Santner 13, Craig 4)

Mark Craig arrives at the crease now and he’s certainly no mug with the bat. He gets off the mark with four to third man after a meaty ‘pleave’; half playing, half leaving, and deflecting the ball along the carpet.

Hazlewood gets the early breakthrough! Oh dear, that’s a horror start for the tourists. Hazlewood is probing away outside off stump and with a little extra bounce off a good length, takes the edge of Watling’s unconvincing forward prod and Steve Smith holds on to a very handy catch diving to his left at second slip. Adam Voges probably would have gobbled it at first but Smith was decisive and took it cleanly.

38th over: New Zealand 116-5 (Santner 13, Watling 7)

We’re under way on day three and there’s more Peter Siddle drama when his back foot slides in the middle of his delivery stride and the bowler has to pull out of what would have been a huge no ball. He’s limping as a result, too. Siddle gathers himself, gets back to his mark and then finds a better grove around Santner’s off stump but only just pushing past the 130km/h speed range. Santner’s got a big job to do here and he starts with some solid forward defence in Siddle’s maiden.

A ton for Stoinis to go with 75 in the first innings at the WACA: https://t.co/FId4NovDzJ#SheffieldShield#WAvVICpic.twitter.com/xywlneDBaN

Memo: fit Australian fast bowlers needed

I’m going down to the Hobart Test and by the looks of this, I might be watching a Sheffield Shield bowling attack...

Be alert not alarmed, but I think Peter Siddle is struggling with an injury. Did a warm up/fitness test under gaze of doctor this morning.

A Mitchell Starc update

Well, this would appear to be very good news for all concerned. Hopefully he’s back bowling sand-shoe-crushers within the month.

McDermott on ABC: Starc injury not as bad as they thought. After three weeks he'll start working. #AUSvNZ

Okay I can’t help myself with more sub-fielder chat

As per this report by Mel Farrell from ESPNCricinfo, it appears as though Cricket Australia has caved to the demands of the uninformed masses and ditched Grant Baldwin as their sub-fielder. Madness, if you ask me. He’s not just a massage therapist, he’s a former Victorian 2nd XI cricketer who captained an emerging players XI containing five future internationals on a tour of England. He’s also 28 and incredibly fit and agile. What more do people want? Will some 21-year-old from the Futures League really do a better job? I guess that’s the thing about common sense eh; not so common...

Preamble

Hello OBOers and welcome to the third and, if things continue at their presently mad rate, possibly final day of the inaugural pink-ball Test in Adelaide, where the Kiwi tourists hold a 94-run lead with five wickets remaining. They were butter to Josh Hazlewood’s hot knife last night but let’s be honest, any more than 75 runs from them here will make for a nervy, thrilling chase in the later sessions today. Dunno about you but I cannot wait for this to get under way.

"We've got absolutely nothing to hide at the Shane Warne foundation...the 16 cents in the dollar is also factually wrong." - Warnie on Nine

"We're actually seeking our legal position on it as well..." says Warne re what he calls "irresponsible journalism" of recent reports.

Russell will be here soon but in the meantime, here’s yesterday’s match report and also a little bit more on the Nathan Lyon DRS controversy, which has altered the course of the game.

Continue reading...

Australia v West Indies - day one of the first Test in Hobart – as it happened

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So that’s that. After all the predictions that the tourists would be vastly outmatched, there was a glimmer of hope in the morning before the Australians snuffed it out in the afternoon. If the West Indies continue to bowl like that, they’ll do well to take 20 wickets in the series, let alone one game.

Australia weren’t made to work especially hard for their runs, but you can only face the opposition put in front of you. Voges made a masterful 174, increasing his Test average to a remarkable 68.91, while Shaun Marsh anchored the innings with a much-needed century of his own.

What a contrast. This is why Test cricket is the greatest game in the world.

Previous day of Test cricket: 71 runs in 71.1 overs Run-rate: 0.998 Today (2 matches): 847 runs in 179 overs Run-rate: 4.73 #Versatile

89th over: Australia 438-3 (Voges 174, S.Marsh 139)

Braithwaite drags out the over, trying to make take it past the 6pm cutoff. Three more singles, and that’s stumps.

88th over: Australia 435-3 (Voges 173, S.Marsh 137)

Blackwood continues and only gives up two. Everyone’s just playing out time here. There’s a slim chance we could get all 90 overs in here (admittedly with the extra half hour taken).

This is now the most runs scored on a two-Test day (NZ-409, Aus-421+). Previous highest was 823 runs on 07-Sep-2001. #AUSvWI#NZvSL

87th over: Australia 433-3 (Voges 172, S.Marsh 136)

Braithwaite comes back for a few more twirls. The batsmen are happy not to take any risks, and the bowlers are making it very easy for them. Two more singles from the over.

86th over: Australia 431-3 (Voges 171, S.Marsh 135)

There’s time for two or three more overs, but the West Indies are just playing out time here. Blackwood bowls a quick over, but it’s unthreatening and that’s three more singles.

85th over: Australia 428-3 (Voges 170, S.Marsh 133)

The West Indies are doing a reasonable job at preventing boundaries, but it’s just too easy to score one or two runs every ball. With so many men on the off side and the rope, only the wicketkeeper and gully are in likely catching positions.

84th over: Australia 426-3 (Voges 169, S.Marsh 132)

I don’t know why, but it seems Holder is saving the new ball for the morning. Blackwood rattles through a quick, tight over, and a few nudges and nurdles later, that’s four more runs.

83rd over: Australia 422-3 (Voges 167, S.Marsh 130)

Does Holder even know he is allowed a new ball? I can’t think of any good reason not to take it. Holder perseveres with the old nut, maintaining a line just outside off stump. Marsh picks up a run from a misfield.

82nd over: Australia 421-3 (Voges 167, S.Marsh 129)

Still no sign of the new ball as Holder perseveres with Blackwood. He bowls a couple of rank full tosses, but Marsh and Voges don’t really connect and can only manage singles. One more, and that’s the 300 partnership up. The run rate has remained steadily just above 5 for the last few hours.

81st over: Australia 416-3 (Voges 167, S.Marsh 127)

Bafflingly, the West Indies don’t take take the new ball immediately, Holder instead choosing to bring himself on with the old one. The umpires seem equally confused by the decision, with umpire Ian Gould having removed it from his pocket expectantly.

80th over: Australia 416-3 (Voges 164, S.Marsh 127)

Surely the final over before the new ball, and it’s more loopy spin, this time from Blackwood. Voges and Marsh negotiate it without any trouble whatsoever, and pick up nine more runs, including a magnificent four off the final ball of the over, absolutely leathered through cover by Marsh.

79th over: Australia 407-3 (Voges 162, S.Marsh 120)

Oh dear. That’s disappointing from Ramdin, who watches Marsh leave the ball and then watches the ball pass straight through his gloves on the way to the boundary for four byes. Roach is bowling a little better this afternoon now, and makes Marsh think about a few deliveries.

78th over: Australia 400-3 (Voges 162, S.Marsh 118)

Warrican continues, but Voges and Marsh are able to push a few easy singles down the ground, and they bring up the 400. This has been a monumental stand from these two – the partnership is already up to 278.

Give the crowd their money back. If 90 overs are scheduled and only 81 bowled - for whatever reason except the match ends with a win, the crowd get 10% of their money back.

While it doesn’t directly hit the players, I think you would find over rates would quickly pick up. It’s similar to when they play 20 overs in steady drizzle just to avoid giving the crowd a refund.

77th over: Australia 394-3 (Voges 160, S.Marsh 114)

Roach pulls himself together a bit and induces a bottom edge from Voges – it misses the stumps by about three or four inches, and is easily the closest the West Indies have come to a wicket this session. Voges tried to cut but the ball held up a bit and he was lucky not to drag on.

76th over: Australia 391-3 (Voges 157, S.Marsh 114)

Warrican whips through another over as we count down to the new ball. He varies his flight a bit, but the batsmen aren’t interested in taking risks at this point, and instead just accumulate five more runs.

75th over: Australia 386-3 (Voges 153, S.Marsh 113)

Kemar Roach back into the attack. He was ineffective this morning, and serves up some more rubbish to Marsh, allowing him to pick up consecutive fours with a clip through midwicket and a cut to deep backward square. He goes for 12 from the over, and the hole gets deeper and deeper.

Penalties for slow over-rates? I know what Donald Trump would say. Give the crowd crossbows, have half-starved tigers leaping out of trapdoors in the outfield. I’m aware that Donald’s rather blotted his copybook of late but it would definitely get bums on seats.

74th over: Australia 374-3 (Voges 152, S.Marsh 103)

Warrican’s back, and Voges reaches his 150 from the first ball of the over with a well-executed reverse sweep. Warrican’s unfeasibly short runup seems to be getting even shorter, and the batsmen pick up a couple more singles.

Close of play and NZ reached 409/8. Guptill went for a fantastic 156, and having rattled along at 4.54, the Blackcaps can look forward to a quick thrash in the morning, and then letting Boult and Southee loose on a wicket that I’m hearing ought to be a belter to bat on tomorrow. Great start for NZ; both Pradeep and Chameera went 101-2.

73rd over: Australia 369-3 (Voges 148, S.Marsh 102)

Shaun Marsh brings up his third Test century – and his first in Australia – with a confident pull for four to square leg.

72nd over: Australia 365-3 (Voges 148, S.Marsh 98)

Marsh and Voges, both a boundary away from their next landmark, exchange two singles each.

71st over: Australia 360-3 (Voges 146, S.Marsh 96)

Time for drinks. The Bellerive Oval crowd is still small, but visibly growing.

70th over: Australia 350-3 (Voges 145, S.Marsh 88)

It’s back to more easy runs as Braithwaite serves up a selection of short wide balls and balls on the pads. He’s not getting any turn, and his flight isn’t going to cause these guys any trouble. It’s just so easy for them right now.

Australia reached 111 during the 22nd over, 222 during the 44th over, 333 during the 66th over and should reach 444 by the 99th over tomorrow.

69th over: Australia 344-3 (Voges 142, S.Marsh 85)

Taylor flings down the first wide of the day before suddenly finding his line and making Marsh play a straight bat to a few in a row. Marsh then pulls a short one hard and is unlucky only to get a single. That’s the best over of the evening session so far – if only all of the West Indies bowlers could maintain that discipline.

@itsalanevans Time was batters would hole out or retire after a ton against the Uni's. Are we there with WI? Does Voges look embarrassed?

68th over: Australia 342-3 (Voges 142, S.Marsh 84)

Back to Braithwaite. Voges and Marsh take turns to guide the ball into what feel like enormous gaps and pick up six more runs.

67th over: Australia 331-3 (Voges 139, S.Marsh 81)

Jerome Taylor has been given his chance, but there’s a delay on the field as a problem with the sightscreen is fixed. Channel Nine fill the gap by playing the oh-so-funny footage of a queasy Michael Slater in the cherry picker. Expect this to feature heavily over the next four two days.

66th over: Australia 333-3 (Voges 136, S.Marsh 81)

Blackwood is actually doing a reasonable job of keeping the run rate down, even if he isn’t looking like a wicket-taking threat. He gives up a couple of singles, but has now conceded just 11 runs from his four overs. The West Indies need more of this sort of thing if they want to put any pressure on at all.

65th over: Australia 331-3 (Voges 135, S.Marsh 80)

Holder – who has been suspended by the ICC for slow over rates in one day internationals – seems unperturbed by the prospect of receiving another official reprimand.

SMarsh has been involved in 6 century partnerships. The fact 3 of them are 200-plus, including today, shows when he goes he goes big #AusvWI

64th over: Australia 328-3 (Voges 134, S.Marsh 79)

More exceptionally lazy fielding gives Australia an undeserved single, before some straight-batted pokes into gaps earn them two more. It’s hard to imagine where a wicket will come from – these two are completely serene out there.

63rd over: Australia 325-3 (Voges 132, S.Marsh 78)

Good fielding from the West Indies saves a run from what looked like a certain boundary for Marsh, but a single from the next ball brings up the 200 partnership. These two have been chanceless since coming in.

62nd over: Australia 317-3 (Voges 130, S.Marsh 72)

Blackwood continues to probe unsuccessfully with his looping offbreaks and holds the Australians to two singles off the over.

61st over: Australia 315-3 (Voges 129, S.Marsh 71)

There are still 20 overs until the new ball. If the West Indies can’t pick up at least two wickets before then, Australia will be past 400 and it’s hard to see how they can get back into the game.

60th over: Australia 311-3 (Voges 128, S.Marsh 68)

On comes another spinner, Jermaine Blackwood, to replace Warrican. His action is all arms and legs, flailing around before delivering the ball with no discernible turn.

59th over: Australia 307-3 (Voges 126, S.Marsh 66)

Marsh gets in on the fun with four of his own – he had all the time in the world to pick his spot. Holder would have been hoping that spin from both ends might slow the run rate, but neither Braithwaite nor Warrican can restrain these two.

58th over: Australia 303-3 (Voges 126, S.Marsh 62)

This is too easy. Two more fours swept to square leg by Voges in almost identical fashion bring up the Australian 300.

57th over: Australia 295-3 (Voges 118, S.Marsh 62)

The first ball of the over sits up and Voges swats it to square leg, but the rest of the over is better – though still not threatening – and only brings a couple of singles.

Mark Taylor (1219 in 1989) only Aussie to score more runs in debut year than @acvoges 764 n counting. Only 7 others higher. #AUSvWI

56th over: Australia 288-3 (Voges 112, S.Marsh 61)

Voges and Marsh will find few easier occasions than this to pad their averages. The bowling is lacklustre, and six unthreatening balls bring eight more runs, the highlight a textbook cover drive from Marsh off the last ball of the over.

55th over: Australia 280-3 (Voges 111, S.Marsh 54)

A single from Voges off the first ball puts Marsh on strike again but this time Braithwaite offers him an easy ball on his legs which he clips down to fine leg for two. It’s been a solid 50 from 86 balls - and only 16 runs have come in boundaries, in stark contrast to the scoring styles of some of his teammates.

54th over: Australia 274-3 (Voges 110, S.Marsh 49)

Shaun Marsh finds himself on strike, looking to bring up his 50. He shows a little bit of aggression trying to drive down the ground, but bowler Warrican keeps him pinned back and it’s just two off the over.

53rd over: Australia 272-3 (Voges 109, S.Marsh 48)

More nudges and chops bring more easy runs as Voges and Marsh bring up the 150 partnership from 178 balls (at a run rate of 5.14). The demoralised West Indies are taking an age to reset the field as the strike changes.

52nd over: Australia 266-3 (Voges 105, S.Marsh 46)

Warrican picks up the ball at the other end. Perhaps a spell of spin from both ends will help the over rate, at least.

51st over: Australia 259-3 (Voges 101, S.Marsh 43)

And we’re back, with the West Indies desperately needing a wicket soon. Kraigg Braithwaite is the man entrusted with the ball. Marsh and Voges pick up an easy single each and block out the rest.

Do you have any opinions? Facts to share? Things to get off your chest? Predictions about which former Australia player will be forced into the cherry picker tomorrow? Email me on alan.evans@theguardian.com or send me a tweet at @itsalanevans.

So, will Australia reach 400 this evening? Or can the West Indies claw their way back into contention? Nobody knows! Let’s find out.

Afternoon, Alan here. Thanks to Rob and Will for their work on the first couple of sessions.

It’s clearly Australia’s day so far, despite those wickets before lunch, and despite the slow over rate the hosts will be looking to pass 400 this evening.

Voges blocks the last ball from Warrican and that is tea. Australia have added 136 in the session and are well on top. Pretty sorry showing from West Indies, which is a shame. Voges has been magnificent but a word for Shaun Marsh too, who has defended and lefted well and looked classy in attack too. I’m off now, but Alan Evans will be back after the break to guide you through the final session. Go well!

50th over: Australia 257-3 (Voges 100, S.Marsh 42)

Adam Voges started this session on 9, but has brought up his ton with the penultimate ball before tea! 100 from 100 balls! Exceptional performance. They trade singles, then he sweeps hard and gets four. First time he’s played that stroke to Warrican. Then he pushes down the ground and they run so hard and get back for two! Well played that man.

49th over: Australia 249-3 (Voges 93, S.Marsh 41)

Roach is doing OK. This is better. Voges takes a quick single into the offside, then Marsh sees out the over, and is only able to leave one. Marsh is making things interesting should Uzzie Khawaja (as expected) be fit for the Boxing Day Test...

48th over: Australia 248-3 (Voges 92, S.Marsh 41)

Warrican twirls away. The first is defended, but the second is short and wide and beats the man at cover to run away for two. Voges moves into the 90s with that and there’s a single to long-on next up. Marsh flicks through a tiny gap on the on-side for two off the last.

This West Indies team has inherited the poor over rates of the great sides that preceded them, but that's about it I'm afraid

47th over: Australia 243-3 (Voges 89, S.Marsh 39)

Voges takes a single to deep-square from Roach’s first ball. He then bowls a tight line to keep Marsh scoreless for four balls, before inevitably erring. Marsh runs hard for two into the legside.

Awful stint for WI as they make a double change and concede 82 from 11o: Taylor 0-36 off 5o (7.2rpo), Gabriel 0-41 off 5o (8.13rpo). #AusvWI

46th over: Australia 240-3 (Voges 88, S.Marsh 37)

Warrican is back into the attack. Might not be a bad idea. He got a couple shortly before lunch. Just (says a bit about the run rate that I’ve added that word) three from the over, as Voges squeezes past cover, Marsh knocks it down the ground and Voges cuts, all for one. Not threatening at all.

45 overs bowled... only another 45 to go...

And Jason Holder was suspended for slow over rate in ODI's not so long ago... https://t.co/c4mm3p07LP

45th over: Australia 237-3 (Voges 86, S.Marsh 36)

Kemar Roach is back! He’s only bowled four overs today and they really weren’t very good. It’s very much a question of when, not if, Voges gets his century. He looks so comfortable. He defends two - Roach is still not at top pace - before flicking to deep-square for one. Good line at Marsh - the first is fifth stump and left, then it’s on off and defended well. Oh, but that’s no good. You’ve ruined it, Roachy. It’s full, wide and just too easy. Threaded through the offside for four by Marsh. Great shot, to be fair. As SK Warne points out, Roach is wearing a quite ridiculously big chain round his neck.

44th over: Australia 232-3 (Voges 85, S.Marsh 32)

And there’s the hundred partnership. And 100 up since lunch. Taylor bowls a full toss to Marsh, who is surprised by it and deflects it behind square on the offside for three. It’s well cut off by the man running round from deep cover. The third ball is drilled through the legside for Voges’ 15th(!!) four. Shot. Sneaky single into the offside off the next, then Marsh flicks through midwicket for a lovely boundary. Dot off the last. THIS LOOKS SO EASY! It’s flat, but the bowling is dross.

OUT - McCullum hauls out to deep square leg for an entertaining 75 off 57 balls, 13 fours & 1 six. Santner joins Guptill (*132), 338/4 ^WN

43rd over: Australia 220-3 (Voges 80, S.Marsh 25)

Another single for Voges, with a cut to deep point. He’s very content: 80 from 81. Marsh leaves two then defends into the offside with a barked “No!” The fifth is cover driven sumptuously as Gabriel overpitches. The hands are fast and the foot to the pitch. Beautiful boundary. Last of the over he takes three with a push down the ground. Not quite timed, but attractive nevertheless. He’s quietly ticking along and the partnership is 99.

5673 the current crowd. So it'll be ~6000 by the end, a fraction more maybe. Which is also what they got for day one in 2012. #AUSvWI

42nd over: Australia 212-3 (Voges 79, S.Marsh 18)

Marsh plays a handsome straight drive but Taylor cuts it off. There’s an equally attractive shot next up, and he gets one – it’s a lovely cut to the man at deep point. Voges plays a controlled pull to deep square for another, then Marsh leaves. They trade singles at the end of the over, Marsh squeezing a single to mid-on, and Voges flicking beautifully to deep midwicket.

41st over: Australia 208-3 (Voges 77, S.Marsh 16)

Voges is just putting it exactly where he wants now. He cuts to the man at deep point for one off the first ball of the over. Gabriel drifts on to Marsh’s pads – which you just shouldn’t – and he just nudges to deep midwicket for an easy two, then sends one to deep square for one. Voges leaves, defends, and leaves. Easy as.

And 50 for captain McCullum off just 39 balls. 8 fours and 1 six. NZ 304/3 with 21 overs left in the day #NZvSL ^WN

40th over: Australia 204-3 (Voges 76, S.Marsh 13)

Taylor starts the over well, full and straight, and Voges twice pushes to mid-on. But then he just drifts too full and too straight and is on-driven through wide mid-on for four. There’s two off an inside edge and then he drives straighter picking up four more. He’s stealing the strike now too, with a single into the offside. So Australia brought up the 200 that over (they’ve hit 34 fours) and Voges is going at better than a run a ball. The bloke is absolutely flying, and making it look so easy all the while.

39th over: Australia 193-3 (Voges 65, S.Marsh 13)

As Voges has accelerated, Marsh has just chilled a little. Gabriel gets one to rise at him first up and he fends well to gully, before cutting to the man at deep point for one. Voges gets in behind a couple, defending very firmly as Gabriel finds a good line. He drifts a little wider and Voges chops hard down on it and it runs away over gully for four. There’s three rather strange runs from the last. Voges drives beautifully and it deflects off the stumps at the non-striker’s, and runs past the man at mid-on who – as if in slow motion – misses with a dive, before chasing it all the way to the fence.

38th over: Australia 185-3 (Voges 58, S.Marsh 12)

Too short, too wide again from Taylor and Voges gets an under edge that runs away for four. He’s flying, but Taylor’s better for the rest of the over, probing on and outside off stump, and there are no more runs.

37th over: Australia 181-3 (Voges 54, S.Marsh 12)

Voges is in delightful form. Looks so confident, so easy. Gabriel’s too wide first up and he slashes him behind point for four. Two balls later and it’s a full no-ball that he nails through the covers for four more. That’s his 50 and it’s come off just 55 with 10 fours. There are a couple of dots, then he pushes a single to point, and Marsh leaves one alone.

Don't think there's a bigger 'blink-and-he's-scored-40' player in the world than Adam Voges. Just gets the job done #AUSvWI

36th over: Australia 171-3 (Voges 45, S.Marsh 12)

Double change for Australia as Taylor comes on. Different end for him this time. Voges is a long way forward first up in defence, then deep in the crease in attack, with a gorgeous cut behind square for four. Lovely. He’s ghosted to 44. He’s strongly in behind the next one, then gets a squirty edge that gully does well to keep to a dot. The next is defended with soft hands into the offside for a single and that’s the 50 stand off 73 balls. Well batted. Marsh leaves the last.

35th over: Australia 166-3 (Voges 40, S.Marsh 12)

A change! Holder’s made a change! He’s brought someone fast on! It’s Gabriel on. But he’s drifting down the legside first ball and Voges just slips it down to fine leg for an unfussy four. The next is better, mind. Voges is shouldering arms and it’s nipped back and hit him on the pad. Umps says no and Holder looks interested for a moment, but no dice. Not doing enough and he’s a fair way outside the line.

34th over: Australia 155-3 (Voges 29, S.Marsh 12)

Warrican – and the defence – continues. Having got Warner before the break Holder (who is my favourite cricketer, by the way) could have gone for the jugular a bit more. Anyway, two from the over. Marsh gets one to midwicket off the first, Voges uneventfully defends four, then takes a single to mid-on. What do we reckon, guys?

Questions. pic.twitter.com/tJk3piVeLn

33rd over: Australia 153-3 (Voges 28, S.Marsh 11)

Holder continues, and it’s all rather easy for the first four balls as he just leaves, leaves, defends then leaves. He cuts the fourth – which is wider and shorter – beautifully, but the man at point does well to get a bit on it and it’s two rather than four. There’s a good single to wide mid-on to end the over. Surely time for a change, Jase?

32nd over: Australia 150-3 (Voges 28, S.Marsh 8)

There’s a decent delay before this over, of course there is. Poor over rates get on commentators’ goats, and quite frankly they get on mine too, Completely needless waste of viewers’ time. Tell me I’m not alone/an idiot for thinking this?

31st over: Australia 146-3 (Voges 27, S.Marsh 5)

Holder starts with a nice nut, which Marsh judges well and leaves. He lets the next one go very easily, before playing at one he didn’t need to play at. Then there’s a no-ball (the seventh!!!), which Mark Taylor says doesn’t cost New Zealand, despite quite literally costing them a run. Marsh defends one and then leaves two and it’s over. Just the no-ball from it.

30th over: Australia 145-3 (Voges 27, S.Marsh 5)

Australia on the move, this over. Big time, as David Brent would say. Four boundaries for Voges off Warrican. The first is a bit rank (they all count, don’t they) as Voges goes much more legside than he planned. Four though. There’s a dot before two delightful strokes – one punch over the bowler’s head, and one pull through midwicket. Both boundaries. The fifth is flat and blocked, and the sixth might be the best of the lot. He skips down the track and flicks through midwicket. 16 from the over and surely time for Taylor or Roach?

29th over: Australia 129-3 (Voges 11, S.Marsh 5)

Shaun Marsh pushes Holder’s first into the offside, then leaves the second. Ooooohhhhh, that is delightful. The third flies through the covers when Holder overpitches a touch. Down on one knee, four all the way. Marsh looks more confident thereafter, even if he picks out cover point from another laced middled half-volley. Otherwise defended beautifully into the offside. Dare I say it, that’s one of those overs when I really get Shaun Marsh.

28th over: Australia 125-3 (Voges 11, S.Marsh 1)

Good over from Warrican, and it’s a maiden. The boy’s not afraid to give it a bit of flight and Voges is watchful in defence. There are a couple of drives that sting mid-off’s hands, and the last is fired in flatter, shorter and straighter. Punched back to the bowler.

27th over: Australia 125-3 (Voges 11, S.Marsh 1)

Uneventful over from Holder. Voges nabs a sharp legside single first up, before Shaun Marsh leaves and defensively drives his way through the over without really looking like scoring a run or getting out. Jeez, Hobart looks a picture today.

26th over: Australia 124-3 (Voges 10, S.Marsh 1)

It’s Warrican from the other end! Great news. What’s not such great news is the field Holder’s gone for; it’s very spread, and Marsh just nudges his second ball into the legside to get off the mark. Voges defends then comes down the track and knocks it back to the bowler, then defends again. Over ends with an easy single into the legside.

25th over: Australia 122-3 (Voges 9, S.Marsh 0)

It’s captain Holder to begin after the break, and he starts with a no-ball to Voges. Jerome Taylor started the day with a no-ball too. Not a great habit to get in to, lads. Think Holder is going for the mythical “send a message to the quicks” by bowling himself. Sir Curtly Ambrose certainly gave Taylor and Kemar Roach an earful at lunch for the way they bowled first up. I’m definitely scared of Curtly.

Hello everyone, Will here. Thanks to Rob for taking us this far. There’s a bit more pressure to be had in this session than I thought there’d be 30 minutes before lunch. Do we have a game on our hands? Do we have a series on our hands? I do hope so.

The wondrously named spinner Jomel Warrican got Smith (with a beauty) then Warner (oh so soft) shortly before the break to properly peg the Aussies back, which is good enough for me. His length has been a little erratic, but he’s definitely fun. Sure the quicks will get stuck into Shaun Marsh after the break but I’m looking forward to him having another twirl in a bit.

Okay, I’m off to find out more about Mervin Durand. Thanks for your company. Will Macpherson will be here for the afternoon session. Bye!

A session of two halves. Australia raced to 75 for none after 10.5 overs, aided by some appalling bowling. But the wicket of Joe Burns, bowled by a beauty from Shannon Gabriel, changed the mood of the match. In the last 13.1 overs of the session, Australia made 46 for three.

The left-arm spinner Jomel Warrican, playing his second Test, picked up the two big wickets. Steve Smith fell to a jaffa and David Warner was strangled down the leg side just before the break.

24th over: Australia 121-3 (Voges 9, S Marsh 0) West Indies faffed so much before the first delivery to the new batsman Shaun Marsh that there was no time for another over. So that’s lunch.

Warner has gone! This has somehow turned into a decent morning for West Indies. It was a slightly freakish dismissal, with Warner thin-edging a poor delivery from Warrican down the leg side, where the fleet-footed Ramdin took a smart catch. West Indies won’t give a solitary fig about the manner of the wicket, however. They have dismissed Warner for a typically brilliant 61-ball 64.

23rd over: Australia 120-2 (Warner 64, Voges 8) Warner, who has been sufficiently becalmed in the last half an hour that his strike rate almost dropped below 100, breaks out to push a gorgeous boundary through the covers off Holder. His timing is so underrated, certainly in some quarters. Holder is bowling nicely here, and jags one back a long way to almost hit Warner in the breadbasket.

22nd over: Australia 116-2 (Warner 60, Voges 8) Warrican’s length isn’t as consistent as you’d like, but his better deliveries have a lovely drift and loop, particularly to the right-handers. Three from the over.

21st over: Australia 113-2 (Warner 58, Voges 7) West Indies have had a largely shocking morning – yet if they can somehow get rid of Warner before lunch they will feel they are right in the game, such is the relative fragility of Australia’s middle order. Holder almost does so with a an extreme legcutter that beats the edge, “Exactly the sort of ball Courtney Walsh used to bowl,” observes Mark Nicholas on Channel Nine.

20th over: Australia 110-2 (Warner 57, Voges 5) Warrican, excited by the wicket, goes for a magic ball first up to Voges which turns into a full toss and is whipped for four.

So that’s why they were bowling spin at Steve Smith. That was a wonderful delivery from Warrican – tossed up slowly from around the wicket and gripping sharply to take the shoulder of the bat as Smith reached forward defensively. Jermaine Blackwood took a nice low catch at slip. That really was a beautiful piece of bowling.

19th over: Australia 101-1 (Warner 53, Smith 10) The captain Holder, on for Gabriel, does something magical: he bowls a maiden. It would be pushing it to say the West Indies have restored order, but that wicket has slowed things down a little after the anarchy of the first hour. The last eight overs have produced 26 runs, after 75 from the first 11.

18th over: Australia 101-1 (Warner 53, Smith 10) Warner clips Warrican for two to bring up the 100, already.

Warner has now made 11 50+ scores in 2015 - most by an AUS opener in a year. Hayden and Katich had made 10 each in '01 & '09 resp'ly #AUSvWI

17th over: Australia 97-1 (Warner 50, Smith 9) Warner takes a very quick single off Gabriel to reach the usual 50, a masterful effort from just 40 balls. He’s already scored 642 Test runs this summer. There’s no better opener in the world, and there are few better batsmen. That run was even tighter than it seemed first time round, and the diving Smith would have been miles out with a direct hit from point.

16th over: Australia 94-1 (Warner 49, Smith 8) Warrican has started well enough, apart from one half-volley to Warner, and there are just a couple of singles from that over. Warner has 49 from 37 balls.

15th over: Australia 92-1 (Warner 48, Smith 7) Gabriel tries to tempt Smith with a fifth-stump line, but Smith isn’t interested and it’s a maiden. Good stuff from both players. It will be a test of patience for Gabriel, because Smith is so good at wearing bowlers down and eventually making them bowl to him. Gabriel, who looks like he could bench-press a three-storey house, has been by far the pick of the bowlers: 4-0-15-1.

14th over: Australia 92-1 (Warner 48, Smith 7) Warrican overpitches, and Warner punishes him with a firm drive for four. This is such accomplished batting, to the point where it appears effortless. Appears being the operative word. As David Gower once said, it’s hard work making batting look effortless. Sublime talent helps, mind you.

13th over: Australia 85-1 (Warner 42, Smith 6) A huge no-ball from Gabriel, one of the biggest I’ve ever seen, is followed by a cracking cover-drive for four by Smith. Australia are going at 6.5 an over, on the first morning of a Test series.

12th over: Australia 79-1 (Warner 42, Smith 1) Jomel Warrican, the left-arm spinner, comes on for Jason Holder. Why would you attack Smith with spin rather than seam at the start of his innings? Mind you, Warrican has an outrageous first-class record – 78 wickets at 17.92, including six in his only Test so far. Four from his first over.

11th over: Australia 75-1 (Warner 39, Smith 0) That was a really good over from Gabriel, with everything in its right place on a good length. It seems absurd to say that he was rewarded for his patience, as he’s only bowled two overs, but in the context of the morning that’s exactly what happened.

Great delivery Shannon!! But I enjoyed the entire over well planned out. We need more of those from all the bowlers.

Bowled him! This is a beauty from Shannon Gabriel, and Joe Burns has gone for 33. It was bowled from slightly wider on the crease, and came back just enough off the seam to go through the gate and peg back the off stump.

10th over: Australia 70-0 (Burns 29, Warner 39) A double bowling change, with the captain Jason Holder on for Kemar Roach. Oh for heaven’s sake. His third ball is utter filth, a wide half-volley that Warner drives through extra cover for four while getting down on one knee.

The bowling has been pathetic, but Warner in particular has batted ridiculously well. He gets his eighth boundary, and the 15th of the morning, by clattering a shorter ball through extra cover. He has 39 from 26 balls, a joyride without the danger.

9th over: Australia 62-0 (Burns 29, Warner 31) Shannon Gabriel replaces Jerome Taylor (4-0-25-0). He has a strangled LBW shout first ball, with Burns inside-edging a good delivery back on to the pad. In fairness, he soon demonstrates some solidarity with his fellow fast bowlers by sending down some rubbish second ball. Burns square-drives it for the 947th boundary of the morning.

“I didn’t even need to watch the YouTube video, the start of the 1994 Brisbane Test is seared in my mind,” says Chris Langmead. “I recall groggily switching to page 341 on Ceefax in the small hours to see that Atherton and Thorpe were scoring heavily, only to have hope immediately crushed when it became apparent that Ceefax had transposed the team names, that Australia were batting and that Martin McCague was delivering bowling so tasty that Mark Taylor would start a modern trend of not enforcing the follow-on to enable another trip to the buffet. For all the JCLs, this is why we prayed for rain ...

8th over: Australia 58-0 (Burns 25, Warner 31) Warner times Roach beautifully through mid-off for four to bring up the 50 partnership in only 46 balls. The next ball is swivel-pulled for four more, the 11th boundary of the morning. Make that 12, and three in a row, as Warner muscles another through the covers. He has 31 from 20 balls, and Roach has one of Test cricket’s more incongruous maidens in figures of 4-1-33-0.

7th over: Australia 46-0 (Burns 25, Warner 19) There was swing for Taylor in the first over, but nothing much since then. Burns slams another smooth pull stroke for four, the ninth of the morning. This is too easy. At the current rate of scoring, Australia will be 591 for none at the close.

In other news, Channel Nine has just shown this catch as part of a competition to win a year’s supply of KFC. The reflexes on Viv!

6th over: Australia 37-0 (Burns 19, Warner 16) West Indies’ pitch map so far is more Jackson Pollock than Shaun Pollock. Roach does get a third over, and beats Burns with a good delivery that moves away off the seam. Burns was groping a long way outside off stump. A better over from Roach: not just boundaryless, but runless too.

5th over: Australia 37-0 (Burns 19, Warner 16) At one stage on the 1978-79 Ashes tour, Geoff Boycott went more than 14 hours without hitting a boundary. Burns and Warner are barely going 14 seconds without hitting one. There have been eight in the first five overs, with Warner taking two more off Taylor via the medium of the cover-drive and the flick through midwicket.

For a 39-year-old thirtysomething England fan, this start to the series is bringing back a few memories. One in particular.

4th over: Australia 29-0 (Burns 19, Warner 8) Another wide half-volley from Roach, who is striving in vain for swing, is driven sweetly to the cover boundary by Burns. Australia are off to a flyer, and when Roach strays on to the pads he is touched to fine leg for four more.

This is poor stuff from Roach, and Burns makes it three boundaries in four balls by rifling another half-volley through the covers. “This is not acceptable,” says Ian Chappell on commentary. I don’t think Roach will get a third over; his figures are 2-0-21-0.

3rd over: Australia 17-0 (Burns 7, Warner 8) Taylor decides to test the hardness of the pitch by banging in a short ball. He won’t be doing that again in a hurry. The ball sits up obligingly and Burns wallops a pull for four. Thereafter he goes fuller, and beats Burns with a nice delivery that comes back through the gate. He’s a fine bowler, Taylor, and it is such a shame that has only played 44 Tests in 12 years.

2nd over: Australia 12-0 (Burns 2, Warner 8) David Warner has mixed memories of Hobart, where he produced a futile masterpiece against New Zealand in 2011. That was the first of his 15 Test hundreds, 11 of which have been scored in two years since the start of the 2013-14 Ashes.

Kemar Roach also starts with a no-ball. His second legitimate delivery is full and wide; Warner does what Warner does, crunching it through extra cover for four. Roach is 27 now, although it only feels like a few weeks ago that he was roughing Ricky Ponting up.

1st over: Australia 3-0 (Burns 2, Warner 0) Jerome Taylor, a fine bowler who skittled England for 51 six years ago, will take the first over. He starts with a no-ball, though he will be more interested in the fact that it swung. The rest of the over is very promising for the West Indies: Taylor has it moving both ways, and Burns offers no stroke to a ball that comes back and bounces not far over the stumps. Then he steers an awayswinger to third man for two to get off the mark.

@robsmyth0 man, all this naysaying about the windies. They hardly won't be worse than Proteas in the last tests, righto?

Kemar Roach and Jerome Taylor should get the ball to do a bit this morning. Though maybe not this much.

“I have to say I fear for the West Indies in this series,” says Phil. “If they play half as badly as they did in the warm-up game, a match played against what was basically a team of schoolboys, then all sorts of records will be in danger. In the best interests of the sport I hope I’m wrong.”

Aussie win toss -Bat Patto in. @westindies Taylor, Roach,Holder should enjoy bowling on grassed hard pitch #AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/H2C0fDyB3h

James Pattinson returns to Test cricket for the first time since that unforgettable win over South Africa in March 2014. He replaces the injured Mitchell Starc.

Australia Burns, Warner, Smith (c), Voges, S Marsh, M Marsh, Nevill (wk), Pattinson, Siddle, Hazlewood, Lyon.

It could be a long day for the West Indies, although their talented pace attack – the strongest part of the side – might enjoy themselves this morning on a slightly green pitch.

Hello. Ironic celebration of the 1990s is a popular pastime these days, but one or two things really were better at the end of the 20th century: music, film, life. And Test cricket. We didn’t realise it at the time but the 1990s was a golden age of Test cricket. Pretty much every country had a superb new-ball pair; leg spin was back, better than ever; a number of all-time great batsmen emerged or established themselves; and the balance between bat and ball was almost perfect.

The pinnacle of so much wonderful Test cricket was the battle for supremacy between Australia and the West Indies. It was so good that it made some of us in England get up early before school to watch it on Teletext. The story arc was cinematic to the point of cliche: Australia’s upstarts were taught a lesson in 1990-91, came heartbreakingly close to dethroning the West Indies in 1992-93, and then finally did so two years later. They confirmed their position as world No 1 in 1996-97, then just about escaped with a draw in a staggering series two years later, when Brian Lara played the greatest of his many great innings.

Pre-preamble Rob Smyth will be here shortly to take you through the early stages in Hobart but in the meantime check out Tim Wigmore’s fascinating account of the current struggles in West Indies cricket or perhaps Russell Jackson’s chat with Southern Stars all-rounder Ellyse Perry. There’s also Andy Bull’s Spin column, which takes a look at the perverse pleasure of slow cricket.

Continue reading...

Australia v West Indies - day two of the first Test in Hobart – as it happened

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Well, that was quite a day of Test cricket. It ends with the Windies a whopping 376 runs behind, but it could have been much, much worse if it wasn’t for a mighty fine 91-run rearguard from Darren Bravo - who will hopefully score the six runs he needs for a mighty impressive ton in the morning - and Kemar Roach. Having been 89-5, the day didn’t end too badly for the West Indies, but their top order really does look rather sorry.

The early part of the day belonged solely to two men: Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh. They put on four-hundred-and-forty-nine (449) runs for the fourth wicket, the highest for the fourth wicket in Tests, and the biggest for any in Australia, and the biggest against the West Indies by anyone. Marsh eventually fell, but Voges was unbeaten on 269, and it felt a bit cruel of Stevie Smith to deny him a nailed-on triple. THE TEAM COMES FIRST!

65th over: West Indies 207-6 (Bravo 94, Roach 31)

The 200 is up as they scamper through for a single off the first ball of Pattinson’s over that takes Darren Bravo to 94. Patto bowls a no-ball, then Roach pushes through the covers for two. Really, really admirable performance from him. He gets under a wild bouncer, then one flies down the legside and slips through Nevill’s gloves and they run two byes. There’s two more for Roach with a nudge into the leg side, then he defends the last. And that’s stumps.

64th over: West Indies 199-6 (Bravo 93, Roach 27)

Lyon to bowl the penultimate set of six of the day. He’s persisting with a line a fair way outside off and Roach is beaten second ball. Fourth he has a massive yahoo at, and Nevill thinks he’s got him! Has he it? Erasmus says no Or has he hit the ground? Smith reckons it’s bat so reviews. There’s nothing on hotspot or RTS so Chris Gaffaney - the best third ump in the business - rules that it’s hit the ground and the umpire’s decision stands. Australia have no reviews left until the new ball in 16 overs time. Roach sees out the over. Six balls left in the day.

63rd over: West Indies 199-6 (Bravo 93, Roach 27)

More from Patto. Bravo just turns him round the corner to fine leg to move to 93, before Roachy pushes into the covers for another. Penultimate ball of the over flies down to fine-leg for four. Did Bravo hit it? No, says Gunner Gould. Four leg byes. Bravo, who plays and misses outside off to the last, would have loved those four runs. Loved them.

62nd over: West Indies 193-6 (Bravo 92, Roach 26)

As the Channel Nine lads descend into another round of jingoism born of frustration at the lack of wickets, Nathan Lyon returns. The sun is out now. Roach is being so careful, and when Lyon overpitches he nails him through the covers for four. That’s the only score of the over.

61st over: West Indies 189-6 (Bravo 92, Roach 22)

These two have put on more than 70 in 21 overs now. Great effort in the circumstances. Pattinson is hammering in but Roach is firm, digging out a good yorker. Next ball he gets on the back foot and pushes a single into the covers. Just noticed Roachy is using a Woodworm bat. I remember when Freddie and KP used to use them but I haven’t seen one for a while. Pattinson bowls a wild wide next up but eventually find the dot that keeps Roach on strike next over.

60th over: West Indies 187-6 (Bravo 92, Roach 21)

Siddle again. There will be five overs after this one. Pretty long old day of cricket. There are lots of leaves from Bravo, but also a slightly unnerving moment when an on-drive stays in the air a little too long for comfort and could have offered a return catch. It’s a maiden, Siddle’s third in a row.

59th over: West Indies 187-6 (Bravo 92, Roach 21)

Jimbo Pattinson back for a late dart. His first ball is slayed through backward point uppishly for four, which moves him into the 90s, then there’s a nudges single to leg. Roachy is on the act too, driving nicely and picking up a pair of runs through cover. He sees out the over. Seven from it.

@willis_macp do the Australian selectors not cringe with shame every time they see Siddle bowl and think about the games he didn't play? Wow

58th over: West Indies 180-6 (Bravo 87, Roach 19)

Siddle’s bowling very well here. Strange/ridiculous/hilarious that he’s spent so much time out of the side these last couple of years. He beats Roach outside off twice and causes trouble with a bouncer too. That’s another maiden.

Kemar Roach has batted for longer than he bowled. #AusvWI

57th over: West Indies 180-6 (Bravo 87, Roach 19)

Hazlewood digs one in at Bravo, who gets underneath it. He then moves into the 80s with a nice angled bat deflection that just runs away between backward point and gully for four. Classy shot. He knocks a single into the offside next, and Burns gets under the lid for Roach, who just knocks another single into the legside. Oh wow, the last of the over is absolutely smoked through the covers by Bravo for his 16th boundary, which takes him to 87. Hell of a knock, this.

56th over: West Indies 170-6 (Bravo 78, Roach 18)

Lyon bowled well, but Roach seemed to be getting his number, so it’s time for a bit more from Pete Siddle. He’s bowling nice and full and beats Roachy second ball, then finds the edge with the fourth. His hands are soft and it falls short of Voges. The last two are defended and it’s a maiden. That’s what Siddle’s for.

55th over: West Indies 170-6 (Bravo 78, Roach 18)

Hazlewood is charging in gallantly but Roach is battling hard. He’s beaten outside off, then leaves and defends the third well. The fourth is squirted for a single to fine leg, before Bravo produces a very tight leave. If there really are only good leaves and bad leaves, that was a good one. He leaves the last more comfortably.

In the last year the average West Indian partnership for the 7th wicket has been higher than both the opening and 4th wicket partnerships.

54th over: West Indies 168-6 (Bravo 78, Roach 17)

More firm defence from Roach to Lyon, who doesn’t beat the bat this time. Each ball is met with the middle of the stick until the fifth, which is turned round the corner for one. Bravo defends the last.

53rd over: West Indies 168-6 (Bravo 78, Roach 16)

Bravo nudges the returning Hazlewood past the man at cover for another single, before Roach slices through backward point for three off the back foot. Shot. Off the last ball of the over, Bravo has a massive slash outside off and gets a thick edge which goes straight through the slips. Voges looks to be the guilty man, and Bravo gets four.

52nd over: West Indies 160-6 (Bravo 73, Roach 13)

Roach deals with Lyon - who is bowling very well indeed - a lot better this over. He’s watchful in defence for the first three, but then beaten by the fourth, which drifts beautifully away. The last two are defended and it’s a maiden. These two have put on 44 very important runs.

51st over: West Indies 160-6 (Bravo 73, Roach 13)

Bravo misses out on a Marsh full toss, which he just drills to square-leg, but he gets four next ball as the bowler drops a little short and he slices through gully. He defends the next and then drives beautifully through wide of mid-off for four. That is so sexy. Bravo is playing a totally different game to any of his team-mates. Bravo’s scored 40 of his 73 runs through the covers. And he sees out the over.

50th over: West Indies 152-6 (Bravo 65, Roach 13)

Lyon continues to Roach. There’s a defend and then a leave, between which Lyon does some jogging to keep himself warm. That’s not an image you often associate with Test cricket in Australia. The fourth ball leaps up and has Roach in difficulty, but it deflects off his pad and lands safely. The fifth and sixth both do Roach outside off, but he manages to miss both, and it’s a maiden.

49th over: West Indies 152-6 (Bravo 65, Roach 13)

Mitch Marsh has two balls left of his second over. The first is a yorker, that Bravo digs out. The last is just pushed to mid-on. Six from the elongated over, which saw the Windies pass 150.

Everyone’s heading out for a bit more cricket. It’s a bit dark and a bit dank, but playable.

Cracking start to Mitch Marsh’s over for Bravo. He punches through cover for two as rain begins to fall, then Marsh digs it in and he pulls flat for four. There’s a dot, and they’re going off for rain again. Covers coming out. Don’t think they’ll be off long this time either.

48th over: West Indies 146-6 (Bravo 59, Roach 13)

Fair play to Roachy, his batting is better than I remember it. Lyon tosses one up first ball and he drives handsomely through the covers for four. Lyon responds well, beating the outside edge, but Nevill (Southall) can’t hang on and there’s a scampered bye. Bravo cuts for a single, before pulling off some excellent football skills as the throw comes in. He does some keepie uppies and knocks it up to Lyon.

47th over: West Indies 140-6 (Bravo 58, Roach 9)

Patto’s hooked from the attack, so it’s time for a bit of Mitch Marsh for the first time in the innings. Second ball, he beats Roach every which way possible. It whistles past the inside edge of a wildly unlatched gate and somehow fails to clip off stump on the way through. They take a leg bye to backward square a couple of balls later, and Bravo drives defensively to cover and gets behind the last. One from t’over.

46th over: West Indies 139-6 (Bravo 58, Roach 9)

Four more for Lyon to bowl, and Bravo defends the first three, which are looped up, and then the fourth too, which is much flatter. About an hour’s play left I reckon.

Covers are going off, now.... Will be back shortly.

They are going off for rain again. Just before, Nathan Lyon’s back into the attack, and he just drops short, so Bravo rocks back and punches him through the cover for four. It’s just mizzly rain, not that heavy, and the Aussies hang by the boundary because they want to stay out. Covers coming on.

45th over: West Indies 135-6 (Bravo 54, Roach 9)

I’ll tell you what, Kemar Roach, that is lovely. And I’ll apologise, because I didn’t think you had that in you. Patto overpitches and Roach gets forward with a checked, punched drive through the covers for four. Massive gap there and he just fired it through. Shot. Pattinson decides that is grounds to dig a couple in - Roach gets under one, then behind another. The last of the over is defended to Nathan Lyon at backward point.

44th over: West Indies 131-6 (Bravo 54, Roach 5)

A bit on Bravo: he’s looked good. About half of his runs seem to have come through cover, he’s defended firmly and knows the whereabouts of his off-stump precisely, meaning he’s left well. That’s the story of this Siddle over: there are five leaves which he resists, then a stunning drive through the covers off the last. Don’t bowl there. Roach needs to stay with Bravo.

43rd over: West Indies 127-6 (Bravo 50, Roach 5)

Pattinson starts with one down the legside, again. The lads on commentary are suggesting he’s trying a bit hard. I’m of the opinion that that is not possible. Anyway, Bravo goes to 50 off the fourth ball of the over with a punch off the back foot through cover for one. Next up, Roach drives and Lyon is diving at point keeps it to two. The last is left.

Re Windies. #AusvWIhttps://t.co/K7A8V1oCUe

42nd over: West Indies 124-6 (Bravo 49, Roach 3)

Roach edges Siddle straight to gully, then two balls later plays the same shot just to his right and they run three. Four Aussies chased that down. Bravo gets a single through third man off the fifth ball, then Roach is beaten outside off with the last.

Haigh: "There's a meeting on Saturday for the West Indies Cricket Board to consider a recommendation to disband""

41st over: West Indies 120-6 (Bravo 48, Roach 0)

Pattinson begins with one down legside. Bravo’s carefully in behind much of the rest of the over, with the exceptions being a drive straight to mid-off, then the last ball being flicked through midwicket for a lovely four.

A #kangaroo impasse in the #merlot vines at #Lenswood today. Cute little fella. @BrandSouthAust@AHWineRegionpic.twitter.com/Urd8KfWprW

40th over: West Indies 116-6 (Bravo 44, Roach 0)

They keep showing the Holder hawkeye over and over and it gets more depressing every time. Roach defends three straight balls from Siddle and that’s the end of a very long over.

Shower’s gone, we’re ready to go again... Kemar Roach the new man.

The umps are out to have a look. Not much in the way of covers on.

Dear oh dear. Holder is a very tall man and it’s hit him above the knee roll. It was going miles over. The review was there. Holder was the last decent batsman. He asked Bravo if it was worth a review, but he said no. Really is a shame.

Holder LBW, Bravo doesn't think it worth a review, ball-tracking has it missing the stumps by miles, and the rain arrives. Sums it up really

Siddle’s first is just edged with soft hands by Holder through backward point and they take an easy two. Two balls later he’s struck on the pad in front! Massive appeal and the umpire’s finger goes up. They discuss the review, but they choose not to.

Oh fiddlesticks. Double fiddlesticks. It’s not just Holder going off. They all are. The rain is coming down. AND hawkeye says it was going over by a mile. Disastrous couple of minutes for the Windies.

39th over: West Indies 114-5 (Bravo 44, Holder 13)

Double change. Jimbo Pattinson back into the attack. His first one stays a bit low, and Bravo camps back and gets a thick outside edge that runs through gully for four. Frustrating for the bowler. The next is down the legside and ignored, then there’s a full wide one that Bravo slashes extremely hard at and it flies past point still rising for four. Shades of Lara, as per. Couple of solid defences are followed by another drive, but this one is straight to cover. Eight from the over.

38th over: West Indies 106-5 (Bravo 36, Holder 13)

Lyon off. Time for a little bit of Pierre Siddle. Strikes me as his kinda conditions. Bravo takes one into the legside second ball then Holder is beaten outside off. Not much chirp from the Aussies, which is a surprise. He sees out the over without any more cause for alarm.

37th over: West Indies 105-5 (Bravo 35, Holder 13)

Another scampered single to mid-off for big Jase, then Bravo takes one with a fluffed leg glance. These two look fairly unperturbed by the whole situation, to be honest. Hang tough, lads. The last of the over is driven firmly through the offside by Holder for two, which Lyon cuts off near the fence.

36th over: West Indies 101-5 (Bravo 34, Holder 10)

Holder milks Lyon for an easy single to deep point first up, then Lyon spends a couple of balls tempting Bravo to drive, which he does, for one. That’s the hundred. There are certainly no handshakes or high fives for this one, and rightly so. Big Jase gets a single to wide mid-on off the last.

35th over: West Indies 98-5 (Bravo 33, Holder 8)

Holder’s busy, which is good to see. He gets a thick, but safe, outside edge through point for a couple, then just drops into the offside for a soft-handed, sharply run single. Hazlewood’s line to Bravo is impeccable and he leaves a hanging bat at the fourth and he’s lucky to miss. The last is driven but not timed and is cut off at point. It’s all hands in pockets and cable knit in the cordon. Chilleh, as they say.

34th over: West Indies 95-5 (Bravo 33, Holder 5)

Shot! Nobody told Holder the Windies are under the pump. Lyon is just swatted over mid-on for a one-bounce four. That’s how you get off the mark. I can see why he’s attacking, because his defence is very hard-handed. He edges a single past second slip and Bravo sees out the over.

33rd over: West Indies 90-5 (Bravo 33, Holder 0)

Bravo always looks so good. I blooming love how hard he batters his bat down on the crease and that high backlift. The ball makes a lovely thud off his stick, too. He middles Hazlewood’s first on the drive, but it’s well stopped by the man at short cover. The next is in an uncomfy corridor and he defends under his nose. There’s a good leave, then more firm defence - first on the front foot, then back. The last is well left and that’s a second consecutive maiden. A timely reminder that Shannon Gabriel is crook and unlikely to bat. Bad > worse. Not that Gabriel is Lara. He averages 4.41 in 20 Test innings. Four and a half runs wouldn’t go amiss now, mind.

32nd over: West Indies 90-5 (Bravo 33, Holder 0)

It’s a wee bit baltic in Tassie. Lyon’s bowling in the jumper. Holder’s watchful, if a little hard of hand, in defence, and it’s a maiden that is mainly notable for the chirps of “cmon Gary” from around the bat and the presence of two slips. Dig in, Jase. Dig in.

31st over: West Indies 90-5 (Bravo 33, Holder 0)

You have to feel for big Jason Holder. He’s out in the middle already. He defends to mid-on first up, then lets one go. There’s a muffled appeal from the bowler to the fifth, which strikes on the pad but it’s going down and they scamper a leg-bye. Bravo is firm in defence off the last. Big partnership this.

Ramdin picks up four at the start of Hazlewood’s next over. In his head, it’s driven powerfully on the up through the covers. What actually happens is that it squirts past his stumps off the inside edge to fine leg.

And next up he’s bowled! That’s nice from Hazlewood, it’s just nipped back and maybe stayed a tad low and castled him. Not really sure why he played back to a ball of decent length, mind.

30th over: West Indies 85-4 (Bravo 33, Ramdin 4)

Lyon to continue. He was buzzing before tea and doesn’t appear to have calmed down much. Bravo gets an inside ege and they scamper a single behind square on the legside, then Ramdin takes one to mid-off. Bravo sees out four uneventful dots.

29th over: West Indies 83-4 (Bravo 32, Ramdin 3)

It’s Hazlewood to kick things off after tea and he begins with five dots to Ramdin. They’re all on or outside off with a bit of shape. Nice start. The sixth ball is just nudged into the legside for two, which they can’t quite decide whether to take. They do.

@willis_macp This 1-sided abbatoir of a game is a tragedy. How do the Aussies top this? Peeing on old ladies' flower beds, punching kittens?

And look at that.... The covers are coming off....

Play to resume in 7 mins, at 3.45pm AEST. #AusvWI

Hello everyone. Will stepping into the chair for the last session of the day. Australia are winning this Test match. The question of “who is winning” is not as easily answered in Test cricket as it is in some sports, but I’m pretty confident with that assertion. Nathan Lyon bowled beautifully to take two wickets in an over just before the break and the Windies will surely follow on. Matter of when, not if.

But oh no! There’s a bit of weather about to delay the inevitable! There’s some pretty substantial looking covers on and the cameras are splattered with rain so we’ll have a delayed start.

Australia all over the West Indies like a cheap suit. This was always likely to be a mismatch but thanks to the massive partnership between Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh, and three wickets to Nathan Lyon, this is heading into nightmare territory for the West Indies.

Thanks for your company this afternoon. I’m going to hand over to Will Macpherson for the final session. Will he see a follow-on?

28th over: West Indies 81-4 (Bravo 32, Ramdin 1) Men around the bat like they’re playing on day five in Mohali, not day two in Hobart. Lyon keeping on the attack but Denesh Ramdin survives, and gets off the mark with a streaky single.

Time for tea...

27th over: West Indies 80-4 (Bravo 32, Ramdin 0) Bravo happy to shut up shop as the tea break approaches, seeing off a Peter Siddle over without much fuss. All the attention back on golden arm Lyon.

26th over: West Indies 78-4 (Bravo 30, Ramdin 0) There was never any question who was going to win this match but Nathan Lyon is hastening the result with some delightful off-spin bowling. A double-wicket maiden on a flat pitch in blustery chilly conditions.

Jermaine Blackwood doesn’t last long and it’s Nathan Lyon again who does the damage. A regulation spinning, bouncing offie is too good for the West Indian and he props forward, playing with hard hands, offering a sharp chance straight to Joe Burns at short-leg. Poor batting from Blackwood but all credit to bowler and fielder.

Wowza! That is a sensational caught and bowled for Nathan Lyon. Tossing one up over the wicket to Marlon Samuels the ball is middled in the air to the spinner’s left. He dives across taking a brilliant catch with two hands to the disbelief of the batsman. What a grab.

25th over: West Indies 78-2 (Bravo 30, Samuels 9) Siddle back for a trundle, around the wicket to Bravo. A couple behind point is followed by a most unusual boundary. Bravo drives on the up through extra-cover and takes his bottom hand off the bat but still has enough power in the stroke to smite a four. He follows that up with a loose swoosh that catches an under-edge that fails to reach Nevill behind the stumps.

24th over: West Indies 72-2 (Bravo 24, Samuels 9) Two slips now for Lyon to Samuels and he goes up for a big LBW shout off the opening delivery of the over. Missing leg... Samuels is playing from the crease and that means he’s ready for one Lyon drops a touch short, giving him room to rock back and carve him to the cover boundary.

23rd over: West Indies 66-2 (Bravo 24, Samuels 3) Bravo again showing his class off the back foot through the covers, riding a Hazlewood delivery beautifully and steering it to the cover boundary.

22nd over: West Indies 62-2 (Bravo 20, Samuels 3) Lyon enjoying himself out there now, throwing up his gentle-looking deliveries that come down with plenty of menace to both left and right-hander. A few runs are milked but not convincingly. Australia squeezing the life out of the West Indies.

21st over: West Indies 58-2 (Bravo 19, Samuels 0) Hazlewood’s accuracy replace’s Pattinson’s waywardness and a maiden follows.

20th over: West Indies 58-2 (Bravo 19, Samuels 0) Wicket maiden for Lyon who is rewarded for giving his offies plenty of flight and dip despite little assistance off the pitch. That wicket of Chandrika, who looked set, will give Australia plenty of encouragement as the tea break hoves into view.

Out of nowhere the West Indies are two down! Lyon tosses one up outside Chandrika’s off stump and he drives, failing to reach the pitch of the ball, edging to Steve Smith at first slip. Smith juggles it, but pouches it safely eventually. Good bowling from Nathan Lyon, beating the batsman in the flight. Gift for Australia.

19th over: West Indies 58-1 (Chandrika 25, Bravo 19) Runs flowing a little more freely for the West Indies. Bravo claims another boundary from an overpitched wide delivery from Pattinson that squirts to the third-man fence. That delivery was Pattinson’s third no-ball of his match. Leads to a switch around the wicket to the left-hander. which in turn leads to a long hop outside off-stump that Bravo pummels to the cover boundary., and another no-ball. Might be time for a rest for young J-Pat.

18th over: West Indies 45-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 10) Bravo into double figures with a lovely back foot drive through the off-side that creeps to the Bellerive boundary. Lyon has dropped the odd delivery short in his spell so far but that’s the first to be punished. The rest are full around off-stump and treated respectfully.

17th over: West Indies 41-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 6) On a pitch as true as this with a ball refusing to move off straight, the Australian selection policy of 140kph+ bowlers gains credence. However, Pattinson, in the side for that reason, is being dealt with well by this West Indian pair from the crease. A wafty pull-cum-leave from Chandrika won’t have done his coach’s blood pressure any good; a nothing shot that will only encourage more chin music.

16th over: West Indies 38-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 4) Lyon mixing it up from around the wicket to the left-handed Bravo. Runs from a couple of drives. Lyon flighting it nicely but not a lot happening out there for him at the moment.

15th over: West Indies 36-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 2) Drinks have been taken and a chance to reflect how few deliveries have beaten the bat. No swing whatsoever in these blustery conditions and only the occasional delivery jagging off the seam. That said, it’s disciplined, high-pressure bowling and fielding from Australia, apart from an overpitched delivery to end Pattinson’s over that’s sumptuously driven past the non-striker for the first boundary of the innings.

14th over: West Indies 32-1 (Chandrika 19, Bravo 2) Time for spin with Nathan Lyon replacing Peter Siddle. Plenty of flight from the off, forcing an early false shot from Chandrika that squirts away for a single. Four leg-side byes to end the over won’t improve Peter Nevill’s mood.

The lack of decisive foot movement from the West Indians looks like it could cause problems at any moment.

13th over: West Indies 27-1 (Chandrika 18, Bravo 2) Pattinson back into the attack and he returns with an over-pitched delivery that Chandrika drives through mid-off beautifully on the front foot for three. Bravo gets off the mark with a back foot push into the off-side.

Nice analysis of James Pattinson’s remodeled action. Bowling speeds hovering around 140kph rather than pushing 150kph like he did before his latest injury. Not bringing his arm through as powerfully past his left thigh in his follow through it seems.

12th over: West Indies 22-1 (Chandrika 15, Bravo 0) Siddle with a maiden to Bravo. The left-hander looks elegant in defence. Upright at the crease with that Lara-like swish of the bat.

11th over: West Indies 22-1 (Chandrika 15, Bravo 0) Best shot of the innings so far to open the over, Chandrika straight driving Hazlewood for two. Thereafter it’s Hazlewood on the money and Chandrika on his guard. Australia seem to be bowling straighter than you might expect to the right handers, looking for that LBW dismissal that did for Brathwaite.

10th over: West Indies 20-1 (Chandrika 13, Bravo 0) Siddle with a good over to Chandrika, bowling straight and making the batsman play. Runs off the outside edge through gully from the final ball prevent a maiden. The batsmen not looking sure what they should be doing out there at the moment.

9th over: West Indies 17-1 (Chandrika 9, Bravo 0) That’s the early wicket Australia wanted and the persistent Hazlewood has again brought it about. Darren Bravo is the next man in and his left-handed stance will force a change of angle for the Australian bowlers.

Australia persist with Hazlewood and it pays off with the wicket off Brathwaite. A good length delivery nipped in from outside off stump and rapped the opener on the pads. Ian Gould raised his finger and Brathwaite’s on his way. Not without a review through, but the ball tracker indicates that was clipping the bails. Breakthrough for Australia!

8th over: West Indies 16-0 (Brathwaite 2, Chandrika 9) Peter Siddle into the attack and into the wind. Suggestion from the former Australian captains on TV that James Pattinson will be switched to bowl downwind and exploit his extra pace.

Siddle bang on the money from the off with a maiden, hitting good lines and lengths and making the West Indian openers play from the crease.

7th over: West Indies 16-0 (Brathwaite 2, Chandrika 9) It’s a chilly (for summer in Australia) day in Hobart and the wind has picked up, bringing with it a bit of drizzle. A quick look at the forecast and these conditions seem set for the afternoon. A quick look at a map and that wind’s coming straight from Antarctica.

Standard over from Hazlewood, just a single from it.

6th over: West Indies 15-0 (Brathwaite 1, Chandrika 9) Brathwaite off the mark finally which will settle his nerves. Pattinson ploughing a fifth-stump furrow on a good length but not a lot happening out there in the air, but there’s something off the seam when it’s hit.

Dan Silburn emails in: “After a slightly one sided first innings, is no one entertaining the possibility of the West Indies scoring 550+ and making a game of this? I’m joking, of course. But the commentary across all formats seems to give the Windies’ batsmen even less chance than their bowlers of making an impact this Test match.

5th over: West Indies 13-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 8) Brathwaite more circumspect at the crease than Chandrika. Hazlewood keeps him honest all over, including a big shout for leg before with a lively off-cutter that would have missed leg-stump. Nice maiden for the New South Welshman.

4th over: West Indies 13-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 8) Maybe that’s a tad harsh on Martin McCague? Not if your introduction to live Test cricket was Headingley 1993.

Pattinson making the ball hurry onto the batsmen from a good and fullish length with the odd bouncer thrown in for good measure. 140kph+ keeping the three slips and gully interested.

3rd over: West Indies 11-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 6) Hazlewood still getting into his groove, mixing a few trademark McGrath-like deliveries with a few McCague-like ones. Chandrika milks more runs off his pads.

2nd over: West Indies 8-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 3) James Pattinson sharing the new ball. Great to see the powerful Victorian back at the top level after injury. I once claimed on live radio that he’d bag 500 Test wickets. Hmmmm.

A mixed bag from J-Pat; a no-ball, a full toss and a few for Chandrika squirted through point.

1st over: West Indies 4-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 0) Innocuous start to proceedings after lunch. Josh Hazlewood with a couple of rank looseners to Kraigg Brathwaite before the West Indies get off the mark with four leg-byes down to the fine-leg boundary.

Well, that answers the first question. Steve Smith has declared at lunch on day two of the first Test at Hobart. Adam Voges will not make a triple century after all. Time for Australia’s pace attack to see what this pitch is really like.

Thank you very much Rob Smyth for guiding us through another Australian run-fest. It was a procession this morning for Shaun Marsh and Adam Voges as they checked off a series of Australian and international Test records. There are only a few thousand at Blundstone Arena but they can say they witnessed feats even Bradman couldn’t accomplish.

So what’s in store this afternoon? An Australian declaration, presumably. Shane Warne has floated 800 on TV and we know the home brains trust listens in on those in-ground earpieces. Perhaps an Adam Voges triple century? If we’re lucky, the West Indies fielders might take their hands out of their pockets.

114th over: Australia 583-4 (Voges 269, M Marsh 1) Voges cover-drives Warrican for yet another boundary. For all the poverty of the bowling, Voges has batted like a million dollars. He is playing unbelievably well. That’s the end of another run-drenched session, in which Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh gave statisticians a never-ending knee-trembler. It’s been so remarkable as to almost numb the senses. Either that or it’s 1.31am over here. Either way, that’s all from me - Jonathan Howcroft will be with you after lunch to report on Adam Voges’ triple century. Bye!

113th over: Australia 578-4 (Voges 264, M Marsh 1) A couple of minutes to lunch.

112th over: Australia 576-4 (Voges 263, M Marsh 1) Voges gets his 32nd four, slog-sweeping Warrican to the fence. A few months ago he was in danger of being dropped. Now he’s 263 not out in a Test match. That partnership of 449 is the sixth-highest in Test history.

The partnership ends at 449, two short of the Bradman/Ponsford record. Marsh is the man to go, hoicking Warrican straight to deep midwicket. What a 24 hours Marsh has had. That could be a life-changing innings; it will almost certainly be a career-defining one.

111th over: Australia 570-3 (Voges 258, S Marsh 182) Now Voges survives a referral to the third umpire, this time for a run-out. He was just home when the throw from mid-off hit the stumps at the striker’s end. The drizzle has cleared, though there’s no point declaring now as there are only 10 minutes to lunch.

110th over: Australia 566-3 (Voges 257, S Marsh 180) Shaun Marsh survives a review for caught behind. He tried to work Warrican to leg, and the keeper Ramdin was sure there had been an inside edge. It was given not out, so they reviewed, but replays showed the ball only hit the flap of the pad. The partnership is now 445, six short of Australia’s highest for any wicket, the legendary Ashes-winning stand between Bradman and Ponsford in 1934.

109th over: Australia 563-3 (Voges 256, S Marsh 178) Voges drives Warrican high over extra cover for a one-bounce four, which takes him to 249. I can’t keep up with all these records. There’s Voges’ 250. If that isn’t startling enough, he has faced just 269 balls. It’s all pretty remarkable – and now this is the highest fourth-wicket partnership in Test history! Voges tucks four off his pads, and that takes them past Mahela Jayawardene and Thilan Samaraweera of Sri Lanka. Voges and Marsh, who were supposed to be finish after the Ashes, have now set a world record. Is this actually happening?

107th over: Australia 548-3 (Voges 243, S Marsh 176) This has turned into a recordwatch. Voges takes a single to pass Doug Walters’ record for the highest score by an Australian against the West Indies, and this pair are also closing in on both the highest fourth-wicket partnership in Tests and the highest partnership for Australia in Tests.

@robsmyth0@danbrettig fast forward to Boxing Day. Lowest crowd since 1993 (day one washout v Sth Africa) of 15,604 a chance of being broken

106th over: Australia 545-3 (Voges 241, S Marsh 176) Voges drags Warrican from outside off stump for consecutive boundaries through midwicket. Warrican goes even wider next ball, so Voges skips down to drive over extra cover for another four, the 29th of his innings. This is wonderful batting, and Marsh joins in by driving six more over long-on. Nineteen from the over!

105th over: Australia 526-3 (Voges 228, S Marsh 170) Another over, another milestone: the 400 partnership, from just 491 balls! The strange thing is that there have been plenty of plays-and-misses this morning – and there’s another from Marsh, who recoils as a delivery from Roach gets unexpectedly big on him. Later in the over Voges pulls a single. “That sounded nice,” says Michael Slater on Channel 9. But not as nice as this. Has bat on ball ever sounded so good?

104th over: Australia 520-3 (Voges 226, S Marsh 167) The left-arm spinner Jomel Warrican assumes the position for the first time today. Marsh rocks back to smear a short ball over midwicket for four. They have definitely gone into one-day mode since the drinks break, which suggests Steve Smith wants a bowl before lunch.

Disclosure: i am drunk @robsmyth0

103rd over: Australia 513-3 (Voges 224, S Marsh 162) Four more to Voges, deflected skilfully to third man off Roach. That brings up the 500 in only the 103rd over. Voges is having some fun now, and tries to belabour the next ball back over Roach’s head. Instead it flies over the wicketkeeper’s head for four. He makes it three consecutive boundaries with a muscular clatter through mid-off. They must have been given a message at drinks. A single makes this the highest fourth-wicket partnership in Australian Test history, surpassing Bill Ponsford and Don Bradman at Headingley in 1934. Madon.

“I missed reporting at lunch, because I was having… ummm… lunch, but Sri Lanka are playing old school cricket at 1.98 an over to reach 43/2,” says Paul Cockburn. “Boult looked OK, and Wagner picked up Jayasundera caught behind for 1, but there’s not a lot in it for the bowlers that I can see. It’s not likely Dunedin will match Hobart for runs today.” Wagner is an underrated bowler isn’t he?

102nd over: Australia 496-3 (Voges 211, S Marsh 159) Things you didn’t think you’d ever, ever see in a Test match, ever, part 1 in a short series: Adam Voges charging a 6ft 8ins fast bowler and smashing him for four through mid-off. Those are his first runs through mid-off in the whole innings I think, and makes this the highest Test score at Hobart. It’s time for drinks.

This is brutal stuff @robsmyth0. Even in the mid-90s this was difficult but it feels like uber-Hussain. I love the Windies. This is awful.

101st over: Australia 490-3 (Voges 206, S Marsh 158) Kemar Roach replaces Jerome Taylor and angles a cracker past the outside edge of Shaun Marsh. There have been plenty of jaffas this morning, to go with the bad deliveries. If the ball does this much for the Aussie bowlers, it could get messy later today.

100th over: Australia 488-3 (Voges 205, S Marsh 157) Holder beats Voges with a sensational delivery that starts to swing in and then snaps the other way off the seam. Don Bradman might just have nicked that. Nobody else would have got close. The next ball also goes past the edge, with Voges pushing down the wrong line. He has bowled with admirable discipline and pride at a time when it would have been so easy to spray it everywhere or duck responsibility by giving the ball to someone else.

Say what you like about what will bring fans in for Test cricket but what's certain to drive them away is non-competitive matches @robsmyth0

99th over: Australia 488-3 (Voges 205, S Marsh 157) A wide half-volley from Taylor is squirted to third man for four by Marsh, who is then beaten by a good one. I suspect Steve Smith will keep going, certainly while these two are batting, but I do like the idea of a declaration when they reach 500 in about four balls’ time.

98th over: Australia 483-3 (Voges 205, S Marsh 153) Marsh cover-drives Holder sweetly for a couple, with the cover sweeper doing the necessary, and then flicks a hooping inswinger for a single. Australia will be happy with how much it has swung this morning. The Channel 9 commentators are nailing Marlon Samuels for setting a poor example as a senior player. He was yawning a moment ago, although as Larry David will tell you, that’s a bodily function! Samuels does, however, have the look of a man who is dying to check his smartphone.

@robsmyth0 What's all this declaration talk? I've never seen 1000 scored before :)

97th over: Australia 480-3 (Voges 205, S Marsh 150) Marsh has his concentration briefly disturbed by a magpie loitering at leg slip, but from the next ball he takes a single off Taylor to reach his first Test 150. Voges then drives beautifully through mid-on for four more. This is a procession. Australia are scoring are five an over without breaking sweat, and the partnership has reached 359. They are 29 away from Australia’s highest fourth-wicket stand in Tests, between those overrated buffoons Bill Ponsford and Don Bradman during the 1934 Ashes.

“In reply to Ian Forth (90th over),” begins Raymond Reardon, “England have the opportunity to increase their number of drawn Test matches (currently 339) in pursuit of their number of Test wins (currently 344) with the four-match Test series in South Africa starting later in the month.”

96th over: Australia 473-3 (Voges 200, S Marsh 149) Marsh flicks Holder off the pads for three, which makes this his highest Test score, and then Voges takes consecutive twos to move to 199. And there it is! He pushes a single into the covers to reach a storming double-hundred, from only 226 balls. The bowling has been poor but Voges has played unbelievably well. Cricket is one of the few sports in which life can begin at 35. That was Voges’s age when he made his Test debut earlier in the year, and at the moment he has an average of 71.08.

95th over: Australia 466-3 (Voges 195, S Marsh 146) Taylor curves a lovely outswinger past Voges. This is definitely a better day on which to bowl, and you wonder whether Steve Smith might consider an early declaration – half an hour before lunch, or perhaps something even funkier. Why not declare when Voges gets his 200? What would Steve Waugh have done? Voges is now five away from his first Test double-hundred after driving a half-volley to the cover boundary.

In the unlikely event that anyone would possibly tire of listening to the Channel 9 commentators,” begins Bruce Russell, “I have discovered that it is actually possible to listen to the radio commentary and watch the TV at the same time. It only works if you can actually pause your TV, but if so, you can listen online to the ABC commentary which is about 40 seconds behind the TV. I usually try to sync the sound of the ball via the radio with when I see it hit the bat, and find it works really well.”

94th over: Australia 462-3 (Voges 191, S Marsh 146) Remember when Allan Border used to grind England’s nose into the dirt by batting on until lunch on the third day before declaring on 600-odd for four? Well at this rate Steve Smith will be able to declare on the same score at lunch on the second day. Holder beats Marsh with a gorgeous legcutter, the highlight of another good over. He is standing alone on the burning deck.

93rd over: Australia 462-3 (Voges 192, S Marsh 146) Taylor beats Voges with a fine lifting leg-cutter. Good balls have never really been an issue for the West Indies fast bowlers. It’s the amount of filth that is the problem. Anyway, this is now a record fourth-wicket partnership for Australia against the West Indies, surpassing Bill Lawry and Doug Walters in 1969. The stand almost ends at 338 when Marsh, attempting to leave Taylor at the last minute, deflects the ball just wide of the stumps.

“Interesting point you made about away Tests. New Zealand were made to look ordinary by Australia, but already they look streets ahead of SL. How much of this is down to sides playing two or three match series with no preparation at all. NZ are playing SL, Pakistan and Australia this summer… why not play two sides and have decent series?” Yeah I agree, though there are many other issues too. NZ v Australia should be a brilliant series.

92nd over: Australia 456-3 (Voges 187, S Marsh 144) A rare bad ball from Holder is cut for four by Marsh, though it went through the left hand of the leaping fielder at gully. The next ball brings a pretty big LBW appeal from Holder, although it was clearly swinging down leg. Holder has started well; he looks a proper cricketer.

91st over: Australia 451-3 (Voges 186, S Marsh 140) Jerome Taylor (12-0-75-0) picks up where he left off last night. His first ball drifts miserably onto the pads and is flicked easily for four by Voges. Taylor is a much better bowler than this. The farce has started already. When Voges takes a quick single to cover, he gets four bonus runs when the throw whistles past the stumps and goes to the boundary. Marlon Samuels wasn’t backing up properly.

90th over: Australia 440-3 (Voges 175, S Marsh 140) It’s a cloudy morning in Hobart, so theoretically this should be a good time to bowl. The captain Jason Holder demonstrates his faith in Taylor and Roach by taking the new ball himself. Holder was easily the most economical bowler yesterday, with figures of 15-1-45-0. There’s a little bit of inswing to Marsh, who gets going with a single off the pads. Voges then does the same. A decent start from Holder.

“Well, not so fast,” says Ian Forth. “Let’s throw our minds back to Brisbane 2002, 1st test of The Ashes. End of Day 1, Australia, 364/2. But end of Day 2, Australia all out 492, England 158/1. From then until now England 5 series wins, Australia just 3. So let us see what we shall see.” Fair point. Let’s not mention the fact that England eventually lost that Test by 384 runs.

“Morning Rob, morning everyone,” writes my old colleague Paul Cockburn. Who now lives in New Zealand. The b*”!)($£”$”!. “While those slacker Australians have failed to put a single run at all on the board this morning, I am here to report that in sunny Dunedin New Zealand were all out for 431, and that in reply Sri Lanka are 20 for 1, with Mendis caught behind off Boult for 8. It’s going to be a long day for SL, I feel.”

Indeed. What started as an interesting trend - the inability of teams to win away from home - is now becoming a serious problem. I can never remember it being this bad, and I’ve been watching Test cricket since the 1740s. Even in the days of doctored pitches and dodgy home umpires it wasn’t this bad.

Pointless stat of the day AdamVoges currently averages 341 against West Indies – a record for a Test batsman against one country. I had it in my head that Jacques Kallis averaged 9471.24 against Zimbabwe but apparently not: the figure was actually 169.75, though he did average 503 in Tests in Zimbabwe.

@robsmyth0@plalor Today in history: Adam Voges has the single largest drop in Test average against one country

“And I guess that’s what they call it Test cricket – cause it’s a test.” This, as well as being the most rousing chorus Elton John never wrote, is an observation that has been made regularly since the concept of test cricket was first discussed in 1861-62. It’s a cliché for sure, but one that reflects the uniquely arduous nature of this superior sporting format. It’s fair to say, however, that nobody was reaching for the cliché yesterday. Australia were playing Untest Cricket against a sadly inept West Indies, who conceded over 400 runs in a day for the first time since 1931.

Australia will resume in Hobart on 438 for three, with Adam Voges on 174 and Shaun Marsh on 139, nine short of his highest Test score. Even that might not be enough to stay in the side for the Boxing Day Test, with Usman Khawaja likely to be available. He could survive at the expense of his brother, of course, if Australia decide to go with four bowlers for a few Tests until Shaun presents an irresistible case for dropping him yet again . Either way it’s an intriguing subplot, and we need to embrace those with every fibre of our being because, even after one day, the main plot is a foregone conclusion.

Rob will be here shortly for the first session. In the meantime, remind yourselves how day one went with yesterday’s report.

Related: Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh tons put Australia in control against West Indies

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Australia v West Indies - day three of the first Test in Hobart – as it happened

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Right, that’s about it from me. The second Test begins, as you well know, on Boxing Day at the MCG. Thanks for your company throughout the Test. Merry Christmas!

And here’s Steve Smith

“Yeah that was a good win. Adam’s played a lot of cricket and understands the game really well; he’s a great man to have around the group. Joshy Hazlewood has really stepped up and led the attack beautifully, and it was an outstanding effort today from James Pattinson. Nathan Lyon bowled beautifully yesterday, he’s been a quality performer for a long time.”

Here’s the West Indies captain Jason Holder

“We didn’t start well enough, we were pretty indisciplined and that carried on throughout the first day. After that we were always trying to catch up. We have to exercise patience a lot more when we bowl, and we’ll be a lot more successful. Credit to the way Darren Bravo and Kraigg Brathwaite played, but unfortunately most of the batsmen didn’t really get in. The only way you can make runs is if you’re in the middle. It’s important we stay together to help each other through this tough time.”

The Man of the Match is Adam Voges

“It was a pretty special partnership with Shaun. It’s probably quite fitting that Bradman and Ponsford still hold the record. I’m just enjoying every minute of it, I wear the Baggy Green as much as I can, I probably wear it round the house as well! We’re gelling really nicely as a team now.”

Since you asked, Brathwaite ended with 63.51 per cent of the runs in that innings, which puts him fourth on the all-time list behind Charles Bannerman, Michael Slater and VVS Laxman.

Australia lead the series 1-0 You have to feel a bit for Brathwaite, who deserved a century. He was racing towards it before Hazlewood, realising that he had gone into one-day mode, produced a superb delivery that just trimmed top the top of the bails.

Hazlewood has been terrific, with seven cheap wickets in the match, though the Match Award will surely go to Adam Voges. Australia have marmalised the West Indies. The scorecard says they won by an innings and 212 runs, but in reality they won by 16 wickets and 212 runs.

A deliberate uppercut off Hazlewood brings Brathwaite his fifth boundary in eight balls, but he’s gone now, bowled by a brilliant off-cutter from Hazlewood!

36th over: West Indies 142-8 (Brathwaite 88, Warrican 2) Brathwaite gets four more with a high-class back-foot drive for four off Marsh. The next ball zips back in, but Brathwaite is good enough to deliberately work it between slip and gully for four. A nice flick through midwicket makes it three consecutive boundaries. Make that four consecutive boundaries! He slams a cut to the fence, and could yet reach his century. Nineteen from the over, so he’ll keep the strike.

35th over: West Indies 123-8 (Brathwaite 69, Warrican 6) Warrican clips Hazlewood for two to get off the mark and then edges for four next ball. Ach, there’s no chance of the record for Brathwaite. But he should become the first West Indian to carry his bat in a Test since Dessie Haynes in 1993, and only the third overall: Haynes did it twice and Frank Worrell once.

Taylor’s breezy slog ends with a mishit drive that loops high to mid-off. Another wicket for Hazlewood, who has bowled extremely well to the tailenders in this spell. Australia need one more wicket; Kragg Brathwaite needs a miracle to get a century and/or Charles Bannerman’s record.

34th over: West Indies 113-7 (Brathwaite 69, Taylor 8) Taylor is dropped at mid-off, a tricky chance to the flying substitute Nathan Coulter-Nile off the new bowler Mitchell Marsh. In the end he dived too far and it hit him on the bottom of the cupped hands. Brathwaite drives Marsh for two, so he now has 61 per cent of the runs in this innings. He needs Taylor to get out and Warrican to make a diligent 44-ball 0 while Brathwaite gets to a hundred.

33rd over: West Indies 110-7 (Brathwaite 67, Taylor 7) Brathwaite takes another single, which means he has 67 out of 103 – or 65.04 per cent of the runs. The record is Charles Bannerman’s 67.34 in the inaugural Test match in 1876-77. But then Taylor scuffs a boundary to fine leg and drives three more through the covers. Ach! Play for your partner, Jerome. More importantly, play for the statgasm!

32nd over: West Indies 102-7 (Brathwaite 66, Taylor 0) Brathwaite cuts consecutive fours off two unusually poor deliveries from Siddle. They were beautiful shots, though. Brathwaite could threaten the oldest Test record of all: the highest percentage of runs in a completed innings. He gets three more with a solid crack through the covers.

31st over: West Indies 91-7 (Brathwaite 55, Taylor 0) Jerome Taylor is the new batsman.“When Roach took that blow to the forearm, a blow even I could see clearly foreshadowed a not out decision, I was surprised the commentator called it ‘good umpiring’,” says Phil Withall. “If calling the obvious is good umpiring then we’re in serious trouble.”

Hazlewood’s emphatic working-over of Roach comes to its logical conclusion. Roach, unsettled by a number of very good short balls, tries a flap-hook and can only edge it through to Nevill. That was brilliant bowling from Hazlewood across two or three overs. Roach had nowhere to go. The wicket wasn’t just in the post, it had been sent by recorded delivery. Australia need two more to complete a crushing win.

30th over: West Indies 91-6 (Brathwaite 55, Roach 3) Brathwaite flashes the new bowler Siddle through backward point for four more.

29th over: West Indies 87-6 (Brathwaite 51, Roach 3) Another brutish short ball from Hazlewood to Roach ends in the hands of the man at leg gully. Australia thought it was out, Marais Erasmus didn’t, and Steve Smith chose not to review. It was the right decision: the ball hit Roach on the forearm.

28th over: West Indies 87-6 (Brathwaite 52, Roach 3) Brathwaite drives Lyon for four to reach a calmly defiant half-century. Well played.

27th over: West Indies 83-6 (Brathwaite 47, Roach 3) Hazlewood is back in place of Pattinson, who might switch ends. He is a forensic interrogator of improper techniques, so you’d expect him to bowl well to tailenders. Roach does really well to repel a vicious bouncer that takes the glove and drops safely on the leg side.

26th over: West Indies 81-6 (Brathwaite 47, Roach 2) Lyon goes around the wicket to Brathwaite, who chips him gently over midwicket for six! What a gorgeous shot that was; he almost underhit it.

25th over: West Indies 73-6 (Brathwaite 37, Roach 2) Pattinson draws a thick edge from Brathwaite, who softened his hands enough to get the ball down and through the slips for three. Then Roach gets off the mark with an iffy, uppish push through the covers.

24th over: West Indies 66-6 (Brathwaite 34, Roach 0) Brathwaite cuts a single off Lyon’s final delivery to keep the strike.

23rd over: West Indies 65-6 (Brathwaite 33, Roach 0) Roach does well to get on top on another nasty lifter from Pattinson. He’s not the type of bowler you’d want to face on a pitch of uneven bounce, such his speed and nastiness. It makes you realise just how miserable it must have been for the England batsmen who were ambushed by Thommo on that corrugated Gabba wicket in 1974-75.

22nd over: West Indies 65-6 (Brathwaite 33, Roach 0) Nathan Lyon comes on for Mitchell Marsh, and Brathwaite decides to dump his first ball over mid-off for four. Excellent shot.

21st over: West Indies 61-6 (Brathwaite 29, Roach 0) That’s Pattinson’s fourth five-for in only 14 Tests. As we said earlier, he has the precious ability to rifle through teams on a good day. He could easily end up with a very cheap seven- or eight-for here.

James Pattinson picks up a five-for! He struck with the second ball of a new spell, snaring the captain Jason Holder for 17. It was a soft dismissal, with Holder deflecting a nothing delivery down the leg side to Peter Nevill, but Pattinson should not and will not care about that. He has five for 19 in just 5.2 overs!

20th over: West Indies 60-5 (Brathwaite 29, Holder 17) Brathwaite cuts Marsh confidently for four. Marsh and Siddle are bowling well enough, but the batsmen look sufficiently comfortable – this partnership has lasted nearly 10 overs, for heaven’s sake – that it might be time to see if Pattinson can rip them from their bubble.

19th over: West Indies 57-5 (Brathwaite 26, Holder 17) These two are playing well, carefully attempting to construct their innings. What do they think this is, a Test match?

18th over: West Indies 50-5 (Brathwaite 23, Holder 13) Marsh slips one past Brathwaite’s outside edge, the abiding memory of an otherwise uneventful over. I’ll take that delivery to the grave.

17th over: West Indies 48-5 (Brathwaite 23, Holder 12) Holder survives an optimistic LBW appeal from Siddle, with an inside edge saving him, and then he drives not far wide of the diving Lyon at short cover. Instead the ball races away for four. Holder does look vulnerable to the ball that ducks back into him, and later in the over he gets another big inside edge, this time for a single.

Today first time Aus has enforced follow-on at home since 2009-10 vs Windies at Gabba. Declined to 5 times. #AusvWIpic.twitter.com/BWzSdOQUip

16th over: West Indies 43-5 (Brathwaite 23, Holder 7) Mitchell Marsh continues, and is worked off the pads for two by Brathwaite. It’s a low-key start to the session, though you suspect that once Australia break this partnership they could wrap things up pretty quickly.

15th over: West Indies 38-5 (Brathwaite 21, Holder 4) Hello again. Time for the afternoon session, with Peter Siddle opening the bowling. Jason Holder drives the first ball confidently through mid-on for three. No other business.

Since you asked, in reference to Brathwaite, the lowest score by an opener carrying his bat is Bernard Tancred’s 26. Just look at this scorecard.

That was an adequate session for Australia, who took eight wickets for 51 runs in 19 overs. The star was James Pattinson, who was at his unpleasant best in taking four quick second-innings wickets.

I’m off to bury my face in a vat of iced coffee but will be back with you for the afternoon session. See you in half an hour!

14th over: West Indies 35-5 (Brathwaite 21, Holder 1) Brathwaite cuts Marsh for four, another nice stroke. Those, in fact, will be the last runs before lunch because it has started to rain and the covers are coming on. There were only 10 minutes of the session remaining, so an early lunch will be taken.

13th over: West Indies 31-5 (Brathwaite 17, Holder 1) Although that decision on the Brathwaite review did not affect the match, it needs to be looked at again because it seemed like there might have been some kind of technical glitch. Imagine if that happened with 10 runs needed in an Ashes decider. Twitter would explore, and the world would be a happier place. Anyway, a maiden from Siddle to Holder, who looks like he wants to hang around and bat properly. What an oddball.

12th over: West Indies 31-5 (Brathwaite 17, Holder 1) Brathwaite could carry his bat here. Not that it would be much of a badge of honour if the team are bowled out in 20 overs. The last West Indian to carry his bat in a Test was Desmond Haynes in 1993. That was an unbelievable innings in the context of a series between maybe the two best teams in the world.

@garynaylor999@robsmyth0 The only consolation is the fact that, presumably, this shit is costing Ch 9 heaps in advertising revenue!

Oh dear. This is just feeble. Mitchell Marsh comes into the attack and strikes with his first ball when Ramdin slices a loose drive straight to Warner at gully. Yeah Dinesh talk nah.

11th over: West Indies 30-4 (Brathwaite 17, Ramdin 4) That did look a little strange on the screen, because it seemed as if more than 50 per cent of the ball was hitting the stumps. Will that be as pivotal as the Nathan Lyon reprieve in the Adelaide Test? Clue: no.

Siddle replaces Hazlewood, and his first ball is timed through extra cover for three by Ramdin. The next one keeps a bit low; uneven bounce is becoming an issue, even though the match isn’t at the halfway point. Well, the scheduled halfway point. The match could be over pretty quickly, and we have an Australian review here.

Brathwaite pushed around a straight delivery that thudded into the pad, and was given not out by Marais Erasmus. This looks really close. Replays show it was hitting the top of the leg bail, but it’s umpire’s call and therefore not out. “Ridiculous,” says Shane Warne. “That’s smashing into the stumps.”

10th over: West Indies 27-4 (Brathwaite 17, Ramdin 1) Here comes the hat-trick ball. He’s up to the wicket, he bowls ... and Brathwaite pushes him for a single. The replays of the Samuels show that the ball took the shoulder of the bat and then hit him on the bicep before looping to gully. It really did lift viciously. He almost has a fifth wicket when Ramdin clunks a loose drive in the air but wide of cover for a single.

9th over: West Indies 25-4 (Brathwaite 16, Ramdin 0) Shane Warne has already congratulated Pattinson on his hat-trick. Before that happens, we have the formality of an over from Hazlewood. There’s a strangled shout for LBW against Ramdin, with the ball clearly going over the top. West Indies aren’t just going to lose this game by an innings; they’re going to lose it by 16 wickets.

I think our batsmen have accepted the inevitable when there is an opportunity to bat and take something positive away from the game #AUSvWI

8th over: West Indies 24-4 (Brathwaite 15, Ramdin 0) Pattinson’s figures are 4-1-17-4, and he’ll have a hat-trick ball in a few minutes’ time.

Baaaaahhhhhd him! Pattinson has four wickets, and he’s on a hat-trick. Blackwood has been cleaned up first ball by a delivery that kept low to hit the off stump. That was a nightmare to get first up, and I’m not sure Blackwood - or Samuels the ball before - could really have done much. That’s a pair for Blackwood.

The referee should stop the fight to avoid further punishment @robsmyth0

It’s probably fair to say James Pattinson is back. This is his third wicket of the innings, and the best of the lot. It was a nasty ball that lifted from a length to take the shoulder of Samuels’ bat and loop up in the air. Warner backpedalled from gully to take a comfortable catch above his head.

7th over: West Indies 22-2 (Brathwaite 15, Samuels 1) Hazlewood cuts Brathwaite in half with a beautiful off-cutter that just misses the off stump.

6th over: West Indies 20-2 (Brathwaite 14, Samuels 0) That was the last ball of the over. Marlon Samuels, the only to man to literally score a Test hundred in his sleep, is the new batsman. That was a bit of a loose, leaden-footed stroke from Bravo, though it’s hard to be too critical after his brilliant first innings.

Pattinson isn’t bowling at top pace, around 138kph, but that’s understandable in the circumstances. An inviting short ball is swaggered to the extra-cover boundary by Bravo. He had so much time to play that shot, and not just because Pattinson is slightly down on pace.

He didn’t have enough time to play the next ball though - he’s gone! It was full, inviting the drive, and Bravo dragged it back onto his stumps. That’s a huge wicket, for Australia, for Pattinson and most importantly for those those of us dreaming of a three-day finish so we don’t have to work tomorrow night.

5th over: West Indies 16-1 (Brathwaite 14, Bravo 0) Hazlewood bangs away on a length, and the result is a maiden to Brathwaite. He’s going to take 400 Test wickets, isn’t he? He’s just got it. I know he had a poor Ashes but a lot of great fast bowlers struggled on their first tour of England, such are the unique conditions. There was a time when England fans thought Glenn McGrath was useless, and look how that worked out.

4th over: West Indies 16-1 (Brathwaite 14, Bravo 0) Brathwaite cuts Pattinson in the air but safely for four. That was a strange shot, almost a wristy flick – except it went through backward point. He gets another boundary two balls later with a lovely drive through extra cover. Fetch that.

3rd over: West Indies 5-1 (Brathwaite 5, Bravo 0) Three from the over, all to Brathwaite. That’s it. Look I said that’s it, let’s just move on.

2nd over: West Indies 2-1 (Brathwaite 2, Bravo 0) The new batsman is Darren, who Bravo had a break of 16 minutes between innings. Mark Taylor reckons he just should have opened, as his namesake Peter did at Karachi in 1988.

James Pattinson will share the new ball. He was expensive in the first innings, when he understandably tried a bit too hard. Once he gets a wicket he’ll relax, and when he’s relaxed he has the capacity to run through any batting line-up.

And he has struck third ball! That was a fine delivery, pretty full and moving away just enough to take the edge as Chandrika pushed forward with hard hands. It flew towards second slip, where Steve Smith took a terrific low catch. What a lovely moment for Pattinson, who gives fresh air a bunch of fives to celebrate his first Test wicket for 18 months.

1st over: West Indies 2-0 (Brathwaite 2, Chandrika 0) Hazlewood, who took four for 45 in the first innings, starts with a yorker that is dug out by Brathwaite, who then gets off the mark with a push to leg for two.

“I watched Paul Allott bat in an Allan Lamb benefit match against a West Indian XI in Cornwall, in the late 1980s,” says Nick Fisher. “The Windies were playing against a team of (very well padded up) locals. Lambie spent most of the time walking around the boundary with a glass of red, working the crowd and signing autographs. Unremarkable, except that my friend who’d had rather a lot to drink after celebrating the end of our A-levels, and, for reasons best known to himself, shouted something unrepeatable to Allott as he went to bat. Allott was unamused by this, and was out for a duck shortly after. I feel as though we got off on the wrong foot. If you’re reading this Paul, I send my heartfelt apologies.”

No surprise there. West Indies will bat again in 10 minutes’ time, needing 360 to avoid an innings defeat. As James Brayshaw says on Channel 9, Bravo might be advised to keep his pads on.

@robsmyth0 Bravo's record's disparity between home and away is an indictment of the pudding pitches served up in the Caribbean.

Bravo has gone, slicing a huge drive to point. That’s pretty selfless actually, because he could easily have applied some red ink to his innings. It was a marvellous knock: 108 from 177 balls with 20 fours.

@robsmyth0 Poor turnout - how much else is there to do in Tassie on a Saturday?

69th over: West Indies 221-8 (Bravo 106, Warrican 2) The hat-trick ball from Hazlewood, to Warrican, deflects off something and loops just over the leaping Burns at short leg. There’s all kinds of excitement in the Channel 9 commentary box, though I don’t think it hit anything other than the thigh pad. In fairness, the trembling of knees among grown men was understandable: at first sight it looked like it might have taken the glove or inside edge as well. Hazlewood then tries to york Warrican, who clips the ball nicely through midwicket for a couple.

Shane Warne, in reference to Bravo’s pitch-kissing celebration, is talking about Dumb and Dumber. Insert your own ‘But I thought Channel 9 had three commentators these days?’ joke here. I quite like their commentary team, though my inbox tells me that isn’t necessarily a common view. Why can’t we just all get along?

68th over: West Indies 219-8 (Bravo 106, Warrican 0) Bravo slaughters Siddle’s final ball through point for four, which means Hazlewood will have a hat-trick ball at Warrican.

It must be hard for Bravo,” says Phil Withall. “He’s played an exceptional innings, one worthy of a better outcome, yet has to watch as those around him flounder. It’s like Ronaldo playing for Blackpool.” There’s something really admirable about excellence in a complete shower – think Robin Smith in the 1989 Ashes, or Rahul Dravid against England in 2011. It would be so easy just to turn it in.

67th over: West Indies 215-8 (Bravo 102, Warrican 0) Hazlewood has bounced back superbly from that difficult Ashes. He loves playing the West Indies too: three Tests, 16 wickets at an average of 9.31.

Two in two balls! Taylor falls for a golden duck, chopping an off-cutter back onto the stumps. Hazlewood is on a hat-trick, although that was the last ball of the over so he might not get the chance. With Shannon Gabriel injured, Australia only need one more wicket to wrap up the innings.

Kemar Roach has gone, caught behind off Josh Hazlewood. It was an immaculate line and length, and Roach thin-edged a defensive push through to the keeper. Roach played really well, surviving 94 balls for his 31.

Statgasm That’s Bravo’s seventh Test hundred, and six of them have come overseas. Indeed none of the great West Indian batsmen of the last 80-odd years – not even his cousin – have a better average in Tests abroad than Bravo’s 54.53.

66th over: West Indies 213-6 (Bravo 102, Roach 31) The players are out, with only five minutes lost.The growling vegan, Peter Siddle, will open the bowling. His second ball is too full and Bravo thumps a cover-drive for four to move to 98. And there’s his hundred! He squirts Siddle through backward point for two more and punches the air in celebration. It’s been a lovely innings, and there is warm applause around the ground. All Test centuries are special, but those that you score as an away batsman in Australia mean more than most.

Ach, it’s raining. The covers are on, though it should only be a passing shower. Obviously I haven’t a clue about the weather – I’m 10,000 miles away FFsake - but I’m parroting what Paul Allott just said on Sky.

Hello. The hardest position to fill in a Test team is often No3. For this West Indies side, it’s been the easiest. Darren Bravo is a proper cricketer, of class and substance, as he showed again yesterday with a fine 94 not out in his first Test innings in Australia. Plagiarism is an unavoidable consequence both of digital life and a culture of uniform individuality, but occasionally it’s a force for good: Bravo’s unashamed tribute to his cousin Brian Lara has served him pretty well.

West Indies will resume today on 207 for six, still 177 away from avoiding the follow-on. They are likely to lose this game, but then we knew that beforehand. This tour is not one for the myopic. The role of players like Bravo is so important – not just to restore pride and to save or win the occasional Test, but to give hope for the future.

Rob will be here shortly to take you through the first two sessions today, so while he makes his way to his keyboard, catch up on what happened on day two.

Related: Record stand underpins Australia's superiority over West Indies in Hobart

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Australia v West Indies: the first day of the Boxing Day Test - as it happened

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  • Australia 345-3 at stumps on day one of the Boxing Day Test
  • Centurions Usman Khawaja and Joe Burns punish West Indies bowlers

Australia continued their dominance over the West Indies on a sluggish Boxing Day at the MCG. The day centred around a massive partnership between centurions Joe Burns and Usman Khawaja but a lifeless pitch and a dismal opposition blunted the occasion.

The decision to drop the in-form Shaun Marsh was always going to prove controversial but the two batsmen whose participation was most under threat repaid the selectors handsomely. Burns was patient, Khawaja stylish and both ensured the early loss of David Warner was never felt.

90th over: Australia 345-3 (Smith 32, Voges 10)

Kraigg Brathwaite is an odd choice to bowl the final over of the day. Voges cashes in with a lovely straight driven boundary.

89th over: Australia 341-3 (Smith 32, Voges 6)

Bay 13 has been decimated by ejections today. Bloody barren down there with a few overs left! #AusvWI#cricketpic.twitter.com/RNROtm8F2K

88th over: Australia 335-3 (Smith 31, Voges 2)

Holder charging in and hurling the newish ball down from a great height. The speed gun registers 125kph. That’s 20kph slower than Chris Woakes.

87th over: Australia 335-3 (Smith 31, Voges 2)

Shane Warne mentioned on commentary earlier that on drop-in pitches, particularly the MCG, he would never advocate bowling first on winning the toss. Jason Holder found that out to his cost today. A good toss for Steve Smith to lose and not be forced into making a poor decision. That said, you get the feeling ten West Indian wickets will fall much easier than a few Australian ones on any track right now.

86th over: Australia 331-3 (Smith 27, Voges 2)

The sun’s out again at the MCG, casting shadows across the square. Voges off the mark with a two behind square on the leg side.

85th over: Australia 328-3 (Smith 27, Voges 0)

Tiredness eventually did for Khawaja. He was grinding to a halt and offering chances with one eventually sticking. In this form though he doesn’t just score runs, he scores beautiful runs. A few years of his elegance in the international arena will do the game no harm.

Taylor finally gets his man. An innocuous delivery tickled down the leg side and claimed well by Ramdin.

Superb knock by Khawaja.

84th over: Australia 328-2 (Khawaja 144, Smith 26)

This game has unravelled a little since the dual centuries were achieved. Khawaja is fatigued, the West Indies are a rabble and there are still six overs left in the day.

That gets a "Dear, oh dear..." from Bill in the @WWOS9 comm box... LIVE: https://t.co/crPlBfWJkr#AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/5Pk3DnBOWu

83rd over: Australia 323-2 (Khawaja 143, Smith 22)

West Indies’ day goes from awful to abysmal. Khawaja mistimes a half-tracker from Jerome Taylor sraight to Samuels at extra-cover and the ball unforgivably goes to ground. It was a chest-high chance, straight to him. That was embarrassing. Samuels owes Taylor a year’s worth of Red Stripe for letting his paceman down there.

82nd over: Australia 318-2 (Khawaja 142, Smith 18)

The new ball has now been taken and Jason Holder has taken responsibility for its first use. Two wide off-side looseners give the impression the new rock will make little difference. This is reinforced with a no-ball and a long hop that Smith pulls disdainfully to the square leg boundary.

81st over: Australia 312-2 (Khawaja 141, Smith 14)

The new ball has been declined, for now, with Carlos continuing into the tenth over of his spell. Figures of 0/29 reflect the passage of play he’s been central to.

80th over: Australia 311-2 (Khawaja 140, Smith 14)

Kraigg with what may be the final over before the new ball is taken. It is nothing cricket with everyone involved going through the motions and Australia picking up a couple of sedentary singles.

79th over: Australia 308-2 (Khawaja 138, Smith 13)

Carlos charging in from the Members’ end of the MCG but there’s no assistance from this old ball on such a lifeless surface. One does jag back and Carlos makes an exaggerated display of disappointment.

78th over: Australia 306-2 (Khawaja 137, Smith 10)

I realise with a Brathwaite at either end things could get confusing. Kraigg is working the last overs of this Kookaburra with his right-arm darts with little happening as the evening cloud comes over.

77th over: Australia 302-2 (Khawaja 136, Smith 9)

Khawaja looks exhausted out there and he’s late to a Brathwaite delivery from around the wicket that crashes into his box. Clearly this is cause for much merriment to everyone but the poor batsman. If Glenn Maxwell was in the XI Khawaja would presumably retire out about now and give the Victorian a chance of a 12-over century late in the day.

76th over: Australia 299-2 (Khawaja 135, Smith 7)

Australia milking runs from Brathwaite’s spin and the poor energy in the field shows again with a sloppy misfield at point. For a professional outfit this West Indian side are amateurish at times.

75th over: Australia 295-2 (Khawaja 133, Smith 5)

Burns looked knackered by the end there and Khawaja doesn’t look too flash at the crease. It’s been a long slow day in Melbourne with plenty of runs needing to be run on the massive MCG outfield.

74th over: Australia 290-2 (Khawaja 132, Smith 1)

The drinks break and the bowling change pays dividends for the West Indies. Brathwaite bowling over the wicket to the right-handed Burns made one skid on past the outside edge with the batsman outside his ground and unable to scramble back in.

Warrican’s futile spell comes to a long overdue end with Kraigg Brathwaite brought on and there’s an immediate reward! Burns advances, misses, and Ramdin whips off the bails quick as a flash.

Drinks at the MCG with Usman Khawaja receiving some physio and painkillers for what looks like a back injury.

Updated scores for the #AUSvWI series with Australia at 1/272 @CricketAus - 5/855 @westindies - 20/371

73rd over: Australia 286-1 (Burns 128, Khawaja 129)

Brathwaite genuinely beats Khawaja to start the over but that seems to only sharpen the centurion’s concentration. Gaps on both side of the wicket are found as the left-hander once more overtakes his batting partner.

72nd over: Australia 281-1 (Burns 128, Khawaja 124)

After being ignored for much of the day Warrican is now in the 16th over of his spell. 0/71 tells you everything you need to know. Burns contributes to these ordinary numbers with a beautiful lofted cover drive that rouses the crowd for the first time in half an hour or so.

71st over: Australia 272-1 (Burns 120, Khawaja 123)

This is now the third highest second-wicket stand for Australia at the MCG. The partnership is slowing somewhat though with Brathwaite keeping Burns honest on a straighter line. Only four runs in the past three overs.

70th over: Australia 271-1 (Burns 120, Khawaja 122)

Warrican’s toil continues with Khawaja happy just to see him off and regroup.

69th over: Australia 270-1 (Burns 120, Khawaja 121)

Burns demonstrably frustrated by Brathwaite’s dry lines. Value of a smart partner now to keep him focussed and happy with the state of play.

68th over: Australia 268-1 (Burns 120, Khawaja 121)

You know the script by now. Warrican bowls, Burns and Khawaja milk runs. Partnership up to 239.

66th over: Australia 265-1 (Burns 119, Khawaja 119)

Another over of dry lines from Brathwaite, this time to the right-hander too. Eventually this forces Burns to slash hard outside his off stump and he looks a chance to be caught at third-man but Bravo doesn’t bust a gut and another cliche is given credence. Not easy for Bravo but his lack of awareness won’t help his cause in the video review session. Do cricketers have video review sessions?

65th over: Australia 264-1 (Burns 118, Khawaja 119)

As Warrican continues his penance you have to wonder if the Australian selectors were terrified Shaun Marsh would again cash in and make himself undroppable for the New Zealand tour. By deselecting him now, when they could without too much unrest, they allow Burns and Khawaja a chance to fill their boots and secure their places in the XI.

64th over: Australia 262-1 (Burns 117, Khawaja 118)

A loose over for a change. Both batsmen fancy Brathwaite and start swinging from the hip rather than nurdling ones and twos. A thick edge from Burns flies through the vacant cordon for four, he misses the next, then rotates the strike with a firm drive through cover. Khawaja just avoids a toe-edge through to the keeper.

63rd over: Australia 256-1 (Burns 111, Khawaja 118)

Warrican remaining in the attack like some form of Sisyphean punishment. He keeps bowling, the batsmen keep milking.

62nd over: Australia 252-1 (Burns 108, Khawaja 117)

Carlos Brathwaite into the attack but it may as well be a bowling machine for all the variation on offer in these conditions. He tries to shake things up a little, bowling wide of off stump from over the wicket to the left-hander but this dry line is eventually called for a wide.

Joe Burns & Usman Khawaja reached 100s same over (3 balls) MBevan & S Waugh in successive balls in an ODI at Melb, Docklands in 2000 #AusvWI

61st over: Australia 248-1 (Burns 108, Khawaja 114)

Warrican performing the role of metronome in this ensemble piece, keeping Burns and Khawaja ticking over.

60th over: Australia 242-1 (Burns 107, Khawaja 109)

Taylor keeps charging in, the ball keeps being worked to all corners. Can’t fault Jerome’s effort today but there’s been nothing doing.

59th over: Australia 235-1 (Burns 106, Khawaja 103)

Another Warrican over, another flurry of ones and twos. Feels like Burns and Khawaja are just gathering themselves for a late assault now they’ve passed their centuries.

58th over: Australia 231-1 (Burns 103, Khawaja 102)

200 partnership for the pair who are knocking Taylor around like they’re in one of the numerous backyard matches taking place throughout Australia. Time for some tape on the ball or some one-hand-one-bounce rule changes for the visitors.

Not since October has Khawaja been dismissed for less than 100 in any format. Even allowing for injury, that's some sort of summer #ausvwi

57th over: Australia 228-1 (Burns 102, Khawaja 100)

An over of milestones for Australia and one of great smugness for Australia’s selectors. Neither Burns nor Khawaja were guaranteed to start this Test but both have accumulated Boxing Day centuries at the MCG. They have made it look easy but after David Warner’s early dismissal nothing could be taken for granted.

Like London buses, you wait all day for a century and then two come in the same over. A dab into the onside and a sprinted single gives Khawaja centuries in three consecutive (for him) Test matches.

Shaun Marsh isn’t crying, it’s just raining on his face.

The first delivery of Warrican’s over has Burns rocking back and carving him through point for a hard-run three, enough to take the opener to his century. Well done young man.

56th over: Australia 222-1 (Burns 97, Khawaja 99)

Burns strokes a three through the covers to start Taylor’s over, which leaves both batsmen on 97. A lusty swing and a miss is corrected by a dabbed two to third-man to bring Khawaja to 99. Two balls to make it this over but a good bumper and some sharp fielding hand the advantage to Burns.

55th over: Australia 217-1 (Burns 94, Khawaja 97)

Warrican being milked for runs as Australia’s batsmen rattle through the (not very) nervous nineties. The pitch is flat, the ball is doing nothing, the bowling is ordinary. This is already a case of ‘how many’ for the home side.

54th over: Australia 213-1 (Burns 93, Khawaja 94)

Khawaja matching Burns, stroke for stroke, like an elite rendition of the 12th Man’s swimming commentary. A brace of off-side fours off Jerome Taylor brings both batsmen onto 93. Runs everywhere, this could be fun for a while.

53rd over: Australia 204-1 (Burns 93, Khawaja 85)

The post-tea session begins with a Burns six straight back over Warrican’s head, followed by a powerful square drive for four. Australia not letting the West Indies just skip through overs in junk time without punishment.

Lovely moment to share with Mum and Dad. Splendid send off for @BuckRogers55@abcgrandstandpic.twitter.com/v0fnUMX3D0

Things to check off during the evening session:

Thanks Russell, sterling double shift. Enjoy the Members’ Bar.

Unsurprisingly it looks like I’m going to be narrating one way traffic for the next couple of hours. Australia dominant again. West Indies just not up to a stage like this, more’s the pity.

52nd over: Australia 193-1 (Burns 83, Khawaja 84)

Finally I’m granted mercy when Kraigg Brathwaite hurries his way through one last over of that insipid spin and the players walk off for tea. Australia dominated that session, to say the very least of it, notching up 123 runs for no loss from 33 overs. I’ll hand you over to JP now to take you on through the final session, in which both batsmen are on track to bring up a milestone.

Of the 78 legal deliveries Jason Holder (0-19 off 13o) has bowled today (1nb) he's only conceded runs from 9 of them, so 69 dots. #AusvWI

51st over: Australia 192-1 (Burns 83, Khawaja 83)

Jonathan Howcroft will be here soon to inject some life into this blog, I promise. I’ve just hit the wall here. Remember when I was crying out for some part-time bowling and relief from the four-man pace attack? Those were fun times. Warrican backs up Brathwaite’s maiden with one of his own.

@collinsadam@rustyjacko@danbrettig I did not where a jock strap just big undies

50th over: Australia 192-1 (Burns 83, Khawaja 83)

Kraigg Brathwaite has just bowled the least interesting over in the history of Test cricket. I’m not actually sure it even happened. I’ve hit a wall. Maybe I’ve actually fallen asleep and I’m typing this in the world’s most boring dream.

49th over: Australia 192-1 (Burns 83, Khawaja 83)

As Bay 13 unsuccessfully attempt to start a Mexican wave, it’s perhaps time to consider the fact that you might be able to muster a better Mexican-born bowling attack than this West Indies one. Warrican concedes just a single here but Burns and Khawaja possibly have one eye on the clock with tea imminent.

48th over: Australia 191-1 (Burns 83, Khawaja 82)

As Brathwaite continues with his ineffectual spin, patrons are reminded that there’s a $1138 fine at the MCG for unruly or offensive behaviour, in which you’d be tempted to engage if you were paying half a day’s wages to watch such an uninspiring touring side.

48th over: Australia 189-1 (Burns 82, Khawaja 81)

Warrican continues with a man stationed out at wide long-on but the Australian pair are licking their lips at the prospect of boundaries right now because his trajectory is flat and he’s pitching it short of a length most of the time. A couple of singles is the only damage this time around.

47th over: Australia 187-1 (Burns 81, Khawaja 80)

Holder finally takes a breather and throws Kraigg Brathwaite the ball for a bit of the part-timer’s gentle off spin, for which a man is sent out to deep cover to guard the boundary. Khawaja cuts a single out there and then there’s a dicey moment for Burns when he lofts out towards long off but the man out there for the catch is only half-way to the boundary, so it flies over his head. Not ideal, really. With that the Khawaja-Burns alliance is now worth 150 and there’ll be plenty more to come at this rate.

.@Uz_Khawaja and @joeburns441. What a partnership! It's currently worth 109 runs at the drinks break #AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/OlpMY64gPR

46th over: Australia 178-1 (Burns 76, Khawaja 76)

Warrican’s only hope of taking out an Aussie batsman at the moment is with the spring-heeled dive that almost takes Burns’ legs out from underneath him at the non-striker’s end when Khawaja punches a single. Burns gets back on level pegging with Khawaja by dancing down the pitch and lofting four runs through mid-on. It’s all a bit inevitable.

45th over: Australia 173-1 (Burns 72, Khawaja 75)

After 45 overs I’m starting to run out of ways to describe Jason Holder’s dot balls but for all of their similarity, I guess each one carries a kind of symbolism because most of his teammates have been glaringly incapable of producing similar stock balls. Holder steps up with his fifth maiden. Rinse and repeat.

44th over: Australia 173-1 (Burns 72, Khawaja 75)

Warrican returns with his 90s-style M-Frame sunglasses and thick gold chain but there’s something a little unconvincing about the bling, a factor that becomes abundantly clear when Khawaja – measured for most of the day – skips down the track and hoists him over the fence at long on for our first six of the day. He’s now passed Burns in their dual-pursuit of centuries.

43rd over: Australia 166-1 (Burns 71, Khawaja 69)

Holder’s starting to lose his temper just a little bit here when Khawaja flat bats him for four through mid-on and then plays and misses out stump the next ball. Holder’s got 0-19 off 13 now and zero reward for his sweat.

42nd over: Australia 162-1 (Burns 71, Khawaja 65)

Ooh, I spoke too soon. Jomel Warrican is on for a bowl of his left-arm spin now and his Test stats – 9 wickets at 31.88 – indicate that he probably should have been thrown the ball a little earlier. Confession: I’d sort of forgotten about him myself. There’s a single for both batsmen before Burns has a perhaps ill-advised dash at the final delivery but his hack out through mid-on bounces before it’s cut off by the man there. Comme ci comme ca from Warrican.

41st over: Australia 160-1 (Burns 70, Khawaja 64)

This is a real grind at the moment for Holder. In lieu of a spinner or any compelling part-time options he’s sort of forced to hammer away with the same plan all afternoon. The 12th man runs a few quick drinks out at the end of the over and the Windies skipper could be forgiven for requesting something strong.

40th over: Australia 158-1 (Burns 69, Khawaja 63)

There’s a nice reminder of peak West Indies here but sadly it’s the efforts of Usman Khawaja to flick Kemar Roach out to the boundary at deep mid-wicket with a Lara-like swivel and flash of the blade. It doesn’t actually reach the rope and a quicker runner than Usman might have made it back for five but instead the Aussie pair nearly make a real hash of it, finally deciding against the extra run. Three more runs follow when Khawaja carves a drive through the vacant cover region. The Windies are flagging badly now.

39th over: Australia 149-1 (Burns 68, Khawaja 55)

Suddenly the crowd on the Southern side of the ground is going wild but it’s not for anything that’s happening on the field as Jason Holder bounds in for a 10th over. Maybe the punters have located an iPad showing Fire in Babylon or something. There’s an anomalous no-ball from Holder but he’s angered more by the single Khawaja drops a few metres to his right from the next ball. Everyone was asleep there except for the Aussies.

KHAWAJA MOZZ ALERT: The last Australian to score a century in three consecutive Tests was Matthew Hayden in 2007-08 #AUSvWI

38th over: Australia 147-1 (Burns 68, Khawaja 54)

Roach continues to grind away and the only misfortunate for Khawaja here is that when he scores it’s only a single, leaving Burns to cash in on the inevitable bad ball when he steers four past gully.

37th over: Australia 142-1 (Burns 64, Khawaja 53)

Holder has more dots than a Dalmatian today but he’s lacking penetration and energy in this spell. The cordon are barely-interested extras at the moment, just milling about with little to do. Burns bides his time for four deliveries and then crunches an upright, forceful drive to the fence at long off but then out of nowhere Holder gets one to jump off the track and Burns is lucky not to feather it behind to Ramdin.

36th over: Australia 138-1 (Burns 60, Khawaja 53)

Glorious. Khawaja saves his silkiest stroke of the day – a wondrous late cut to the boundary at third man – to bring up his half-century, which came from 87 deliveries and featured just that and two other boundaries but has nevertheless been a mostly authoritative knock. His efforts mean he’s earned his drink as the giant Gatorade bottle appears.

35th over: Australia 132-1 (Burns 59, Khawaja 48)

Holder conceded only three runs in his first eight overs but Burns more than doubles the damage when he top-edges a short one down to the fine leg fence, a blow that also brings up the 100-run partnership off 181 deliveries.

A glorious drive from Khawaja takes him to 48*. The partnership with Burns is now worth 99 #AUSvWIhttps://t.co/5uWK5bqCjZ

34th over: Australia 128-1 (Burns 55, Khawaja 48)

In the absence of a front-line spinner there’s no other option here for Holder other than to throw Kemar Roach the ball and hope for the best. Remember when Roach briefly had Ricky Ponting for a bunny? That feels like about 15 years ago. With its single gear speed, this Windies attack is probably rocking half of the MCG patrons to sleep right now. Roch is solid enough here until he overpitches to Khawaja and gets slapped for a boundary through mid off. He’s another one of those away from a half-century and the partnership is now 99.

33rd over: Australia 122-1 (Burns 54, Khawaja 43)

Though a capable West Indian fast bowler and a Test captain, Jason Holder seems too kind-natured to be either and when Burns drives to cover off his bowling here, even the sight of his cover fieldsman performing the basic feat of not misfielding entirely, he’s enthusiastically clapping his teammate’s effort. His over is a maiden and not surprisingly so.

32nd over: Australia 122-1 (Burns 54, Khawaja 43)

Khawaja plays a thumping straight drive here for no run when Brathwaite gets a hand down to save a certain boundary off his own bowling but a little too predictably, Taylor falls all over the follow-up at mid-on and the batsmen run two on his misfield. Better is the effort of Blackwood at gully next up when he dives acrobatically to save a few. There’s not much energy elsewhere in the West Indian effort.

31st over: Australia 118-1 (Burns 54, Khawaja 39)

I think he’s genuinely under-bowled himself today but Jason Holder finally returns now for another trundle and he’s immediately more threatening than his colleagues when he almost finds a way through Khawaja’s forward defence. It’s not until his final delivery that he strays a little short and the batsman fashions a pull to leg for one.

30th over: Australia 117-1 (Burns 54, Khawaja 38)

Carlos Brathwaite keeps chugging in but there’s something a bit joyless and mechanical about his efforts as his spell wears on. When containment is your primary aim I guess it rather limits the chance of something magical transpiring.

29th over: Australia 114-1 (Burns 52, Khawaja 37)

There’s a lot of things I could watch Usman Khawaja do all day (okay, pipe down at the back) but the way he turns a straight one through mid-wicket for three is just blatantly erotic. Tell me he’s not teasing us with that twist of the hips as he guides it around the corner. That’s right, you can’t.

28th over: Australia 109-1 (Burns 51, Khawaja 33)

Brathwaite gets another over and somewhat surprisingly, though I guess Jason Holder has few other options to turn to and can’t bowl all day himself. It’s far better from Brathwaite, who strings together six dot balls for his first maiden of the day. He should do a lap of honour. Channel Nine should release a limited edition print. I think we’ve just experienced something.

27th over: Australia 109-1 (Burns 51, Khawaja 33)

Taylor’s back for more and his first delivery – overpitched outside off stump – is fashioned into a truly gorgeous cover drive for three by Khawaja, whose stroke has a timeless, heart-warming quality. A few balls later Burns also drives attractively to bring up his half-century from 86 deliveries, a knock that featured 8 boundaries. Taylor’s thrown a few punches but he’ll never be a real contender.

Not bad from Burns, I suppose. But how well does he bat with Adam Voges? That’s the true test of an Australian cricketer. #AUSvWI

26th over: Australia 103-1 (Burns 48, Khawaja 30)

Brathwaite hasn’t sent down as many of the buffet balls as Roach earlier but his bigger problem is his inconsistency in hitting the kind of line and length that’s required, so there’s always a single or two around the corner. There’s a brief heart-in-mouth moment for Burns when a firm forward defence almost results in the ball rolling back towards his stumps but a ball later he’s latching onto a half-tracker and thumping it for four between fine leg and deep square leg. Remember what I just said about Brathwaite not offering up gifts? Forget it.

25th over: Australia 98-1 (Burns 44, Khawaja 29)

There’s a bit of a delay here after Taylor’s second delivery when play stops to accommodate a change of ball, the third change such occurrence by my count. Taylor gets plenty of lift with the replacement but Burns is content to wait for the loose one and doesn’t force the issue, using soft hands to open up the face of the bat and guide the ball to the rope at third man. He’s entering the danger zone now, Burns. He’d be dearly hoping for a big one today.

24th over: Australia 92-1 (Burns 38, Khawaja 29)

Okay, I was a little harsh earlier. That would have been a screamer if Blackwood had reeled it in at gully. It really flew off Khawaja’s blade. It took the left-hander 51 deliveries to hit a boundary, by the way. Who said T20 cricket disrupt’s the modern Test batsman’s flow?

@rustyjacko Intriguing Give us the Boxing Day butter chicken recipe made from leftover Xmas ham pork turkey prawns???

23rd over: Australia 87-1 (Burns 37, Khawaja 25)

Usman Khawaja was deferential before lunch but he’s on the attack now, swivelling around in silky style to pull four out to backward square leg but he gets a let-off moments later when he slashes a wide one through the hands of the diving man at gully. That was a tough chance but not impossible. Was it Blackwood who put it down? I think so.

22nd over: Australia 79-1 (Burns 36, Khawaja 18)

Brathwaite is back and Burns is riding his horses all the way to the boundary, clanging him for a pair of fours – one a rasping pull and the other a crisp drive – to get his second session under way. That might be enough of Brathwaite for Holder. Warm up skipper.

21st over: Australia 71-1 (Burns 28, Khawaja 18)

Jerome Taylor gets us under way after lunch and his first delivery is right on the button – a fast out-swinger that Joe Burns allows to pass through to the keeper. The next is too straight, so the right-hander clips one around the corner. Taylor’s operating at 136kmph, faster than his colleagues but not by much. Still, his over is incisive and accurate and bursting with the kind of energy he’s going to need throughout the afternoon.

Okay that’s me fed and watered

And I sincerely hope that none of the players participating today wolfed down the same butter chicken I just did. With play due to to start in the next ten minutes that special time has finally arrived: spider-cam swooping about the empty playing arena like a demented spider monkey. Hopefully nobody is maimed.

.@shanewarne talks about the MCG as we come into the #BoxingDayTest. #AUSvWI#WWOShttps://t.co/T3dNcUSWv9

19th over: Australia 70-1 (Burns 27, Khawaja 18)

Lunch is approaching now and there might be a temptation to give something else a try but Holder sticks with Brathwaite and the bowler doesn’t exactly repay his captain’s faith when he slams one in short for Burns to crunch out over cow. Like Khawaja’s earlier that shot holds up in the turf so he only gets three for his lusty blow. The issue here for Brathwaite is that the pitch is barely giving him anything and he’s not exactly working wonders with any kind of trickery of his own. He’s making yer average gun barrel look curvy.

James Brayshaw just said ‘you can never be critical of Warner’. I’m yet to see a more perfect summary of #ChannelNineNonsense policy.

19th over: Australia 66-1 (Burns 24, Khawaja 17)

Wowsers. Roach finally produces a jaffa here, which pitches slightly backward of a good length, seems away to square up Burns and flies off the outside edge but Darren Bravo is perhaps a little deep at first slip and it skids along the turf a foot in front of his hands. Burns got a little lucky there.

18th over: Australia 66-1 (Burns 24, Khawaja 17)

Brathwaite continues with his military mediums, though there’s at least something jaunty to his approach to the wicket, whose early stages shares some similarities with the long-jumper’s run-up. Even a long-jumper would have fielded a ball that breaches gully to gift Burns a late single though. Eek.

17th over: Australia 64-1 (Burns 23, Khawaja 16)

What this bowling partnership is doing is to highlight the value of containment that Holder was bringing to the table earlier because both batsmen can just help themselves to runs now as the pressure valve is slowly released. Khawaja turns one to leg and then Burns drives firmly for two.

16th over: Australia 61-1 (Burns 21, Khawaja 15)

Brathwaite doesn’t get much help from the man at mid-off here when his skipper falls across for a save shaped like the Sydney Harbour bridge and Khawaja’s drive scoots past him for three, but the bowler only has himself to blame when the next arrows down leg around hip height and allows Burns to tuck four bits down to fine leg. It’s all a bit shaggy, that over.

15th over: Australia 54-1 (Burns 17, Khawaja 12)

Khawaja finally gets something he can really latches onto when Roach digs one in short but his cross-batted slog out to cow corner pitches in the heavy outfield turf so he only gets three for his efforts. Roach is tidy enough either side of that but doesn’t really present as a major threat to either batsman. This cricket is probably in keeping with those watching it in the time honoured post-Christmas state; a little bloated and lazy.

14th over: Australia 51-1 (Burns 17, Khawaja 9)

We get a bit of Carlos Brathwaite now with Holder content to give something else a try in order to break this slow and steady partnership. Brathwaite’s sending it down from a similar trajectory and pace as his skipper but it darts through flatter and wider for the most part and there’s more opportunities to pick off runs, which Khawaja does with three out to fine leg to bring up Australia’s first 50 runs.

Warne: [many anecdotes of his whole high school experience] those were really the best times Chappelli: we’ve missed 3 wickets Shane

13th over: Australia 47-1 (Burns 16, Khawaja 6)

Khawaja doesn’t quite wake from his run-making slumber but he manages a single off Roach’s second delivery before Burns stirs the crowd with another handsome pull shot for three. They might have run four if Khawaja had put his skates on.

12th over: Australia 43-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 5)

As we edge closer to lunch I can report that the crowd has improved somewhat, but it’s still far from the heaving mass we normally expect on Boxing Day. Even the Melbourne Cricket Club member’s stand has plenty of seats free as Jason Holder keeps collecting his dots. Bay 13 is becoming a little more boisterous but entire bays of the Southern Stand’s top tier remain empty. With this maiden done, Holder’s conceded only a single in his last three overs.

11th over: Australia 43-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 5)

Kemar Roach is back into the attack now and hoping to improve on that disastrous first over and he does that well, swerving one away past the outside edge of Khawaja’s firmly thrusted blade. The two turned to leg from the over’s first delivery is the only score and Roach is hopefully into a groove.

@rustyjacko Jason Holder could do a Mick Malone - https://t.co/jWXe88WfBe. He reminds me a bit of him in style too.

10th over: Australia 41-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 3)

Holder is rarely pushing the speed gun far past the 130km/h range here but his accuracy and control in hemming Burns in makes up for the lack of obvious penetration. The Australian pair is being forced to wait for the bad ball rather than expect a few per over, as they had in the opening five overs. It’s another maiden from Holder and that’ll be our first drinks break of the game.

9th over: Australia 41-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 3)

Taylor is warming to this spell now and finding a decent rhythm slightly full of a good length and he produces a maiden here, forcing Khawaja to defend and defer to his better judgment. This is quite a contrast with the batsman’s rollicking hundred the other night here in the Big Bash.

8th over: Australia 41-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 3)

This is another determined and stingy over from Holder and it’s not until his fifth delivery that he offers up a single, which Khawaja tucks to leg for one.

Can’t wait for Warnie to update us on how brilliantly Pup is doing in the Sydney-Hobart yacht race. #AUSvWI

7th over: Australia 40-1 (Burns 13, Khawaja 2)

Burns has been a little stodgier than Warner earlier but he gets moving nicely here by leaning into an uprights straight drive when Taylor overpitches and it races away to the fence at long-off. He’s even a bit streaky four balls into the over when he gets a short one and slashes it over gully for a boundary but one that could have gone to hand.

6th over: Australia 32-1 (Burns 5, Khawaja 2)

This side just looks a lot tidier and far more competent when Jason Holder is doing things, and this over he’s keeping it tight and forcing both batsmen to consider such quaint concepts as leaving and exercising patience. Pity he can’t bowl from both ends.

5th over: Australia 31-1 (Burns 4, Khawaja 2)

This is much better from Taylor, it’s safe to say. Khawaja’s arrived at the crease and he’s stretching to leave outside off stump before turning towards fine leg to get off the mark with two.

David Warner what are you doing? Oh dear, the Aussie opener was slaying the tourists in the first few overs and now he’s gotten himself out slogging it into the air at cover, where Samuels juggles the catch. That was unutterably awful, I can’t lie. What sort of missed opportunity will this represent? Oh dear.

West Indies succeed in dragging Warner down to their level

4th over: Australia 29-0 (Burns 4, Warner 23)

This is a slight improvement by Jason Holder, which is to say he’s not being openly lampooned by Burns like Roach was, but there’s two leg byes tucked down to fine leg. Off field the news is even more bleak for the Windies, whose squad member Nevendra Bishoo has a bad fall at practice and is now in hospital having scans on his left rotator cuff.

3rd over: Australia 27-0 (Burns 4, Warner 23)

Roach’s struggles might be contagious, because after starting creditably in his first over, Taylor is immediately whanging it down short for Warner to crunch him through extra cover for a boundary. Two balls later his second type of bad length emerges when he dishes up a half volley and Warner gleefully drives four. The over ends without further calamity from the tourists but they’re already punch drunk. Warner’s destroying them.

Warner seeing them so early he played this innings yesterday

2nd over: Australia 19-0 (Burns 4, Warner 15)

Kemar Roach pairs with Taylor but it’s David Warner’s preparation for his first delivery that most catches the eye; he squats down and leans back like he’s down the limbo before taking guard and tucking to leg for four. Roach’s dismal start gets worse when Warner clatters the next ball over cover for four and then makes it three in a row by pounding the paceman out to cow corner.

1st over: Australia 4-0 (Burns 4, Warner 0)

Jerome Taylor will take the new ball for the tourists and he’s windmilling his arms as he prepares to unleash upon Joe Burns. Taylor’s first ball is a good one, forcing Burns to leave as it swerves away from his off stump at hip height and the next one is more of the same. Otherwise Burns is crouching forward to defend and then pulling expansively to spear a boundary out to the vacant deep square leg region. That’s Taylor in a nutshell that over; four perfectly decent balls and a bit of trash. We’re off and running.

The anthems are now done

They were as anthemy as ever and the sun is now beating down on the MCG. The crowd? At present I’d put it at about 15,000 and that’s perhaps slightly generous. The West Indies players are gathered at the boundary now receiving some final instructions from coach Phil Simmons. I’ll have the first ball coming your way very shortly.

We’re not far away from a start now

...and for fans of the 1992-93 summer in which the West Indies provided so much entertainment, you’ll be pleased to know that a link has been maintained with former Australian offie Greg Matthews crouching down in the centre and doing his pitch report. I prefer him in karate mode, personally.

Our teams for this Test

Australia: Burns, Warner, Khawaja, Smith (c), Voges, Marsh, Nevill, Pattinson, Siddle, Hazlewood, Lyon.

@rustyjacko Always dangerous to read too much into a pitch's hue, but is it a drop-in? They start flat and get flatter usually don't they?

The toss has been won by Jason Holder

... and the West Indies will have a bowl. Hmm, is it that green? We shall soon see. I’ll be back in a minute with the final line-ups.

The pitch looks very green

But then it would, wouldn’t it? It looks as though we’ll have an 11am toss and an 11:30am start to play, so an hour delay all up.

Would you look at that green pitch! #AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/t3RqjzwCCr

And the crowd goes wild!

The covers are coming off at the MCG, revealing a predictably green square surrounding the wicket. But it’s good news. We’ll have cricket a little sooner than I expected.

These men just received the first big cheer of the day!! @FOXSportsNewspic.twitter.com/nomYaKLjxI

Still nuthin

But the clouds are at least shifting out towards the south-east and the radar indicates that we’ll probably get some play in the next hour. There’s some movement by the umpires out to the middle by ground staff are still sweeping pools of water off the covers.

The big question: if Smith wins the toss, will Australia bat in swing-friendly conditions? #AUSvWI

The vibe at the MCG

...is...soggy. There’s a few hardy, poncho’d souls in position despite the rain, but most of the MCG’s patrons are huddled out the back where there’s shelter and warm drinks. As I type the drizzle continues unabated so my gaze is drawn to the various attendance figures for West Indies-Australia MCG Tests of summers gone by. Can you believe that 133,299 punters fronted to watch Colin Stuart, Daren Ganga and Ridley Jacobs in 2000-01? That’s 35,000 more than the 84-85 game, when the Windies were still great. Today? I reckon the weather and the match-up should conspire to keep us below 30,000 but happy to be proven wrong.

Wet Wet Wet

Sorry folks, but I’m here to report that the rain has returned. We were due for a toss at 10:15am and a delayed 10:45am start but that was contingent on clear skies and the drizzle has returned.

This begs the question: do Victorians really want or deserve Test cricket? pic.twitter.com/hsGYU1nzbv

Preamble

Hello OBOers and welcome to the MCG, where I’m sorry to say we’re currently sitting under gloomy skies and looking down upon water-logged covers rather than a belting Test match pitch.

Russ will be with you shortly but while you wait for his arrival, why not check out his essay on the baggy green cap and its rise to commodity status in high-end auction houses around the world. There’s also a cracking interactive too, in which you can flip over the card of each player to reveal the story about their cap.

Continue reading...

South Africa v England: first Test, day one – as it happened

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Nick Compton and James Taylor made excellent half-centuries and Dale Steyn bowled majestically on a fascinating first day of the series.

Related: Taylor and Compton fire England fightback after early Steyn wickets

James Taylor will be radged off at getting out before bad light stopped play, but he has been so convincing since his return to the Test side in Pakistan. Nick Compton also did a faultless impression of Nick Compton on his return, making 63 not out from 179 balls.

It’s hard to know who’s on top in absolute terms, but England would have taken this at 12 for two and 40-odd for three. South Africa will be happy enough too because of that late wicket, and especially because Dale Steyn – another man making his comeback – topped and tailed the day with some majestic bowling. Thanks for your company; goodnight!

That should be it for the day. After one ball from Steyn, the umpires confer and decide it’s not fair to ask people to play 90mph reverse inswing from a maniac genius in this light.

65th over: England 179-4 (Compton 63, Stokes 5) This is a interesting move from Hashim Amla, who has brought the offspinner Piedt into the attack. Stokes has sometimes had problems against spin early in his innings. He blocks a few and then swings a low full toss handsomely over midwicket for four.

64th over: England 175-4 (Compton 63, Stokes 1) There’s no nightwatchman, with Ben Stokes coming in at No6. One more wicket would possibly make this South Africa’s day. Stokes gets off the mark with a push into the off side. Steyn has figures of 15-3-29-3.

That wicket came through force of personality as much as as anything. It was a good delivery, tempting Taylor into an indecisive fiddle that he edged through to the keeper AB de Villiers. It’s a bit of tame end to an extremely good innings from Taylor, who has been brilliant since his return to the Test team last month. But it’s also wonderful from Steyn, who was asked to rip England from their bubble and did just that.

Steyn continues. Throughout his career he has prided himself on his ability to take important wickets at the end of a long, hard day. This would be a great time to do that, and it would change the mood of the match for what looks a crucial second morning. He’s done it! What a champion!

63rd over: England 174-3 (Compton 63, Taylor 70) England will be really happy to face Elgar at the end of a day on which they were put in to bat. When he drops too short, Taylor pulls him lazily over midwicket for six. Lovely stuff. This has been such a good partnership. In the parlance of our time, their game management has been immaculate.

62nd over: England 164-3 (Compton 60, Taylor 63) This is all a bit low key at the moment, so Hashim Amla invites/encourages/beseeches Dale Steyn to raise hell. He comes back to replace Morkel (15-1-4-44-0) but there’s no real movement and Compton take a quick single to mid-on.

South Africa have a Dean and an Abbott on their side - maybe they're tired after having a lot to do yesterday @robsmyth0

61st over: England 162-3 (Compton 59, Taylor 63) La la etcetera.

60th over: England 161-3 (Compton 58, Taylor 62) Compton watches another reverse inswinger from Morkel go past his off stump, though that one was a little closer. If England get through the rest of the day without losing any wickets, they will be in a lovely position for their aggressive lower middle order to kick on tomorrow. That kind of crescendoing batting line-up worked very well in 2010-11, when Strauss, Cook and Trott would wear attacks out for KP, Bell, Morgan, Prior, Bresnan, Broad and Swann to destroy them. This team has a similar capacity, on a good day at least.

“Finally got Sky; merry Christmas, me - and goodbye life,” says Joanne Beasley. “Taylor may not intimidate size-wise, but I for one find his Vladimir Putin look in his helmet, rather unnerving.” Oh my goodness, I’d never noticed that before. Look at his face!

59th over: England 159-3 (Compton 57, Taylor 61) A low full toss from Elgar is clipped wide of midwicket for four by Compton, his fourth boundary. This has been an innings straight outta 1988, and all the better for it. “I would say Elgar is somewhat under the pump in the circumstances,” sniffs Marie Meyer.

58th over: England 154-3 (Compton 52, Taylor 61) Morkel is getting a bit of reverse inswing to Compton, who watches a couple of deliveries outside off stump and then works a single to leg.

57th over: England 153-3 (Compton 51, Taylor 61)“Eff sake” screams someone, presumably Elgar, when Compton tucks an errant delivery for a single. After a torrid start, this has almost imperceptibly turned into a fine day for England.

56th over: England 152-3 (Compton 50, Taylor 61) Taylor brings up the hundred partnership with an fierce cut for four off the new bowler Morkel. He’s played the fast bowlers really well today, and of course he could play the spinners in his sleep.

55th over: England 146-3 (Compton 50, Taylor 57) Compton squirts Elgar for two to bring up a fine half-century. Well played indeed. He’s faced 146 balls and hit three fours. This was precisely the situation for which he was brought into the side – a bit in the pitch, the loss of an early wicket, Dale Steyn on the prowl – and he played his role immaculately. He almost falls next ball, mind you, when Elgar spits a beauty past the outside edge.

54th over: England 144-3 (Compton 47, Taylor 56) Sometimes we talk about the balance of a batting line-up or bowling attack to the exclusion of what is far important: scoring runs and taking wickets. That is still an issue for England, but this batting line-up does have a really nice balance now: they have dashers, blockers, biffers, counter-attackers and busy accumulators. Taylor and Compton are different batsmen, almost unique, and so they give England excellent variety in their batting. We talk more about variety in bowling but it’s important in a middle order as well. Compton gives England a bit of Tavareity too.

53rd over: England 142-3 (Compton 46, Taylor 55) A victory for England, with Dale Steyn replaced by ... Dean Elgar. He is a part-time left-arm spinner, though we all know the danger that such bowlers can cause if a batsman loses concentration. Compton doesn’t, diligently playing out a maiden, and that’s drinks.

52nd over: England 142-3 (Compton 46, Taylor 55) A maiden from Abbott to Taylor.

51st over: England 142-3 (Compton 46, Taylor 55) Steyn continues. This is his 13th over of the day, and his bowling doesn’t have the ferocious intensity of his earlier spells. Of course the ball is older and the pitch more docile as well. There’s a staggered appeal for caught behind when Compton is beaten outside off. There was a noise, but it was bat on pad.

50th over: England 141-3 (Compton 46, Taylor 54) Taylor clouts Abbott through the covers for a couple, taking the partnership to 91. As recently as six months ago you’d have got good odds on Compton and Taylor being anywhere near the Test team. It’s that context, and the previous rejection, that makes their calm performance even more impressive.

49th over: England 138-3 (Compton 46, Taylor 51) Steyn is down to two slips, a reflection of England’s control at this point. One wicket would change everything of course. Taylor, on the walk, works Steyn scruffily to fine leg for a single. I think there was a hint of reverse swing in that over, which would make like more difficult for England before the close.

I hate to flirt with a schoolboy jinxing @robsmyth0, but this has been an excellent recovery. I wonder how Flower feels about it? #ENGvSA

48th over: England 136-3 (Compton 45, Taylor 50) “As Nick Compton adds to his runs and James Taylor milks away, it makes you wonder how uncomplicated things could be if people are selected purely based on merit and not on age, potential, height etc,” says Krishnan Patel.

47th over: England 135-3 (Compton 44, Taylor 50) Compton connects nicely with a couple of cover-drives off Steyn, though he can’t pierce the field. A pull brings him a single, and that’s about it. Not even Steyn can enliven what has been a sleepy session so far.

“Between Steyn and the weather James Taylor has faced fire and rain today,” says Niall Mullen, inexplicably passing up the chance to rhyme ‘rain’ and ‘Steyn’ before high-fiving passers-by in celebration of his own brilliance.

46th over: England 134-3 (Compton 43, Taylor 50) Abbott replaces Piedt, and Compton just about survives an iffy single into the covers. It would have been very close had du Plessis’s throw hit the stumps. Taylor then clunks a pull not too far short of mid-on. He has been keen to take that shot on today.

45th over: England 133-3 (Compton 42, Taylor 50) If you want something done right, ask Dale Steyn to do it. He is returning to the attack in place of Morne Morkel. His pace is good, with the third delivery above 90mph. Taylor defends the first five deliveries and then drives two through mid-on to bring up a quite superb half-century, from only 87 balls. For someone whose Test career has suffered so many slights, he has played with admirable conviction since returning to the side against Pakistan.

44th over: England 131-3 (Compton 42, Taylor 48) A wide half-volley from Piedt is driven crisply through the covers for four by Taylor. That’s his eighth four, five of which have been off Piedt. He’s playing him with ease.

43rd over: England 126-3 (Compton 42, Taylor 43) Morkel, bowling around the wicket, bangs in a short ball to Taylor, who tries to hook but can’t get on top of the ball and drags it not far wide of the off stump. A quiet start to the session, though that may be about to change: Dale Steyn is free to bowl again.

42nd over: England 122-3 (Compton 41, Taylor 41) The offspinner Piedt continues after tea. Taylor, in particular, played him beautifully in the afternoon session. Compton has been more cautious, as he is during that over. A maiden.

41st over: England 122-3 (Compton 41, Taylor 41) Dale Steyn is back on the field, but he can’t bowl yet so Morne Morkel will start the evening session. He goes around the wicket to Nick Compton, with three men out on the hook. Compton takes the pull on and gloves it to fine leg for a single. Taylor defends the rest of the over, although he’s turned round by one delivery. There are still some doubts about Taylor against top-class seam bowling. In his short Test career he averages over 100 against spin and 12 against seam. But most of those stats come from 2012, and he looks a different player now.

Hello again. That was a terrific session for England. Compton and Taylor, both beginning their second Test careers, played with calm certainty to add 72 for the fourth wicket. Nick Compton, brought in to sex down England’s young, overexuberant batting line-up, has played the most Nick Compton innings of all time: 40 from 104 balls with three fours. He’s been immaculate. He is seen a short-term selection but actually he’s only 32. To put that in context, Chris Rogers was almost 36 when he was recalled by Australia, and he was brilliant for Australia for two and a half years.

Taylor, admittedly aided by the odd decision to feed him the spin of Piedt, has played seriously well to make 41 from 69 balls. There is so much conviction in his batting these days. It’s far too early to get carried away, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do: in terms of balance, not to mention competence, a middle order of Compton, Root, Taylor and Stokes looks very promising going forward.

Statistical coincidence alert: after 40 overs one batsman has 40 runs and the other has 41. There’s a thing. What an excellent partnership this has been, righting a wobbling England and dragging the score from 12-2 to 121-3. What’s more, Steyn has been spending a bit of time off the field, and though he started the day fabulously perhaps there are in fact some lingering fitness issues there. Rob Smyth will take you through the rest of the day from here, and I’ll be back in the morning. Bye!

Re John Starbuck's point about a potential Taylor - Broad partnership, they wouldn't be the first - https://t.co/9i6JxNSMa4

40th over: England 121-3 (Compton 40, Taylor 41)

Taylor sweeps nicely, along the ground to the rope, so Piedt tries to correct his line, overdoes it and gets cut for four more. This run-scoring has the advantage of ensuring that the over ends 10 seconds after 3.40pm Durban time, so there won’t be time for another before tea.

That's a cracking sweep followed by a perfectly timed cut shot. Taylor is developing into a player with it all in his armoury.

39th over: England 111-3 (Compton 39, Taylor 32)

After a couple of deliveries Morkel switches to round the wicket, immediately thumping in a short ball that heads towards Compton’s chin, before the chin gets out of the way. Then a full one, then a short one, then another short one. Compton deals with all this with admirable sobriety, though he starts to swing his bat at a bouncer before thinking the better of it.

38th over: England 108-3 (Compton 37, Taylor 31)

The binary run ends when Compton cracks the ball through the covers – it would have gone for four had it not rained, but instead it got stuck in a damp patch. Taylor, meanwhile, nutmegs Bavuma, turning a ball through the legs of short leg for one. The suggestion – and they’ve been repeating it on Sky of late – is that play is likely to end early today due to bad light, with dark clouds covering the stadium like so much chocolate on a mini roll.

37th over: England 102-3 (Compton 33, Taylor 29)

Morkel’s back. We’ve now had six fully binary overs since any delivery brought anything other than 0 or 1 runs.

36th over: England 99-3 (Compton 31, Taylor 28)

Good bowling from Piedt, and fine batting from Taylor, very conscious that Bavuma continues to lurk at short leg. Again the batsmen take a single each, in the process bringing up the 50 partnership. If England could put a decent total together despite losing the toss and Cook and Root contributing just 24 between them, I think it would be a significant morale-enhancer. A long way to go yet, clearly.

@Simon_Burnton The dumb height jokes should all stop now. James William Arthur Taylor is officially a GIANT of a man. Top batting.

35th over: England 97-3 (Compton 30, Taylor 27)

Van Zyl’s overs are as quick as Abbott’s are lengthy. I think I’m correct in saying that absolutely nothing happened in that one.

34th over: England 97-3 (Compton 30, Taylor 27)

With light fading and the vague whiff of tea starting to trail across Kingsmead like those Bisto ads, there seems to be a diminution of run-scoring intent from both batsmen. For all that, there are two more singles.

33rd over: England 95-3 (Compton 29, Taylor 26)

Van Zyl bowls some medium-pacers, and the batsmen take a single each before taking a bonus last-ball bye, when the ball flies off De Villiers’ wrist. “Early days for Compton’s second coming but it would be good to give Andy Flower a call and ask if he regrets dropping him for what seemed like no good reason,” suggests Dominic O’Reilly.

32nd over: England 92-3 (Compton 28, Taylor 25)

Taylor scores a single from Piedt’s fourth over, after which South Africa make another bowling change, Van Zyl replacing Abbott.

31st over: England 91-3 (Compton 28, Taylor 24)

Abbott bowls, Compton with a couple to backward square. He’s faced 78 balls so far, nearly double Taylor’s 41, and is bringing some necessary calm to England’s order.

Nick Compton is playing the most Nick Compton innings of all time.

30th over: England 89-3 (Compton 26, Taylor 24)

Piedt’s first ball turns an absolute mile to hit Taylor’s thigh pad, and the next couple are fielded by Du Plessis at mid on, before one is dropped short and Taylor mashes it to deep square leg for four, and he then sweeps the last, just the other side of Bavuma at short leg, for another.

29th over: England 81-3 (Compton 26, Taylor 16)

Compton pushes his bat at a ball that perhaps wobbled away a little, and looks thoroughly disappointed with himself afterwards, even though he made no contact. A nice over from Abbott all round, even though Compton cut the final delivery to the backward point boundary.

28th over: England 77-3 (Compton 22, Taylor 16)

Piedt’s back for a second spell/over, which unlike the first doesn’t start with a wicket, though it is a maiden.

27th over: England 77-3 (Compton 22, Taylor 16)

Abbott comes on, and Compton plays a lovely cover drive for four. The over seems to take a while – does Abbott have an unusually long run-up, or is he just a bit slow?

26th over: England 70-3 (Compton 16, Taylor 15)

There’s some very half-hearted appealing as Morkel raps Taylor’s pad, the ball heading way down leg side. The batsman prods the next past point and runs three before anyone catches up with it.

25th over: England 68-3 (Compton 15, Taylor 15)

England have resumed in pretty decent style since the latest rain break, and Taylor gets four here with a lovely cover drive. Piqued, Steyn ramps up the speed for his final delivery, but Taylor fends it to safety.

24th over: England 64-3 (Compton 15, Taylor 11)

Variety and hostility from Morkel, who sends in one short ball that bounces high over Compton. A bit of attitudinal glare follows, but it’s definitely sub-Steyn standard. Then Compton works the ball to short leg and manages to spin, twist and ground his bat before Bavuma can hit the stumps with his throw.

23rd over: England 63-3 (Compton 15, Taylor 10)

Steyn’s giving a lot of attitude. He is not a man to turn down an opportunity to glare intimidatingly at Englishmen. Every single delivery is followed by a bit of made-eye action. His first ball is pushed through the covers by Compton, who runs a couple; his last cramps the same batsman, forces him into a shot and zips just past the edge. Cue an extra-long 12” remix stare.

22nd over: England 61-3 (Compton 13, Taylor 10)

Morkel takes the first over of the post-rain era and Taylor slightly miscues a hook – off a no ball – which nearly decapitates Compton on its way down the ground for four. After the latest delay they’ve extended play wherever possible – this session will go for another 80 minutes, there’ll be an extra half-hour tonight, and tomorrow will start half an hour early.

It has stopped raining, I’m hearing. Play is due to restart shortly (in three minutes, to be precise).

Well, rain stops drinks, to be precise. The covers come on, the players go off. Bah.

21st over: England 55-3 (Compton 12, Taylor 6)

Piedt’s first-ball wicket does not precurse an extended spell – instead Steyn returns immediately, tasked with terrifying Taylor. Instead, after a testy first few deliveries, he pulls a shorter one for four, really quite gloriously. And at the end of the over the players take drinks.

20th over: England 51-3 (Compton 12, Taylor 2)

Hello again. So, is this minor mess going to turn into a major mess for England? They’re teetering on a precipice here, though such is the depth of their batting hope takes an unusually long time to die these days. Their total swells by a single as Taylor runs one off Abbott’s fifth delivery.

19th over: England 50-3 (Compton 12, Taylor 1) Piedt, like Shane Warne, has taken a wicket with his first ball against England. This wasn’t even the Ball of the Day, never mind Century, but he won’t give a fig about that. Taking a wicket – not just any wicket either, but England’s best player – should really settle him down. And it was a good delivery, which turned a fair bit to beat Root’s inside edge.

James Taylor is the new batsman. I wonder whether South Africa might hook Piedt and hit Taylor with seam at both ends. Anyway, I’m off; Simon Burnton will take you through to tea.

@robsmyth0 please tell me Morkel's nickname is Angela

It turned pretty sharply and hit Root on the back thigh. I suspect this will clip the bails, which is enough for South Africa because Aleem Dar gave it out on the field. Yes, he’s out! What a blow that is for England. You do all that work to see off the seamers, and then you get out to the spinner. Ach!

Root has been given out to the first ball from the offspinner Dane Piedt! Oh dear. He’s reviewed it but I suspect this will be out.

18th over: England 49-2 (Compton 12, Root 24) A short ball from Abbott is muscled disdainfully over midwicket for six by Root. Shot! The response from Abbott is a beauty that beats the outside edge. Ball! Excellent cricket, this, and thus far Compton and Root have played their different roles splendidly: Compton has 12 from 41 balls, Root 24 from 37.

17th over: England 42-2 (Compton 12, Root 17) This session has been an unyielding arm wrestle. Root makes room to back cut Morkel classily for four, the best shot of his innings so far.

16th over: England 37-2 (Compton 12, Root 12) Abbott continues to Root, who has been unable to get off to his usual flying start because of the conditions and the quality of the bowling. South Africa will feel they are one wicket away ... not from the tail, but certainly from the rump. England bat deep but none of the remaining batsmen are established at Test level yet – indeed, Chris Woakes at No9 has the highest Test average of the England batsmen bar Root and Cook.

I've got nothing if I haven't got my hyperbole @robsmyth0. I'll happily settle for a more mundane battle if this lot bat to tea. #ENGvSA

15th over: England 36-2 (Compton 12, Root 11) Compton again shapes to hook/pull Morkel, but it’s a superb bouncer and he has to abort the stroke as the ball gets big on him. He drives the next ball confidently for three, showing again that he is determined to avoid the old accusations of strokelessness, and then Root thick edges three more through point. There was a brief shout of “catch” but it went safely through the gap. Morkel bowls a no-ball, after which Sir Ian Botham tells us, for only the 942342395th time in his career, that “the line belongs to the umpire”. I still don’t really understand that phrase.

@robsmyth0 Dale Steyn is the best bowler of his generation, but not by a mile. There is (tear pricking my eye) Mohammad Asif not far behind.

14th over: England 29-2 (Compton 9, Root 8) Bumble makes a good point on Sky, namely that South Africa only have three seamers and so Amla needs to be smart in how he rotates them. There’s a scare every over for England at the moment; this time Abbott boings a snorting leg-cutter past the outside edge of Compton. Abbott’s record is spectacular: a first-class average of 21.20 and a fledgling Test average of 19.73.

“Sorry Rob, I just can’t bring myself to like Dale Steyn,” says Simon Burnton. “The South Africans are by far my most disliked sporting nation alongside the Australians, which of course it what makes this series, and a Boxing Day Test so bloody enjoyable. Not sure about what medical advice you could give, but there’s a bottle of brandy here eyeing me up, I feel like the OBO established earlier it’s not too early to start on that.” We should set up an OBO priory, open every January, where people get their lives back on track by sipping freshly squeezed Sicilian lemonade and watching videos of Chris Tavare making 21 from 127 balls at Scarborough in 1982.

13th over: England 28-2 (Compton 8, Root 8) Dale Steyn (6-3-11-2) has a break, with Morkel switching ends. A typical back-of-a-length hits Compton on the waist and deflects to Bavuma at short leg, with South Africa appealing in the vain hope that Aleem Dar had so much booze yesterday that he’s temporarily lost the use of his eyes. He hasn’t and rightly says not out. Compton then pulls for a single – not entirely convincingly, but you can understand him playing the stroke to show that he is not just going to be a passive punchbag for Morkel. England are doing well in tricky conditions, though they aren’t a million miles from the precipice.

Fully with you @robsmyth0. This IS cricket. Steyn is an absolute alpha human. This is basically Donald v Atherton mk II. #Root

12th over: England 27-2 (Compton 7, Root 8) Kyle Abbott, on for Morne Morkel, starts with a malevolent lifter that Root gloves just short of the slips. Root did well to keep that down because it was a very nasty delivery. The rest of the over is full and straight, and Root can’t pierce the field. This is excellent stuff.

“My plan to watch the Boxing Day Test at my folks’ house has been scuppered by floods!” prioritises Tom Gucht. “I’m now trapped at my in-laws, who have kindly agreed to put up with me for another 24 hours, munching toast and being subjected to Corrie... In the plus column, they have a bottle of finest reserve port, of which I briefly sampled last night before retiring to bed with a swollen stomach, which I can now look forward to making a bigger dent on as the day progresses.”

11th over: England 27-2 (Compton 7, Root 8) There was the merest spike on Ultra Edge when the ball passed Compton’s bat, yet the commentators º Alan Wilkins and Michael Holding – reckon that isn’t sufficient to indicate an edge. I failed my NVQ in Ultra Edge so I’ll take their word for it. Steyn continues, and bowls a rare poor delivery that Compton slams through the covers for four. Compton has been excellent so far, and that showed that he is sufficiently alert to take advantage of any bad balls.

@robsmyth0 Seems quite a lot of optimistic English fans called it wrong about mediocre trundler Dale Steyn #Ouchpic.twitter.com/IhDSAN4HNd

10th over: England 22-2 (Compton 3, Root 8) A sharp nipbacker from Morkel takes the inside edge of Root’s bat before thudding into his thigh. Compton is beaten by a vicious lifter later in the over. Or was he beaten? South Africa’s slip cordon appealed very late for caught behind, with Morkel following their lead. After a long discussion Hashim Amla decided to review it, but it was too late: the 15 seconds were up. We haven’t seen a replay yet.

“So, here we are again,” says Guy Hornsby. “Boxing Day, mild hangover in place, rain in Durban, England staggering like a drunk on 19-2, Steyn charging in. Another opener failing, Root carrying the team’a hopes, Australia in the ascendancy overnight, and I’m exactly 1.6kg heavier than I was yesterday morning. Ennui, anyone?”

9th over: England 21-2 (Compton 3, Root 7) With Steyn, it’s not just about raw pace. It’s about force – of personality and of will, which can overwhelm a batsman. It’ll be fascinating to see how Compton fares here; it’s definitely a day for batting ugly, and he does that, er, beautifully. He takes a single of Steyn, and then Root flicks another through midwicket. Root has started with his usual busy purpose.

“It was obviously a typo, but when you wrote ‘shirt balls’ you got it exactly right: short, yes, but on or flicking the batsman’s shirt means they were not bouncers,” says John Starbuck. “Congratulations on your neologism. Pity about Hales though.” What can I say, my subconscious is a genius. Yes, a shame about Hales but it’s vital we hold our nerve – having given him a chance, we have to allow him to fail. I do think they should have waited until next summer but it’s done now. Look it’s done, let’s just move on.

8th over: England 19-2 (Compton 2, Root 6) That was a poor shot from Hales, in truth; it wasn’t quite full enough and he didn’t get his weight into the drive. But this is what Steyn does; like Shane Warne, he turns his bowling spell into a theatrical event, and that makes batsmen do silly things. He is a glorious cricketer, and a glorious human being. If you don’t love Dale Steyn, you need urgent medical advice.

Now, Morne Morkel has come on to replace Kyle Abbott. Compton takes an iffy single into the off side to get off strike. This is the kind of situation for which Compton was picked. A filthy 85-ball 25 would do nicely today. Root, of course, will look to counter-attack rather than bat time; he drives his first ball from Morkel down the ground for a couple.

7th over: England 16-2 (Compton 1, Root 4) Steyn to Root. This is why we watch cricket. This is why we get up early on Boxing Day despite having a malevolent one between the eyes. Root pushes a little tentatively at his first ball, but his hands are soft enough for the ball to race along the floor and through the slips for four. Those are the first runs Steyn has conceded today.

Steyn celebrated that wicket with a primeval roar and a punch of the air. He clearly feels like he has something to prove; figures of two for nought would suggest he has proved it. He oozes charisma.

This is magnificent from Dale Steyn! He pushes Hales back with some short balls, then tempts him into a loose drive that is edged straight through to AB de Villiers.

Hello, Rob here. Merry hangover! Merry regret and shame! Let’s get on with the cricket, shall we. If all goes to plan, play will resume in nine minutes’ time in Durban. Alex Hales and Nick Compton will have to deal with the great Dale Steyn, who is, in the parlance of our time, pretty pumped.

England haven’t always seen the best of Steyn – his average of 32 against our brave boys is comfortably his highest against any Test-playing nation – but he looked ominously purposeful in that short spell this morning. We should celebrate him while we can; he has been the best bowler of his generation by a mile.

Rob Smyth is in the building and primed to take you through the first hour of the afternoon session. Back in a bit!

“I hate to pull rank but there are serious rules about early morning drinking,” writes Robert Wilson. “Substantial, dignified protocols and traditions. Let’s not lark about here. Morning beer is a tonic, pre-breakfast wine is the correction of a previous mistake, matutinal spirits are a sign of commitment and seriousness, and brushing your teeth with gin is the mark of a life well-lived. Of course, if you can smoke thirty cigarettes at the same time, you’re a moral paragon.” Beautifully put*.

* The Guardian does not necessarily endorse these lifestyle choices.

“Marrying the Champagne and Bloody Mary threads, I don’t care for tomato juice, but in our house we believe Christmas day hasn’t started until the first glass of Bucks Fizz,” says John Starbuck. Much more of a Kir Royale man myself, I must say. Not only is it tastier than the Bucks Fizz, it also involves the addition not of juice, but of fruity bonus alcohol.

“A Bloody Mary is surely the best route to a guilt free boozy breakfast drink,” says Joel Greig. “Who needs a juice bullet (or whatever the hell that thing is?) and, if you insert a stick of celery in it, it’s practically a detox.” Hard to disagree – if you hide your alcohol in enough tomato juice becomes to all intents and purposes healthy. Whereas going with straight-up fortified wine isn’t hiding anything – it’s boozing, pure and simple.

They’re taking an early lunch. Strictly speaking it doesn’t start for 14 minutes, until 12 noon local time, 10am GMT, but nothing’s going to happen before it so they might as well tuck in now.

“I operate on a sliding scale,” writes Paul Jaines. “Champagne: not before coffee in the morning. Madeira/port: 9am onwards. Table wine: 11am onwards. We are currently on second bottle of champers. My excuse is that I have a french wife.”

Apparently the covers are now off. I have no further update.

“While we’re waiting and Nick Compton still hasn’t nicked off to Steyn, it’s seems apt that we should all enjoy this bizarre moment one more time,” writes Michael Jenkins. “Let’s hope that his Boxing Day will be a little better than his Boxer’s Day was. And that there’s not too much moisture at the crease.”

“While we’re all twiddling our thumbs during the rain commentary, here’s a question: when is too early to be drinking Madeira on Boxing Day?” wonders John Starbuck. “There are no children around so no need to worry about setting an example or not and I don’t reserve this festive season for Madeira, though it does go well with mince pies and hefty fruit cake.” Now here’s an important dilemma. Standard table wine is to my mind certainly not an early-morning beverage, but Madeira and mince pie on a Boxing Day? Why hold back?

The covers are on, the weather is still scary.

Thunder and lightening all around Kingsmead. Better off playing at Lord's https://t.co/osbqkRmKMh

Maybe it was thunder stopped play, rather than lightning. Whatever it is, the players are hiding from it.

We've had a couple of loud claps of thunder so the players are off. @AlexHales1 10* and @thecompdog 1*; ENG 12-1. pic.twitter.com/Iripfse5Yf

A flash of lightning nearby and the players leave the field. It doesn’t even seem to be raining. Unusual.

6th over: England 12-1 (Hales 10, Compton 1)

Hales flicks the ball off his pads towards deep square leg, where again it holds up on the wet turf and is chased down. They run three, and moments later Compton gets off the mark with a highly risky single to midwicket – had the fielder hit the stumps he could well have been in trouble – and then Hales gets a significantly more straightforward one, which means he’ll have to face Steyn for the first time.

5th over: England 7-1 (Hales 6, Compton 0)

Sweet bowling from Steyn, and another chance! The last ball of the over again takes the edge, high up Compton’s bat, but it doesn’t carry to first slip. It’s a maiden.

4th over: England 7-1 (Hales 6, Compton 0)

Hales hits past extra cover, a fine shot that would have gone for four had rain not massively slowed the outfield this morning. He still gets four, he’s just got to run them. In terms of rain-soaked sports grounds, though, it’s not a patch on Accrington Stanley right now (their game today has unsurprisingly been called off) …

This is the goalmouth at asfc v @officialcufc - under water pic.twitter.com/B1RKsjD0o0

3rd over: England 3-1 (Hales 2, Compton 0)

Steyn welcomes Root with a snorter that rips straight through Compton, followed by a glare that’s almost as scary.

Cook leaves a couple more, but then one rises and takes a thick edge off the top of the bat, flying straight into the hands of second slip. Steyn roars with furious glee.

2nd over: England 3-0 (Cook 0, Hales 2)

Abbott’s over starts with an emphatic no ball, from which Hales scores a couple. He’d have had some more off the last had it not been very well fielded at square leg.

1st over: England 0-0 (Cook 0, Hales 0)

Steyn bowls across Cook, who leaves five of the six deliveries and defends the other. “Predictions are a thing for making idiots out of fools (or vice versa - I can never remember which),” asserts Robert Wilson. “You’re not going to hazard the merest guess? May I make one? Win, lose or draw, this is surely going to be fairer and more interesting than the heartbreaking, kitten-punching mismatch of Aus v WI currently going on at the MCG. Or am I sticking my neck out there?” Well one certainly hopes that isn’t too much of a risk. That Samuels drop today was horrible.

DROPPED 2/323 "Dear oh dear" - Lawry. Khawaja hits it straight to Samuels and he puts it down. #AUSvWI#WWOSpic.twitter.com/K8IoD2Ae33

Right, preamble, warm-up and build-up done. Cricket time.

#ProteaFire fans. It's go time! A massive #SAvsENG series awaits. #VorsprungProteaspic.twitter.com/m4ZlaRJZji

Well that’s just mean.

Taylor given a mascot to stand with at anthems taller than him which in Australia would count as some form of mental disintegration

An email! “Should be a tough debut for Hales,” writes Steve Hudson. “On a completely separate subject, anyone else remember fondly Amla’s debut series when for a week or so the Graun referred to him as Hamish Amla?”

I’ve actually checked this – the Guardian and the Observer have each mentioned a certain Hamish Amla once, both Paul Weaver reports from 2009, the Observer’s in March, the Guardian’s in December. Here’s the latter.

The players are out and the anthems being sung. Actual cricket just seven minutes away!

The #ProteaFire team for the 1st Test. pic.twitter.com/BIDZ15EUhY

Here's your confirmed England team for the First Test against South Africa in Durban #SAvENGpic.twitter.com/R9psWijmWL

So the teams in full:

South Africa: Elgar, Van Zyl, Amla*, De Villiers†, Du Plessis, Duminy, Bavuma, Abbott, Morkel, Piedt, Steyn.
England: Cook*, Hales, Root, Taylor, Compton, Bairstow†, Woakes, Stokes, Broad, Ali, Finn.

Alastair Cook responds to his fourth successive Test match toss loss:

We’ve started pretty well. We’ve had a good build-up, we’ve got what we wanted out of it, a lot of guys have scored some runs and taken wickets.

Alex Hales gets his debut. What a chance it is for him, such a special day. I think it’s a real reminder for all of us who’ve played a bit of cricket, how special a Test match is.

“Looks like a good surface. The ball might swing and seam a little bit and hopefully we can get a few early wickets,” says Hashim Amla.

Time for the toss …

Alex Hales was given his first cap by Mike Atherton this morning – in the dressing room, because it was a bit drizzly at the time. With Anderson injured, whether England bowl first or bat there’ll be real intrigue from the start (not that this series was lacking interest already, obviously).

Tricky decision re toss - greenish pitch, moist atmosphere but pitch expected to turn later. Be bold, bat first.

Green pitch, cloud overhead –> win toss, bowl first, win match*.

* potentially.

The toss has been rescheduled for 10am local time (just under half an hour from now), with play starting a further half an hour after that.

The nightmare scenario – that I had to wake up at 6am on Boxing Day in order to come to work and provide occasional updates on rain falling 8,000 miles away – appears not to be coming to pass, thankfully.

Much more promising with stumps going in and prospects of play much better. On air 745am #SAvEngpic.twitter.com/g7dPyBE7Qy

Still waiting for news of the toss. In the meantime, there’s this:

Covers off in Durban, pitch revealed. Greenish.

More from Kingsmead:

Morning from grey Durban on Boxing Day. The ground staff are working hard but the drizzle feels persistent ☔️ pic.twitter.com/jvvdmTPQm7

Hello world!

Happy Boxing Day! Apparently it’s raining in Durban. A little.

Drizzling in Durban

Simon will be here shortly. In the meantime, here’s Andy Bull on a different kind of Test match:

The game started on Friday 3 March and it ended 12 days later, after 43 hours and 16 minutes of play, 1,981 runs, and 5,447 balls. After all that, it still lacked the one thing it was supposed to have – a winner.

Related: The Test match that went on and on and on. Without a winner but with meaning | Andy Bull

Continue reading...

Australia v West Indies: the second day of the Boxing Day Test – as it happened

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That’s it from me at the MCG

And what a lovely way for a Melbournian to finish the day, with local lad Peter Siddle ripping out a few wickets and almost claiming a hat-trick as his home crowd chanted his name. The hours that preceded his wonderful spell had descended into torpor but everyone leaves with a smile now.

43rd over: West Indies 91-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 3)

Every ball of this Siddle over is now being treated with the reverence of a hat-trick delivery but Bravo holds firm, clipping two through cover to finally add to his score and leaving anything outside the line of off stump in order to preserve his wicket. The final ball is also struck crisply through the gap at cover for two (I’ve had him on 10 for the last eon but he was actually on 9. Sorry) and there ends a day of cricket in which the tourists have been comprehensively walloped.

42nd over: West Indies 87-6 (Bravo 10, Brathwaite 3)

Nathan Lyon’s penultimate (I think) over of the day is a maiden but lets’ be honest, we’re just here for P-Siddy at this point.

41st over: West Indies 87-6 (Bravo 10, Brathwaite 3)

Carlos Brathwaite is giving the crowd what they want now that he’s denied them what they really wanted, swinging for the fences to send an inside edge down to fine leg. The Melbourne crowd was being rocked to sleep half an hour ago but now it’s in full voice.

But it’s almost a team hat-trick when the two he strikes down the ground almost becomes a run-out as they attempt three. Disaster is averted.

Siddle’s on a hat-trick! As is always the case now, West Indies captain Jason Holder strides to the crease with his side in dire straits and he fares even worse than the rest of them, castled by Peter Siddle’s yorker the first ball he faces. The local hero is on a MCG hat-trick! There’d only be 30,000 left in the outer, max, but this is going to be fun. Strap in.

Burns gets his catch and Siddle gets his wicket! There’s no doubting it this time, even if Burns had to dive to his right again when Ramdin turned to leg. It was a loose shot from the keeper and he’s departed not long after arrival.

40th over: West Indies 83-4 (Bravo 10, Ramdin 0)

What was that I was saying before about looking forward to watching Darren Bravo bat? I didn’t quite anticipate a strike rate of 15.62 but we can’t always get what we want I suppose.

39th over: West Indies 83-4 (Bravo 10, Ramdin 0)

Siddle keeps charging in and he’s got a new batsman to work over now with the arrival of Denesh Ramdin. He’s up in the keeper’s grill as he finishes the over but Ramdin has negotiated it well. There’ll be 3 more bowled today if things stick to the current script. It appears as though the Burns non-catch has gone down a treat online.

You've got to be kidding. There is absolutely no way that should be overturned... Seriously. Most inconclusive video you'll see! #AUSvWI

38th over: West Indies 82-4 (Bravo 9)

Blackwood departs! That’s most unfortunate. He’d taken the game on with Lyon back into the attack, haring off down the track and lifting the spunner over the fence at long off but a few balls later he’s tempted into another lofted stroke and he spears it straight back at the bowler and Lyon holds the sharp chance. I liked the cut of Blackwood’s jib more and more as that little cameo went on but now he’s gone.

37th over: West Indies 74-3 (Bravo 9, Blackwood 20)

That was an eventful over from Peter Siddle in the end but he finishes it without a notch in the wickets column. What’s the verdict on the Burns non-catch, people? It looked a bit iffy to me but it’s likely that Burns couldn’t tell either way.

Geez that was close but 3rd umpire Ian Gould has ruled in the batsman’s favour and Burns’ catch is not allowed to stand. The crowd today, meanwhile, is apparently 40,516. As per yesterday a lot of them must be in the bar.

He flicked it to square leg where Joe Burns dived to his right to grab it but there’s some doubt as to whether it carried and Blackwood is none too keen to walk.

36th over: West Indies 71-3 (Bravo 9, Blackwood 18)

Marsh steps up with another maiden of military mediums. “Given that yesterday’s Eng v SA OBO was almost entirely dominated by advice sought and given on the techniques and benefits of early morning drinking (it was like a geek support group)” says Robert Wilson, “I’m not at all ashamed to say that I had a big old hair of the dog, 3 pots of coffee and most of the cigarettes in France for breakfast. I’m feeling the love, I can tell you. I think the Windies are gonna win this.” Calm down Bob.

35th over: West Indies 71-3 (Bravo 9, Blackwood 18)

Hazlewood’s almost worn a trench along the line of his run-up today but on account of his monotony, there’s something particularly bracing about the third ball of this over, which pitches slightly short of a length and spits off the deck to whistle past Blackwood’s ear. That was an absolute snorter. Another maiden for the Haze.

34th over: West Indies 71-3 (Bravo 9, Blackwood 18)

Okay folks, I’m getting desperate now. Email in and tell me what you got for christmas if you like. I’ll publish almost any email you’ve got, even if it’s about ham or mince pies. Meanwhile, Mitchell Marsh is on for his first bowl of the afternoon and five balls in he has Bravo lazily swiping his bat outside off stump and almost feathering an edge to Nevill, the latter an effective but entirely anonymous presence in this game. He’s barely had a bat this summer.

33rd over: West Indies 71-3 (Bravo 9, Blackwood 18)

Runs are coming a little easier for the Windies pair now and Blackwood picks up another boundary with a leg glance but then two balls later there’s a big LBW shout and Steve Smith seriously considers a review. It’s a no-go so Blackwood celebrates by driving four more to the boundary at long-off.

32nd over: West Indies 62-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 10)

The shackles have been released! Pattinson keeps rolling with four dots to start this over but finally errs by over-pitching to Blackwood and the batsman happily deposits him to the boundary at extra cover to wake the crowd from its slumber.

31st over: West Indies 58-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 6)

Can you believe that Josh Hazlewood has bowled another maiden? I know, shocking. He’s got 0-7 off 9 overs now, 4 of them maidens. This is the role that Peter Siddle played in Hobart while wickets tumbled at the other end.

30th over: West Indies 58-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 6)

Would I be misleading you to claim that the Bay 13 section of the crowd has been infiltrated by A-League football fans? I certainly can’t recall a Melbourne cricket crowd chanting the tune of the White Stripes’ ‘Seven Nation Army’ before, but they’re getting a little restless now because it’s four overs since the last wicket. Blackwood finishes the over with a boundary, driving through mid-off in his homespun style.

29th over: West Indies 54-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 2)

Here’s an interesting one for you: Jermaine Blackwood’s Test average (35.33) is actually higher than his first-class mark (33.64), but I still don’t fancy him against this attack based on what I’ve seen so far. He gets another single off Hazlewood but that’s all that’s on offer in this over. It really is enough to drive you to drink.

MCG sketches. #AusvWIpic.twitter.com/yAb5EIxZ3T

28th over: West Indies 53-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 1)

The risk here for the Windies is that after a disciplined start, they’ll become demoralised by and unravel as they did against Pattinson’s pace in Hobart. The big quick pins Blackwood with another yorker and this one is one better than the last in that it literally sweeps the diminutive Jamaican off his feet but he then gets some luck to get off the mark when Voges slips at mid off, turning a defensive push into a single. Small mercies.

27th over: West Indies 52-3 (Bravo 8, Blackwood 0)

There’s two slips and two gullies now for Hazlewood as he moves in to Darren Bravo, all floppy boots and loping stride. He actually concedes a two to Bravo in this over. That’s a rarity.

"It's never a nice feeling when you've dropped more catches than you've scored runs" @BuckRogers55 assessment of Samuels on @abcgrandstand

26th over: West Indies 50-3 (Bravo 6, Blackwood 0)

Oof, Jermaine Blackwood cops a sand shoe-crushing yorker from Pattinson first up and nearly loses his timber, somehow managing to jam his bat down and avoid further calamity. This is fast, penetraive bowling from Pattinson. He’s on fire.

Pattinson claims Samuels for a third-ball duck! Hmm, it was bad Marlon then. He really didn’t help himself there, shuffling across in front of the pegs to be pinned in line. Pattinson was the weak link of the attack in his early spell but he’s taking wickets for fun now. Worse: replays reveal that it was flying well over the stumps. Samuels had jumped across and it hit him very high on the knee roll. He should have challenged it and didn’t. Perhaps the definitive Marlon Samuels dismissal, in other words.

25th over: West Indies 50-2 (Bravo 6, Samuels 0)

Peter Siddle also gets a rest so Josh Hazlewood reappears at the Member’s end with a new pair of batsmen to try and wriggle out. He starts with a maiden, just or something totally different. Also, to be entirely fair to Geoff Lemon and his crazy statistical ramblings, he sat down next to me yesterday and foretold that Chandrika would make either a duck or 25. I doubted him but then it’s just gone and happened.

Chandrika's five Test innings: 0, 0, 25, 0, 25. He's almost Martin Guptill-like in his consistency of scores #ausvwi

24th over: West Indies 50-2 (Bravo 6, Samuels 0)

Marlon Samuels is the new man for the West Indies and let’s hope he’s a little more switched on with the bat than he was in the field. That couldn’t be a hard feat to achieve but you never know.

He’s gone! James Pattinson strikes in his first over back in the attack from the SOuthern Stand end. That one really ducked in off the seem and Chandrika couldn’t get his bat down in time. Replays flash up on the screen and show that it was definitely crashing into off stump.

And he’s given out but reviews!

23rd over: West Indies 45-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 3)

Siddle continues with a stump-to-stump line in this over, which means a single to Bravo but keeps him in the game at all times because one small lapse in concentration from either batsman could lead to the loss of their wicket. Australia has conceded just 12 runs in the last 10 overs. The pressure might soon tell.

22nd over: West Indies 44-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 2)

Chandrika’s becoming a little impatient for runs now, I’d surmise from the ambitious foray down the wicket to Lyon first up in this over. He tries to crack a drive but only succeeds in finding the man at mid on. Better is a late cut a few balls later, which brings him two and scratches the itch somewhat.

21st over: West Indies 42-1 (Chandrika 21, Bravo 2)

Siddle’s actually cranking the speed gun up a bit now, seemingly inspired by his local crowd. He’s even breaching 140 kmph if this radar can be taken as reliable. He was barely moving it past 130 in Hobart.

20th over: West Indies 42-1 (Chandrika 21, Bravo 2)

The Australians have really put the clamps on this West Indies batting effort and Lyon’s giving Chandrika nuthin here, looping and spinning his way to another maiden on a nagging length.

19th over: West Indies 42-1 (Chandrika 21, Bravo 2)

Peter Siddle steps up with another stingy and over and Chandrika only manages a single from it. “Would you consider Eldine Baptiste as a journeyman?” asks Dave Hornsby, who has another observation; “I don’t think being in a pie queue behind Shane Warne is a laughing matter. There would be a danger in supplies being exhausted by the time your turn came.” He kept a lid on it, Dave. Only two or three. I may have gone back for a fourth. There was some party sausage rolls too. It’s a glamorous old world, cricket media.

Your palindromic Australian attack for this Second #AUSvWI Test is: Oh, so Josho. Patto got tap Yo, Banana Boy! Annoy? Lyon? Na.

18th over: West Indies 41-1 (Chandrika 20, Bravo 2)

Lyon continues to Bravo, who is calm and assured in his forward defence and wanders down the track to do a bit of gardening. It looked like River Cottage out there early on day one but things have flattened out nicely now.

17th over: West Indies 41-1 (Chandrika 20, Bravo 2)

“Siiiiiiiddle, Siiiiiiddle, Siiiiiiddle” goes the chant around the MCG as the local boy charges in for his second over. It’s not quite “Liiiiilleeeee” but then what is? Bravo tucks another single to leg when Siddle’s too straight. Moments later Chandrika flicks a boundary to leg but flying just past the outstretched hand of the man at wide mid on, it wasn’t without risk.

16th over: West Indies 36-1 (Chandrika 16, Bravo 1)

That wicket brings Bravo to the crease and I for one am very much looking forward to seeing the left-hander bat today. He may be Diet Lara but that’ll do me just fine as the afternoon session wears on. He gets off the mark with a single but that was an excellent over from Nathan Lyon, who for the umpteenth time has broken the deadlock for Australia.

Oh, Brathwaite. He messed around, they caught him out, howzat. #AusvWI

Oh dear. Brathwaite was excellent in the closing stages of the second session but he departs immediately here, pushing forward with hard hands in front of his pads and deflecting Lyon straight into the gleeful hands of Burns at short leg. That’s a real shame and a very soft dismissal.

15th over: West Indies 35-0 (Brathwaite 17, Chandrika 16)

Okay, we’re back in town and it’s Peter Siddle who takes the ball from the Member’s end after tea. Plenty here will have a soft spot or the lion-hearted Victorian, who bowls with the spirit of Merv Hughes and ROdney Hogg combined and no small amount of skill. His first over is probing and costs just a two to Chandrika.

This also just happened

#AUSvWI: two of the greatest captains Clive Lloyd and Ian Chappell meet up again at tea on Day 2 at MCG pic.twitter.com/UJSBPsqXoR

A call back to an old OBO game

...remember ‘I sat next to Allan Lamb on the train’, my increasingly tenuous segment in which I asked readers to contribute their own craptacular brushes with cricket’s greats and not-so-greats? Well I’ve just added ‘I stood behind Shane Warne in the queue for party pies’ to my list of lifetime achievements. I bet you can’t top that one today.

14th over: West Indies 33-0 (Brathwaite 17, Chandrika 14)

Nathan Lyon is providing most of the energy in this game at the moment as he hops and bobs and ducks and dives, both in his approach and in anticipation of return catches. Have a look at him. He’s prepared for a caught and bowled literally every ball. With his over done, both sides trot off for tea and that was a determined effort by the Windies openers. Good on ‘em. I’ll be back shortly. Good on me.

MCG sketches. #AusvWIpic.twitter.com/IB0F4dODmA

13th over: West Indies 33-0 (Brathwaite 17, Chandrika 14)

Brathwaite’s bright start continues when he calmly angles Pattinson out through gully for three and there’s two more to Chandrika when he clips the right-armer through the vacant square leg. There’s also a couple of front-foot no balls from Pattinson, who is hardly revelling in front of his home crowd. Time for some Peter Siddle, perhaps?

12th over: West Indies 26-0 (Brathwaite 14, Chandrika 12)

Lyon has a nice moment here, tempting Chandrika into a couple of big stretches forward and going past the outside edge on both occasions and a ball later, diving acrobatically to his left and almost reeling in a miraculous return catch. He did everything bar take a wicket there.

Not sure all these easy runs against this substandard Australian bowling attack should count. #AUSvWI

11th over: West Indies 25-0 (Brathwaite 13, Chandrika 12)

The other thing that Lyon’s early appearance has achieved is to allow Pattinson to change ends and he reappears now on the Member’s side of the ground. Chandrika is growing in confidence now and drives him handsomely through cover to pick up three but moments later there’s a big LBW shout against him. The Aussies can’t be completely certain because when it’s turned down they don’t review it.

10th over: West Indies 21-0 (Brathwaite 12, Chandrika 9)

Lyon returns at the Southern end of the ground with a slip and short leg in place and Khawaja half-way out to the boundary at deep mid-wicket. With the field spread, both batsmen find singles but then Brathwait has a rush of blood and tries to heave him to cow, only succeeding in sending a top edge over the head of the man at point. Dicey.

9th over: West Indies 17-0 (Brathwaite 9, Chandrika 8)

Smith’s pursing his lips now and making slight adjustments to the field as Hazlewood continues to plug away on an off stump line, finishing the over with an energetic but ineffective bouncer.

8th over: West Indies 15-0 (Brathwaite 8, Chandrika 7)

Steve Smith’s read the tea leaves here and decided there’s not going to be a heap of joy for his quicks so brings Nathan Lyon on for a speculative and early trundle. There’s two for Brathwaite as the offie establishes his range.

7th over: West Indies 13-0 (Brathwaite 6, Chandrika 7)

What’s been notable so far and a little pleasing in the context of this game as a proper contest, is that our eyes weren’t deceiving us earlier; there’s no real gremlins in this pitch. Even Hazlewood’s barely beating the bat as he stacks up dot balls. A single to Brathwaite is the only damage in this over.

6th over: West Indies 12-0 (Brathwaite 5, Chandrika 7)

Did I mention that I had my Buck’s party at the Hobart Test? Well, a very small portion of it, anyway. We bought tickets for day three and got there an hour late, missing the four tail-end wickets of the West Indies’ 1st innings but catching their 10-wicket, four-hour capitulation thereafter. We had to go and see the new Rocky film to sober up and fill a few hours. Compared to that, Chandrika and Brathwaite have been rock solid so far.

5th over: West Indies 10-0 (Brathwaite 5, Chandrika 5)

The Haze steps up with another maiden and apparently this game has deteriorated so far as a realistic contest that Jim Maxwell and Dirk Nannes are discussing the impact of global warming on the local ABC radio broadcast. Weather chat. That’s what we’ve been reduced to.

Another marvelous performance from Richie Benaud. #AUSvWI#WWOShttps://t.co/oQVsBwBtEP

4th over: West Indies 10-0 (Brathwaite 5, Chandrika 5)

Pattinson’s had enough of easing in to things and sends down a bumper that has Brathwaite ducking out of the way. He’s up in the mid 140s, Patto, but that one was slightly slower at 138. Still a step up from the Windies attack. Pattinson’s got four slips, the last of them at about 5th or a fine-ish gully, plus Khawaja at short mid-wicket. Brathwaite is watchful but tucks three to the off-side to keep things ticking over.

3rd over: West Indies 5-0 (Brathwaite 2, Chandrika 3)

The Haze bowls another tidy over, conceding only a single to Brathwaite, but reader Richard Woods has stopped by. “Hi Russell, I would like to raise the stakes a little and nominate Suleiman Benn, a player who has been ignored, overlooked and dropped on more than a few occasions and been fairly anonymous when he has played, as a fitting recipient of the coveted West Indian “Journeyman amongst Journeymen” accolade. What say you?”

2nd over: West Indies 4-0 (Brathwaite 1, Chandrika 3)

James Pattinson pairs with Hazlewood and over-pitches his third delivery, allowing Chandrika to whip three through mid-wicket. What action is big Patto using today? The newer, safer one or the old one that he reverted to in his five-wicket haul down in Hobart? Either way, he’s bowling too straight to start with and Brathwaite gets off the mark by turning to leg as well. A very hopeful LBW shout rounds out the over.

1st over: West Indies 0-0 (Brathwaite 0, Chandrika 0)

Sorry folks, I know I said I was going to give you a wrap of the Aussie innings but let’s be honest, we all know how it went down at this point and anyway, I’m a very easily distracted individual and this time around, free espresso coffee was enough to drag me away from my duties to you.

135th over: Australia 551-3 declared (Smith 134, Voges 106)

Jomel Warrican is back to replace Roach from the Members end, with Holder clearly of the view that the Australian pair will have more difficulties with him than the innefectual Brathwaite. But if so, why wasn’t he bowling already? Smith gets really funky now, reverse glancing him from an audacious, patently disrespectful boundary down to third man.

134th over: Australia 542-3 (Smith 126, Voges 105)

Again Smith and Voges show that the only realistic hope of a dismissal is a lapse of concentration as they run between the wicket but a close shave on that front when they take two off Kraigg Brathwaite is followed by a rasping boundary between fine leg and deep square leg when Smith smashes it around the corner. Surely the spinner will now be banished from the attack? Smith is filling his boots. Don’t rule out a double-century by tea.

Adam Voges currently averaging 540 in Tests against West Indies. #ausvwi

133rd over: Australia 530-3 (Smith 115, Voges 104)

Smith gets off strike with a three to start the Roach over, which brings Voges on strike. He’s on 98. He takes guard and waits for the bowler to bound in and the ball is full and on his toes, so he quickly whips is off his legs and through the on-side for four to bring up a well-earned century.

132nd over: Australia 520-3 (Smith 111, Voges 98)

Jason Holder moves across to consult with Kraigg Brathwaite at the start of this over. “Are you sure you want me doing this?” should be the bowler’s contribution but it appears as though it’s only a case of minor field changes. Voges moves to 97 with a single and Smith gets him back on strike, so he clips another to long off to make it 98. Smith sweeps a single off the over’s final ball to keep the strike.

131st over: Australia 516-3 (Smith 109, Voges 96)

With Carlos Brathwaite told to cool his heels, Kemar Roach returns with his all-action bowling stride. Is he really only 27 years old? That sounds like Afridi years to me. Anyway, he’s offering up plenty of scoring chances and the Aussie pair stealthily loot five singles from the over.

130th over: Australia 511-3 (Smith 107, Voges 93)

This Kraigg Brathwaite over is much like the rest of them, which is to say completely uninspiring in all senses other than the blank canvas it provides Smith when he improvises a stylish late pull around the back of Ramdin for two. The West Indies aren’t bowling for a declaration, they’re bowling like they hope a sink-hole will open up in the middle of the MCG.

129th over: Australia 506-3 (Smith 104, Voges 91)

Argh, West Indies’ bad luck continues here when Voges drives at Rajendra Chandrika at short mid-on and he’s struck on the wrist trying to stop it. There’s a delay in play as medical treatment is sought and at the end of that Chandrika departs the arena with the physio for further treatment. As ever, there’s plenty of run-making opportunities off Carlos Brathwaite.

Adam Voges 1000 Test runs @ 36y-84d in 2015 Don Bradman 1000 Test runs @ 21y-318d in 1930 #justsaying#AusvWI

128th over: Australia 501-3 (Smith 101, Voges 89)

Voges takes a two balls to get off strike to the spin of Kraigg B, at which point Jason Holder starts shifting his field around to build some buzz. Smith cuts but it’s straight to point. Three balls left. He only needs one! Smith drives cautiously out through cover and though there’s a man swooping around in the deep the Aussie pair get back for two and Smith brings up his hundred from 153 balls.

127th over: Australia 496-3 (Smith 98, Voges 87)

The bigger Brathwaite attempts a bouncer to the Voges but the batsman gets enough on his hook shot to feather it high and wide of Ramdin and down to the rope at fine leg. There follows a dicey single when the batsmen disagree over a run to square leg but Voges, running down to the non-striker’s end, makes his ground.

126th over: Australia 491-3 (Smith 98, Voges 83)

Oof, this is some park-grade off-spin from Kraigg B. His name sounds better that way I think. He could be a 90s R&B artist. Not a successful one but certainly signed to some tac-dodge subsidiary label. Voges and Smith pick him for ones and twos here but it could have been worse when he was dragging it short and flat. Smith finishes the over with two more to get for his milestone but Voges will be on strike.

125th over: Australia 485-3 (Smith 95, Voges 80)

Jugs Brathwaite continues to fire them down at 130 clicks to give Voges some practice but the batsmen are for now content to refocus their gaze and warm up again after their lunch break.

124th over: Australia 482-3 (Smith 94, Voges 78)

With a single to started Kraigg Brathwaite’s over, Adam Voges becomes the third-fastest Australian to reach 1000 Test runs, behind only Bradman (13), Neil Harvey (14) and Sid Barnes (17). What esteemed company. Reader Chris Winter nominates Bernard Julien as a Windies journeyman. “His stats don’t look too hot now - but I seem to remember he was pretty useful at the time.” I reckon he was better than a journeyman, actually.

123rd over: Australia 480-3 (Smith 93, Voges 77)

If they made a movie about Carlos Brathwaite’s abilities, surely it would be a gritty road movie called ‘Net Bowler’, right? Voges brings up the 150-run partnership between he and Smith (232 balls is what they required) by flicking one square of fine leg for three.

122nd over: Australia 477-3 (Smith 93, Voges 74)

We’ve got duelling banjos Brathwaite’s here with Kraigg operating from the Southern end with his gentle tweakers. Smith fences a couple of runs square of point and looks to cut a few more that way but there’s nothing else doing as his rather inevitable march towards a century continues.

Smith has only been dismissed once in the 90s (Abu Dhabi, 97) since his first ton. Not even worried about a #mozz with this one. #AUSvWI

121st over: Australia 475-3 (Smith 91, Voges 74)

With the review done and dusted there’s a a single and a leg bye to round out the Brathwaite over, which was by default a lot more exciting than nearly anything else he’s done so far in the game.

121st over (incomplete): Australia 473-3 (Smith 90, Voges 74)

That was sailing almost a foot over the stumps, that one. Ambitious.

121st over (incomplete): Australia 473-3 (Smith 90, Voges 74)

Carlos Brathwaite resumes after lunch and has a throaty appeal for LBW against Smith with his second ball. There being no real harm in trying now, Holder reviews the not out verdict.

A little bit of West Indies history

You may think that Jason Holder is the most unheralded West Indies captain to tour Australia but as the MCC Library’s brilliant Day 2 fact sheet reminds me, G.C. ‘Jackie’ Grant’s CV was hardly compelling when he led the first Windies side here in 1930-31. He was 23 years old and had never played first-class cricket in the Caribbean. 26 appearances at Cambridge University was what he brought to the table. He did okay in the end though, topping the batting averages and leading with some style. Perhaps there’s hope for poor Holder.

Related to all of this...

It has now come to my attention that there exists a YouTube clip titled, “Junior Murray, West Indies greatest of all times Wicket Keeper, takes 3 brilliant catches”. You’re welcome.

We might have to make our own fun this afternoon

Which is not to say that Australia piling up runs isn’t a little bit fun, but there’s only so many times in a summer you can enjoy it and I’m running a little dry on enthusiasm. So.... I have a game for us.

Hello OBOers

It is indeed Russell Jackson here to take you through the rest of the day’s play, where the Milo kids are currently skipping about the outfield with far greater enthusiasm than the tourists, but you can’t entirely blame them given the pounding that they’re copping. Remember when we thought the pitch looked a bit green and dicey? Those were the days.

Russell Jackson is your man for this afternoon’s run-fest. It’s time for me to quarter my cucumber sandwiches and steel myself for the evening shift tomorrow, if it gets that far!

Guess what? It’s been Australia’s morning. Smith and Voges have each enjoyed slices of luck but they’ve been largely untroubled, conservatively nudging and nurdling their way to a massive total. Centuries to both seem inevitable in the afternoon session.

After that it’s declaration watch. There’s been little urgency so far, indicating Smith is happy to bat the once in this match, satisfied with an hour or so of a dash before tea to push the total near 600.

120th over: Australia 473-3 (Smith 90, Voges 74)

Kraigg Brathwaite with the final over before lunch and Australia navigate it safely.

119th over: Australia 469-3 (Smith 87, Voges 73)

Smith looks a little proppy, worried about something to do with his right leg or foot. With lunch and a century in sight he won’t be too concerned.

118th over: Australia 464-3 (Smith 85, Voges 70)

Warrican’s spell extends into a ninth rapid over. If nothing else the West Indies are going to reach their full compliment of overs this session. They might not be very good overs, but overs nonetheless.

Twelve batsmen have a career average of more than 100 against the West Indies. Three are in this Test. Two are in this partnership. #AusvWI

117th over: Australia 456-3 (Smith 79, Voges 68)

Kraigg Brathwaite replaces Carlos and he suffers the curse of West Indian fielding with overthrows ricocheting from the stumps to disturb his figures. Australia content to just find gaps, run ones and twos and watch the scoreboard climb slowly.

116th over: Australia 449-3 (Smith 76, Voges 64)

Warrican doing his thing. Maiden.

115th over: Australia 449-3 (Smith 76, Voges 64)

Voges gets a life on 56. He throws the kitchen sink at a slower wide one from Brathwaite that would have been a regulation first slip catch but Bravo, the only man in the cordon, is stationed at second slip and he can only sting his fingertips diving to his left.

114th over: Australia 440-3 (Smith 76, Voges 56)

Warrican milked like it’s the middle overs of an ODI. This pair are in for the long haul.

West Indies' worst ever collective bowling average for a completed Test series is 67.31. So far in this series it's 145.28. #ausvwi

113th over: Australia 434-3 (Smith 72, Voges 54)

Fifty for Adam Voges! His stellar year continues with Brathwaite’s shackles finally broken. Voges averaging over 80 in Test cricket. If only he could lay the West Indies home and away every year.

112th over: Australia 426-3 (Smith 69, Voges 49)

Another neat over from Warrican.

111th over: Australia 424-3 (Smith 68, Voges 48)

Another maiden! Brathwaite bowling good lines and lengths to join up 12 dot balls in a row. Voges looking a little edgy as he tries to force his fifty. Skipper Smith comes down the pitch to calm his vice captain down.

110th over: Australia 424-3 (Smith 68, Voges 48)

Still no great urgency from the Australian batsmen. It’s almost a century partnership but neither looks to be upping the tempo. Warrican toils away at speed, keeping the over rate respectable.

109th over: Australia 420-3 (Smith 67, Voges 45)

Carlos Brathwaite into the attack and he opens with a creditable maiden.

108th over: Australia 420-3 (Smith 67, Voges 45)

Another rapid over of very little from Warrican.

107th over: Australia 419-3 (Smith 67, Voges 44)

The strokeplay hasn’t been blistering this morning but the running has been spot on. Voges turns two into three before Smith guides a Roach full-toss back past his follow through for four. Then a glorious late cut to the vacant third-man fence. Foot to the floor time?

Hands up who's live-tracking Voges' average against the West Indies? Currently on 480. #AusvWI

106th over: Australia 407-3 (Smith 56, Voges 43)

Voges sweeping Warrican well, fetching the ball turning away from him from around off stump.

5 50s and 5 100s in 2015! Captain Smith continues the onslaught on day 2 at the @MCG. Aus 397/3 #AUSvWI#bbccricketpic.twitter.com/AWrFw03NiJ

105th over: Australia 403-3 (Smith 56, Voges 39)

Smith gets away with an inside edge that does everything but cannon into his stumps. Roach follows that decent delivery up with a rank wide long hop that Voges slaps for four behind point. 400 up for Australia.

104th over: Australia 397-3 (Smith 55, Voges 34)

Warrican whirls through an over before drinks.

First hour of day 2: Aus 0-52 off 14o (3.71rpo). #AusvWI

103rd over: Australia 396-3 (Smith 54, Voges 34)

Fifty for Steve Smith. Effortless. Hardly played a false shot and caressed his way to a half century from 86 balls. Lots of ones and twos with deliveries worked into gaps. Barely struck out in anger and well set for a big score.

102nd over: Australia 391-3 (Smith 49, Voges 34)

Time for spin with Jomel Warrican called into the attack. Sensible batting and some sloppy fielding keeps the scoreboard ticking over. There is no intensity in this West Indian performance.

101st over: Australia 384-3 (Smith 47, Voges 29)

Smith finding the gaps on the legside as he nurdles his way to his half-century.

I truly do miss Watto. Imagine the frisson if he was due in next. What might happen? Literally anything. (But most likely LBW Holder 23).

100th over: Australia 381-3 (Smith 44, Voges 29)

A good offside four from Voges is followed up by a genuine edge that drops well short of the cordon. On this surface and with Holder bowling that’s to be expected. An ugly swipe for four to the last delivery of the over suggests Voges has his eye in and it’s time to up the tempo.

99th over: Australia 372-3 (Smith 43, Voges 21)

Kemar Roach finally back into the attack for just his 11th over. He brings a little more hustle with him, varying his approach to the crease while maintaining a good length. Roach averaging 73 with the ball in 2015. Five of the previous six years he averaged under 30. Significant drop off.

98th over: Australia 369-3 (Smith 40, Voges 21)

Holder keeping things tight again. Not much to report in terms of action at the moment. The pitch is not misbehaving, the ball is not moving in the air or off the seam, the batsmen are happy to keep things ticking over and the West Indian bowling is lacklustre. As you were then.

97th over: Australia 367-3 (Smith 39, Voges 20)

Taylor coming around the wicket now to Voges and it almost brings an immediate reward with a good delivery cramping the batsman who inside-edges past his stumps and away to the fine-leg boundary.

96th over: Australia 360-3 (Smith 37, Voges 15)

A rare maiden as the watchfulness continues. Solid lines and lengths from Holder and Smith’s taking no chances. Presumably waiting until the MCG is fuller before he switches on the fireworks.

95th over: Australia 360-3 (Smith 37, Voges 15)

Australia in no obvious hurry this morning. Smith in particular is watchful, ignoring some juicy wide deliveries from Taylor. Taylor, by the way, is what a friend of mine would call ‘gym fit’. Powerful upper body, narrow waist, firm glutes. He’d be a show stopper at a pool party.

94th over: Australia 359-3 (Smith 36, Voges 15)

Four leg-byes the lowlight of another over of Holder slower balls.

93rd over: Australia 354-3 (Smith 35, Voges 15)

Taylor threatens to find a rhythm with three good dot balls but his fourth is short and wide and carved over gully by Voges for the morning’s first boundary.

@JPHowcroft I bet John Major would've loved those old grey West Indies ODI kits

92nd over: Australia 350-3 (Smith 35, Voges 11)

Jason Holder shares the newish ball and he also begins with a delivery on Smith’s pads. Ugh. Holder again only bowling around 125kmh. Something has to be amiss if the captain of the West Indies, as tall as the Eiffel Tower, can only reach medium pace.

So not only was Roach ignored for second new ball but also to start day 2. Last bowled in the 40th over. #AusvWI

91st over: Australia 348-3 (Smith 33, Voges 11)

Jerome Taylor opens the day’s proceedings to Steve Smith and the first delivery sets an ominous tone, on the pads and away for a leg-bye. More middle and leg floaters are bunted away with both batsmen improving their overnight scores.

It’ll be a West Indian hands in the pockets day at the MCG with temperatures starting around 14C and peaking at 21C. A gusty southerly is the culprit but it’s not bringing any rain today so we should have a full day’s carnage play.

I think even most Australians would welcome Mr Ambrose into this attack. Jason Holder was only reaching 125kmh yesterday, surely Curtly could be faster than that off two paces?

@JPHowcroft Can someone persuade Curtly to have a bowl please?

Here’s your surface. About as dynamic as John Major’s Spitting Image puppet. (One for the kids, that one).

Welcome to day two at the @MCG#AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/KwD29uNHtD

This would have been an entertaining chat to eavesdrop. These two have a colourful history.

#AUSvWI: Dean Jones and Curtly Ambrose meet again on the field. "Time To Talk" about the good old days pic.twitter.com/miavXDEfKX

Welcome to live coverage of the second day’s play of the second Test between Australia and the West Indies from the MCG. Australia will resume at 345-3 with Steve Smith (32) and Adam Voges (10) at the crease. Play will get underway in about half-an-hour.

I’m Jonathan Howcroft and I’ll be nursing your 48-hour compound hangovers until the lunch interval. If you want to get in touch (and I encourage you to do so, it can get lonely in here) you can tweet me @JPHowcroft or email me at jonathan.howcroft.freelance@guardian.co.uk.

JP will be here shortly to guide you through all the action early on day two, but here’s the match report from yesterday while you wait.

Welcome to day two of the Boxing Day Test.

Continue reading...

South Africa v England: first Test, day two – as it happened!

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Stuart Broad scored 32 at No10 to boost England’s total to 303, before taking three wickets as South Africa finished day two on 137-4, leaving this Test match very much in the balance

Today, the Test began to come together after a stuttering opening day, with momentum swinging in either direction. Morne Morkel put England under early pressure before Stuart Broad helped push the total to a more respectable 303 from a shaky 267-9.

Having rallied to a par score, England took the initiative with Broad’s two early wickets, but Dean Elgar and AB de Villiers threatened to put South Africa in a position of some comfort. Broad, surely the man of the day, dismissed de Villiers for the eighth time in a Test match, but Elgar saw out the day.

52nd over: Elgar 67, Bavuma 10. The final over of the day, and Joe Root will have a bowl! His off-spin is certainly capable of grabbing a late wicket, but Elgar has been at the crease for too long to go out like that, and defends stoutly. That’s stumps.

51st over: South Africa 137-4 (Elgar 67, Bavuma 10) Elgar, rather hopefully hinting at bad light above, isn’t going after anything, playing a straight bat before ducking under a bouncer. He does flick a length ball from Stokes into the on side for a single to keep the score crawling along.

Dean Elgar, who spent the morning in the field, and the rest of the day at the crease, is now getting treatment for cramp. England won’t be delighted, with just five minutes left to find another wicket.

50th over: South Africa 135-4 (Elgar 66, Bavuma 10) Elgar has a word with the physio – not quite sure what the issue is, but it’s no more than a brief chat, and he’s certainly carrying on. Bavuma, his eyes fixed on Finn’s first delivery, strokes a silky drive down to mid-on. Finn sticks to his line down off-stump, but Bavuma deals with him comfortably. He’s started to look settled after that long runless start.

49th over: South Africa 131-4 (Elgar 65, Bavuma 7) A contrast of styles at either end, with the languid Elgar bullied into running a single by the more tenacious Bavuma. Stokes offers a couple of wide balls that barely get up off the turf, while the cameras focus on a cat in the outfield. Feels like the sting has gone out of this – although there’s a big shout from behind the wicket as the ball clubs Elgar on the shin. Stokes knows it’s going down leg though.

48th over: South Africa 130-4 (Elgar 65, Bavuma 6) There goes that pesky pub umbrella again... ah sorry, it’s Steven Finn, running in that high-kneed style of his, offering some short stuff to Elgar, who waits patiently, before opening up his shoulders and cracking the ball back past the bowler for four.

47th over: South Africa 126-4 (Elgar 61, Bavuma 6) The diminutive Bavuma swings late at a bouncer, and top edges high into the sky. It could have gone anywhere, but loops directly behind him and away for four. “A big twenty minutes here, lads” shouts Bairstow, and he’s not wrong.

46th over: South Africa 122-4 (Elgar 61, Bavuma 2) Elgar has switched roles, from offering stodgy backup to de Villiers, he’s now the leader at the crease, sending Bavuma back after the younger batsman tries to run a risky second. Elgar has also done an excellent Nick Compton impression, nurdling his 61 runs off 134.

45th over: South Africa 121-4 (Elgar 61, Bavuma 1) Stokes offers a short ball to Elgar, who takes his regulation single from the over, then hands over to Bavuma, who gets off the mark at the fifteenth time of asking, with a nudged single that draws cheers from the Durban crowd. The partnership is eight off 30, without a boundary in 12 overs, as South Africa have put it in neutral.

44th over: South Africa 119-4 (Elgar 60, Bavuma 0) Moeen, his spirits lifted by that du Plessis dismissal, is testing Bavuma, who is stuck on a potential duck after nine runs. England finished the first day of play on 179-4; I imagine South Africa would happily take the same in 45 minutes’ time.

Faf's horror run in Tests continues as Moeen knocks him over. His scores in his last 8 innings: 0, 1, 0, 10, 39, 0, 10 and 2 today #SAvENG

43rd over: South Africa 118-4 (Elgar 59, Bavuma 0) Stokes bellows for lbw, with the ball cutting in and catching Elgar on the thigh. It’s given not out, and Cook opts not to review. In real time, that looks a good call – but DRS shows it was hitting the top of middle! Elgar’s crouching stance deceived both Cook and Dar there. Another lucky escape for South Africa, who could be in a far deeper hole.

42nd over: South Africa 115-4 (Elgar 56, Bavuma 0) “Lots of dots” says Bairstow, and Moeen obliges, with just a pushed Elgar single off the over. Elgar, of course, is not a man ruffled by a slow scoring rate. Time for Ben Stokes to have a bowl.

41st over: South Africa 114-4 (Elgar 55, Bavuma 0) Temba Bavuma is next to the crease, and sees off another tight over from Woakes, who is wicketless but conceding barely 2 runs an over – crucial when wickets have been hard to come by.

Du Plessis, stuck on 2 off 18 balls, decides to head down the track for Moeen’s last ball of the over – and he makes a hash of it, with the ball clipping a bail on its way through. There’s a moment of confusion, as Bairstow went to stump the batsman for good measure, and completely missed the ball. But he’s gone, and how.

“You want low-down puns, you’ve got ‘em” says Mac Millings, before offering me a ‘South Africa Sexx XI’. “You can’t publish it” he adds, correctly. I suppose Vernon Philanderer and Quinton de Kock (his real name, after all) are acceptable.

39th over: South Africa 112-3 (Elgar 53, du Plessis 2) There’s a lull, with seven overs passing uneventfully since de Villiers’ departure, but both batsmen playing it very safe, with just an Elgar single off the over.

38th over: South Africa 111-3 (Elgar 52, du Plessis 2) A bit of banter at the crease, as an errant returned ball clocks Elgar in the grill, prompting a cry of “take that!” from Bairstow. Elgar has a chuckle, before tucking away a straight ball from Moeen for a single.

37th over: South Africa 110-3 (Elgar 51, du Plessis 2) Chris Woakes returns to an attack that’s 0-94 without Broad’s efforts. Woakes remains economical, without offering anything that hints at a wicket – staying full and straight at du Plessis, who sees out a first maiden for Woakes. “He’s faster than he looks” offers Bumble, which is a backhanded compliment if ever I heard one.

36th over: South Africa 110-3 (Elgar 51, du Plessis 2) Moeen, currently leaking more than five runs an over, catches Elgar on the glove with a bit of extra bounce, before the batsman finds a gap and goes for two... ah, it’s just one, as Faf du Plessis faffs instead of turning straight back. Now that’s a pun.

35th over: South Africa 108-3 (Elgar 50, du Plessis 2)Broad remains a menace, getting his line and length spot on to keep du Plessis on the back foot, but he gets off the mark with two runs through the on side. Drinks!

“Yer man Chris Drew is rather enigmatic with his pun variation there” says Damian Clarke, while Gary Naylor has this:

If Cook inexplicably turns to his part-timers to dismiss Elgar, would he be guilty of enigmatic variations? @niallmcveigh

34th over: South Africa 106-3 (Elgar 50, du Plessis 0) Elgar brings up his half-century with a big thump over mid-on that just carries to the boundary for six. He’s done his job very well, with little fuss, and continues the theme by shutting up shop for the rest of the over.

33rd over: South Africa 100-3 (Elgar 44, du Plessis 0) Broad tries to tempt the new man, Faf du Plessis, with a couple of length deliveries that shape away. He’s not biting. Broad has taken all three wickets, and got a run-a-ball 32 at No10. Not a bad day’s work.

Big old wicket for Broad, his third of the day, as after slashing at a wide one, de Villiers is caught out by a leg-cutter that carries off the surface, and finds the edge!

32nd over: South Africa 100-2 (Elgar 44, de Villiers 49) Moeen prompts a slightly desperate shout for LBW as Elgar plays onto his pads. Woakes sprints to stop an Elgar drive from going for four, and crashes into the hoardings. South Africa into triple figures, with this partnership, now on 86, reminiscent of the Compton-Taylor double act that got England out of trouble. And yes, I did just compare James Taylor to AB de Villiers.

31st over: South Africa 95-2 (Elgar 41, de Villiers 47) Broad rooting through his box of tricks in search of a breakthrough, going over and around the wicket, changing the angle, disguising the delivery – but everything bounces harmlessly off Elgar, plonked in the crease like a wardrobe.

30th over: South Africa 95-2 (Elgar 41, de Villiers 47) England want a tight, lengthy spell from Moeen here, but South Africa know it, and Elgar joins de Villiers in charging forward, going down the ground for a big boundary of his own. That’s 1000 Test runs for Elgar, at an average of 35.93.

29th over: South Africa 88-2 (Elgar 34, de Villiers 47) Broad to Elgar, probably the best combination from an England perspective – but Elgar is happy to play it safe, and the pitch isn’t offering much. Elgar then rubs a squeaky single, but gets home a fraction before Moeen skittles the stumps at the non-striker’s end. In contrast to the tenacious Elgar, de Villiers effortlessly slots another cover drive away for four.

28th over: South Africa 83-2 (Elgar 33, de Villiers 43) Moeen, bowling into a stiff breeze with the field spread, gets a shot at de Villiers as Elgar runs a risky single. You can spread the field as far as you like, they can’t reach the stands – that’s where AB sends Moeen, dancing down the track and lashing it back down the ground! A first six for South Africa.

27th over: South Africa 76-2 (Elgar 32, de Villiers 37) Broad is back, and not before time. There’s a bit of noise from the sunburnt Barmy Army as the bowler searches for reverse swing, with de Villiers – out seven times to Broad in Tests – ruffled by a delivery wide of off stump that darts back in. Time for Moeen...

@niallmcveigh You ever get the feeling that Adil Rashid might have done well on this surface? And, er, maybe even scored a couple?

26th over: South Africa 75-2 (Elgar 31, de Villiers 37) Woakes, looking more likely than Finn, to Elgar, who sees a flick to midwicket well fielded by Hales. Full, straight stuff from Woakes, which de Villiers straight bats with ease.

“Nice to see Elgar in his pomp. Don’t know if this is the right circumstance” honks Chris Drew.

25th over: South Africa 74-2 (Elgar 30, de Villiers 37) Finn does offer de Villiers a little something, with a short, wide ball that AB promptly slaps over the covers for four. He’s warming up now, and sends another cover drive off Finn all the way to the rope. After both balls, Finn has ended up in a heap on the turf, maybe struggling with his studs.

A 'Finny falling over in his follow through' tumblr, please. #SAvENG

24th over: South Africa 66-2 (Elgar 30, de Villiers 29) Woakes battles his way through an uneventful over, not offering de Villiers any loose balls, but not threatening a great deal. De Villiers taps a quick single to stop the bowler claiming a maiden, well, maiden.

Combined current #SAvENG XI : Compton, Cook, Amla, Root, De Villiers(wk), Stokes, Ali, Steyn, Broad, Anderson, Morkel

23rd over: South Africa 65-2 (Elgar 30, de Villiers 28) Plenty of pressure on Finn and Woakes, with Anderson absent. Both have offered a threat, but are yet to bag that all-important first wicket. Finn continues, bowling to Edgar, who wins the battle of wills, leaving the first five before swishing through the covers for four as Finn blinks first – and bringing up a welcome 50 partnership.

22nd over: South Africa 61-2 (Elgar 26, de Villiers 28) Elgar snuck a single to retain the strike – not sure why. The opener, on 23 off 61 balls, puts me in my place as a straight, full ball is flicked smartly down to deep midwicket, where Moeen does well to stop the boundary. De Villiers then goes after a wider ball and clumsily scuffs it into the turf.

21st over: South Africa 58-2 (Elgar 23, de Villiers 28) de Villiers nudges Finn into the covers, and calls for a quick single. Elgar shuffles and scrapes his way through the rest of the over, while Beefy tells a pretty heartbreaking story about how he got into his charity work for leukaemia, actually unable to continue at one point.

20th over: South Africa 56-2 (Elgar 22, de Villiers 27) 44 overs due before the close of play, apparently. Trying to envisage a scenario where AB de Villiers being in/out doesn’t equal bad/good news for England. A well-timed drive is tidily fielded for just one run, and Woakes has Elgar in trouble with a rapid, swinging delivery that sneaks past his edge.

Hello again. The players are back out in Durban, for an evening session that really could be any length, judging by the freestyle approach to the first two. All we know is that Chris Woakes is bowling first, from the Old Fort End.

While you have your tea, an invitation: the OBO-related cricket team, the OBOccasionals, are seeking talent. Or, failing that, other humans.

“We’re always looking for new members, as some of the existing team members have gone and done silly things like moving to China (Hi Sam!),” writes Joe Neate. “So, this is the first of numerous calls to action for your readers. If anyone is interested in playing for a friendly, enthusiastic group of extremely amateur cricketers over this summer, please get in touch. In the last few years we’ve been to Finland, and Estonia, and also had some closer to home games in Brighton and Godalming. This summer we have been re-invited to a wonderful four-team tournament in Brighton, and we’re also planning a trip to play on a strangely cricket-mad island off the coast of Croatia…”

19th over: South Africa 55-2 (Elgar 22, de Villiers 26)

A maiden from Finn to end the session. A bit of a surprise session conclusion there – it is, after all, only just two hours after the end of the first session, and obviously they’ve snuck a lengthy lunch break in that period. So the first session was three hours long, and the second lasted less than 90 minutes. Put it all together, though, and they’re about right. Anyway, it’s definitely tea.

Ball starting to die through to keeper now. Hardness gone.

18th over: South Africa 55-2 (Elgar 22, de Villiers 26)

Blam! Stokes bangs one short, and de Villiers swats it away for four. You wonder whether the TV umpire was swayed, following that Stokes “catch”, by the fielder’s negative body language. England could well come to regret that decision – probably are already.

That's two low catches today that have gone to third umpire - Blackwood and de Villiers. Both clearly out, both given not out.

17th over: South Africa 48-2 (Elgar 19, de Villiers 22)

Finn gets his line a little wrong, and de Villiers smacks the resulting full toss to the rope. He recovers well enough, though, and the over ends with a fine delivery that takes the edge but bounces before it reaches the slips, where Root fields well.

16th over: South Africa 44-2 (Elgar 18, de Villiers 19)

Stokes sees some bowling action for the first time, and becomes the first England bowler who isn’t Broad to bowl a maiden. Got an email while I was away, from Guy Hornsby: “Why is it that being an England fan so rarely allows us to drink from the half-full glass? A wicket in the first over and South Africa on the ropes, but why can’t I help thinking ‘so, that’s Amla with a double-century then?’ when we drop him? It’s tiring.” Inevitably, Amla was out within seconds. We’ve all been there.

Does my email qualify as a gold standard reverse jinx then @Simon_Burnton?

15th over: South Africa 44-2 (Elgar 18, de Villiers 19)

Hello! And ooof! Finn’s bowling very nicely but he gets no reward for his troubles, as de Villiers edges wide of the keeper for four. The last delivery is a beauty, moving just a fraction away from the batsman, beating the edge on its way through.

14th over: South Africa 40-2 (Elgar 19, de Villiers 14) The batsmen exchange singles, as they edge towards England’s three-wicket total of 49 runs, but Moeen shuts them out for the rest of the over, with minds still firmly on that narrow escape for AB de Villiers. I’ll hand back over to Simon now, to take you through to tea.

13th over: South Africa 38-2 (Elgar 18, de Villiers 13) De Villiers, puffing out his cheeks, punches past Broad at mid-off for two.

That was unlikely to be overturned, based on scratchy TV evidence, but you have certainly seen them given. That’s unlucky for Finn, who has ruffled de Villiers in this over.

This could be a big moment, as a short ball from Finn finds an edge, and it carries to Stokes at gully! Dar thinks that the ball just fell short of Stokes’ fingers, and England review...

12th over: South Africa 36-2 (Elgar 18, de Villiers 11) Box office stuff from de Villiers, who sees first slip darting to his right behind him, and reverse sweeps the ball behind the fielder, into the open field for four. Bairstow giving Moeen plenty of encouragement from behind the wicket, but also lets a naughty word or two slip out as AB picks up some cheap runs. Maybe turn the stump mic down a bit.

11th over: South Africa 29-2 (Elgar 18, de Villiers 4) Finn from the Umgeni End after that early drinks break. Conditions are very different to the drizzle of day one – sunny and 27 degrees. It’s enough to make you sick. Anyway, Finn is roughing Elgar up here, the ball spitting up close to the batsman’s gloves, but he’s able to get a straight bat to the short stuff, then pushes the final ball off his hip for two runs.

10th over: South Africa 27-2 (Elgar 16, de Villiers 4) Moeen comes in earlier than expected, with Steven Finn stretching in the outfield. It was a feisty opening spell from Broad and Woakes, who may be tiring a touch. Elgar is able to scramble five runs from the over, but only takes a grubby single from a full toss, summing up his inconsistent start. Time for drinks.

“Having just got home from watching Brisbane Roar win in the stupidly humid Queensland weather, I had to double check the score” says Phil Withall.

9th over: South Africa 22-2 (Elgar 11, de Villiers 4) Broad to de Villiers, who plays a drive that only picks out Moeen in the covers. We’ve just seen replays of Broad’s bowling to Amla, a brutish series of jagging off stump deliveries. He keeps up the intensity against de Villiers, who at least is better at leaving well alone than Amla, who is back in the pavilion, looking ruefully at his laptop screen. It’s another maiden.

Lots of you asking pertinent, insightful questions on Yasir Shah’s suspension– but I’m taking a Nick Compton on that, until a few more facts emerge. Anyway, the OBO’s insight on performance enhancing substances extends to the coffee and off-brand Coke and Snickers on my desk, which were left for me in a brown paper bag at the back of King’s Cross station.

8th over: South Africa 22-2 (Elgar 11, de Villiers 4) Apologies for the use of the phrase ‘AB de Villiers is out’ in that last over – I hope none of you brought up your selection boxes. De Villiers tucks a single through square leg, before Elgar, who looks less settled despite having been at the crease a while longer. Elgar waits patiently through another fierce Woakes over, before flicking awkwardly beyond the slips for four.

7th over: South Africa 17-2 (Elgar 7, de Villiers 3) AB de Villiers is at the crease – never ideal for a fielding team, but he’s only had 75 minutes rest after 90 overs keeping wicket. It doesn’t seem to faze him as he drives down to third man for a tidy three runs. Feels like a pivotal innings for AB, perhaps even more so than usual.

...but two balls later, he gets his man! Another wicked delivery wings towards off stump and Amla tickles it through to Bairstow!

7th over: South Africa 14-1 (Elgar 7, Amla 7) Broad continues from the Umgeni End, but Amla finds a gap in the field to get his first boundary. Broad looks irritated...

6th over: South Africa 10-1 (Elgar 7, Amla 3) Elgar bags the team’s first boundary, punching a tidy cover drive off Woakes. The England man gives it a little more venom, and sends a bouncer crashing into Elgar’s forearm. Elgar tries to stay aloof and unruffled, but winces when Woakes’ back is turned. Woakes, who has started brightly, goes across Elgar and has the opener playing and missing.

5th over: South Africa 6-1 (Elgar 3, Amla 3) Broad to Amla, who will look back on all this and laugh when he eases past 200. There’s nothing to tempt him here, with the captain leaving and blocking as required. A maiden.

4th over: South Africa 6-1 (Elgar 3, Amla 3) We’ve seen multiple replays of Amla’s edge, and it’s a strange one. I’m 90% sure he hit it, but whether the umpire could overturn the decision, or whether Amla even knew he’d hit it, are much less clear.

From Woakes’ fifth ball of this over, Amla does edge it – but Bairstow, sprawling to his right, drops him! He had to get down low but got his glove to it, only to parry it away from Cook at first slip. He’d done the hard part, and Amla survives.

3rd over: South Africa 3-1 (Elgar 1, Amla 2) Broad’s line is exquisite already, and again, he’s millimetres from Amla’s outside edge. England’s fielders are so convinced there’s a bit of premature whooping, but Dar says no and in the end, they decide not to review. Snicko, or UltraEdge, or whatever, shows the faintest spike, perhaps not enough to overturn the umpire’s call.

Broad comes round the wicket again, but is interrupted by a big umbrella getting blown acros the outfield like a big daddy longlegs, in the English beer garden style. Once that’s over, Broad cramps the left-handed Elgar for room, keeping up the heat to close the over.

A bit of breaking news – Pakistan’s Yasir Shah has been suspended, after testing positive for a banned diuretic following the series against England in the UAE. More from Ali Martin below.

Related: Pakistan spinner Yasir Shah suspended after failing drugs test

2nd over: South Africa 2-1 (Elgar 1, Amla 1) Woakes steams in from the Old Fort End, hoping to find a bit of swing. His first delivery is full, moving away from Edgar, who wafts at a half-hearted drive. A smart start from England, who have three slips and a gully in place. A couple of quick singles get the hosts off the mark, but Woakes is keeping Elgar very much on the back foot.

1st over: South Africa 0-1 (Elgar 0, Amla 0) With Morkel and Steyn firing in the first innings – and Anderson out – Broad is clearly keen to make an impact, and does so spectacularly by dispatching van Zyl. Hashim ‘Hamish’ Amla is in no to steady the ship – but Broad comes mighty close to finding the outside edge as Amla prods limply off the back foot. The captain didn’t quite connect.

That’s right. Gary Naylor gets his wish, as Broad comes round the wicket and befuddles van Zyl, who oafishly opts to leave and loses his off stump.

England’s bowlers are warming up, getting ready to have a crack at South African openers Dean Elgar and Stiaan van Zyl, who I’m sure were the rhythm section in at least one hair metal band.

I'm sure England have rigorously evidenced bowling plans for every Saffer, but the top of off stump will do for me @niallmcveigh

Plenty of lunch break chat about Ian Botham and his recent charity walk in South Africa. Next up, Beefy’s planning a walk in Australia, with Allan Border, Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath in the frame to join in. The banter will be off the scale.

I like those odds

At the innings break #WinViz gives England a 31% chance of victory. #SAvEngpic.twitter.com/jOpioE1X8I

Thanks, Simon. Hi, everybody! Well, if you’d woken Alastair Cook from his slumber on Christmas morn, and pointed to a stocking stuffed with 300 first-innings runs, he wouldn’t have immediately asked for the receipt.

That said, the stocking contains three ducks – for Moeen Ali, Chris Woakes and Cook himself – truncated knocks for Hales, Root and Stokes, and a glacial top score of 85 off 236 from Nick Compton. We’ll know by the end of play today how good a start 303 all out really is. My suspicion is that it’s good enough, at least to keep this Test match competitive.

It is finally lunch, after a first session that lasted three and a bit minutes shy of three hours. Niall McVeigh will take you through lunch and the start of the afternoon – send your emails here if you’d be so kind.

The players are most of the way back to the changing room by the time Hawk-Eye confirms that this was only slightly less plumb than it appeared on first viewing, in that it was hitting the top of middle stump, rather than absolutely demolishing it.

Eng all out 303. Bit of a new ball collapse but decent total. Morkel flogged something and was excellent but Steyn looked short of a gallop

Yes he is, but why not review it, eh?

100th over: England 303-9 (Broad 32, Finn 12)

Piedt gets some good turn – as he has done since day one – but no reward, and the batsmen take a single each.

The ball struck Finn well outside the line, and England’s innings continues!

South Africa think so, the umpire thinks not, the technology will tell.

99th over: England 301-9 (Broad 31, Finn 11)

Finn gets a single off Steyn’s penultimate delivery, and England’s total is tickled to 300 – which at 12-3, at 49-3 and at 267-9 (and probably at the coin toss), if not particularly at 247-5, would have seemed a pretty excellent total.

South Africa conditions consistently offer the best balance between bat and ball in world cricket.

98th over: England 299-9 (Broad 30, Finn 10)

Piedt has a go at ending this obdurate final pairing for England, and doesn’t. Broad sweeps for four, top-edges a pull – the ball spends an age in the air but still lands safe, and it all ends with Finn diving to make his ground at the bowler’s end – and then heaves the last to the square leg boundary. This is excellent stuff from Broad, and England will surely now go into lunch in good humour, their 10th-wicket partnership of 32 and counting making everything look considerably rosier. Broad’s made 30 off 30 so far.

97th over: England 289-9 (Broad 20, Finn 10)

Steyn returns. Finn survives. Does more than survive, in fact, deflecting the fifth delivery towards the third man boundary, if not all the way there, and getting a leading edge off the last, the ball landing safely in the covers for two more.

96th over: England 285-9 (Broad 20, Finn 6)

Morkel has an entire over to bowl at Finn but can’t really trouble him, and he takes a single off the fifth delivery. Broad has one – inevitably short – ball to face, tries to pull, misses, and it flicks off his shoulder and into his helmet. It’s still not lunch, South Africa getting a bit of extra time to take England’s last wicket.

95th over: England 284-9 (Broad 20, Finn 5)

Shot! Abbott gets five-sixth of the way to a maiden, and then Broad cuts the last ball to the rope. Time for one more over before lunch.

94th over: England 280-9 (Broad 16, Finn 5)

Broad sends Morkel’s second delivery flashing to the rope, and he’s not scared to swing his bat here. Neither, for that matter, is Finn who, with only the final delivery to survive, tries to pull through midwicket and misses the ball by a good foot and a half.

93rd over: England 275-9 (Broad 11, Finn 5)

Steven Finn, aka the Watford Wall, cracks Abbott’s first delivery down the ground for four. In 2015 South Africa have only once scored more than 250 in any Test innings – when they reached 421 against West Indies in Cape Town in January. In that time they’ve been bowled out for 79, 109, 121, 143, 184, 185, 2014 and 248 (all but one of those innings against India, the last against Bangladesh).

92nd over: England 271-9 (Broad 11, Finn 2)

Four singles from Morkel’s latest over. Disheartening as the last half-hour or so has been for England, the current batsmen at least will be encouraged by the amount of discomfort Morkel has managed to create here. Not in this over, though, which was a bit subdued.

91st over: England 267-9 (Broad 9, Finn 0)

Broad pulls, nearly runs into his stumps in the follow-through and the ball lands just short of Bavuma in the deep. He runs a single, bringing Bairstow onto strike for what proved the final time.

Bairstow flashes at a wide one, edges low to a diving Elgar at second slip and England’s innings, so healthy at 247-5 just minutes ago, is looking decidedly feeble now!

90th over: England 265-8 (Bairstow 40, Broad 8)

Morkel continues, and Broad heaves and misses, and then heaves and hits – four! A single later Morkel bangs one in short and Bairstow can’t get out of the way, the ball crashing into his shoulder.

89th over: England 258-8 (Bairstow 38, Broad 3)

Steyn bowls, and England score three singles – with Broad bringing howls of excitement from the crowd by plopping the ball just over the grasping fielder at square leg – and then Broad pushes past cover for a couple.

88th over: England 253-8 (Bairstow 36, Broad 0)

Oooooh! Morkel’s hat-trick ball flies across Broad, who pushes out his bat and just misses it! And the over ends with a short ball, which Broad ducks under. Two-wicket maiden, and Morkel’s last eight deliveries have brought three wickets, cost no runs and transformed this first innings.

And another one’s gone! HawkEye shows the ball clipping the very outermost edge of leg stump, and Woakes goes first ball! The review always had the pong of desperation about it, and now Morkel’s on a hat-trick!

Eng lose two wkts in two balls as Woakes is lbw to Morkel after Moeen edges behind Eng 253-8 https://t.co/brDMKeZ6wnpic.twitter.com/m3O9rozss8

First impression is: yep.

Another one down, and Morkel’s doing the damage this morning! Lovely line across the left-hander, finds the edge and Moeen’s gone!

87th over: England 253-6 (Bairstow 36, Moeen Ali 0)

The reason behind the variation in England’s run-scoring with the first new ball and the second is Steyn. Yesterday he started with a maiden, a wicket maiden and a maiden, bowling like a demon. With the second new ball his four overs have gone for six, four, four and now six more, with Bairstow dismissing one delivery past point for four, he’s slower and certainly not scarier. It seems the injury hasn’t completely recovered.

Dale Steyn average speed on day one: 82.96 mph Dale Steyn average speed on day two: 78.17 mph #BatViz#SAvEng

86th over: England 247-6 (Bairstow 30, Moeen Ali 0)

Bairstow cracks through midwicket for four to bring up the 50 partnership. The first six wickets with the first new ball brought 12 runs and a wicket; the last six have brought 28 runs and also, in the end, one wicket.

Compton tries to pull a short ball, feathers the slightest of edges through to the keeper, and doesn’t wait to see the umpire’s finger before walkiung.

85th over: England 242-5 (Compton 85, Bairstow 25)

Compton’s battle with Steyn is pretty gripping. The batsman really attacks here, smashing through the covers for four and then sending the next ball into the ground and thence into the hands of the fielder at point. The home fans cheer as he catches it, and the Barmy Army cheer their cheer as it dies in their throats.

84th over: England 238-5 (Compton 81, Bairstow 25)

A couple of singles from Morkel’s over. “The very fact that Compton is able to stare back at Dale Steyn with the new ball (not to mention, cut himaway like Sehwag and rile him up) just highlights how poor the decision to ‘exile’ him was,” writes Krishnan Patel. “Thoroughly feeling vindicated as this partnership grows as I’ve been a big backer of Compton and Jonny B for years now”

83rd over: England 236-5 (Compton 80, Bairstow 24)

That’s a lovely attacking stroke by Compton, who leans back to give himself space to cut Steyn to the boundary. “This is shaping up to be an excellent Test,” writes Simon McMahon, “unlike the one in Melbourne, where the current West Indies team are the cricketing equivalent of Ian Baker Finch at the 1997 Open in Troon. Can you withdraw from a Test match?” Perhaps not, but you can certainly end one pretty quickly.

82nd over: England 232-5 (Compton 76, Bairstow 24)

Abbott bowls, and Bairstow twice works the ball off his pads for four. “Interesting discussion of Compton on TMS, beyond the usual boilerplate about teams needing sometimes grinders as well as dashers,” reports Alfred Moore. “Graeme Swann points out that Cook and Trott – hardly dashers – did two things Compton doesn’t: they could score singles off defensive strokes. And they could go from scoring nothing during a tough 20 overs at the top of the innings, and then score 30 or 40 in the period when the ball got soft. Basically, he said, Compton’s batting England into a hole and putting pressure on his partners, and he’d better score a hundred and hope Bairstow and Ali can take the score to 400. The worry is not that Compton is a grinder. It’s that he’s not a good enough grinder. For comparison, his career strike rate is 35. Trott’s was 47, as is Cook’s. Kirsten’s was 43. Chris Rogers’ was 50. Graham Thorpe 46. Can he learn to score singles and get up to a Thorpe-esque quality of nudging and nurdling? What’s the OBO position?”

81st over: England 224-5 (Compton 76, Bairstow 16)

The first delivery with the new ball is deflected square by Compton for four, and the same batsman then bisects mid off and extra cover for a couple more. His has been a vital, stubborn innings, admirably unhurried.

80th over: England 218-5 (Compton 70, Bairstow 16)

Bairstow pushes the ball through the covers and runs two before it’s chased down a couple of yards from the rope. Meanwhile the new ball has been taken, and handed to Steyn.

79th over: England 216-5 (Compton 70, Bairstow 14)

Three singles, the second of which is a little sharp – Bairstow dives to get in as the ball is returned towards the keeper, who dives to catch it, while at short leg Bavuma dives just to get out of the way. All things considered there’s a lot of humanity flinging itself about. One more over before the new ball’s up for grabs.

78th over: England 213-5 (Compton 69, Bairstow 12)

Abbott starts his over with a peach of a yorker, which Compton digs out. The rest of the over isn’t quite so hostile, but Compton – 80% of whose runs today have been scored accidentally – is happy just to survive.

77th over: England 213-5 (Compton 69, Bairstow 12)

Dean Elgar bowls, and Bairstow repeatedly crunches the ball straight to fielders. It goes down as a maiden, but if the batsman had angled his bat just a tiny bit differently he’d have scored wildly.

76th over: England 213-5 (Compton 69, Bairstow 12)

Piedt’s second over of the day. Or Peddy-boy, as De Villiers appears to call him if the stump mic’s anything to go by. Wonder how long it took him to come up with that one.

Ben Stokes v bowler breakdown: Steyn 10 (7) Morkel 0 (15) Piedt 11 (12) #CricViz#SAvEng

75th over: England 211-5 (Compton 68, Bairstow 11)

“Australia West Indies is a funny one,” writes Niall Mullen, as Bairstow drives past extra cover for four. “It’s as though a man is stamping on a defenceless puppy but I’m more disgusted with the puppy.” Yup, you can’t blame a man for stamping on a puppy*.

74th over: England 205-5 (Compton 68, Bairstow 5)

Runs! Nine of them! Bairstow cuts to the rope to get off the mark in style. Then Compton, who had previously scored just one run today so far, edges low, straight into the ground and wide of slip and gets a boundary of his own.

Since 2000 the average first innings score in Test matches in Durban is 301 & 400 has only been scored once. #CricViz#SAvEng

73rd over: England 196-5 (Compton 64, Bairstow 0)

Abbott bowls the fourth successive maiden.

@Simon_Burnton Those young people - disoriented and viewed with a mixture of scorn and pity - they weren't the West Indies team were they?

72nd over: England 196-5 (Compton 64, Bairstow 0)

Oooooh! Morkel’s final delivery swings into Bairstow, who pushes it into the ground and over his stumps. And finally, a few overs before its anticipated demise, the ball shows some signs of life. It’s a wicket maiden, and no run has been scored for precisely three overs.

Stokes attempts a heave over midwicket and top edges up into the air and, eventually, into the hands of Duminy at short third man. I’ve got to blame myself for this on some level.

71st over: England 196-4 (Compton 64, Stokes 21)

Steyn continues, and it’s another maiden. Talking of the effects of intoxication, over in Durban it’s been a very sober start. A few dangerous deliveries, but the batsmen have largely been in control.

70th over: England 196-4 (Compton 64, Stokes 21)

Morkel bowls a maiden to Stokes. “After yesterday’s OBO deluge of support group wisdom on early-morning drinking, I hate to bring this up, but you sound a touch pale and penitent yourself this morning. Does everything hurt? Did you see something that frightened you in the bathroom mirror? Were those young revelers you dodged even real?” asks Robert Wilson. Guardian Towers is just down the road from a popular London nightclub called EGG, which vomits out revelers at the most ridiculous hours of a Sunday morning, all the way up to lunchtime. You’ve got to admire these young folks’ stamina – I’ve always considered around 3am the very outer extremes of a late night, a boundary beyond which nothing but danger lies. And I’m pretty sure they existed. Certainly the one who had attracted the attention of the police (by wobbling and shouting a lot) seemed real enough.

69th over: England 196-4 (Compton 64, Stokes 21)

And Steyn’s back again! Compton tetchily diverts one for a single, then Stokes cuts lustily for four, and pulls mightily for another. He’s so far faced 13.5% of Compton’s total number of deliveries, scored 31.3% of Compton’s total number of runs, and has started the day in excellent style.

68th over: England 186-4 (Compton 63, Stokes 12)

Steyn’s off after a single over, with Morkel having a go. Looks like the sun’s shining today, with a bit of a breeze whipping the players’ trousers. Morkel angles one beautifully across the left-handed Stokes and just past the edge; encouraged, South Africa immediately bring in a third slip, but there’s no sniff of a repeat.

67th over: England 186-4 (Compton 63, Stokes 12)

It’s the Dale ‘n’ Dane show. Piedt bowls from the other end, and Stokes heaves a poor delivery over midwicket for four, and then past cover for a couple. He’s started pretty speedily – his 12 have come off 14 deliveries; Compton’s 63 off 184.

66th over: England 179-4 (Compton 63, Stokes 5)

Dale Steyn gets Test one, day two under way, though he presumably won’t do a lot of bowling now, with the new ball speeding into view. It’s a decent over with one outstanding delivery, the penultimate one, which moves a little into the batsman, who defends. Compton prioritises survival over run-scoring, and does indeed survive, and does not indeed score.

The players are out and ready. Here’s Allan Donald day two preview. Let’s play!

@OfficialCSA@ECB_cricket@amlahash Day 2 and a great day for batting on a flat deck. Sounds like it's gonna be a hot one as well!

Hello world!

No point beating about the bush. Play is due to start in three minutes (though Sky are just starting a feature on Ian Botham’s latest stroll, so they’re in no hurry). I have just dodged a large gang of inebriated youngsters who have perhaps been enjoying their Christmas a little too much to make my way safely into Guardian Towers. Here’s James Taylor on yesterday, so as not to make this “preamble” appear ludicrously undercooked:

Taking everything into account – losing the toss and the conditions that could not have been more perfect for the South African bowling unit – I thought overall it was solid day. To get into the position we are in now, 179 for four, is a pretty successful one for the England camp.

In the situation of the game it was massive for myself, and in terms of the series, because time in the middle so early is crucial. But I try hardest to immerse myself in the situation rather than personal things which distract you from the bigger picture. It was about getting my head right for the situation and playing accordingly.

Hello. Simon will be here shortly. Until then, here’s Mike Selvey on the recent struggles of South Africa, who arrived in Durban with their reputation diminished:

South Africa, still ranked No1 in the world, have played only seven Tests this year, and won just one of them, against West Indies back in January. Since then they have twice drawn in Bangladesh and were humiliated in India, a country in which England were famously victorious three years ago. They have suffered injuries to Dale Steyn, although he is fit again now, and to Vernon Philander, who is not.

There has been no even adequate compensation for the loss of two great batsmen in Graeme Smith and Jacques Kallis, and with Hashim Amla going through a poor run of form, the team have been kept afloat on the efforts of AB de Villiers, a truly remarkable athlete, in a manner which resembles that of another famous AB with his Australian team of the mid-80s.

Continue reading...

Australia v West Indies: the third day of the Boxing Day Test – as it happened

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That’s all from me for now. I’ll be back with you tomorrow evening after Russell Jackson has entertained you for the opening two sessions.

Don’t forget there’s plenty more cricket on offer, including the beautifully poised first Test between South Africa and England. Follow that with Dan Lucas here.

Australia end day three of the Boxing Day Test with a lead of 459 runs over the West Indies. The tourists finally showed some resistance with the bat, dragging out their first innings for two sessions, but that spirited rearguard action still left them with a 280 run deficit. That quickly became an insurmountable total as Australia’s batsmen piled on a run-a-ball final session at the MCG.

Darren Bravo (81) and Carlos Brathwaite (59) can be pleased with their efforts in West Indies’ innings. As can Nathan Lyon (4/66) and James Pattinson (4/72). Pattinson should have celebrated even more impressive figures but twice he was denied wickets after overstepping.

32nd over: Australia 179-3 (Smith 70, Marsh 18) lead by 459

Final over of the day and Smith plays it with the intensity of any, running hard to turn ones into twos. Leading by example.

31st over: Australia 172-3 (Smith 64, Marsh 17) lead by 452

Holder bowling to a field with only one fielder in the infield. Guess what? Marsh hits it straight to him - all along the ground though. Shadows lengthening across the MCG. Nearly done for the day.

30th over: Australia 168-3 (Smith 62, Marsh 15) lead by 448

Marsh’s no-win innings nearly came to a premature end as he edges a sharp chance to Ramdin off Warrican. The keeper can’t hold on to the chance and Marsh gets a let-off.

29th over: Australia 165-3 (Smith 61, Marsh 13) lead by 445

Four overs left, probably not enough time for Smith to bring up his ton. He’s good the skipper, but he’s no Martin Guptill. Will he give himself time tomorrow morning to achieve the feat?

28th over: Australia 160-3 (Smith 59, Marsh 10) lead by 440

Warrican, poor bloke, has no idea where to bowl to Smith. Wherever it lands Smith seems to be there manufacturing something into a gap somewhere or other. Marsh is looking solid in a no-win situation for him.

27th over: Australia 154-3 (Smith 54, Marsh 9) lead by 434

More slogging, tip and run, and general run-scoring off most deliveries. Junk time at the G.

Ladies and gentleman, your top Test run scorer of 2015. #AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/wX61bwiTZY

26th over: Australia 150-3 (Smith 52, Marsh 7) lead by 430

Fifty for Steve Smith to add to his massive 2015 bounty. It’s been a mixture of finesse and funk from the skipper, keeping the game moving throughout. The only question remaining is whether he will declare before he reaches three figures.

Running total: 119,808. #AusvWIhttps://t.co/v1wgLTCqRP

25th over: Australia 143-3 (Smith 47, Marsh 5) lead by 423

Smith continues to invent shots. His latest offside boundary I’m naming the pie swatter after he somehow slapped a slower ball bouncer from Holder inside out to the cover fence.

24th over: Australia 128-3 (Smith 40, Marsh 3) lead by 408

The fall of Khawaja’s wicket doesn’t stem the flow of runs with Warrican bowling to a field in need of more plugs than Doug Bollinger.

23rd over: Australia 124-3 (Smith 38, Marsh 1) lead by 404

Smith with a mistimed forehand smash to the returning Jason Holder raises a smile. Smith moved to leg, Holder followed him with a bouncer and the batsman still tried to slap it past the bowler. It’s that time of the day.

Khawaja gives his wicket away trying to lap Holder but his faint tickle goes straight to Ramdin behind the stumps. Another beautiful knock from the left-hander comes to an end.

22nd over: Australia 118-2 (Khawaja 52, Smith 37) lead by 398

Half-century for Khawaja. His renaissance is one of the more welcome in the Test arena. So fluid and composed at the crease it’s like watching Neo in bullet time. Speaking of which, is Keanu Reeves ready for a career renaissance?

Smith in Silly Scoring Mode™ is one of my favourite things. #AUSvWI

21st over: Australia 113-2 (Khawaja 49, Smith 35) lead by 393

Eleven overs remaining in the day’s play and Smith’s decided to have a bit of fun. To describe his boundary as a drive to long-off would be to ignore his position at the crease resembling a slap-cum-pull a la KP or Glenn Maxwell. Runs, runs, runs.

20th over: Australia 106-2 (Khawaja 49, Smith 28) lead by 386

Khawaja nearing his fifty and you’d have to fancy another century, his fourth in a row. He may need to get a wriggle on though as it’s unlikely Smith will give him much time on day four to chase milestones.

19th over: Australia 100-2 (Khawaja 45, Smith 30) lead by 380

Khawaja taking on Kemar Roach, sashaying down the pitch and clobbering him through the legside. Then it’s Smith’s turn, dabbing the paceman to the third-man boundary and adding another four before the over’s out.

18th over: Australia 88-2 (Khawaja 42, Smith 21) lead by 368

Jomel Warrican provides a change of pace and it almost works with Smith driving loosely but failing to reach the long-on fielder. Khawaja much more controlled, timing a couple of pearlers sweetly through the offside. This Australian innings is gathering momentum without much effort.

17th over: Australia 79-2 (Khawaja 36, Smith 18) lead by 359

Skipper Smith looks a little frustrated. So frustrated he blames it on his willow and orders a new blade to be brought out to him. The change works and a boundary immediately follows to the vacant third-man region. A hard-run three allows Khawaja strike and he cuts for four more! 14 from the Brathwaite over in the end.

16th over: Australia 65-2 (Khawaja 29, Smith 11) lead by 345

Roach bending his back, and about half a kilo of gold jewellery in the process. He’s keeping Smith honest but he’s nowhere near the tearaway that terrorised Ricky Ponting a few years ago.

15th over: Australia 63-2 (Khawaja 29, Smith 9) lead by 343

Another let-off for Khawaja. A toe-end slash travels in the air towards gully but the giant Holder can’t get down in time to scoop it off the turf.

14th over: Australia 61-2 (Khawaja 27, Smith 9) lead by 341

Kemar Roach into the attack and he starts with a real liquorice all-sorts of an over, including one delivery that barely finds the cut grass. Brett Lee suggesting he’s trying to bowl too fast following his recent injury.

13th over: Australia 56-2 (Khawaja 26, Smith 6) lead by 336

Smith is giving himself time to settle in here. It will be interesting to know what’s going through his mind. Timing of his second declaration? Dinner order for tonight? Badger badger badger?

Warner wicket celebration will be replayed plenty, check out Roach and Samuels in the background. Two teams playing for WI !#AUSvWI

12th over: Australia 50-2 (Khawaja 24, Smith 3) lead by 330

Khawaja should have been the third wicket to fall, calling for a suicidal single, but Chandrika doesn’t steady himself despite an age to throw down the stumps and the batsman jogs home without even offering a dive. Holder continuing to probe with no little skill.

11th over: Australia 47-2 (Khawaja 23, Smith 1) lead by 327

Odd dismissal for Warner. It was almost as if he was offering slips catching the way he was positioned and holding his bat.

Two failures for Warner at the MCG, his least favourite venue in Australia. A shortish delivery at the body from Brathwaite and Warner tries to lean back and guide the ball to third man, instead unerringly picking out Holder in the gully. Cue peculiarly wild celebrations.

10th over: Australia 46-1 (Warner 17, Khawaja 23) lead by 326

Holder having words with Warner after consecutive false shots. Not sure I’d be poking that particular bear.

9th over: Australia 42-1 (Warner 15, Khawaja 21) lead by 322

Warner has a touch of the Hulk about him at times, as if he’s fighting an internal battle to keep the raging beast within. The green monster almost appeared to the first delivery of Brathwaite’s over but a hoick to cow corner failed to carry to mid-on.

8th over: Australia 41-1 (Warner 15, Khawaja 21) lead by 321

After that positive start the West Indies have drifted. No lateral movement with the ball and that now familiar lack of intensity in the field. Warner and Khawaja picking off singles at will.

Hey, Melbourne, get out of the bars and watch Usman play. Two pulled fours and a slashing cut to boot. He's already on 15*. #touchwood

7th over: Australia 38-1 (Warner 13, Khawaja 20) lead by 318

Carlos Brathwaite replaces Taylor and he’s immediately dabbed down to third-man for a boundary from Warner. The Aussie opener more circumspect than he was in the first innings but still scoring at more than a run a ball. This pair rotating the strike like a well-oiled ODI unit.

It's funny how 36 year old's scoring hundreds against #westindies but yet still when you reach 30+ in the #WI you are consider to old #shame

6th over: Australia 31-1 (Warner 7, Khawaja 19) lead by 311

Khawaja finding runs all over the MCG be they in ones, twos, or boundaries. An unfortunate run-out just avoided after Warner deflected a firmly pushed defensive stroke into Holder’s follow through.

5th over: Australia 26-1 (Warner 6, Khawaja 15) lead by 306

Khawaja is in lovely touch, working boundaries on both sides of the wicket. The back foot drive through point, to a delivery still on the rise was a sumptuous piece of timing. This could become a fun partnership; Warner’s brutality and Khawaja’s grace. Yes please.

4th over: Australia 12-1 (Warner 3, Khawaja 5) lead by 293

Holder getting some nice seam movement early on here and it’s a welcome sight. Speed only 132/3 kph though giving this left-handed pair plenty of time to get in line or out of the way.

Holder deserved to get Burns there. Super seam bowling with the ball going both ways. Burns couldn't pick it, #BoxingDayTest

3rd over: Australia 12-1 (Warner 3, Khawaja 5) lead by 293

It was a jittery little innings from Burns. Clearly trying to make hay with such a commanding lead but his eye was never in.

2nd over: Australia 7-1 (Warner 2, Khawaja 0) lead by 287

Jason Holder sharing the new ball and he works Burns over well before finally getting his man. His first delivery to new batsman Usman Khawaja is a nasty bouncer. Finally some life from the Windies attack!

Burns has looked a walking wicket early and it’s no surprise when Holder finds the outside edge, pouched at second slip. Burns pushing hard to a length delivery on off stump before he was set.

1st over: Australia 6-0 (Warner 1, Burns 4)

Joe Burns and David Warner will open as usual for Australia. Any batting order switcheroos will have to wait until the fall of the first wicket. 32 overs due to be bowled in the session.

Australia will bat again, the follow-on has not been enforced. Punters with day four and five tickets will be delighted.

West Indies 9/261 their highest innings score in a @MCG Test since 1988. #AusvWI#cricket

Another belting double session stint from Mr Jackson. Can’t imagine he expected to still be blogging about the West Indies first innings at tea when he logged on at 10.30am.

That’s where things are though. Australia have plugged away but Darren Bravo stood firm with some refreshing resistance from the tail. It’s expected that Australia will not enforce the follow-on. It’s also expected that the batting order may be re-jigged to give the unused middle-order some exposure. We’ll find out in the next ten minutes or so.

Patto’s done it! And it’s not a no ball! That’s that then. Bravo’s admirable stand ends when he glides one into the hands of Smith at gully. We’ll take an early tea and JP Howcroft will jump on to take you through the rest of the day. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

100th over: West Indies 271-9 (Bravo 81, Warrican 11)

These two look increasingly likely to draw this partnership out to tea and negotiate another Nathan Lyon over here to leave themselves with ten minutes more hard work before the break.

99th over: West Indies 271-9 (Bravo 81, Warrican 11)

Hazlewood’s back for another try now but Bravo is onto him, angling a short one between the cordon and gully to pick up two after a streakier boundary to start the over. Pattinson’s not doing the trick either.

98th over: West Indies 261-9 (Bravo 71, Warrican 11)

Lyon thinks he’s got Warrican here when he sends a straight one past the outside edge but the West Indian survives. I think we’ll have another change now as Smith becomes impatient with the way this is dragging on.

97th over: West Indies 260-9 (Bravo 70, Warrican 11)

Warrican is doing better than just grimly hanging on now and punishes Hazlewood for a resounding four over point. The crowd is...not exactly going wild.

96th over: West Indies 254-9 (Bravo 70, Warrican 5)

Warrican cracks Lyon over mid-wicket to bring up the West Indies’ 250, which is greeted with the kind of applause normally reserved for Sheffield Shield milestones.

95th over: West Indies 247-9 (Bravo 66, Warrican 2)

Steve Smith is fed up with this final partnership and invites Josh Hazlewood across to replace Siddle. He doesn’t make a breakthrough either.

94th over: West Indies 245-9 (Bravo 65, Warrican 1)

Again Lyon can’t quite get at Warrican and the over costs just a single to Bravo. Not long until tea, that magical point of the day in which I can update you on Shane Warne’s party pie consumption.

93rd over: West Indies 244-9 (Bravo 64, Warrican 1)

Siddle’s still charging in and working himself into a lather of sweat but he can’t quite wrinkle out Warrican, who in following with the general pattern of this West Indies innings actually looks more solid than some members of the top order. Siddle’s muttering to himself as the over ends. He hasn’t had much luck in this game.

92nd over: West Indies 240-9 (Bravo 61, Warrican 0)

Okay, time for a Nathan Lyon 5-fer. But first he needs to get the abstemious Bravo off strike. He can’t and Bravo clips two out to third man from the final ball of the over so it’s Peter Siddle who’ll get a clear run at mopping this up.

91st over: West Indies 242-9 (Bravo 63, Warrican 0)

Peter Siddle gets the first crack at new man Jomel Warrican after an early single to Bravo and the number eleven holds his own just fine, defending with relative ease and surviving until the end of the over.

@rustyjacko are you under the influence of @GeoffLemonSport"Michelle 5 for"

90th over: West Indies 239-9 (Bravo 60, Warrican 0)

Lyon has done the trick again and now has 4-55 from his 24 overs and will hope this pair hangs on for one more over so he can bring up a Michelle 5-for.

Lyon claims Taylor! And it’s a classic off-spinner’s dismissal, drawing the batsman forward into a prod and taking his outside edge before Nevill snaffles a handy catch as the ball rises towards his chest.

89th over: West Indies 236-8 (Bravo 57, Taylor 15)

Taylor now biffs away at Siddle too, taking the aerial route for a boundary out to cow. That one came down with snow on it but bounced a few times before hitting the rope.

88th over: West Indies 231-8 (Bravo 56, Taylor 11)

Can we have a return of the Big Bash streaker from last night please? Or Peter Hore? I bet Peter Hore would bowl Chinamen. Anyway, we have to make do with Jerome Taylor’s artless slaps off James Pattinson. They’ve pushed him to double figures now.

87th over: West Indies 228-8 (Bravo 55, Taylor 9)

Ooh, Hazlewood’s actually going for runs now. Taylor gets after him with three through cover to get off the mark and there’s a pair of singles for Bravo too. There’s two more to Taylor wide of point and then a boundary in the same region so it’s a veritable run-glut off The Big Haze. With the arrival of the giant Gatorade bottle on wheels the bowler can at least grab a drink.

86th over: West Indies 217-8 (Bravo 53, Taylor 0)

I missed almost all of that Pattinson over in the process of grabbing a drink and giving Geoff Lemon some tips about his personal brand. I’ll try and get him over to my desk later and unleash him in some way. He’s a wonderful, hairy man.

85th over: West Indies 216-8 (Bravo 52, Taylor 0)

Hazlewood’s been a real miser in this game and his parsimonious efforts continue in this over to Taylor, who is swinging like a rusty gate late in the over and almost sending an edge through to the cordon. Their ranks might swell if there’s more of that.

There are few things that fill me with more dread than Warne starting a sentence with “Just to finish on that earlier point…” #AUSvWI

84th over: West Indies 215-8 (Bravo 51, Taylor 0)

Jerome Taylor steps into the firing line for the tourists and is greeted with a slightly predictable round of chin music from Pattinson, who now has 3-58 from 19 probing overs.

Roach is gawn! There’s a huge cheer around the MCG when replays reveal that Pattinson’s avoided a third no-ball-wicket of the day and replays reveal it would have cannoned into middle stump half way up. I’m not even sure you could say that it was “worth a try” to review that. Two balls earlier Burns had reacted slowly to miss another chance at short leg. He’s had a dirty day in there but the Aussies have their second wicket of the day.

He was given out, in other words. It looks plumb

83rd over: West Indies 213-7 (Bravo 51, Roach 20)

Hazlewood concedes just a single to Roach as this game heads into that zone you may recognise by phrases such as “wanna head off to the bar for a while?”

82nd over: West Indies 212-7 (Bravo 51, Roach 19)

James Pattinson is back at the Southern stand end of the ground and after Roach tucks a single, Darren Bravo drives three to bring up a hard-earned fifty, which took him 154 deliveries and featured five boundaries. He’s really showed a few of his teammates the way today by suppressing his batting ego and putting his head down.

What’s your favourite bowler-batsman combination that differs by only one letter? I’m going with Lyon to Lynn. Just ahead of Cork to Cook.

81st over: West Indies 207-7 (Bravo 48, Roach 17)

Hazlewood’s back into the fray from the member’s end and steps up to the plate with his usual stuff; a maiden. Phil Withall has written in as well with some sound advice: “Following on from the masterful obituary (76th over) I think it should be compulsory for all future obituaries to include the name of one person the deceased truly didn’t like,” he says. “It would be so much better than the usual politeness and platitudes.” It would certainly spice Wisden up a bit, Phil.

80th over: West Indies 207-7 (Bravo 48, Roach 17)

Encouraged by his partner’s ascendency Bravo cocks his wrists and flogs Lyon high over mid-off for a boundary but a ball later he’s done all ends up when the offie sends one though both his defences and the gloves of Nevill behind the stumps. That really spat up off the pitch. Roach’s fun continues a few balls later when he swipes another meaty blow out to the boundary at cow corner. The over ends with a review of a ‘catch’ by Khawaja at silly point but Roach clearly hit it into the ground and not his boot. That was just a tactical review by the Aussies and their tactic appears to be: ‘let’s break the boredom a little’.

Things about to get interesting in #AUSvWI as second new ball about to come. Can these 2 eke out another 10-15 overs ?

79th over: West Indies 198-7 (Bravo 43, Roach 13)

Smith brings himself back on for a bowl and Roach likes the look of his leggies, stepping down the track to belt four over cow and then another along the carpet through extra cover. Party time at the MCG.

78th over: West Indies 190-7 (Bravo 43, Roach 5)

Roach is finding his feet a little now and drives lavishly for no run to the man at mid off but picks up three later in the over when he belts one out to backward square leg. Maybe he’ll be as big a nuisance as Brathwaite. The Windies should just reverse their batting order.

77th over: West Indies 187-7 (Bravo 43, Roach 2)

Crash! Darren Bravo’s noted our criticism and responded, now clattering Peter Siddle for a boundary through mid-off with a lovely drive. There’s three more through cover when he shifts onto a the back foot a few balls later. The Burns genuinely does put down a catch when Roach flicks another chance straight into his hands. He didn’t even have to move them. Siddle is spewin’ but maintains his composure, mops his brow of sweat and carries on.

Nathan Lyon to Darren Bravo in Test cricket: 243 balls 69 runs 206 dots 2 dismissals #AUSvWI#CricViz@CricketAus

76th over: West Indies 179-7 (Bravo 36, Roach 1)

Bravo’s innings now amounts to 36 from 132 deliveries as Lyon starts his 21st over of the innings and he’s doing nothing to usurp my favourite moment of this game so far; when former Victorian and South Australian batsman Paul Nobes tweeted me confirming he wore old-fashioned Reg Grundies and not a jockstrap when he batted. Bravo finishes the over with three leg byes around the corner. Paul Nobes would have got bat on it, I bet.

Winner for Sports Fan Obituary Of The Year pic.twitter.com/lwdVdd0xtw

75th over: West Indies 176-7 (Bravo 36, Roach 1)

Drop! Ooh, not really. Burns has just had it hit his hands at short leg, more than anything. Siddle was full ans straight to Roach and the batsman flicked it firmly off his pads towards the man in close but it’s bounced out of his hand. That would have been a gem if he’d grasped it.

74th over: West Indies 175-7 (Bravo 35, Roach 1)

A maiden from Lyon, who shows Roach his repertoire but doesn’t tempt him into anything rash. I’ll probably get into trouble to linking to a rival but if you haven’t seen it yet, check out this fascinating and heartbreaking profile on Paul Melville, the Victorian batsman who died right when he was starting to blossom.

73rd over: West Indies 175-7 (Bravo 35, Roach 1)

Peter Siddle pairs with Lyon after the break and he gets a good look at Kemar Roach on account of Bravo’s early single past point. There’s a gaping hole at cover encouraging the tailender to blast away but so far he’s keeping a cool head and shaping for strokes along the ground and finishes the over by tucking a single down to fine leg to get off the mark.

72nd over: West Indies 173-7 (Bravo 35, Roach 0)

Okay folks, apologies for the silence but I’ve had a few technical difficulties but we’re back on and Nathan Lyon has finished up his pre-lunch over without incident.

And I never thought I’d say that but there you go. The Brathwaite wicket means lunch is called a couple of minutes early and the batsman trudges off a little dejected, even if he’s been his side’s best performer by far. If it doesn’t bother you lot, I might go and grab a quick lunch.

@rustyjacko for readers in Britain. Hamish and Andy are the Australian Ant and Dec. Sort of..

Lyon gets the breakthrough! And I think I just mozzed Carlos Brathwaite, whose lovely debut hand ends when he shovels one back towards Lyon, who dives acrobatically to his right to real in a sharp return chance.

71st over: West Indies 172-6 (Bravo 34, Brathwaite 59)

Steve Smith’s got plenty of loop and a tiny bit of drift away from the left handed Bravo but he draws a thick edge it’s sliding well left of the man at slip and there’s plenty of other runs on offer as the first break draws close. It’s been an excellent session for the tourists thusfar, with 81 runs added without further loss.

70th over: West Indies 166-6 (Bravo 30, Brathwaite 57)

Nathan Lyon’s brought back on as well so we’ve got tandem spin for the first time in the West Indies’ first innings. Okay, so I’m safe to eat the party pies again then:

Hamish & Andy face Shane Warne. Is The Cricket Show eligible for a Nobel Prize? #AUSvWI

69th over: West Indies 165-6 (Bravo 26, Brathwaite 56)

Steve Smith gives his bowlers the ultimate diss – or perhaps just attempts to conserve some of their energy as lunch approaches – by bringing himself on for a bowl at the Member’s end. Brathwaite takes him for two and then one before Bravo has another ‘Awakenings’ moment, suddenly snapping to life in whacking Smith through mid-off for four.

68th over: West Indies 156-6 (Bravo 30, Brathwaite 53)

Pattinson gets through an entire over without creating a social media storm. Bravo and Brathwaite both get a single. Will Macpherson, the gentleman, scholar and regular OBOer, has dropped by to distract me after touching down in Melbourne after a long-haul flight. Excuse me as I ask him about the films he watched. Jumanji?

67th over: West Indies 154-6 (Bravo 25, Brathwaite 52)

That $1138 fine for unruly fan behaviour still applies according to the MCG scoreboard, but perhaps its time to add an incentive of similar levels if anybody in the stands can come onto the ground and dismiss Carlos Brathwaite without over-stepping the line. More insider gossip: someone from Channel Nine has just come into the press box requesting a pair of shorts for Shane Warne, which means he’s either having a trundle in the lunch break or that the party pies in the canteen are NQR.

66th over: West Indies 151-6 (Bravo 24, Brathwaite 50)

The over ends with Pattinson managing to avoid taking another wicket off a no-ball. There was no doubt about it this time, either.

He's done it again! Pattinson has Brathwaite caught in the deep ... and it's another no ball! That was a big one pic.twitter.com/NCbCBqM0oP

Dear oh dear! Brathwaite slogged him around the corner where Peter Siddle took a slick catch at fine leg but yet again, Pattinson has massively overstepped in the process of taking a wicket. You know what? He does it a lot at training and when you do it there, chances are you’ll do it in games too. The Brathwaite show continues!

65th over: West Indies 150-6 (Bravo 24, Brathwaite 50)

Darren Bravo reverts to type in this over, leaving, nudging and nurdling his way through six of Mitchell Marsh’s best. It’s just dawned on me that we’re probably going to a fourth day now, barring some spectacular collapses. An achievement of sorts for the tourists.

64th over: West Indies 150-6 (Bravo 24, Brathwaite 50)

Maybe this Brathwaite cameo has dented Bravo’s ego a little so he makes a move himself against the returning Pattinson, leaning into a crisp straight drive to pick up a boundary down the ground and then turning a single to leg.

Carlos Braithwaite @TridentSportsX is the first @westindies all-rounder/bowler to reach 50 in debut inns since Ryan Hinds in 2001-02 #AusvWI

63rd over: West Indies 145-6 (Bravo 19, Brathwaite 50)

Steve Smith’s had enough of the Carlos Brathwaite fun so puts a forward square leg plus a couple of short mid-wickets in place and requests that Mitchell Marsh bowl a straighter line. He does that but Brathwaite resists the urge for further biff and sees off a maiden.

I also want Brathwaite to make a century both on bowling and batting debut. #AUSvWI

62nd over: West Indies 145-6 (Bravo 19, Brathwaite 50)

Boof! Brathwaite steps down the track to Lyon and smashes a drive that almost takes out the legs of his partner on the way to the fence and two balls later he goes one better, languidly cracking a six over the fence at long on before reaching 50 with a single in the same direction. It’s been lovely stuff from Brathwaite. That half-century took 93 balls and featured two boundaries and a six. He couldn’t make a hundred on debut, could he? Suddenly we have a major point of interest.

Look out! Now Brathwaite brings up his half century on debut! Great stuff. LIVE: https://t.co/crPlBfWJkr#AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/MxAf0dIkVf

61st over: West Indies 134-6 (Bravo 19, Brathwaite 39)

A two to Brathwaite at the start of this Marsh over brings up a very unusual 50-run partnership between this batting pair. It came from 122 deliveries and Brathwaite made 76% of its runs himself.

60th over: West Indies 131-6 (Bravo 19, Brathwaite 36)

Another Nathan Lyon over slides by without major incident, just a single to Brathwaite, now the highest scorer in the West Indies innings and thinking back on his whole-hearted efforts with the ball, their best trier of the game so far.

59th over: West Indies 130-6 (Bravo 19, Brathwaite 35)

Mitchell Marsh is on for another bowl after a brief appearance last night from the Southern stand end. This time he’s on the Member’s side and Brathwaite has a quick look before getting after him, picking up two and then blasting three through cover. He’s streaking away from the dour Bravo but his stroke-making is finally contagious and Bravo plays a miscued pull straight over Marsh’s head for four. He certainly didn’t mean it to land there but it’s done the job. Hopefully that gets him going.

Bravo to score the fastest double century in Test history now. #AUSvWI

58th over: West Indies 121-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 30)

There’s not much happening out in the middle so here’s a bit of gossip for you: apparently West Indies team management are getting a little shirty at the way certain Caribbean members of the touring press are covering this series. Are they really surprised that their countrymen aren’t doing cartwheels over the team’s performances? It’s not PR... Lyon’s over costs three to Brathwaite, who mercifully retains strike as we pause for a drink.

57th over: West Indies 118-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 27)

Maybe Carlos Brathwaite should be batting in the top six. This is far more determined stuff than Marlon Samuels has managed. He absorbs half an over of Peter Siddle here and then sets off on a quick single after dropping the ball to short cover.

56th over: West Indies 117-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 26)

There’s another single to Brathwaite as Lyon continues to probe away and the over finishes with a throaty appeal when the spinner thinks he’s pinned Bravo in front but Nigel Llong’s having none of it. He’s a masochist. Give us something to cheer Nige.

55th over: West Indies 116-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 25)

This is not exactly thrilling cricket right now, I can’t lie. Brathwaite is looking more and more assured but he’s fallen into Bravo’s vortex, happy to merely exist out there rather than looking to score.

54th over: West Indies 115-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 24)

Brathwaite has another mild brush with disaster when Nevill whips the bails off for a stumping attempt but surely they didn’t need to review it as they have? His back foot was always down. Brathwaite gets a single, Bravo prods around without further score. He’s trying to do that Amla-de Villiers effort before Christmas I think.

53rd over: West Indies 114-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 23)

Peter Siddle was the hero yesterday when he thrilled his local crowd by going within a loose solid defence of a hat-trick and he’s back now from the Member’s end to replace Hazlewood. He’s operating to Brathwaite, who is looking every bit the batsman after his reprieve. Twitter tells me that Shane Warne is talking about Peter Siddle and bananas, so some things never change.

52nd over: West Indies 113-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 22)

Nathan Lyon’s on now from the Southern stand end with his off-spin and he performed his role beautifully yesterday with a couple of wickets to get Australia going. Brathwaite is relatively comfortable hanfling him for now and when he gets a shorter, straighter one he whips it past Burns’ nose at short leg to pick up three.

51st over: West Indies 110-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 19)

For those concerned by this type of thing, I’d estimate that there’s around 8,000 fans in the house right now and that’s possibly being generous. I’m still pretty doubtful that the 55,000 and 40,000 figures from the first two days were entirely accurate. Maybe Brathwaite will have another dash and give those here today their money’s worth.

I'm digging this stuff from Bravo. Cussed, obdurate. Cricket repurposing the phrase "no-hitter". #AusvWI

50th over: West Indies 107-6 (Bravo 15, Brathwaite 16)

We’re in a bit of a holding pattern here; singles to Brathwaite and Bravo’s stoic, bloody-minded determination to simply occupy the crease but eventually the latter is aroused enough by a Pattinson half-volley to clip two through cover.

49th over: West Indies 104-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 15)

Having passed his senior batting partner on the scoring front, Brathwaite forces a single from the first ball of this Hazlewood over to hand things over. Bravo is still dealing in more dots than a Dalmatian.

48th over: West Indies 103-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 14)

With the no-ball drama done, Brathwaite pulls his head in a little and starts cutting the shape of a proper batsman, eventually clipping a single to leg so that Bravo can have a go. I’ve got a surprising update for you on that front: Bravo sees off a few dots balls. He’s 13 from 83 and never really looking to score.

@rustyjacko I think Stevie Wright's demons had nothing on the ones West Indian cricket is facing at the moment

Oh dear, Pattinson’s cleaned up Brathwaite but he’s overstepped the line in his delivery stride so the towering tail-ender is called back by Nigel Llong. It was a huge play and miss from Brathwaite as he tried to heave towards cow but he’s been granted a let-off.

47th over: West Indies 101-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 13)

Darren Bravo finally gets some strike to Hazlewood and picks up where he left off yesterday, blocking and leaving everything that comes his way.

46th over: West Indies 100-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 12)

Pattinson’s had enough of the Carlos Brathwaite show and scones the tail-ender on the head with a nasty bouncer and Steve Smith had to step backwards ten metres in the cordon to catch the rebound. Brathwaite recovers well enough to nudge the single that brings up the West Indies 100 from 278 balls.

45th over: West Indies 99-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 11)

Whack! I take back everything I said about Carlos Brathwaite. He’s just pasted Josh Hazlewood over extra cover in glorious style to bring up an early boundary. Later in the over there’s also some sloppy overthrows and Brathwaite gets three more.

44th over: West Indies 92-6 (Bravo 13, Brathwaite 4)

James Pattinson kicks things off on day three and produces a tidy opening over, in which Carlos Brathwaite waits patiently before scurrying through for a single. Might be better if Bravo’s on strike though, to be honest.

A musical tribute before we kick things off

I’m not sure Stevie Wright had the cricketing links of yer Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts types, but I’d be willing to bet that more than a few Aussie cricketers over the years enjoyed the late rock icon’s work. What a sad loss for Australian music.

Today’s blast from the past

And again it comes to you from the Melbourne Cricket Club library and their daily fact sheets. On the Windies’ first tour of Australia in 1930-31, their attack was led by 37-year-old Herman Clarence Griffith, who belied his advancing age and lack of express pace to lead all of his side’s bowlers in the Tests with 14 wickets at 29.07, becoming the first man to dismiss Bradman for a duck in Tests, henceforth referring to the great batsman as his “rabbit”. Maybe there’s hope for Carlos Brathwaite after all.

Preamble

“Are you ready to be heartbroken?” Lloyd Cole wrote it, now I’m thinking it. Hello OBOers and welcome to day three of the Boxing Day Test, where I’m now in the live-blogging position on the Member’s side of the ground, wondering whether Darren Bravo and some willing accomplice can stretch this thing to a fourth day. On the basis of what we saw yesterday afternoon it’s increasingly doubtful.

Russ will be here shortly. In the meantime, catch up on what happened on day two in Melbourne – another dominant day for Australia and another one to forget for the West Indies.

Related: Australia utterly dominant against sorry West Indies on day two of second Test

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South Africa v England: first Test, day three – as it happened

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Moeen Ali and Joe Root put England in total control in Durban despite an outstanding unbeaten century from Dean Elgar

That couldn’t have gone much better for England. They might have scored at a slightly faster rate, but we shouldn’t be too churlish because they are in a terrific position on an awkward, wearing pitch. After the melodrama of the summer, this has been a performance of quiet authority. Thanks for your company; see you tomorrow!

64th over: England 172-3 (Root 60, Taylor 24) The part-time offspinner JP Duminy will bowl the last over of the day. I can’t believe he’s 31 years old; it only feels like a short time ago that he was making that magical 166 at Melbourne in 2008. Taylor pulls vigorously for four to bring up an excellent fifty partnership, and those are the final runs of a superb day for England. They will go into the fourth day with a lead of 261.

63rd over: England 167-3 (Root 59, Taylor 20) Dean Elgar is back into the attack for what will be the penultimate over of the day. Not much happens. You’re welcome!

62nd over: England 164-3 (Root 57, Taylor 19) Van Zyl continues. These are useful overs for South Africa, just taking a bit of time out of the game. You never know how valuable they might be in two days’ time.

The South African commentators are already talking about changes to the side for the second Test. There is certainly a 2004-05 feel to this series, in terms of how unsettled South Africa are.

61st over: England 161-3 (Root 55, Taylor 18) Taylor, falling over to the off side, works Abbott through midwicket for a couple. England lead by 250 now, with maybe three more overs before the close.

“I hate to sound ungrateful for Root’s sustained excellence,” says Piers Smettem, “but would love to see him improve his conversion rate.”

Root now has 13 50-plus scores in 2015. Equals Sehwag for the most scores of 50 or more in a calendar year https://t.co/FcGKHu5G0X#SAvENG

60th over: England 159-3 (Root 55, Taylor 16) Van Zyl is doing a good holding job, bowling a Boparaish wicket-to-wicket line with a bit of movement into the right-handers. A good over to Taylor, with just a single off the final ball, gives him figures of 6-2-9-0.

@robsmyth0 I might have played against Ilford second XI, or maybe the thirds, in a low-quality Sunday afternoon thrash back in the day

@robsmyth0 so some Test cricket I can empathise with

59th over: England 158-3 (Root 55, Taylor 15) Root flicks Abbott for two to reach the usual half-century, his 25th score of fifty or more in his 36 Tests. A lovely clip through midwicket for four takes him to 55, and then Abbott beats the outside edge with a beauty. An eventual over concludes with an unplayable grubber that is mercifully wide of off stump. Finn and Broad will love that. Root has scored at a good rate on this pitch - 55 from 101 - and just secretes class. Only an unexpected apocalypse can stop him achieving greatness.

58th over: England 152-3 (Root 49, Taylor 15) The contrast between Taylor’s first two Tests in 2012, and his next two Tests this year, is pretty staggering. He looks so authoritative and assured now.

57th over: England 151-3 (Root 48, Taylor 15) Root opens the face to steer Abbott cleverly for three to third man, and then Taylor drives sweetly through mid-on for four. I’ve just realised that Dale Steyn is back on the field. That does seem to be on the ARE YOU CLINICALLY INSANE side of unfathomable, although we don’t know what medical advice he has been given.

56th over: England 143-3 (Root 44, Taylor 10) Van Zyl returns in place of Piedt. The scheduled close is right here, right now, but we’re behind on the overs so will need the extra half-hour. We still won’t get them all in. Just two from the over. England might just be starting to let the tortoise get away from them here, though a win is still the likeliest outcome.

“I know plenty of people in my team, Highgate Taverners, that loathe Stuart Broad,” says Adam Pervoe. “And Cook. And Compton. And Hales. The most vocal is an Ollie McGuiness. He is a useless medium pacer who bowls too short and likes to have a thrash with the bat. Bit like early Stuart Broad. Could the root of his disdain be that he has failed to learn the lessons that Broad has?” That, or he might just be a misanthropic sunnagun.

55th over: England 141-3 (Root 44, Taylor 9) A run-out opportunity for Duminy, who throws just wide of the stumps with the stretching Root struggling to make his ground. We haven’t seen a replay so I don’t know whether he would have been home had the throw hit the stumps. England lead by 230.

54th over: England 139-3 (Root 43, Taylor 8)These are the longest fourth innings in Test cricket since the start of the decade. England should factor this into any declaration. Ideally you’d want to declare before lunch tomorrow, but maybe an hour into the afternoon session is more likely.

53rd over: England 134-3 (Root 43, Taylor 3) Root shapes to hook Morkel, realises it’s not on and aborts the stroke. Morkel has been so good in this innings, although the moment I type that he bowls a rare poor ball – a leg-stump full toss that is flicked for four by Root.

52nd over: England 130-3 (Root 40, Taylor 3) Taylor would rather face Piedt than Abbott while he gets his eye in. England are milking him as if it’s the middle overs of an ODI, with five singles from the previous over and three from this.

“I have nothing to add regarding the match itself,” says Matt Dony, “but every time I read the name Van Zyl, I imagine he should be making eccentric music in a big house somewhere in the middle of the Mojave Desert, with a nine-piece band who are all terrified of him.” And with an entire wardrobe just for his bandanas.

51st over: England 127-3 (Root 37, Taylor 2) This is an awkward pitch on which to score freely, but it’s not quite so difficult to survive. South Africa have shown on a number of occasions in the last three or four years that they can bat 130-plus overs in the fourth innings, and to hell with the scoring rate. It wouldn’t be a surprise if, in a reverse of 2009-10, this went to the final over with Morne Morkel needing to survive the last six deliveries to earn a draw. I still think England are healthy favourites though.

“Surely the most rewarding thing about our current position is how unlikely it feels when we cast ourselves back to the pre-World Cup farrago?” says Guy Hornsby. “Yes, our Test team wasn’t in bad shape but morale and confidence seemed an apparition as we stumbled towards the end of the Moores II era. What a difference a year makes: even without clear answers on the full XI things feel more balanced already. Compton’s renaissance is top of this rose-tinted list.”

50th over: England 124-3 (Root 36, Taylor 2) The offspinner Piedt returns to the attack. Hashim Amla knows this is probably South Africa’s last chance of winning the match. We’re still having technical problems, so apologies for the increased poverty of this coverage.

“We in the OBO all like to do our bit,” says John Starbuck. “So, if it helps, please feel free to ignore this email.”

49th over: England 119-3 (Root 33, Taylor 0) Compton lasted only two more deliveries before he was dismissed, strangled down the leg side off Morkel. Compton tried to flick the ball to fine leg to bring up his fifty, but got it too fine and de Villiers took the catch to his left. Morkel deserves that, and plenty more.

He’s gone this time!

And another one goes down. Compton is turned round by a magnificent delivery from the new bowler Morkel that takes the edge and flies to the right of De Villiers. He dives too far, in front of first slip, and unwittingly punches the ball behind him for four.

48th over: England 115-2 (Compton 45, Root 33) We’re having major technical issues, so please excuse me if I cut down on the emails for a bit so that I can try to describe, y’know, the actual sport. England are continuing to slowly extend their lead. The merit of this approach can probably only be judged when the game is over. One thing we have to consider is that, as we saw recently, South Africa are by some distance the world’s best at shutting up shop and batting for a draw. Meanwhile Elgar swears again, a “shit” this time. And then he says it again on the replay! Who’d be David Gower?

“(Presume that Robert (over 41) is referring to Stuart Broad). Is he ‘much-maligned’ - and by whom? One of the many wearying things about the nature of the internet is that echo-chamber thing, wherein opinions or assumptions are reinforced by weight of opinion of the same group of people. As a cricket lover, I’ve never met anyone who maligns Stu much, or even a little. Am I missing something? I like SCJB (And maybe this is my Eeyorish side but I’ve always liked NRDC too).”

47th over: England 111-2 (Compton 42, Root 28) The highlight of another Van Zyl maiden is – yep – David Gower apologising for Dean Elgar’s language. Time for drinks.

“Do you really think Monty will play for England again?” says Nicholas Stone. “Highly unlikely, surely, unless Ali gets injured. I am/was a big fan of Monty (not least for Cardiff and his batting vigil!) but surely we ought to be hoping/praying Rashid makes the grade? Can bat like Ali, and a leggies always more dangerous than an offie, no?

46th over: England 111-2 (Compton 42, Root 28) Compton, beaten in the flight, pushes the ball in the air and just past the bowler Elgar, diving desperately to his left. Elgar ends the over with a poor delivery that is worked for a single, and screams “Fack!” David Gower will be apologising for that any minute now.

“McMillan was a good player but perhaps not the brightest: if you wanted to get him out, you just placed fielders at deep square leg and deep fine leg, bowled short, and he’d hook, inevitably getting caught sooner or later,” says Richard Mansell. “Wouldn’t catch S Waugh falling for that. It was tremendously frustrating.” Yeah, he played testosterone cricket, didn’t he?

45th over: England 108-2 (Compton 42, Root 28) Apologies for the brief updates; we’re having a few technical issues. The runs have dried up a bit for now, and that’s a maiden from Van Zyl to Root. England lead by 197 and are - whisper it, shout it, put it on Bebo - going to win this game.

44th over: England 108-2 (Compton 42, Root 28) Graeme Smith on commentary is advocating a more attacking field for Elgar. It’s fascinating how captains become so much braver in the commentary box. Even Ian Botham used to limit himself to eight slips when he was captaining on the field. Anyway, Root is beaten by another absurd delivery from Elgar that turns almost at right angles. England lead by 197.

@garynaylor999@robsmyth0 The doubt remains, Is this Compton's natural game or is there an inner attacking Compton waiting to break free?

42nd over: England 101-2 (Compton 36, Root 28) England are Trotting along happily, with the lead approaching 200. Root does well to repel a much quicker ball from Edgar.

I know I’m a little/lot late on sticking the knife into the band Wings, but I’ve only just caught up with the OBO and felt it was missing an important piece of information,” writes Paul McCart Michael Avery. “They weren’t just some hapless vehicle for McCartney to push his twee nonsense, they could also be quite dangerous. The ill-advised song ‘Give Ireland Back To The Irish’ - released in 1972 at a time when The Troubles were making a mockery of such a pathetic name - meant that the brother of the drummer Henry McCullough (who lived in N Ireland) had the sh*t knocked out of him. If I had seven shades beaten out of me because my brother joined Wings I’d be furious.”

41st over: England 100-2 (Compton 35, Root 28) It’s odd, is it not, that it should be two very much-maligned England players who are putting this match in their pockets?” says Robert Wilson. “I’ve regularly put the boot into Stu over the years and a lot of people can’t seem to stick Compton at any price. They’ve been the whole difference here. All mongrel and attitude, they’re the two heaviest stones in this grinding match.” I suppose South Africa is a particularly good place to have a hard nose, and those two certainly do. I must say, I find the attitude towards Compton a bit weird. From afar he seems a really likeable, smart bloke.

40th over: England 99-2 (Compton 34, Root 28) This pitch is doing plenty for the spinners. If Hugh Tayfield and Graeme Swann were playing, the match might be over already. It also reinforces the importance of Monty Panesar’s rehabilitation.

PEDANT-WATCH: Kirsten carried his bat in 1997, not 1998, @robsmyth0@DanLucas86, and now I have to buy shots for my painful friend.

Who said it was 1998? Eejits! It was the Pat Symcox Test in October 1997 wasn’t it?

That didn’t take long. Ultra Edge showed nothing, and Compton’s instant review was also a decent indicator. The decision is overturned. The noise came from the bat hitting the bottom of the pad. It was nonetheless a vicious delivery that spat off the pitch and past the outside edge.

Compton has been given out but reviewed it instantly. I suspect the offending noise was bat on boot, so he should be okay.

39th over: England 98-2 (Compton 33, Root 28) That’s the short of the day from Root, a gorgeous, textbook square drive for four off Abbott. It brings up the fifty partnership from only 74 balls. England have paced this innings splendidly. First they extinguished all hope of victory for South Africa, and now they are putting the hurt on them.

38th over: England 94-2 (Compton 33, Root 24) Piedt takes a break, with Dean Elgar coming on to bowl his occasional left-arm spin. The first two deliveries are filthy long-hops, though both are only punished with a single. England are in complete control of this match now, and will have to work exceptionally hard if they are to pull of a humiliating defeat.

37th over: England 89-2 (Compton 31, Root 21) Compton is about to become the top scorer in the match. At his best he is like a bowler who takes wickets for the man at the other end, wearing down both the ball and the bowlers for the lower middle-order hitters to take advantage. I think he’s going to be a really vital player for England in the next five years, one who will be more valuable than his final Test average of 38.41 would suggest. Root, meanwhile, is going to be a superstar, and he moves into the 20s with a lovely square drive for three off Abbott.

36th over: England 86-2 (Compton 31, Root 18) Compton, trying to sweep, bat-pads Piedt safely on the off side. After four runs are milked, Compton pushes a good delivery this far short of Bavuma at short leg.

@robsmyth0 Why is it that the pundits only say it's right "to play your natural game" if that's biffing it all round the ground? Go Compo!

35th over: England 82-2 (Compton 28, Root 17) Root feels inquisitively outside off stump at Abbott and then tries to withdraw his bat as the ball lifts sharply. It still counts as a play-and-miss I think, and it was certainly a cracking delivery. Barring a de Villiers Christmas miracle, it’s hard to see South Africa chasing anything more than 250 on here.

34th over: England 81-2 (Compton 27, Root 17) England lead by 162, with 35 overs remaining today, so they should be 300 ahead by the close. Root, on the charge, pads Piedt towards short leg, where Bavuma can’t hold on. It was a false alarm. Later in the over Root drags a stonking slog-sweep over midwicket for six. England have scored 21 from the last three overs.

33rd over: England 73-2 (Compton 26, Root 10) Compton helps a gentle short ball from Abbott to backward square for four. He scored 15 from his first 58 balls and 11 from the last nine.

“Brian McMillan,” says Nicholas Stone. “Remember Devon Malcolm trying to bounce him out and he hooked Malcolm repeatedly for sixes and fours, a la Pietersen v Lee. Hands like buckets as well. Great all-rounder.”

32nd over: England 69-2 (Compton 22, Root 10) Compton plonks his back leg and hoicks Piedt high to square-leg for four. There was a shout of catch but there was nobody there. You’d imagine Trevor Bayliss has encouraged them to use a bit more controlled aggression, especially against the spinner.

“If South Africa are to get anything out of this, then Morkel is going to have to come not just good, but a lot better,” says John Starbuck. “In other words, to be to Steyn and Broad to Anderson - take the lead with a cracking performance.”

31st over: England 62-2 (Compton 15, Root 10) An intravenous injection of Joe Root is just what this sluggish innings needs. His change in approach after the 2013-14 Ashes is fascinating. At the end of that series he had a Test strike-rate of 37; since that series his strike rate is 62. He gets this session going with a crisp, classy back-foot drive for four off Abbott. He times the satin leopard-print pants off a similar stroke later in the over but doesn’t pierce the field.

“The OBO in emojis?” says Simon McMahon. “It could catch on. ”

30th over: England 58-2 (Compton 15, Root 6) Dane Piedt starts the evening session. England will want to go after him, because if they hit him out of the attack Amla has nowhere to go, but it’s not easy because of the turn and bounce. He’s bowling well, and starts with a maiden to Compton.

“It is a shame of course that Steyn is out but let us not forget that England lost their bowling talisman before the game had even started,” says Nicholas Stone. “ore importantly, what has happened to the once-mighty South African batting lineup? It doesn’t seem so long ago that they batted right down to number 11 when Pollock and Klusener were in the team.”

Well, as Dan has buggered off I’d better do the final session, eh? Just kidding guys! It’s all on the rota!

Now, sport is not just a battle for supremacy. It’s also a battle for primacy. Who influences the result the most? Did we win it or did they lose it? In English cricket, there is sometimes a tendency to accentuate the negative. We won the Ashes because Australia batted like clowns in the summer. Now England are playing the worst team in South African history, so essentially victory is meaningless, a given. BLOODY GET ON WITH IT.

Since beating SA in 2004-05, England's record in the first Test of an overseas series is: W1 D6 L10. And that win was v Bangladesh.

England will be satisfied, if not happy, with that session. They’re very much in the driving seat, with lives given to both Compton and Root and especially with Dale Steyn injured. They won’t have wanted to lose two wickets, but when do you ever?

Steyn went off twice, aborting two separate overs and it’s hard to see him playing any more of this Test or in the next. It’s a sign of South Africa’s desparation at the match situation - England have their foot on the South Africans’ collective throat - but it’s also a huge shame that we’re not going to see one of cricket’s most entertaining, most competitive, best players isn’t going to be part of this hugely entertaining drama.

29th over: England 58-2 (Compton 15, Root 6) This should be the final over before tea. Morkel gives Root a juicy half volley on leg stump and the No4 clips it through midwicket, but the lack of pace in the pitch means he only gets two for his effort. Two balls later Root looks to hook a high bouncer and gets a faint glove on it, only for De Villiers to drop it one-handed above his head as he’s slightly wrong-footed by the deflection. This has been a cracking spell from Morkel and he must be furious at the two missed chances, his injured mate Steyn notwithstanding. That’s tea.

28th over: England 56-2 (Compton 15, Root 4) Piedt hits Root on the pad and goes up with half an appeal, but it hit him well outside the line. They run a single, then Compton unfurls a lovely reverse sweep, middling it away for four through what was once backward point.

“Hi Dan from foggy Voghera,” writes Finbar Anslow. My daughter had the temerity to suggest Freebird from Lynryd Synryd’s ‘Pronounced’, blithely ignoring such gems as Tuesday’s gone and Simple man, For myself ‘Luck of the Irish from Sometime in new York City (John lennon) Bluejeans and Moonbeams by Captain Beefheart and the title track of Dangerous Game by Vilamba.”

27th over: England 51-2 (Compton 11, Root 3) Morkel is looking to test Root with some short stuff, but England’s best batsman is exactly as unruffled as you would expect, getting up over the ball and playing it late, getting three down to third man to get off the mark and England up past 50. He goes fuller to Compton, who prods away from his body and edges, but it’s dropped by Elgar at second slip! It was low-ish, just below waist-height, but an absolute dolly really for the centurion, whose hands were just fractionally too low.

26th over: England 48-2 (Compton 11, Root 0) Down the track comes Compton. “Hello, pitch of the ball,” he says as he lifts it up, high into the air and... oh, it plugs out at deep midwicket and they run three. That’s a touch disappointing. Hales then gets an escape, an inside edge looping over Bavuma at short leg, but he gives it away next ball. He’s going to get (slightly) unfairly slaughtered for that, isn’t he? He was looking good, too. Root comes to the crease, but he’ll have to wait as the umpires are having a chat with Hashim Amla about the condition of the ball. Not sure what this is about, but the umpires have changed the ball.

Josh Robinson has been in touch. “Afternoon Lucas, afternoon everybody. The answer to your question as to what Smyth did to the OBO is that he applied a defibrillator to its inert chest. And now that he’s gone, it’s once again flatlining with tedious complacency.”

Bah! Hales looks to smear it down the ground but he’s reaching as Piedt smartly bowls it a bit wider of off. He doesn’t connect and Abbott comes round to gather it tidily at long on.

25th over: England 45-1 (Compton 8, Hales 26) Neither batsman looks entirely comfortable against Morkel, but you feel like the giant South African is fighting a lone fight. He hasn’t taken a five-fer in three years and, with the greatest of respect, I’m not convinced it’s going to happen here. Another maiden.

@DanLucas86 I guess it's hard to prove a negative, but has any fast bowler ever carried an injury (not a twinge) through a Test match?

24th over: England 45-1 (Compton 8, Hales 26) Hales pushes down the ground for a single, before Compton walks into one and clips it neatly to deep mid on for the same. South Africa are in a real quandary here: Piedt will bowl a lot now, so they’ll want sharp spin, but then they won’t want to have to face that from Moeen chasing more than 250. Hales gets a single from the last.

Rob Wolf Petersen has a suggestion for good songs from crap albums: “I’d like to suggest I Heard Wonders from David Holmes’ The Holy Pictures as an outstanding track from a moderate album. I love David Holmes’ work, but find most of that album pretty bland. Also, Everything Will Flow by Suede, from the largely execrable Head Music, a period when Suede had moved on from being brilliantly tortured and were plumbing the depths of pseudo-profound lift muzak.

23rd over: England 42-1 (Compton 7, Hales 24) Morkel will continue, back in the attack sooner than he and his team would like. There’s a strangled shout as he hits Compton on the pad, but it was above the knee roll and probably angling down leg. Compton drops one into the off side and sets off for his first run in nine overs, and Hales momentarily has his heart in his mouth when the fielder hits the stumps from almost square on. He was well home, but had to hurry to be sure he was. A leg bye, then the final ball is a sharp lifter that beats the batsman - a sign of the variable bounce in this pitch.

22nd over: England 40-1 (Compton 6, Hales 24) Hales reaches for the sweep again, paddling gently from well outside off and past the ducking short leg for a single. That fielder is utterly redundant against a batsman like Hales. A couple of balls later Piedt sends one turning down the leg side; it spits up out of De Villiers’ gloves and shoots down to fine leg, allowing England to run three byes.

21st over: England 36-1 (Compton 6, Hales 23) Excellent news for South Africa: Steyn is back into the attack. Of course that’s only good news if he doesn’t knacker his shoulder further - he had treatment on it yesterday and was only bowling in the mid-to-high-120kph region with the second new ball in England’s first innings and at the start of this one. He raps Compton high on the pads with his first ball and, a couple of deliveries later, the batsman sees a forward defensive spin back and drift just a few inches wide of leg stump. Next ball they go up for a catch down the leg side and call for the review, but nothing doing. And now bad news for South Africa as, once again, Steyn is unable to finish his over. Morkel will complete the over and that must be Steyn out of the next Test. When he appealed for that catch down the leg side his bowling arm remained by his side.

Steyn comes back, with a shoulder strain, bowls 3 balls and off again.....crazy, but an indication of SA desperation #SAvENG

There’s a slight noise, too faint even for UltraEdge, but it’s off the pocket. South Africa lose a review.

He follows it down the leg side. Given not out.

20th over: England 36-1 (Compton 6, Hales 23) My apologies: I misattributed that run in the last over; if you refresh it’ll be chalked up to Hales. It’s probably not worth the effort to save my blushes, mind. In this over, Hales gives Piedt the charge, but changes his mind and blocks it instead. Maiden.

19th over: England 36-1 (Compton 6, Hales 23) A run, at last, off Abbott to ruin his 0-0 figures. Hales pushing it to cover and dashing through. I imagine England are looking to grind him down with Steyn clearly not fit.

18th over: England 35-1 (Compton 6, Hales 22) Piedt again and Hales works his first ball behind square leg for a couple. He doubles up on that next ball, nailing a perfect sweep through the vacant square leg region and sending the ball fizzing on its merry way for four. With that region totally unprotected the sweep offers easy runs for Hales, who, just as I write that, top edges on there for a single.

Mac Millings writes: “You want uncomfortable? My dad once bought leopard-print underwear for my sister. That was an awkward Christmas morning.”

17th over: England 28-1 (Compton 6, Hales 15) Hello again, folks. Look, I understand your despair, your fear, your pants-wetting trepidation. But this is new England. This is a generation of players who grew up watching their heroes regularly win the Ashes. They’ll be fine. Abbott is the man with the post-drinks ball and he finds Compton’s thick inside edge, but the ball thuds safely into his thigh pad. See? Fine.

16th over: England 28-1 (Hales 15, Compton 6) Hales almost doubles his score from his 48th delivery, slog-sweeping Piedt sweetly into the crowd at midwicket. He almost falls later in the over, pushing nervously at a good one that skids past the outside edge. This is doing plenty for the spinners now, which is great news for England. Anyway, it’s drinks, and time for me to tag in Dan Lucas. Bye!

15th over: England 22-1 (Hales 9, Compton 6) Abbott replaces Morkel. He bowled those last four deliveries when Steyn went off injured, though that was at the other end. He starts with a maiden, most of which I missed because I was typing the below.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t the entire point of picking Hales in the hope that he’d play an innings like David Warner does?” says Krishnan Patel. “Sorry but we don’t need what Hales is doing right now. Compton is better at that kind of innings and we can strengthen the middle order by getting in Ballance and making Compton open.”

14th over: England 22-1 (Hales 9, Compton 6) Compton steals a second run to third man off Piedt. “There’s no need!” says Bumble, and it was pretty dicey because the two batsmen almost ran into each other in the middle of the pitch. Piedt is getting the occasional delivery to turn sharply, and there’s an optimistic shout for caught behind when a delivery to Hales loops up in the air off the pad. This isn’t the worst Test in which to be down to two seamers, because unless someone goes after Piedt – which would be risky on this pitch – he could probably bowl at that end for the rest of the day.

13th over: England 19-1 (Hales 9, Compton 3) Hales continues his Boycott homage, playing out a maiden from the ever excellent Morkel (6-3-4-0). He has 9 from 42 balls. In other news, here’s a shameless plug.

Whether you love Stuart Broad or hate Stuart Broad, you can't ignore this on Stuart Broad: https://t.co/YCWD99CmJ6pic.twitter.com/7Tsy2os3E6

12th over: England 19-1 (Hales 9, Compton 3) Compton gets off the mark, steering Piedt to third man for three. In an unlikely development, Dale Steyn is back on the field. That’s hard to fathom.

@robsmyth0 Would a debutant have advised the captain not to review in the 80s or 90s? No - there was no DRS - but you know what I mean.

11th over: England 15-1 (Hales 8, Compton 0) Dale Steyn is going to have a scan on his shoulder. That’s really sad news. He may have bowled his last ball in this series – and even in a Test against England. You’d certainly think he’s out of the second Test, which begins on 2 January.

“Surely there are more albums with one or two good cuts than albums that are excellent throughout?” says Phil Podolsky. “Anyway, Senses from the first New Order record, where they haven’t begun to emerge from Curtis’s shadow.” WHAT ARE YOU ALL TALKING AB- ah, I see, this is from the first session.

10th over: England 13-1 (Hales 6, Compton 0) That was nicely bowled by Piedt, a delivery that skidded on as Cook played outside the line. The Sky commentators are suggesting he has increased his pace from the first innings. Compton, the new batsman, plays an unconvincing shot first ball and drags an inside-edge to leg. Who’d have thought: a Test between England and South Africa in which the spinners are the potential matchwinners?

A rare double failure for Alastair Cook. He pushed down the wrong line to the offspinner Piedt and was trapped plumb in front. Cook discussed a review with Hales but they decided against it.

9th over: England 13-0 (Cook 7, Hales 6) Morkel continues, and gets one to lift nastily outside Hales’ off stump. Hales played it well, withdrawing his bat in plenty of time. He looks composed if becalmed. England’s scoring rate is slow but that’s fine because Nick Compton’s not batting and we should only fling abuse for a slow scoring rate when he’s at the crease . The new ball is the threat, so even if they are 40 for none after 20 overs, that’ll be okay – especially as South Africa only have two seamers. They could really cash in after tea.

“Morning Smyth, morning everybody,” says Josh Robinson. “The only way England could feel comfortable would be if they set South Africa more than 450. And even then the predominant feelings would be that the pitch was flattening out, making 450 look chaseable, and that the draw had been brought into play. Anyway, with two mentions of comfort within six overs, is there something you’re trying to tell us?” That I’m wearing satin leopard-skin-print tanga briefs?

8th over: England 13-0 (Cook 7, Hales 6) The offspinner Dane Piedt is into the attack, a consequence of Steyn’s injury. South Africa are breast-high in the malodorous stuff now. But never mind that, we are England fans, so let’s do what we do best: accentuate the negative. If England lose from here, with Piedt taking seven for 46, it’ll be one of their great cock-ups. They lead by 102 against a South Africa team who have three batsmen and two bowlers.

7th over: England 12-0 (Cook 7, Hales 5) Dale Steyn is injured. It’s not a recurrence of his groin problem but a shoulder injury. He bowled the second ball of his fourth over to Cook and immediately starting feeling his right shoulder. That doesn’t look good at all, and he leaves the field straight away. South Africa are now down to two seamers. It’s great news for England I suppose but it’s hard to take too much pleasure from seeing a champion like Steyn struggle in this way. That could put him out of the series, never mind this Test. Kyle Abbott bowls the last four deliveries of the over.

“Morning Daddy,” says Andy Bradshaw. “Having you back is one of the great Christmas presents, just beaten by the leopard-skin-print tanga briefs your grandmother-in-law gets you, to be ‘racy’. Hales needs to be given the whole year, and I still think Cook’s shot on the first morning was considerably worse than Hales’s, groping with a vertical bat a foot from his body to a ball two foot from the stumps is unforgivable for an opening batsman of his runs & experience, Hales’ shot was more understandable as it was there to be hit, just wrong execution.”

6th over: England 9-0 (Cook 7, Hales 2) A good over from Morkel to Hales, who works the last ball for a single. Hales has 2 from 22 balls. Don’t read too much into those statistics. He looks comfortable; it’s just that his attacking strokes aren’t piercing the field at the moment. He’s been beaten twice in this innings but one of those was a jaffa.

5th over: England 8-0 (Cook 7, Hales 1) Hales finally gets off the mark from his 15th delivery, flicking Steyn for a single. Cook then stops Steyn in his run-up because there is a plastic bag floating behind the bowler’s arm. Sometimes there’s so much beauty in Test cricket, I don’t think I can take it.

Surely this is the ideal situation for Hales to – as everyone seems to bang on about these days – ‘play his natural game’,” says Robert Hillier. “If he gets out playing aggressively not so much of a bother as England are already 90+ runs ahead, but a session of belting the ball around, say a run-a-ball 70, could put the game out of South Africa’s reach regardless of how well the lower order bat.”

4th over: England 6-0 (Cook 6, Hales 0) Cook leaves a delivery from Morkel that shares a postcode with his off stump, but doesn’t quite hit it. South Africa have started well; often, as Mike Brearley observed, humans prefer to postpone the moment of performance, but South Africa know their best chance of winning this match is to undermine England right now. England lead by 95.

3rd over: England 5-0 (Cook 5, Hales 0) Hales is beaten, trying to cut Steyn. I missed the rest of the over as I was googling names of dry cleaning companies, for reasons that will become apparent below.

2nd over: England 4-0 (Cook 4, Hales 0) Hales’ second ball, from Morkel, is a glorious lifting leg-cutter that mercifully beats the outside edge. Bradman or Smyth might just have nicked it. This is a vital innings for Hales, because if he fails he will be savaged on the old social media platforms, and once that happens the whole situation has a habit of perpetuating itself. He really needs to be given seven Tests to play in peace, but This is England 2015 and that isn’t going to happen.

“Good songs on bad albums,” says Ian Forth. “Isn’t the classic example This Is England on Cut The Crap by The Clash?” I have no idea what you are talking about but yes, yes.

1st over: England 4-0 (Cook 4, Hales 0) England start their second innings on 89 for nought. You would think they’d want at least another 210 to feel comfortable. This has been a new-ball pitch, so the next hour is pretty darn important. Cook gets off a pair by tucking the second delivery from Steyn to fine leg for four – but he almost falls off the final delivery, edging a good one not far short of gully.

@robsmyth0 First wicket to be Cook? Or shall we witness the virtual end of Hales' Test career? Or a 100 run stand? (Yeah, right!)

Morning! Look, I can’t see the future. I’m not Biff Tannen. I haven’t returned from the year 2031 with a full set of Wisdens from 2016-30. But it’s possible that, if this match plays out as it should, we may one day reflect on this as the Test in which a promising young England team took a significant step towards full maturity.

I know they won the Ashes in the summer – a weirdly underrated triumph, even if some of us did call it in advance – but it was a frenetic series that had a one-off feel. This, by contrast, has been a controlled, classical performance so far, and bodes really well for the future. If they win the match. If. DON’T BLOODY MENTION BARBADOS.

Rob Smyth will take you through the first hour of the second session. You can email him here.

I’ll leave you with this decent effort, which ignores the best Led Zeppelin track The Rain Song.

@DanLucas86 Got to be room for "Over The Hills And Far Away" from the otherwise dreadful Houses Of The Holy I would have thought...

You have to feel for Pete Salmon:

“Hi DanGotta say, things are getting pretty weird with me. On Christmas Eve I was getting my cheap charity shop stocking fillers, and the local shop had a coloured vinyl box set of The Art of McCartney, which I resisted the urge to buy, even as a joke, not liking McCartney. Top of the Pops from 1978 that night kicked off with Mull of Kintyre. In my stocking I got a second hand Thriller cd, featuring Paul McCartney. Then my daughter Pearl randomly decided to listen to Abbey Road on Christmas Day, after which she watched an episode of Glee, which featured a load of McCartney songs. Yesterday, I felt the curse had lifted, and then today I logged on to OBO. I don’t know what is happening. I just know I want it to stop.”

England took six for 77 in that session. A mildly annoying half-century stand between Elgar and Steyn aside, it was pretty perfect for the tourists. Broad got them off to a perfect start, castling Bavuma with the second ball of the day, then Moeen found some ripping turn to tear out the lower-middle order. Steyn then provided decent support for Elgar to grind out a quite excellent century and just about keep his team in this, before Finn polished things off quite efficiently with the second new ball.

I assume that’s lunch, just waiting for confirmation.

82nd over: South Africa 214 (Elgar 118) Not necessarily a change of pace, but a change of style from the first innings as Finn, rather than Woakes, shares the second new ball. He strikes immediately, too, getting rid of Piedt with his very first delivery - a perfect line and length far too good for the spinner. He comes round the wicket to Morkel, who has opened the batting in a Test match previously. He doesn’t last long though and England have a lead of 89. Dean Elgar becomes the first South Africa batsman to carry his bat since Gary Kirsten in 1998.

Round the wicket and back of a length, the leftie prods at it and nicks to second slip where Root holds a sharp catch at chest height.

Piedt looks to drive straight down the ground but gets the line wrong, feathering a lovely length ball behind. England will want to wrap this up now.

81st over: South Africa 214-8 (Piedt 1, Elgar 118) You will be completely unsurprised to hear that the new ball is in the hands of Broad, with Piedt on strike. He very nearly has his man too with a short ball, which the tailender gloves down into the ground a foot or so away from off stump. On the telly, Athers is asking whether Broad is in his prime at 29; I am 30 in a couple of weeks and fearing my peak Test years are slipping away. The fifth ball of the over is edged, but drops short of slip and they nab a single.

80th over: South Africa 213-8 (Piedt 0, Elgar 118) Moeen, with four for 67 now having come back very nicely after taking a bit of tap yesterday, bowls what I imagine will be the final over with the old ball. Elgar goes after the final ball, hammering a sweep out to deep square, where Finn dives and palms it back in quite magnificently to save a couple.

@DanLucas86 Another one-song-album I recall is Joan Osborne's "One of Us" from the otherwise crap "Relish" (had obligatory Dylan cover too).

79th over: South Africa 211-8 (Piedt 0, Elgar 116) Four slips and a gully for Dane Piedt, Test average 6.33. They are not called into play.

John Starbuck writes: “My wife and I first got together over an argument about whether you could dance to Band On The Run. You can, of course, provided you’re a very bad dancer. Strangely, it never became Our Album.”

78th over: South Africa 210-8 (Piedt 0, Elgar 114) Cries of “catch it” as Steyn turns one to the right of Taylor at short leg, but in truth it was always perfectly safe and they jog a single. Elgar adds another as the wind picks up and it’s that wind that probably does for Steyn. England get the breakthrough before the new ball. We have 25 minutes or so until lunch, but they can take another half hour if South Africa are nine down. I hope that doesn’t happen, frankly, as I could use a comfort break.

Steyn goes for a big hit down the ground and the ball swirls around in the wind. It makes for a tough catch and Woakes juggles it at mid off, but does the job safely enough.

77th over: South Africa 207-7 (Steyn 16, Elgar 113) Ben Stokes is going to have a couple of overs with the old ball. Elgar pushes the second ball for a single to reduce the deficit to exactly 100, before Steyn is denied runs from a good back foot drive by an equally good diving stop at extra cover. He goes for a wild slash from the fourth ball and edges it wide of diving second slip for the four runs needed to bring up the 50 partnership.

76th over: South Africa 202-7 (Steyn 12, Elgar 112) There’s next to no turn any more for Moeen. England very much in a holding pattern now. They review a not out against Steyn, purely because they might as well with the reviews topped up in four overs.

Phil Russell writes: “The ‘good songs on bad albums’ debate seems to be either an iffy early album showing elements of future promise, or a later post-peak album redeemed by some of the old magic. I’ll nominate Creep on Pablo Honey (Radiohead) and Sunday Bloody Sunday on War (U2) for the former and Songbird on Heathen Chemistry (Oasis) and Yes by on The Sound of (post-Suede) McAlmond and Butler.

There’s a good six inches between bat and ball.

Rod Tucker says no to an inside edge, looping up off the pad to short leg, but England review immediately.

75th over: South Africa 202-7 (Steyn 12, Elgar 112)“I’m not living, I’m just killing time,” sang Radiohead in 2000 and the same could be said of England now, as they await the new ball - the dog is currently sniffing round my feet and I reckon this ball would make a decent chew toy for her. Elgar calls Steyn through for a wholly unnecessary sharp single and the tailender is forced to dive for his ground, before taking a far more comfortable single of his own a couple of balls later.

74th over: South Africa 200-7 (Steyn 11, Elgar 111) Still no rest for Moeen, though I imagine that’s because the new ball is due in six overs and Broad is presumably being rested for that. Elgar moves on to a personal Nelson with a push out to cover, then Moeen comes round the wicket to Steyn. Down the track comes the fast man, looking to smash it over long on, and he gets a thick outside edge up and down to third man for four. Next ball he defends and gets a thick inside edge a yard or so wide of short leg. A heave into the on side brings two from the final ball and the team 200.

Ben Heywood emails with a correction: “Maybe I’m Amazed is from the album McCartney and predates Wings. I have it on vinyl somewhere in the attic. Much as most of McCartney’s post-Beatles output was a bit drippy I dislike the adulation Lennon seems to receive over the same period for what amounts to about four good songs.”

73rd over: South Africa 193-7 (Steyn 5, Elgar 110) Two more to Elgar as he skews a thick outside edge along the floor down to third man. England’s lead has been whittled down to 111... make that 110 as Elgar smashes a bit of short filth through point on the cut, only to pick out a fielder.

“This is lovely, old-fashioned, hard-to-call, up-and-down cricket,” writes Robert Wilson. It does exactly what it says on the tin. But, Dan, you need a family filter on some of these musical disgressions. I’m deep in PTSD now that you’ve mentioned Mull of Kintyre. My Ma loved that ****ing song, so it ended up doing to my childhood what Elkie Brooks did to Dylan Moran’s. If I wasn’t curled up in a ball of tears and snot, I’d ring in to complain.”

72nd over: South Africa 190-7 (Steyn 5, Elgar 107) Moeen continues and Elgar pushes him for a single into the on side. It might be worth getting Broad back on for Moeen soon, as his early threat looks to have been neutered a touch as the ball has softened.

71st over: South Africa 189-7 (Steyn 5, Elgar 106) Woakes comes on for the first time this morning. Elgar must be trembling. He’s out of the firing line straight away with a push to midwicket. This partnership is now worth 33, which is the exact number required to call it “frustrating”.

70th over: South Africa 188-7 (Steyn 5, Elgar 105) England are well on top, but they could well do with another wicket soonish to expose the “proper” tail and give themselves a shout of bowling South Africa out before lunch. Elgar backs away from one that bounces up and hammers a cut out into the gap at extra cover; Root chases it down well and saves one.

@DanLucas86"Band on the Run" was a decent album overall. Wings DID do some tripe but why so much hate from the emailers?

69th over: South Africa 184-7 (Steyn 4, Elgar 102) After drinks - for both the players and your OBOer, who put the kettle on with just over an hour to go in this extended session - Root continues to Elgar. The opener tickles one down the leg side and hares off for three to bring up a fine, hugely important hundred that’s kept his side in the match. It came from 211 balls, is his fourth in Tests and is celebrated emphatically. Steyn then gets a single before Elgar punches to deep extra cover for two more.

68th over: South Africa 177-7 (Steyn 3, Elgar 96) Two slips in place for Elgar as Moeen comes back round the wicket, probing for England’s fourth wicket in the session. A nudged single brings the right-hander Steyn back on strike and there’s a huge shout when he gets hit on the pad. It’s sliding down leg though and England wisely opt not to review. Steyn slams one down to mid off, where it’s parried, and they take one.

Brian Draper writes: “If you’re playing requests this morning, I’d like to hear Shame by Nineties alternative indie rockers Eat. It had what the Aussies call spunk. I tried so, so hard to love the rest of the (dirgeful) album Epicure, but I failed. Nice name though - as was the monicker of the lead singer, Ange Dolittle. Please dedicate this one to anyone who knows me.”

67th over: South Africa 175-7 (Steyn 2, Elgar 95) This is interesting and probably a good idea: Joe Root comes on with the ball spinning for only his second over of the innings. Elgar tucks a full delivery into the on side to bring his century two closer, then adds the same as he gets a thick, uppish outside edge from a flashy drive. A push out to deep cover from the last ball moves him to 95.

66th over: South Africa 170-7 (Steyn 2, Elgar 90) Three from over the wicket, two from round, then back over for the last ball. Steyn edges the latter for a couple to get off the mark from his 18th ball.

65th over: South Africa 168-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 90) A bumper has Elgar in a wee bit of trouble as he bottom edges a hook into his pads and completely loses track of the ball. A probing first five balls, well negotiated by the opener, then he goes too straight and Elgar whips it to deep midwicket to move into the 90s.

@DanLucas86 Sgt P isn't their best album, not even in the top 5 (R, HDN, RS, AR, TB) but it's ok. Wings, now. One decent song? Nah.

64th over: South Africa 166-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 88) Now Elgar faces Moeen for the first time today. In the left-hander’s favour, there’s not so much rough outside his off stump, so it might not turn so sharply away from him. Not that that helped Duminy earlier. A single gets Steyn back on strike and he plays out the over.

63rd over: South Africa 165-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 87) Elgar drives Finn’s first ball exquisitely along the ground, straight to the man at cover for the most beautiful of no runs. He works the final ball of the over round the corner for a single to retain the strike.

“Evening Dan,” writes Phil Withall, confusingly. “I hold no torch for the Beatles but really must object to the praise for Wings, a band that seemed to exist mainly so Paul could write twee love songs for Linda and inflicted Mull of Kintyre on us. I may be ignorant but I simply don’t get it.”

62nd over: South Africa 164-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 86) Moeen has a slip, a leg slip and a short leg in for Steyn. The second of these is unable to prevent one that turns from outside off down the leg side from running down the fine leg fence for four byes.

61st over: South Africa 160-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 86) South Africa have scored 19-3 this morning and will be relieved to see Broad given a rest. Finn replaces him and is immediately pushed down the ground for a nicely timed four by Elgar, whom I’ve denied a run in the score for a couple of overs now. The final ball of the over is a bouncer that Elgar ducks under and Bairstow takes around knee height.

@DanLucas86 Effect of T20 matches on cricket commentary: Mbwanga describes Abbott's 6-ball innings as a "vigil"...

60th over: South Africa 156-7 (Steyn 0, Elgar 81) Abbott is unable to deal with prodigious turn and is similarly unable to improve on his Test average of 6.83. Dale Steyn comes out with his team in the malodorous stuff; don’t be surprised to see him give it a biff against the spinner, who immediately gets a deep midwicket fielder. Steyn is watchful and plays out a (wicket) maiden though.

James Debens writes again: “Seems a bit quiet on the email front. Here’s a controversial pick that’ll raise more stink than a bomb in one of those holes in the ground at festivals: A Day in the Life on Sgt Pepper. I can’t stand that overproduced, twee pap. I’d rather listen to Wings: the band (on the run) that the Beatles could have been.”

Yep there’s a thick inside edge on to the pads. That was a poor initial decision from Rod Tucker and a very good catch from Taylor, diving forward.

Moeen gets a lot of bounce and England celebrate immediately as it pops up to short leg. Given not out but they review straight away...

59th over: South Africa 156-6 (Abbott 0, Elgar 81) Broad continues, round the wicket again to Elgar and creating rough outside the right-hander’s off stump for Moeen from the other end. It’s fine stuff, until he overpitches on leg stump and Elgar times it very nicely down the ground for four to long on. What odds him carrying his bat here?

Just switch over to watch Jacques Kallis in the @BBL South Africa...

58th over: South Africa 152-6 (Abbott 0, Elgar 77) Time for a change early on day three and time for some spin, as Moeen comes into the attack from the Old Fort End, replacing Finn. One more for Elgar, pushed to midwicket, and that’s the team 150. Still not halfway to England’s total though and they’re now 60% of their way through the batting lineup, as Duminy prods an excellent delivery to slip. That was a beauty, in fact, straightening from round the wicket. Abbott’s first ball turns back in sharply and loops up off the pad, his second beats bat then Buttler going away for a couple of byes, then the second misses off stump by millimetres. Lovely from the spinner.

Quicker from Moeen and it turns just a fraction away from the left-hander. He plays down the wrong line and Stokes takes an excellent catch, low to his right at first slip.

57th over: South Africa 149-5 (Duminy 2, Elgar 77) There have been rumours flying around this morning that AB de Villiers is considering retiring from Test cricket. Thankfully, that’s not the case, but apparently he is looking to reduce his workload. It does seem ludicrous that they’re making him keep wicket but, given that De Kock is a bit pants, needs must. One from the over, nurdled out to square leg in pleasingly Collingwoodesque fashion by Elgar.

56th over: South Africa 148-5 (Duminy 2, Elgar 76) Now Finn comes round the wicket and Elgar pushes him down the ground for one. Duminy then ducks into a bouncer, that just glances him on the shoulder. He’s fine though on a still slow wicket. Finn’s line is nice and straight to Duminy, keeping him honest.

55th over: South Africa 147-5 (Duminy 2, Elgar 75) Round the wicket to Elgar, is Broad, and Elgar moves to 75 with a single tucked off the hips. A replay of the Bavumba wicket confirms that the ball from Broad kept a good foot and a half lower than usual. Duminy works two out to midwicket to get off the mark when Broad goes back over the wicket.

“The second Stone Roses album came out in my second year at university,” writes James Debens. “It was ‘everywhere, like shit in a field’, to quote The Royle Family. There was a lot of bilge in the Britpop years, really, although I’m nominating Tattva.”

54th over: South Africa 144-5 (Duminy 0, Elgar 74) Tamsin Greig Steven Finn opens things up from the other end and his first ball, floated full and wide of off, is guided nicely wide of third slip, along the ground and away for four by Elgar. A couple of balls later another half volley, straighter this time, is pushed out to deep midwicket for a couple, then a quick single to square leg finishes the over.

Sigh.

Hmm, Fazeer Mohammed banned from interviewing West Indies players. Interesting way to treat your only journo on tour https://t.co/VepQxrjilG

53rd over: South Africa 137-5 (Duminy 0, Elgar 67) Here we go then, Broad from the Umgeni end to Bavuma, but not for long! This is going to be such a crucial morning and if England can run through the remaining six five batsmen then they’ll have a big lead on a pitch that’s going to break up and, in terms of bounce, is about as trustworthy as Monty Burns. JP Duminy, with his 2015 average of 11-odd, is the new man and he sees off the remainder of the over, which came from round the wicket.

“Sing is the best track on Leisure,” reckons Sean McNeill, “which isn’t that bad an album.” It’s a bit Stone Roses for me, and I hate the Stone Roses.

Second ball of the day and Broad gets his fourth! It kept very low outside off and Bavuma was in trouble as soon as he looked to smack it off the back foot. He’s leaden footed and a thick inside edge sends the ball crashing into the stumps.

Broad will open things up...

@DanLucas86 What price Broad gets a head on and takes the remaining 6 in 6 overs? Saw Star Wars yesterday and, well, anything is possible.

That would be wonderful to see, wouldn’t it? Not just from an England perspective, but for someone who loves to see snarling fast bowling. And Star Wars was brilliant, wasn’t it?

Five minutes until the start of play. On the good songs on bad albums note, I give you Blur’s There’s No Other Way from Leisure.

Paul Ewart writes: “I know this is a (dysfunctional) family site, but watching Bowie prancing around in early 80s clobber is the best advertisement for the creative/destructive potential of drugs and late 70s East German anomie I’ve ever seen.”

Stuart Broad has told his England team mates to cut out the cock ups. Here’s supreme beard owner Ali Martin on why Draco Malfoy is now the most powerful of England’s bowlers.

Related: Stuart Broad at the peak of his powers for England in Test cricket | Ali Martin

Robert Wilson writes: “That’s an absolutely cracking preamble, wise, fair and funny. Nice one. But a tip for the top, they’re outing you about when you wrote it...”

Aw thanks Robert. Yes I might have got that one out of the way shortly after the close yesterday so I could watch the U2 gig on TV.

We have our first email of the morning.“Hi Dan.” Hi, Richard Woods. “I like the idea of outstanding songs on bad albums as a theme for the day. How about Loving the Alien on Bowie’s otherwise very ordinary Tonight as another example?”

That’s not a bad shout at all. Any more, folks? Wilco’s Impossible Germany?

If you thought the West Indies were bad,bloody hell, Martin Guptill.

Morning, folks. When I started here at Guardian Towers* a colleague told me that he wasn’t overly keen on the more technical side of sports punditry and analysis. To be so scientific, so precise (I’m paraphrasing), killed the magic of sport – the inspiration, the auspicious pieces of fortune, the unforgettable, defining moments. After all, without those, what is sport?

The first two days of this Test have had very few of those moments. A couple of very good new ball bursts, aside, what’s memorable about this Test so far? The highest score in the match is a hard-fought 85 – decent from Compton but hardly Athertonian – and the best bowler on either side, Dale Steyn, only showed glimpses of his magnificent snarling menace; how good a match can this be when Steyn is bowling at 76mph with a new ball? What kind of memorable magic is he going to conjure with that?

Continue reading...

Australia v West Indies: the fourth day of the Boxing Day Test – as it happened

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We’ll be back for the final Test of the summer from Sydney on January 3 but there’s plenty of cricket beforehand, not least an absorbing contest in Durban where England have the upper hand over South Africa. Watch that unfold with Dan Lucas here.

Thanks for your company throughout this Test. I’m off for another session with the leftover Christmas pud. See you next year!

That’s it from the MCG. It took four full days for Australia to finally see off the West Indies but thanks to Nathan Lyon’s guile and Mitch Marsh’s resilience the victory was secured with a day to spare.

The tourists finally showed some application on a day that was perfect for batting against a tired-looking bowling attack. Jason Holder (68) proved he could be a genuine allrounder with a beautiful knock while the entire top order all got in before finding ways to get themselves out.

All over! Taylor not hanging around, slogging at the excellent Marsh and he top edges to the leg side where Pattinson sprints in and dives to collect a brilliant match clinching catch.

88th over: West Indies 282-9 (Taylor 0, Warrican 4)

Pattinson follows up Marsh’s breakthrough with a rare delivery that moved off gun barrel straight. Warrican showed he’s here for a good time, not a long time, clearing his front leg and swiping across the line, somehow finding the long-on boundary.

The end is nigh... Pattinson squares Roach up and the ball shoots off a thick outside edge to David Warner at third slip.

87th over: West Indies 274-8 (Roach 7, Taylor 0)

Superb over from Marsh, Australia’s paceman of the day, and he may have just bought his skipper an extra half-hour tonight.

Huge wicket! Marsh is brought back into the attack and he bowls a testing over that ends with Jason Holder mistiming a lofted drive straight to Hazlewood at mid-off. A tame end to a fabulous knock.

86th over: West Indies 268-7 (Holder 63, Roach 6)

Roach looks the likelier wicket to fall but he rotates the strike after just two deliveries of Pattinson’s over. The new ball is not talking for Australia.

Less than 200 to win with a full day tomorrow (plus a possible extra half hour tonight) to get them. Easy as. #AUSvWI

85th over: West Indies 266-7 (Holder 62, Roach 5)

Smith persisting with Hazlewood but the poor bloke looks shot. Holder by contrast looks magisterial at the crease, driving and pulling like a man with an average above 50, not below 30.

84th over: West Indies 264-7 (Holder 60, Roach 5)

Holder cannot turn down a pull shot any more than I can refuse leftover Christmas pudding. Pattinson’s short stuff isn’t particularly dangerous though and there’s a sense that a plan might have been hatched that isn’t properly being executed.

83rd over: West Indies 255-7 (Holder 55, Roach 1)

Wicketless Hazlewood looks worryingly innocuous with the new ball. UnlikelyAustralia will be offered the extra half-hour at this rate. Seven overs remaining in the day, before 6pm.

On this day in 1994 @ShaneWarne took a hat-trick v England at the @MCG. Watch here: https://t.co/nimGxvx3eN#AUSvWIpic.twitter.com/coob43QA3W

82nd over: West Indies 255-7 (Holder 55, Roach 1)

Pattinson livelier with the new ball but he’s bowling at the competent Holder. Smith will be better served by his pace attack in future matches. The value of Mitchell Starc is increasing in his absence.

81st over: West Indies 254-7 (Holder 55, Roach 1)

Hazlewood takes the new ball immediately and begins with a Harmison-type delivery that barely hits the cut grass. Tired-looking return over that barely makes the West Indian number nine play.

Joe Solomon and the missing bail, 1961. Dejavu. #ausvwindiespic.twitter.com/6f6O0Zmlnp

80th over: West Indies 254-7 (Holder 55, Roach 1)

Huge couple of overs for Australia. The tail is now exposed with the new ball due and ten overs left in the day. This could be all over by sunset.

What’s happened here? Lyon twirls in and then there’s the sound of bails tinkling but nobody’s quite sure if it’s from the ball or Nevill’s gloves? The replay clearly shows the ball ever so faintly clipping the off bail and floating apologetically to the floor. Talk about hitting the top of off, that was millimetre perfect from Lyon.

79th over: West Indies 250-6 (Holder 54, C Brathwaite 2)

Big over for Australia and reward for Mitch Marsh who has bent his back during the most thankless overs. Can Australia blow over the tail with the new ball in the remaining ten overs or so of play?

Holder brings up the century partnership - the first of the series for the tourists - but Ramdin persishes immediately afterwards. A length delivery outside off stump holds its line and Ramdin feathers it behind.

78th over: West Indies 249-5 (Ramdin 59, Holder 53)

Holder having a dart at Lyon but his timing’s off. The offie clutches his head, searching for some hair to tear out. Ramdin has him fossicking for follicles again, lofting a straight drive just over the mid-on fielder.

Crowd 7,161

77th over: West Indies 245-5 (Ramdin 56, Holder 52)

Fifty for Holder. There’s not a lot to like about this West Indian outfit but the skipper’s a beauty.

76th over: West Indies 241-5 (Ramdin 56, Holder 49)

Lyon’s return bring an immediate false shot from Holder. Unperturbed he then unfurls a flowing cover drive for four, reaching the pitch of the ball with nimble footwork.

75th over: West Indies 234-5 (Ramdin 55, Holder 43)

The afternoon all gearing towards the new ball now. Marsh doing his best to find a breakthrough but he could bowl all week in these conditions and not find a breakthrough.

West Indies are more than halfway to their target, with half their wickets still in hand #ausvwi

74th over: West Indies 232-5 (Ramdin 53, Holder 43)

Smith brings himself on for a whirl and his third delivery is as village as you will ever see. A loopy waist high full toss that’s spanked away by Ramdin to bring up a very tidy half-century.

73rd over: West Indies 227-5 (Ramdin 48, Holder 43)

Holder sees runs in Marsh’s extra pace and he nearly comes a cropper, twice! First he top edges an attempted pull that lands in the vacant mid-on region, then he gloves a bouncer over the wicket-keeper and slip. Good effort from Marsh.

72nd over: West Indies 219-5 (Ramdin 48, Holder 35)

Brett Lee and Mark Taylor both describe the pitch as “beautiful”. It isn’t. A beautiful pitch would offer something to both bat and ball. This is flat and lifeless. There was no seam movement on day one and now late on day four there’s been no deterioration to exploit. The sooner cricket administrators realise a game’s quality isn’t just measured in weight of runs, the better.

71st over: West Indies 213-5 (Ramdin 46, Holder 30)

The match referee (Stuart Broad’s dad) has returned that failed review back to Australia because of the breakdown in the technology. Not that it should matter as Smith still has one up his sleeve and there’s only nine overs before that becomes two again.

Even DRS technology thought this Test would be over by now... went home for the day.

70th over: West Indies 210-5 (Ramdin 45, Holder 29)

All seven West Indian batsmen have made at least 19 this innings. The latest of them, Holder, digs out a Siddle yorker with surprising force to reach the midwicket fence. He tries to repeat the trick next ball and nearly hands his wicket away, inside edging a slog onto his thigh pad.

69th over: West Indies 206-5 (Ramdin 45, Holder 25)

Pattinson giving his all but Holder and Ramdin now look well set in these conditions. Day five looming large unless the new ball can wreak some late havoc.

68th over: West Indies 198-5 (Ramdin 42, Holder 24)

Peter Siddle’s turn for a trundle and his pace is well down in the 120 kph range. Holder miscues a slog for three that had a few hearts in mouths but it was nowhere near any fielders.

And the West Indies' oil somehow lasted long enough to force a day five. It was a Chanukah miracle. #AUSvWI

67th over: West Indies 195-5 (Ramdin 41, Holder 22)

Pattinson recalled into the attack and it’s bodyline-lite to Holder but there’s not enough venom to unsettle the giant Barbadian. Over the wicket to Ramdin who respects a few straight balls and then punches a lovely back foot drive for three. This pair look pretty settle at the crease now.

Did a fellow commentator just tell Bill Lawry to 'calm down'. Sackable offence. He's been a standout.

66th over: West Indies 191-5 (Ramdin 38, Holder 21)

Entertaining over. Teasing start from Lyon with a couple of half-chances on offer from Holder before he’s unceremoniously thwacked over cow corner by Ramdin. That’s backed up by a well cut four and confirmation that Ramdin may have just played himself into form.

65rd over: West Indies 180-5 (Ramdin 30, Holder 18)

Already a sense that Australia are gearing up for the new ball, still 15 overs away. Hazlewood is trying manfully but with batsmen not looking to score he is easy enough to play from the crease in these conditions. Worth considering throwing the ball to Smith or Warner?

64th over: West Indies 174-5 (Ramdin 24, Holder 18)

Lyon continuing around the wicket to the right handed batsmen. Ramdin nurdles him away safely before Treebeard Holder swats an effortless six just to the off side of the sightscreen. Lovely batting. You get the feeling Holder could be something special in a different team.

63rd over: West Indies 166-5 (Ramdin 23, Holder 11)

Cue talk of Simon O’Donnell’s record MCG six, which was a barely believable 144m. That stroke is commemorated by a different coloured chair in the place where that particular maximum landed.

62nd over: West Indies 162-5 (Ramdin 19, Holder 11)

Jason Holder carts Nathan Lyon 95 metres into the sparsely populated MCG stands. That was a glorious sight. Holder is like one of those big trees in Lord of the Rings thwomping away Lyon’s floated offie. Some elegant defensive strokes precede a swept four. There’s a lot to like about Mr Holder.

61st over: West Indies 152-5 (Ramdin 19, Holder 1)

Hazlewood ploughing a neat furrow outside off stump and then firing an inswinger into Jason Holder’s pads, not far off an LBW there.

Pace isn't everything. But... in a team where pace is coveted, gap between MMarsh & Siddle is conspicuous. #AusvWIpic.twitter.com/dnSPotoVKq

60th over: West Indies 151-5 (Ramdin 19, Holder 1)

“Catch it!” Yells Steve Smith as Ramdin sweeps powerfully straight into Joe Burns at short leg. Um, maybe not Smudger. Besides, it bounced before it reached the fielder.

59th over: West Indies 151-5 (Ramdin 19, Holder 1)

Control C, Control V. Maiden from Hazlewood.

58th over: West Indies 151-5 (Ramdin 19, Holder 1)

It’s hard to know what a batsman should do in these situations. Do they block for eternity? Do they play their ‘natural’ game? Blackwood opting to play his shots immediately after tea and he perishes.

Deary me Jermaine Blackwood. There’s a right way and a wrong way to bat for a draw and that is the dismissal of a man with a pre-booked tee time at Kingston Heath. Lyon suckers him into slapping a short ball to the midwicket fence and then offers a similar delivery next ball that Blackwood attempts to hoick to the same destination. Misses this time, hits the back leg, out.

57th over: West Indies 146-4 (Blackwood 16, Ramdin 19)

Here we go again. 34 overs available for Australia to dismiss six West Indians or we’re back again tomorrow for an unlikely fifth day. Anybody disappointed they’ll miss out on their Die Hard marathon emergency filler on C9 can blame a combination of Kookaburra and the MCG groundstaff. The ball and the surface are not conducive to taking wickets.

The darts has been dominated in recent decades by Phil The Power Taylor, one of Stoke-on-Trent’s most famous sons. The Potteries lost another today with the incomparable Lemmy hammering his last riff.

Surprisingly few cricketers have emerged from that part of the world. A consequence perhaps of Staffordshire only achieving Minor Counties status? Unless someone can tell me otherwise I’m going to go with Bob Taylor, the former wicketkeeper, as the highest profile player from the region.

Or how about a look ahead to the last 16 of the PDC World Championships later today featuring the blockbuster match-up of Michael van Gerwen and Raymond van Barneveld.

Whet your appetite with this sparkling exhibition of sport from MvG three years ago. 17 perfect darts, an arena losing its mind and some delightful Blackpool-based commentary.

To keep you going through the tea break, take a moment to celebrate the 54th anniversary of the birth of David Clarence Boon MBE. Is he Australia’s most beloved modern cricketer?

Howdy. Bravo once again to Russell Jackson for steering the good ship OBO through the first two sessions of the day. The postprandial afternoon stint can’t have been easy after a slap up Committee Room buffet.

Me? I’ve had the lurgy so I’ve been on sachets of rehydration powder and microwaved Christmas pudding leftovers. Anyone who suggests the leftovers and the lurgy may be related can leave now. I will finish that pudding if it takes me until Australia Day.

57th over: West Indies 146-4 (Blackwood 16, Ramdin 19)

Err, okay, that’s tea then. JP Howcroft will be on board shortly to join you and if I was a betting man, I’d say the lovely Lancastrian will be taking you through to the conclusion of this Test. It’s Australia’s to claim this afternoon.

56th over: West Indies 146-4 (Blackwood 16, Ramdin 19)

Tea is only seven minutes away now so Steve Smith decides it’s high time for a bit of his own leg-spin filth but it’s actually pretty tidy stuff by his standards and there’s even a stifled LBW shout against Blackwood. It ends up a maiden – a collector’s item for Smith.

55th over: West Indies 146-4 (Blackwood 16, Ramdin 19)

Denesh Ramdin is looking the goods today and turns a lovely boundary to leg when Marsh puts one on his hip. One minor injury update from the Aussie ranks: Peter Siddle was off the ground earlier for some treatment on his ankle but he’s back in the field now and looking good to go again.

54th over: West Indies 140-4 (Blackwood 16, Ramdin 13)

Ramdin is rocking now and takes advantage of some rare trash from Lyon, looting a few boundaries out to deep square leg and cow. There’s about a quarter of a chance for Burns to dive to his right and snaffle a close-in catch from the final delivery but it was a good metre to his right.

This is my fav Russell Crowe Twitter moment pic.twitter.com/i0ltKVWT8I

53rd over: West Indies 130-4 (Blackwood 15, Ramdin 4)

Ramdin gets going with a boundary but the local broadcaster shows his batting chart and it makes for some sorry reading in the past year and a bit; like a once thriving capital city levelled by a hurricane. He’s up against it here too because Marsh – almost always hovering around the 130-135kmph mark in the last 12 months – has suddenly found another 10 clicks up his sleeve. The over finishes with a sharp return catch chance for Marsh after he’s sent down a full bunger but it merely clips the fingers of his outstretched right hand.

The rate of improvement in Mitch Marsh's bowling from the UAE to England to now is extraordinary. Could he bat 8 and play as 3rd seamer?

52nd over: West Indies 126-4 (Blackwood 15, Ramdin 0)

Now Blackwood is on the attack, driving past mid-off and then sweeping Lyon to pick up a pair of boundaries to move into double figures.

Marlon Samuels' past 12 Test scores: 9, 20, 7, 74, 11, 0, 13, 6, 9, 3, 0, 19. We might have seen the last of him.

51st over: West Indies 118-4 (Blackwood 7, Ramdin 0)

This presents a bit of an opportunity for Marsh because Ramdin has not looked a Test six in this innings; kind of ironic given the bowler he’s facing first up. Marsh almost cleans him up second ball as the Windies keeper plays a foot inside the line and nervously peers back to see that the ball has carried through above the bails. Marsh finishes the over by darting one out and past the outside edge. Good stuff. He’s making something happen here.

Gargh, just as Samuels was beginning to find some fluency – or perhaps because of it – he follows a wonderful late cut the boundary off Marsh with a lazy shuffle and prod to feather an edge behind to Nevill. That was a real ‘nothing shot’, as they say. He just shoved the bat out there and he’s on his way for 19 from 49 deliveries.

50th over: West Indies 114-3 (Samuels 15, Blackwood 7)

Samuels is allowing himself a little bit of flair now, taking a few steps down the track to Lyon and indulging in a curling backlift to send two out through cover and a ball later he belts Lyon down the ground for a lofted boundary.

Ridiculous @VirginAustralia. No Segway boards as luggage? Too late to tell us at airport.Kids and I offloaded. Goodbye Virgin. Never again.

49th over: West Indies 107-3 (Samuels 8, Blackwood 7)

Mitch Marsh is back for another go, this time from the Member’s end. He overpitches slightly to Blackwood and the Jamaican plays the kind of on-drive that wouldn’t be out of place in a coaching manual to pick up three. Wanna feel old? Blackwood was born in November 1991, meaning he wasn’t even alive to see this:

48th over: West Indies 101-3 (Samuels 5, Blackwood 4)

In this over the West Indies’ 100 comes up from 286 deliveries of pure grind. That comes when Samuels cracks one through point to pick up two. Settle down Marlon. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

47th over: West Indies 99-3 (Samuels 3, Blackwood 4)

There’s a single to Samuels in this Pattinson over and credit where it’s due, he’s possibly been stung by all the criticism of the past few weeks and is certainly applying himself today.

46th over: West Indies 98-3 (Samuels 2, Blackwood 4)

Lyon steps up with another maiden. No real surprises there.

45th over: West Indies 98-3 (Samuels 2, Blackwood 4)

Pattinson’s a little fed up with the lifelessness of this pitch so attempts to ‘chin’ Marlon Samuels with an exaggerated bouncer than merely balloons over the batsman’s head. Better is a searching yorker with the final delivery, which raps Samuels at the base of the front pad and sparks a huge appeal. Dunno why, it was sailing a good foot or so down the leg side.

44th over: West Indies 98-3 (Samuels 2, Blackwood 4)

Lyon’s got a slip, a short leg and a long-on but it’s a regulation field otherwise, probably under the assumption that Samuels will find a way to do something silly no matter where you put ‘em. He’s off strike with a single and Blackwood sees us through the rest. Has Phil Simmons told them that lasting until the fifth day is their KPI for this game? Fair enough if so. It’s not exciting but it’s at least admirable.

43rd over: West Indies 97-3 (Samuels 1, Blackwood 4)

Blackwood takes his turn at guarding the wicket and sees off a Pattinson maiden without ever really imposing himself on proceedings. Here you go, no matter how one-sided the contest Australians will still watch cricket on TV.

Day 3 ratings #AUSvWI@WWOS9 nat ave 1.437 million Nat peak 1.760 million

42nd over: West Indies 97-3 (Samuels 1, Blackwood 4)

Nathan Lyon’s on to replace the ineffectual Marsh and starts with a maiden to the suddenly patient and obdurate Samuels. I wonder how long this discipline will last.

James Pattinson has, like he did in the 1st innings, produced the highest average amount of seam movement of Australia's pace bowlers.

41st over: West Indies 97-3 (Samuels 1, Blackwood 4)

It’s hard to tell who was sleeping worse on the single that gets Marlon Samuels off the mark, the scorer or the no-striker Blackwood, who might have been run out by a more lithe fieldsman than Nathan Lyon. Blackwood’s much more convincing when he’s just facing up and angles two out to deep square leg to open his account.

Cooler heads prevail: Fazeer Mohammed has been reinstated as an interviewer of West Indies players for @abcgrandstand

40th over: West Indies 92-3 (Samuels 0, Blackwood 0)

Marlon Samuels is taking a while to get going today (surprise, surprise) and there’s a hairy moment when he fends Marsh a little uppishly past the outstretched hand of Burns at short leg but soon he’s off strike but not off the mark with a leg bye.

39th over: West Indies 91-3 (Samuels 0, Blackwood 0)

Jermaine Blackwood is the new man at the crease for the Windies. He’s got the final ball of James Pattinson’s over to negotiate and he manages it.

Another bowling change with Patto’s Pumping Pistons returning at the Member’s end and after Chandrika strokes him to fine leg for four he’s trapped in front and umpire Llong’s finger goes straight up. There’s a review but replays indicate it was clipping the top of leg stumps to the umpire’s call stands.

38th over: West Indies 87-2 (Chandrika 33, Samuels 0)

Mitch Marsh is back to replace Siddle at the Southern Stand end of the ground and he keeps on a stump-to-stump line until the final delivery, which offers Chandrika some width so he presses forward and strokes an attractive drive for three to deep extra cover.

37th over: West Indies 84-2 (Chandrika 30, Samuels 0)

Hazlewood’s waddling his way towards momentum and then reaching a full head of steam before delivering to Chandrika, whose milestone of passing 25 I’m said to say I missed as I was shoving chocolate tarts into my mouth. Samuels is still to get off the mark.

36th over: West Indies 83-2 (Chandrika 29, Samuels 0)

Okay folks I’m back in the live-blogging position and positively bursting at the seams thanks to a buffet lunch down in the MCC committee room. What is the price of my journalistic integrity? Platters of prawns, smoked salmon and prime cut steaks, basically. I’m in a food coma and don’t even mind that I got a ticking off from the CEO for my tan brogues. Siddle’s bowled a maiden here, if that matters. I bet his lunch was a little healthier than mine.

35th over: West Indies 83-2 (Chandrika 29, Samuels 0)

Chandrika is next to show a bit of uncertainty outside off stump as a Hazlewood delivery fizzes through. It’s almost a carbon copy of Bravo’s dismissal, the only difference – a key one – being Chandrika doesn’t get an edge.

34th over: West Indies 83-2 (Chandrika 29, Samuels 0)

Siddle completes a wicket maiden and that could well prove to be a key wicket for Australia. And that without any kind of pace or movement – Bravo will be disappointed with his little waft at that delivery. Samuels is the new batsman.

Siddle, who hasn’t been bowling fast by any stretch of the imagination, claims the scalp of Bravo, who edges to Nevill behind the stumps and Australia have their man!

33rd over: West Indies 83-1 (Chandrika 29, Bravo 21)

Bravo opens up and has a crack at hitting Hazlewood through the covers but the connection between willow and leather isn’t as sweet as he would want, and he has to settle for three runs. Otherwise, nothing much to report, other than this must be one epic dessert.

Chandrika on 29? What strange new world is this? Everything we knew is dust. #AusvWI

32nd over: West Indies 80-1 (Chandrika 29, Bravo 18)

Chandrika edges a Siddle delivery past first slip and the ball runs away to the boundary. He now has his highest Test score, and it’s not long before he adds to it, ending the over on 29.

31st over: West Indies 74-1 (Chandrika 23, Bravo 18)

Bravo, who doesn’t appear to have brought his “running game” today, ambles off for just two on a stab past point, before he plays neatly off his legs for another two.

30th over: West Indies 69-1 (Chandrika 22, Bravo 14)

The players are back out in the Melbourne sunshine, so to the cricket! Chandrika moves onto 22 with three flicks off his legs, the second one a bit uppish but safe, off Siddle’s bowling. Meanwhile, we have news from Russell. He’s “into dessert” and should be with us shortly.

Russ said a bite to eat, but he was being as economical with the truth as Nathan Lyon has been with the ball this morning. There are “bites to eat” and then there are swanky media lunches in the MCC committee room at the MCG. Russell, I can confirm, has been enjoying the latter. In fact, he continues to do so, hence I’ve been called to fill in for a couple of overs. I can only hope the banquet is worth it. Presumably we’ll find out soon enough.

Surely this ground has been covered on these pages before, but assuming the majority of us won’t be able to compete with Russell’s lobster and caviar four-coursers on a regular basis, what makes it into your esky for a day at the cricket? Email mike.hytner@theguardian.com or tweet me @mike_hytner. For me, it isn’t a true cricket lunch without a packet of cold cocktail sausages.

29th over: West Indies 64-1 (Chandrika 17, Bravo 14)

Hazlewood is a very frustrated young man in the wake of that non-wicket but he can only really blame himself and possibly shouldn’t be shaping to throw the ball back at Bravo when he defends later in the over. That’s all she wrote for the first session and if you don’t mind, I’m off to grab a bite to eat.

This time it’s Hazlewood! And what a superb catch it would have been by Nevill diving to his left to remove Bravo, who’d driven lavishly and sent a thick edge careening away at head height towards the cordon. But Bravo is called back because The Haze has narrowly overstepped. Oh dear.

28th over: West Indies 61-1 (Chandrika 17, Bravo 12)

Okay, it’s five minutes to lunch now and James Pattinson’s still bounding in hunting for a wicket. There’s a single to each batsman and I’m really beginning to entertain the horrifying prospect that this thing might go to another day. Say it ain’t so.

West Indies now just a Lara innings from victory. #AUSvWI

27th over: West Indies 59-1 (Chandrika 16, Bravo 11)

This game’s just sort of meandering towards lunch now but Chandrika’s determination to stay out there at least represents a battle of personal will. There’s another single here and Bravo cross-bats through mid-wicket for two to move into double figures.

26th over: West Indies 56-1 (Chandrika 15, Bravo 9)

The Aussies briefly believe that Pattinson has trapped Chandrika in front but they take too long deciding whether or not to review, a good thing in the end because it pitched well outside the line of off-stump. Chandrika clips a single to leg to finish the over.

Review took too long according to umpires. Aust players less than enchanted with that

25th over: West Indies 54-1 (Chandrika 14, Bravo 8)

Question for you: is David Warner the worst ‘gun’ fieldsman of all time? He hustles, he throws himself around and he looks like he’s good, but that arm is pure and unrefined custard, which becomes evident when he tries to slow down the stumps from close range in this over. Could it be that he just doesn’t yet realise that he’s a left-hander?

24th over: West Indies 52-1 (Chandrika 13, Bravo 7)

Nathan Lyon’s given a rest after his first spell reaped 1-10 from 8 overs but he’s given a rest so that James Pattinson can have a go from the Southern Stand end before lunch. The bowler briefly believes that Bravo has tickled one down the leg side to Nevill but there’s no DRS review, so he can’t have been that confident.

Peter Nevill appealing for non-edges a massive step forward in his development as an Australian keeper. #AUSvWI

23rd over: West Indies 52-1 (Chandrika 13, Bravo 7)

Josh Hazlewood’s back for another blast at Chandrika and he starts with a maiden of real quality; the ball is really slapping into Nevill’s gloves behind the wicket but still there’s no breakthrough for the right-armer.

Bowl your 164km/hr glitch ball, Josh! #AUSvWI

22nd over: West Indies 52-1 (Chandrika 13, Bravo 7)

As Nathan Lyon bowls the most unassuming over you could imagine to Dwayne Bravo, I’ve just read the news that Ian ‘Lemmy’ Kilmister has gone to the great bandroom in the sky, so let’s wake ourselves up a little with his rendition of ‘Ace of Spades’ from The Young Ones.

21st over: West Indies 50-1 (Chandrika 13, Bravo 5)

Reader Simon McMahon has just twigged. “Morning Russell. Whither West Indian cricket? The land of Sobers, Lloyd, Holding, Richards, Greenidge, Haynes, Marshall, Walsh, Ambrose, Lara. In a sentence or two if you can, please.” I don’t even need a sentence or two, Simon, just look at this and try not to shake your head.

20th over: West Indies 47-1 (Chandrika 11, Bravo 5)

Paul Tooby is pulling me up on my misleading crowd stats. “Notwithstanding the Australian obsession with attendance (Sport is what you PLAY.) it’s really not indicative of anything to describe the empty top tier of the MCG, a 100,000-seater stadium,” he says. “Is there an actual attendance figure yet? I dare say it would make Lord’s look pretty full, and I’m certain it would dwarf the attendance at any Shield game. Like I said though, it doesn’t even matter.”

19th over: West Indies 47-1 (Chandrika 11, Bravo 5)

Phil ‘Ray Romano’ Withall has arrived with his first email missive of the day, which is always a highlight for me. “I think that there could be a chance of an upset in this Test,” he says. “My reasoning is based on nothing other than the fact that my wife, for the first time in 11 years, remembered our wedding anniversary. It is obvious that some strange voodoo is in the air.”

18th over: West Indies 46-1 (Chandrika 11, Bravo 4)

Chandrika’s in no great hurry and again plays out a maiden against Lyon, who can do no wrong at the moment. Chandrika is 11 off 55 deliveries.

@mitchmarsh235 adopting the role of the enforcer #AUSvWI

17th over: West Indies 46-1 (Chandrika 11, Bravo 4)

Here’s a huge shocker for you folks: Darren Bravo hasn’t made a single run from his first dozen deliveries and it’s made him something of a target for Marsh, who cranks the speedo up to 143km/h and digs a bouncer into his ribs. Bravo finally gets off the mark by cracking a lovely cover drive out to the rope.

16th over: West Indies 42-1 (Chandrika 9, Bravo 0)

Chandrika returns after drinks with two from the bowling of Lyon to move to 11, 14 runs from his inevitable demise.

15th over: West Indies 40-1 (Chandrika 9, Bravo 0)

If this live blog is boring you to death, you could always check out my alternative sports awards for 2015, which are right about here. Or not. It’s your life. Meanwhile, Chandrika can’t get a duck so by Lemon Logic he’s a dead certainty to end up dismissed for 25.

No point appealing against Chandrika when he has less than 25. Learn the game, Lyon. #AusvWI

14th over: West Indies 40-1 (Chandrika 9, Bravo 0)

I feel a little robbed by Brathwaite’s dismissal, I’ll be honest. Chandrika dourly defends another maiden and concedes to Lyon. I think we’re about to see a whole lot more of that.

13th over: West Indies 40-1 (Chandrika 9, Bravo 0)

Smith continues to ring the changes and replaces Siddle with Mitch Marsh at the Member’s end. Chandrika stretches his legs for two after leaning into a crisp cover drive when the bowler gives him some width. There’s nearly a mix-up when Chandrika belts another down the ground and scurries through for three but the throw from the deep was wide so Bravo made his ground at the keeper’s end.

12th over: West Indies 35-1 (Chandrika 4, Bravo 0)

After his minor epic of the first innings, steady-as-she-goes Darren Bravo marks his guard and calmly negotiating the last three deliveries of the Lyon over.

Another innings, another instance of Nathan Lyon making the breakthrough. Kraigg Brathwaite has drowned in honey here, skipping down the track first ball of the over to slam a lofted boundary but a ball later, misjudging the bounce outside off stump and in the process of cutting, fencing an edge through to Smith at slip. That’s a shame. He’d started that knock in breezy fashion but now he’s back in the sheds.

11th over: West Indies 31-0 (Brathwaite 27, Chandrika 4)

Brathwaite’s again proving himself a nuisance to the Australians, sweating on some width from Siddle and when it comes, quickly depositing him out to the boundary at deep extra cover and there’s also a three. “That’s a pretty classy declaration from Smith there,” says Robert Wilson. “30 runs away from a ton at the Eat All You Can Buffet that is the Windies attack. It’s not always easy to give credit for the things that people have not done but the cap must be doffed here. Smith has shown respect for this match, for the crowd and even for the old notion of reasonably credible batting averages.”

10th over: West Indies 24-0 (Brathwaite 20, Chandrika 4)

Lyon’s getting plenty of loop and a little bit of drift as he operates to Chandrika but the batsman is happy to defend as his first instinct and wait for the occasional bad ball, though Lyon hasn’t bowled many of them in this match. It’s a maiden.

9th over: West Indies 24-0 (Brathwaite 20, Chandrika 4)

Siddle does indeed appear from the Member’s end and with Brathwaite on strike he’s got two slips, two men at gully and two very close at short mid-wicket for anything flicked off the pads, so stump-to-stump is probably the plan. Three balls in he’s actually a bit too straight and Brathwaite turns it past those two men at mid-wicket for a couple of runs.

8th over: West Indies 20-0 (Brathwaite 16, Chandrika 4)

I didn’t think Pattinson was doing too badly but Steve Smith’s seen enough for now so bring Nathan Lyon of for some spin at the Southern Stand end. Chandrika edges him for two past slip and defends stoutly thereafter as the spinner finds his range.

7th over: West Indies 18-0 (Brathwaite 16, Chandrika 2)

Hazlewood’s getting it up around rib height now as he wheels away to Chandrika but there’s still not much doing so you couldn’t rule out Peter Siddle’s appearance next over at the Member’s end.

6th over: West Indies 15-0 (Brathwaite 14, Chandrika 1)

He’s taken a stack of wickets in his last few outings but a weakness of James Pattinson’s efforts in this series has been his first spells, which have often been scattergun and gone for plenty of runs. This over he’s maintaining an impecable line outside Brathwaite’s off stump and it’s not until the final delivery that the batsman finds two through mid-off.

5th over: West Indies 13-0 (Brathwaite 12, Chandrika 1)

Hazlewood is zeroing in on Brathwaite’s front pad now and Steve Smith seriously considers a DRS review when the batsman crumples forward to be struck in front, but it was perhaps sailing a little high. Brathwaite celebrates by driving handsomely for three.

4th over: West Indies 10-0 (Brathwaite 9, Chandrika 1)

Pattinson’s bustling in with plenty of energy but there’s something a bit sad about the surroundings with the stands empty. The bowler makes his own fun, sending a bouncer whistling past Chandrika’s ear as he weaves out of the way.

3rd over: West Indies 9-0 (Brathwaite 8, Chandrika 1)

Hazlewood has three slips, a gully and Khawaja at shortish mid-wicket but there’s not a lot of assistance on offer from the surface for him either. Do you rest him in Sydney? He looks like he needs it to be honest.

2nd over: West Indies 8-0 (Brathwaite 7, Chandrika 1)

Geez, there’s not much life in the pitch when James Pattinson bangs the first ball of his spell down just short of a length and perhaps confident he’s not going to cop one in the ribs, Brathwaite goes on the attack with a pair of twos, the second of which comes from a very tailendery hack through mid-on. He’s certainly not going to be bogged down, Brathwaite.

1st over: West Indies 3-0 (Brathwaite 2, Chandrika 1)

Okay, we’re under way now and I must tell you, this atmosphere brings to mind nothing more auspicious than your average Sheffield Shield fixture. There’s 33 people in the top tier of the Southern Stand. That I could count them in between Josh Hazlewood’s first two deliveries of the day tells you a bit. The first is clipped down to fine leg for a single to Kraigg Brathwaite and Chandrika fends the next towards point, after which he too gets off the mark to cover.

Australia has officially declared

The Windies might not know it, but the scoreboard attendants do. Smith’s sacrificed individual milestones for, well, hopefully a day off to play golf.

A bit more about that potential declaration

If it’s happened, nobody has told the West Indies yet.

#AUSvWI The Aussies are set to resume on 179/3 in their second innings. They have an overall lead of 459 runs.

Preamble

Hello OBOers and welcome to day four of the Boxing Day Test, which we probably didn’t expect to stretch to four days when the West Indies slumped to 91-6 in response to Australia’s first innings of 551-3 declared, but that’s Test cricket for you.

Russ will be here shortly but in the meantime, check out all of the developments from yesterday in the day three match report. Meanwhile, Ali Martin has all the latest on South Africa’s struggles against England at Kingsmead and there’s always Russ’s feature on the stories behind Australia’s baggy greens and its accompanying interactive, in which you can flip a series of cards to reveal the stories behind each cap.

Continue reading...

South Africa v England: first Test, day four – as it happened

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A vital late wicket from the excellent Steven Finn left England needing six wickets on the final day to win the first Test

That has the feel of a match-winning breakthrough from Steven Finn – not quite as dramatic as Merv Hughes bowling Mike Gatting off the last ball at Old Trafford in 1993, but not far off. South Africa have a vulnerable lower middle-order, and with du Plessis gone it is hard to see who can hang around long enough to help AB de Villiers secure a draw or a miraculous win.

This would probably be England’s most unlikely in the opening match of an overseas series since the miracle of Jamaica 26 years ago. They are six wickets away. One way or another, tomorrow will be memorable. I’ll be watching it at home in my undercrackers, but please join John Ashdown and Nick Miller from 7.30am. Happy new year!

46th over: South Africa 136-4 (target: 416; de Villiers 37, Steyn 0) Dale Steyn is the nightwatchman, and will have three balls to survive before the close. Finn has three for 27 from eight overs and has been superb. His Test strike rate is the best of any England bowler with 50 wickets or more since the great Frank Tyson in the 1950s. I know that is partly because life and Test cricket move pretty fast these days, but it also reflects his wonderful habit of taking wickets.

Steyn just about survives the over, although the last ball beat the outside edge, and that’s the end of another terrific day’s play.

This is a snorter from Steven Finn! Whether he’s bowling brilliantly or poorly, he can’t help but take wickets. That was a beautiful delivery, which roared from a length to take the outside edge high on the bat, and Cook took an extremely sharp catch at first slip. What a time to strike, with only four minutes’ play remaining.

45th over: South Africa 136-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 37, du Plessis 9) Moeen has changed ends. In a risibly juvenile effort to tempt fate, I’m going to observe that England don’t look remotely like taking a wicket. It’s true though. This is surely shaping up for a long, miserable, wonderful final day. England have had so many famous rearguards in recent times, from Cardiff 2009 to Auckland 2013. Tomorrow we are going to see experience the exquisite torture of the last-day rearguard from the other side.

1/2 Barstow’s hamfistedness raises another question, @robsmyth0 (I’m a mine of them, I know). With so many batsmen, why don’t England revert

2/2 to a specialist keeper? Chris Read could bat at 8 in this line-up, with Moeen at 7. @robsmyth0

45th over: South Africa 135-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 36, du Plessis 9) Finn will have one last burst in place of Moeen Ali. There is probably only time for him to bowl a couple of overs. The only alarm comes from an iffy run, with De Villiers stretching to make his ground. He might have been in trouble with a direct hit, though we haven’t seen a replay.

As a massive Bairstow fan, even I can’t claim his keeping is of international standard, but to describe that ABdV stumping chance as ‘routine’ is very harsh,” says Tom. “It turned a mile and came through a charging batsman so he can’t have seen it until very late. He should have taken it but it wasn’t that straightforward! If you pick a keeper based primarily on their batting then unfortunately this will often happen.” I agree with the last point. I think it was routine for a proper Test keeper though. Matt Prior would have taken that, what, 19 times out of 20? I don’t really blame Bairstow; as you say, England know the risks. But it’s still bloody irritating.

44th over: South Africa 133-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 35, du Plessis 8) Broad is reversing the ball and has a number of men on the drive for du Plessis on both sides of the wicket. Du Plessis is almost entirely strokeless – Shutters Up mode for those who had the pleasure of playing Test matches through the medium of Lambourne Games – and the result is an inevitable maiden. He has 8 from 61 balls. Broad is trying everything, including running from behind the umpire, Colin Croft style. Let’s hope he doesn’t run into the umpire by accident like Crofty did!!!

43rd over: South Africa 133-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 35, du Plessis 8) There are just over 20 minutes remaining, so England won’t be able to get all eight overs in. Moeen bowls six dot balls to de Villiers, who no longer has any inclination to leave his crease.

“SA 342-9, match drawn anyone?” writes Graham Onions Simon McMahon.

42nd over: South Africa 133-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 35, du Plessis 8) Bairstow gave the ground a bunch of fives, not once but twice, such was his frustration at letting de Villiers off. All of which makes it even more surprising that Bairstow is the chosen keeper in The Guardian’s Test team of the year. You can read all about it in this week’s Spin.

Since you asked, I think this might be the best piece of wicket-keeping I’ve ever seen.

41st over: South Africa 132-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 34, du Plessis 8) This has been an accident waiting to happen. In fact it’s already happened, and now it’s happened again, and this time it’s an even bigger accident. De Villiers charges Moeen, bowling around the wicket, but is done in the flight and beaten when the ball rips through the gate. It’s a routine stumping chance for Bairstow, but he can only punch it for two byes. Ach!

Bairstow batted beautifully earlier but that has undone all his earlier work, certainly in terms of public perception. You have to feel a bit sorry for him. He’s a good human being, doing his best, but his best standing up to the spinners isn’t good enough. In the long term you’d think he will have to establish himself as a batsman if he is to stay in the team.

40th over: South Africa 129-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 33, du Plessis 8) England, as Mike Selvey suggested earlier on Twitter, have bowled a lot straighter in this innings. South Africa have had to defend a lot of deliveries.“Come on lads, 150 for five tonight!” growls Jonny Bairstow. There’s some reverse inswing to du Plessis, prompting a hopeful LBW shout. It was going miles down the leg side, though that inswing is a good sign for England. An excellent maiden from Broad.

39th over: South Africa 129-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 33, du Plessis 8) There are many statistics that sum up the unique genius of AB de Villiers, but nothing better reflects his chameleonic nature than the back-to-back Tests against Australia in 2012-13. At Adelaide he made a boundaryless 33 from 220 balls to help save the match. A few days later at Perth he scorched 169 from 184 balls, with 21 fours and three sixes, to win the series. He has a level of talent that is completely beyond comprehension.

He is so good that he’s extremely dangerous even when he’s barely playing a shot. He is still playing the occasional shot here, and he gives Moeen the charge before driving beautifully through mid-on for four. Who knows, maybe this will be his masterpiece, a match-winning 211 not out.

38th over: South Africa 124-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 29, du Plessis 7) South Africa were 85 for one after 20 overs. Then Amla was dismissed, and since then they have scored 35 in 18 overs. An unashamed blockathon is developing, and nobody does it better than South Africa. England have returned to Stuart Broad in an attempt to take the wicket that would expose a vulnerable lower middle-order. He tries a yorker to De Villiers, who blasts it whence it came for four.

37th over: South Africa 120-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 25, du Plessis 7) This is a good move, with Moeen returning in place of Ben Stokes. There’s a fairly big shout for LBW against du Plessis; he was outside the line and Alastair Cook has no interest in a review. There is already a greater sense of menace, though. You could maybe crowd du Plessis a bit more; at the moment there’s a slip, short leg and leg slip.

36th over: South Africa 119-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 7) This is an important little spell for Woakes, a chance to show he can dismiss proper Test batsmen with an old ball. It’s been a good spell, no more or less than that, but the two batsmen do look secure at the crease. Woakes’s figures in this spell are 4-2-2-0.

Haha! Thanks for that oracular insight, @robsmyth0! A quick search says his FC av is 33.85 (Bavuma 38.6), but List A 35 (Bavuma 27.79).

35th over: South Africa 118-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 7) When Stokes drops short, du Plessis’s bat comes back from the dead and flick-pulls a beautiful boundary. That’s his first four – and his first really attacking stroke – from his 33rd delivery.

34th over: South Africa 114-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 3) If the ball does reverse swing it would be, in the lamentable parlance of our time, a game-changer. There have just been a couple of hints of it in the last five minutes. A maiden from Woakes to de Villiers. South Africa are now playing very defensively, with only 11 runs from the seven overs. There are 16 overs remaining. One more wicket and England will enjoy their Gatorade.

33rd over: South Africa 114-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 3) I would definitely go back to Moeen here, probably at Woakes’s end because Stokes is more likely to take a wicket through force of personality. Was there a first hint of reverse there? The penultimate delivery, well wide of off stump, kept low but it also came back a little. A maiden. Du Plessis has 3 from 30 balls.

32nd over: South Africa 114-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 3) Woakes continues to the becalmed du Plessis. Graeme Smith makes the point that, after his recent struggles, du Plessis is probably much happier to be facing seam at both ends. Nothing is really happening for Woakes, although his pace is still in the high 80s.

“Shouldn’t the ball be reversing by now?” says John Starbuck. “I know the make of ball and the conditions are factors, but we ought to be seeing Broad and Finn on again in the next ten overs or so. We seem to have forgotten about that in all the debate about whether or not the pitch will turn enough.” I don’t know if it should – 32 overs is a bit early, no – but either way it isn’t.

31st over: South Africa 113-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 24, du Plessis 2) Stokes still isn’t quite right, and had a chat with the physio before the start of the over. De Villiers cuts him extravagantly for four, with both feet off the ground just before he makes contact. He looks in great touch. That doesn’t need saying, does it? I might as well tell you that he’s wearing white clothes and imbibing oxygen.

“I can’t be the only poor sap who has chosen to come in to the office today and is therefore sat all on my own, soothed by the dulcet tones of Boycott for hours on end and utterly failing to resist demolishing a large bag of Mini Eggs (in December. I know),” says Lewis Cooper. “And yet - I’d quite like the light in Durban to improve please. The memories of the 2008 Lord’s Test– where SA saved a draw despite following on - are still too fresh...”

Does David Miller ever get mentioned for a Test spot, @robsmyth0? I rate him highly in ODIs, and he surely can’t be worse than, say, Bavuma.

I have no idea. You’re welcome! (His first-class record isn’t great, I know that.)

30th over: South Africa 109-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 20, du Plessis 2) A double change, with Woakes replacing Moeen (10-1-29-0). Faf du Plessis has eschewed all attacking strokes so far, which is fair enough in view of both the match and his personal situation. After five defensive strokes off Woakes, he has 2 from 20 balls; de Villiers has 20 from 30.

29th over: South Africa 108-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 19, du Plessis 2) Finn has been replaced by Ben Stokes. Chris Woakes has only bowled two overs in the innings, interestingly. Stokes was struggling a bit earlier, although he doesn’t mind bowling through pain. On his debut, at Adelaide in 2013-14, he wore the wrong size trainers and kept bowling despite doing all sorts of damage to his toe. There’s a bit of an appeal for caught behind, though not from Stokes, when du Plessis chases a wide yorker. He dragged his bat on the ground but the ball missed the outside edge.

28th over: South Africa 105-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 16, du Plessis 2) Moeen is bowling around the wicket to both batsmen, with a slip, leg slip and short leg waiting. Leg slip is a good position for the right-handers, given the occasional steep bounce. Just two singles from the over.

27th over: South Africa 103-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 15, du Plessis 1) de Villiers rocks back to steer a short ball from Finn between gully and point for four, a gorgeous stroke. He gets four more later in the over, crunching a drive wide of mid-off. There are still 23 overs remaining today, time and light permitting.

26th over: South Africa 95-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 7, du Plessis 1) du Plessis gets off the mark with a single off Moeen. He could well be playing for his place. At the start of that India series he had a Test average of 52. Two months later his average is 42, the lowest it has ever been. It’s scary how quickly Test cricket can turn on a man. It makes Joe Pesci in Goodfellas seem tolerant by comparison.

25th over: South Africa 93-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 6, du Plessis 0) Finn strays onto de Villiers’ pads, with inevitable consequences. That’s his first boundary.

24th over: South Africa 89-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 2, du Plessis 0) Faf du Plessis is under enormous pressure, having made only 61 runs in his last eight innings. In the last two months he has handled spin like a marmot in the bath. Cook keeps mid-off and mid-on up, a smart move, but du Plessis is not tempted for now and settles for defending the last five deliveries of Moeen’s over.

23rd over: South Africa 88-3 (target: 416; de Villiers 1, du Plessis 0) Now, surely, South Africa will employ catenaccio tactics. They should have done it from the start in truth; they have needlessly lost wickets to attacking strokes.

Finn strikes again! Dean Elgar, who carried his bat in the first innings, has finally been dismissed by his 317th delivery of the match. He reached instinctively for a wide, very full delivery that gripped in the footmarks. It flew off the edge towards second slip, where Root took a sharp catch above his head. That was a really smart catch you know. Elgar stood his ground, wondering whether it was a bump ball. It wasn’t.

22nd over: South Africa 88-2 (target: 416; Elgar 41, de Villiers 1) It’ll be interesting to see how de Villiers plays here, how aggressive he is, particularly against Moeen. I don’t think he’ll bolt the door just yet, not while they are two down.

“I’m very happy to see Steven Finn contributing to the South African collapse after mopping up the tail so efficiently in their first innings,” says Sara Torvalds. “#FinnsForFinn and all that!” Yep, I think I might cry with happiness if Steven Finn fulfils his potential after all he’s been through. He’s not quite at his 2011-12 level yet, but he’s done extremely well since his comeback. Obviously there won’t be an actual moment at which it becomes apparent that he has incontrovertibly fulfilled his potential, at which point I’ll start haemorrhaging happy tears, but you know what I mean.

21st over: South Africa 85-2 (target: 416; Elgar 38, de Villiers 0) In his last seven Tests, Amla has made 150 runs at 15. He hasn’t looked so vulnerable since the beginning of his Test career against England 11 years ago, when most of us erroneously dismissed him as a quota selection.

The new batsman is AB de Villiers, who is beaten first up by the most beautiful leg-cutter from Finn. That was a ripper. The light has really closed in in the last 10 minutes; we can use the floodlights, though a reading of 10.1 was taken on the first day, so that will instruct whether they go off today. 10.1 what, I have no idea.

Steven Finn strikes with the second ball of a new spell! Amla played a flashing cut at a wide delivery that took the top edge on its way through to Bairstow. That was a poor shot really, a reflection of Amla’s dreadful recent form.

20th over: South Africa 85-1 (target: 416; Elgar 38, Amla 12)“That’s unbelievable bowling,” lies Jonny Bairstow in an attempt to further boost Moeen’s confidence. He is looking dangerous, though, certainly to the left-handed Elgar, who plays out a challenging maiden. An early wicket would do wonders for his fragile confidence.

Not nervous yet @robsmyth0. But I am - of course - conjuring every nightmare scenario possible. Moeen just needs to stick to his guns here.

19th over: South Africa 85-1 (target: 416; Elgar 38, Amla 12) Amla plays a few confident drives off Broad without piercing the off-side ring. In a strange way these early runs might help England, because they have postponed the blockathon and thus increased the chance of wickets. Obviously there’s a danger South Africa might win the bloody thing but let’s not go there just yet. England are still strong favourites, even if it wouldn’t be an entirely underwhelming experience were Broad to dismiss Amla and de Villiers with consecutive deliveries.

18th over: South Africa 85-1 (target: 416; Elgar 38, Amla 12) Elgar works Moeen fine for a couple. It’s important England keep their nerve. There have been literally hundreds of big fourth-innings chases where the batting team have reached around 100 for one and the supporters of the bowling have thought, oh eff, but history tells us it’s almost impossible to chase this many in the fourth innings, certainly on a worn pitch. There was a recent example involving England in fact.

“You’ve officially pressed the ‘Don’t Panic’ button then,” says Adam Hirst. “The England Cricket equivalent of the Chairman’s Vote of Confidence. Doomed I tell ye! Two Dad’s Army references in one email. The iPad generation will be lapping this up.” Like they’re reading this. Words? Whatever grandad.

17th over: South Africa 82-1 (target: 416; Elgar 36, Amla 11) Broad is around the wicket to Elgar, who pushes a single to point. This ball is doing very little for the seamers.

16th over: South Africa 80-1 (target: 416; Elgar 35, Amla 10) I think South Africa’s intent has caught England a bit cold. It’s a plot twist few of us expected. There’s no need to worry yet, but there will be soon if this continues: Elgar makes it three boundaries in as many overs since tea with a hearty slog-sweep off Moeen.

15th over: South Africa 75-1 (target: 416; Elgar 30, Amla 10) The arrival of Amla means the return to Broad, who gave him a delicious working-over in the first innings. Amla is in dreadful form, as all batsman-captains are at some stage, but he knows how to bat time in situations like this: his rearguard innings include 25 from 244 balls and 25 from 159. That said, there is no rearguard at the moment: South Africa are going at five an over, and Amla ends the over with a cracking pull for four.

“He’s probably hoping that it slipped under the radar but did anyone see Sid Lowe on University Challenge last night representing the University of Sheffield?” says David Wall. “It’s one thing to go on and not actually answer any questions (lots of people have done that) but it’s another to fail to get an easy starter about cricket when you’re a sports journalist.”

14th over: South Africa 69-1 (target: 416; Elgar 30, Amla 4) Moeen Ali begins a long evening session, with 37 overs remaining. There’s a half shout for LBW against Elgar, who got an inside edge. This looks really tricky against Moeen, particularly for the left-handers, although Elgar ends the over with a quite brilliant cover drive for four. There have been two Moeens in his Test career, and at the moment he looks more India 2014 than Pakistan 2015.

Interesting views from Nasser on Moeen: https://t.co/hJSIxorbUD Lot required of him here.

Hello boys! We know Ben Stokes’s burgenoning Test bowling average of 40.43 doesn’t do him justice, and that he is a player who transcends statistics, but there is one number that reflects both his talent and personality. In England victories he averages 15.90 in the second innings. That includes six for 36 to clinch the Ashes at Trent Bridge, and that magical afternoon against New Zealand at Lord’s when he dismissed Kane Williamson and Brendon McCullum with consecutive deliveries.

Stokes’s stats will level out as his career progresses, but you suspect those fourth-innings numbers will remain one of his strengths. He is a matchwinner, who is addicted to glory, and if he stays fit he might just be England’s most important seamer as they try to force victory. Most eyes, of course, will be on Moeen Ali. There is a perception that he gets a bit nervous when asked to bowl England to victory. That undoubtedly happened at Barbados in May, but against that he took six-for against India in 2014 and overall his fourth-innings record is strong: 11 wickets at 23.54. He should – should– be England’s match-winner here. But Stokes might have something to say about that.

South Africa have scored well in that hour, but England won’t be too concerned given the form of the hosts’ middle order. England need nine wickets in the remaining four sessions of the match; South Africa need 351 runs.

Rob Smyth will take you through to the close. Cheers for reading. Bye!

13th over: South Africa 65-1 (Elgar 26, Amla 4) Stokes squares Amla up and beats him with a lovely ball that’s angled in and straightens up. The South Africa captain survives though and gets off the mark with a brilliant drive, feet off the ground and through cover for four.

Pessimism’s Robin Hazlehurst takes us to tea with this missive: “My maths is probably a bit dodgy and I’m a rubbish captain, but if South Africa batted for 150 overs for the draw and scored at well below 3 an over they’d win by accident. So why bat for the draw. Now they have built a base so the draw is taken out of the equation and SA can just coast to victory. Got to make them favourites now.”

12th over: South Africa 61-1 (Elgar 26, Amla 0) We should get a couple of overs in before the tea break. Elgar backs away and slashes hard, sending a thick edge absolutely flying between the two slips and down to third man for four. He’s much more convincing two balls later, sending a wonderful cut through cover point for another boundary.

11th over: South Africa 53-1 (Elgar 18, Amla 0) Stokes is looking increasingly uncomfortable out there, grimacing after every ball and checking his foot. Elgar cuts a short one hard behind point, but a palm from the diving fielder ensures it doesn’t quite get to the rope. The very next ball though Stokes gets the perfect tonic! Pretty ropey from Van Zyl that.

A bog standard ball on a length that does little and Van Zyl plays down the wrong line. It takes a very faint inside edge and crashes into the stumps! Nine to go...

10th over: South Africa 50-0 (Elgar 15, Van Zyl 33) Ah here’s Moeen. England aren’t in trouble at all, but they could certainly do with stemming the flow of runs. He’s getting a good amount of turn straight away too, beating Elgar with a lovely ball that spits away sharply. A single from the fourth ball brings up the 50 stand.

9th over: South Africa 49-0 (Elgar 14, Van Zyl 33) Stokes comes on for Broad. On the TV, Bumble is surprised that Moeen isn’t coming on for an early go and I agree that England should have a look at him with the hard ball, especially with so many runs to work with. Stokes looks to be in very mild discomfort, too. Van Zyl digs out a yorker and, in doing so, inadvertently sends the ball running down to fine leg for four. And four more next ball - a thick outside edge that flies along the ground, wide of gully and down to third man.

8th over: South Africa 40-0 (Elgar 14, Van Zyl 25) Finn is the quickest bowler we’ve seen in this Test, I reckon. He’s in the very high 80s here. Two singles, then Van Zyl hooks a short one nicely, along the turf for four more. He might not be the most convincing opener, but Van Zyl does look very nice when he’s scoring runs. Two balls later he’s at it again, murdering another short one through midwicket for his fourth boundary.

7th over: South Africa 30-0 (Elgar 13, Van Zyl 16) It’s clouding over a touch in Durban. There’s no rain forecast but bad light could be a factor later on today. Elgar picks up his second boundary with a second exquisite bit of timing, pushing through midwicket and sending the ball racing on its merry way to the fence. Elgar has a very unusual leave; ducking down very low, getting his bat up high and almost falling over.

6th over: South Africa 26-0 (Elgar 9, Van Zyl 16) Somehow I don’t think it’ll be 30 for one at tea. South Africa have shown pleasing, surprising positivity at the top of this innings. Woakes, having leaked 15 from his first two overs, is hooked in favour of Finn, who is bowling round the wicket to Van Zyl. He bangs one in and the batsman glances it just past Taylor’s grab at short leg. Two runs.

5th over: South Africa 24-0 (Elgar 9, Van Zyl 14) As Cricinfo has kindly pointed out, this is now the best opening stand of the match. They add a couple more runs to the total, before Broad goes up for lbw after sending a full one tailing into Van Zyl’s pads. He asks Cook for the review, but it’s going miles down leg and the captain sensibly declines. Oh and then SHOT from Elgar, who shows perfect timing to whistle a drive along the floor and back past the bowler for four.

4th over: South Africa 17-0 (Elgar 4, Van Zyl 13) My apologies, it was Van Zyl who was dropped in that previous over. Elgar is on strike now and he drives through cover for one. Van Zyl improves on that though, getting up high on the back foot and driving elegantly through a similar region for four. He adds three more with a back foot punch down the ground. That takes him beyond his average for the series in India.

3rd over: South Africa 9-0 (Elgar 3, Van Zyl 6) Broad comes round the wicket now to Van Zyl, who left one from this angle in the first innings and got himself castled. England have three slips and a gully in for him, by the way, as well as a shortish square leg. The latter is called into play as Elgar clips one firmly at him, but it’s hit very hard and Taylor drops a very tough chance down by his ankles. You can’t really blame him much there.

2nd over: South Africa 9-0 (Elgar 3, Van Zyl 6) Woakes is sharing new ball duties, bowling from the Old Fort End. He overpitches to Van Zyl and the off-colour opener drives very nicely through cover for four. Not so nice next ball though, as he goes fishing and misses one that, like a crap Oasis song, slides away. He gets one more thanks to a misfield at point then Elgar times one down the ground for a couple. South Africa are motoring towards that target.

1st over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Van Zyl 1) One ball down and South Africa are 1/416th of their way to the target, Elgar pushing a single to mid off. Make that one 208th, as Van Zyl does the same. I’m not going to carry on in this vein, don’t worry. There’s an aborted appeal as Elgar follows one down the leg side, but the noise came from bat on pad.

Stuart Broad has the ball. England have four and a half sessions precisely. JUST LIKE MY PREAMBLE SAID.

Hello again folks. Right, who fancies a prediction on the score at tea? 30 for one is my guess.

What an innings that was from Bairstow though, not flawless in execution but perfectly judged. I have a bet with my colleague Will Macpherson that Bairstow will finish his career with no more than two Test centuries; if moral hundreds counted then he’d be halfway there.

No Test century for Bairstow, at least not yet. He falls 21 short after carting Van Zyl to Duminy at long-off. That was such a good innings, 79 from 76 balls in a slowish-scoring game. The upshot is that South Africa will need 416 to win. More likely, they have to survive around 150 overs. If recent history is anything to go by, they’ll give it a shot. Or, rather, they won’t play any shots.

Dan Lucas will be here for the start of their rearguard. See you after tea!

102nd over: England 326-9 (Bairstow 79, Finn 0) Bairstow charges the new bowler Elgar and belabours a boundary over cover. That’s a storming stroke. The next one is even better, an effortless slog-sweep for six. Bairstow is now 21 away from a long overdue maiden Test hundred. South Africa are jeered for some timewasting, and then Finn survives an LBW shout after missing a big slog sweep. That was pretty close, though it might have missed leg. England turn down a single off the last delivery so that Bairstow can keep the strike. England want him to get the hundred. I can understand that given that it would be his first.

No way does Geoffrey Boycott make his own sandwiches on tour,” says Thomas Jenkins. “He takes his big plate down to the breakfast buffet, wearing his big coat with the big pockets. Scrambled eggs on the plate. Sausage rolls in the pockets. Textbook.” What do you think he’s hiding under his grandma’s pinny?

101st over: England 315-9 (Bairstow 68, Finn 0) van Zyl now has more wickets in this innings than Morne Morkel, which is the dictionary definition of injustice.

Broad goes second ball, caught behind off the inside edge as he tries to drive van Zyl. Although they lead by 404, England are going to bat on and on and on and on and on and on anonanononononon. I’m not sure about this approach. Might post an outraged tweet in a minute.

IR Bell: 7727 runs at 42.69

@robsmyth0 I hate to do this, but Ian who?

Woakes has gone, caught beautifully by Duminy at short cover off Van Zyl. It was a fierce drive from Woakes, and Duminy plucked it almost nonchalantly with both hands as he swooped to his left. No declaration, England are going to bat on. I think this is a mistake, though I can certainly understand the reasoning.

100th over: England 315-7 (Bairstow 68, Woakes 23) Bairstow cuffs Piedt for a huge six over midwicket to take the lead past 400. I’m really pleased for Bairstow, who has been a bit of a patsy for much of his Test career; even now many people think he is just keeping the seat warm for Jos Buttler. That may well be true, but he is seriously talented.

I always thought Vaughan was a good part-time bowler,” says Amelia. “Highlight of the morning Aggers and Boycott talking about Spam sandwiches on TMS.” I bet Geoffrey still does his own packed lunch every day, his natural perspiration moistening the clingfilm as he lovingly wraps his precisely quartered Spam sandwiches.

99th over: England 304-7 (Bairstow 60, Woakes 20) South Africa have started their rearguard already, with Piedt and Van Zyl chasing dots rather than wickets. Bairstow chips Van Zyl jauntily over mid-on for four to take the lead to 393. It’s enough. I do think there’s scope to change the culture of declarations and take significantly more risks than is currently the case. You would lose the odd game, but you’d win far more.

“The potential of the batting lineup lies in knowing that most of them have a reputation in the short form not just for big scores, but in recognising when to accelerate, Taylor especially,” says John Starbuck. “If they can translate that into dealing with test-level fielding they should be very good.

98th over: England 298-7 (Bairstow 55, Woakes 19) Piedt hurries through an over at a cost of just two. England could perhaps get a slight move on – this partnership of 26 has taken eight overs.

“As someone mentioned darts on the telly,” says Adam Simpson, “and in particular Jocky Wilson, any chance of showing this?”

97th over: England 296-7 (Bairstow 54, Woakes 18) Stiaan van Zyl is going to come on to bowl, the latest attempt to justify his place in the side. He has bowled tightly in the match – nine overs for 14 – and can be difficult to get away. Just a couple from that over. England lead by 385. I would declare at 400 but I suspect they will go on a bit longer.

@robsmyth0 With Moeen, Woakes and Broad at 8, 9, 10, one of them should get 30 odd with another 30 odd at the other end. Very handy.

96th over: England 294-7 (Bairstow 53, Woakes 17) “Think AB de Villiers might qualify as a bit of a Sehwag?” says Mike Selvey in reference to Chennai 2008. I was thinking of him for the Tendulkar role, if they had a Sehwag. In that innings Sehwag set the tone straight away whereas de Villiers would be coming in later. I suppose it’s possible if he comes in at, say, 100 for two after 40 overs.

95th over: England 293-7 (Bairstow 52, Woakes 17) Woakes shows his class with two boundaries off Abbott, a flick through midwicket followed by a gorgeous on-drive. A No9 batsmen has no right to play a shot like that.

“This England batting line-up is a strange beast that seems to be more than the sum of its parts,” says Andrew Hewitt. “I’d consider it to be pretty strong, but there are only two players who average over 40. If this were a team I knew nothing about I’d expect them to be far flakier than they are. Do you think that some of the players are better than their averages suggest (especially Taylor), or am I overrating them, much like I try to convince myself that some Aston Villa players are not useless fools?”

94th over: England 285-7 (Bairstow 52, Woakes 9) Piedt is milked for precisely four singles. No more needs to be said.

Morning Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Sports wise, this is probably my favourite time of year, what with cricket, football and darts all on the telly box. Maybe a beer or two (and the occasional malt) to wash it all down in honour of Beefy, Bestie, Jocky, Eric et al. Very excited about the darts this year. I think it compares with the great tennis era of recent years, with Van Gerwen as Djokovic, Taylor as Federer, Anderson as Murray and Van Barneveld as Nadal. Plus a supporting cast of Lewis, Wright, Wade, Chisnall as Wawrinka, Ferrer, Nishikori, Tsonga... I could go on, but I think it really does bear comparison.”

93rd over: England 281-7 (Bairstow 50, Woakes 7) Woakes, who must be one of the better Test No9s England have had since the war, clatters Abbott through point for four.

“Ah, Rob, what are we to do?” says Ian Copestake. “Can life and sport really be this easy? You will oversee the securng of a very healthy lead followed by a rapid fall of Saffer wickets (with the odd stubborn pause). This is how it should be, and not some Test in a desert with no one watching.” You do realise this is going to the final over tomorrow, with South Africa nine-down, don’t you?

92nd over: England 277-7 (Bairstow 50, Woakes 3) Bairstow gets to a run-a-ball half-century from the first delivery of the session with a single off Piedt. That is a really splendid innings. There are still concerns over whether he will make it at Test level but there should be no doubts that he is an excellent team man who never plays for his average. That average is not great at this stage: 28.36. In his defence, his career has been very stop-start, with a number of slights to endure. He has already been dropped or left out five times in a 21-Test career.

An email“Has any dobbler ever had more dobbler-like figures than Gower?” says Adam Hirst. “His second-innings figures put young Gooch’s two first innings maidens to shame.”

Surely the ultimate dobber figures are something like 12-6-11-0? Actually, these are great figures from the dobber’s dobber, Gavin Larsen.

Good morning one, good morning all. Rob Smyth here, your liveblog host for the next hour and also the final session. Hope y’all still bursting with Christmas spirit!

Right, enough of the pleasantries. England are in a fine position in Durban thanks to an impressive innings from Jonny Bairstow, whose selflessness is hugely underrated, and will resume with a lead of 364. I suppose they will want to extend that to at least 400 before they declare. Alastair Cook will remember Chennai 2008, a match that has a lot of similarities with this one, when India easily chased down 387 in the final innings after being outplayed for the first three and a half days.

South Africa have taken four wickets, but they’ve been far too expensive and the bowling has been too loose. England, and Jonny Bairstow especially, have batted solidly and lead by 364. I imagine they’ll bat for no more than an hour after lunch and look to get that lead well past 400.

Rob Smyth is, I think, helming the OBO for the first hour of that session. Bye for now.

91st over: England 275-7 (Woakes 2, Bairstow 49) A change of bowling: Abbott comes on for what I assume will be the final over before lunch. The new batsman, Woakes, will face after Bairstow takes a single behind square on the leg side and he’s beaten by a quicker one. There was a noise as he flashed at it, but there was no reaction from anyone on the field. And then the same again a couple of balls later; I can’t see anything that might be causing it and there’s nowt on UltraEdge, so that’s weird. Woakes gets a couple with a nice cover drive as an awkward bounce takes it past the fielder.

Robert Wilson writes to claim he has Marion Cotillard’s phone number. I don’t believe him unless he gives it to me.

90th over: England 272-7 (Bairstow 48) South Africa look tired. Bairstow gets forward and smacks a lovely sweep through midwicket for an easy boundary, then top edges another effort over the keeper’s head for the same. A single takes him to 48 from just 47 balls; this has been just about a perfect innings from him and he’s proved a lot of people - me included - wrong. They go up for an lbw when Moeen misses out on a sweep - it’s given not out but they have some joy with the review.

The decision is overturned. It was a good ball, pitching on middle and off and straightening. Piedt has a career-best five for 133.

He misses out when sweeping a straight one. It’s been given not out but Amla uses his second review...

89th over: England 263-6 (Moeen 16, Bairstow 39) We’re not going to see the new ball, as Dean Elgar is on for a bit of left-arm spin. That’s probably a poor bit of captaincy from Amla, a wasted chance that’s almost certainly let the match slip. It shows a real lack of trust in Kyle Abbott, too. Two singles from the over, each pushed effortlessly down the ground.

88th over: England 261-6 (Moeen 15, Bairstow 38) Already this would have to be the highest ever successful chase at Kingsmead - 340 against Australia in 2002 is the record - as England lead by 342. Make that 343 as Moeen hammers a sweep out to deep square for one. One more to Bairstow, then cries of “catch it” as Moeen sweeps in the air, but it arrives at Morkel in the deep on the bouncer. Bairstow then offers a chance, inside edging between keeper and leg slip for four down to fine leg. Should have been taken, that, but England lead by 350.

87th over: England 253-6 (Moeen 13, Bairstow 32) Moeen now faces Morkel for the first time and looks to drive his first ball, getting nowt for it as he skews it along the ground to point. The second effort is much better though, a floated half volley driven with Cotillardesque beauty through extra cover for four. Morkel switches to round the wicket but offers little threat.

86th over: England 249-6 (Moeen 9, Bairstow 32) One more to Moeen, before Bairstow misses out with a wild attempt at a reverse sweep. Chastened, he reverts to the more orthodox with a hard pull out to mid on for a single. Moeen drives off the back foot for one more.

85th over: England 246-6 (Moeen 7, Bairstow 31) Still Morkel uses the old ball, which is surely now only good for being a dog’s chew toy. He drifts on to the pads and Bairstow thumps him effortlessly through midwicket for four more.

Also a couple of nominations in for Ricky Ponting, for having Michael Vaughan caught behind in 2005 at Old Trafford. All of which reminded me of this:

84th over: England 242-6 (Moeen 7, Bairstow 27) Piedt has bowled unchanged for more than an hour now. He finds Moeen’s edge, but the ball squirts away along the ground and all that comes of it is a single. Bairstow then leans into one and drives it nicely through cover for three more to move to 27 from 28 balls. England lead by 331.

@DanLucas86 Lots of dobblers in the 70s - Bob Woolmer, Clive Lloyd (12-1-38-1 in the World Cup Final!), Greg Chappell, Doug Walters.

83rd over: England 238-6 (Moeen 6, Bairstow 24) Surely now South Africa have to take the new ball? Morkel drops short and wide with the old one and Bairstow cuts hard through point for four glorious runs. “Take the new ball, you don’t have to pay for it,” says Mikey Holding to howls of laughter from Atherton. Morkel gets another one to reverse in, but Bairstow is untroubled enough. The bowler then goes up for one that d

Peter Salmon nominates: “I was always a big fan of Greg Chappell’s medium pace. He was as upright bowling as he was batting. You always had the sense he was there to restore order. here’s him winning a match for Australia, which has the added bonus of watching Vic Marks and Norman Cowans trying to build a partnership of the the abyss of their mutual incomprehension.”

This is a poor review. The ball flicks the pocket and De Villiers takes an outstanding catch diving to his left, but there was about a foot between bat and ball.

He follows one down the leg side and Morkel goes up alone. Given not out but he persuades Amla to review.

82nd over: England 234-6 (Moeen 6, Bairstow 20) Piedt continues and Moeen gets off the mark by paddling him round the corner for four. A couple of balls later he looks to dump the bowler into the ocean over mid off, but mistimes it and the ball drops just beyond the retreating Abbott out in the field. They run a couple.

“I read that Viv Richards thought Boycott the most intimidating bowler he ever faced,” writes Steve Hudson. “The thought of getting out to a dobber bowled by a crowing, jeering Sit Geoffrey was, he said, more frightening than facing Thommo.”

81st over: England 228-6 (Moeen 0, Bairstow 20) Morkel returns after a good spell from Abbott, still bowling with the old ball. Bairstow gets four with a very well timed drive through extra cover, the ball beating McAmla’s chase.

On Butcher (see below) I remember him finally ending Gary Kirsten’s vigil, where the South African opener made a brilliant, boring as hell 275, in 1999. Robin Hazlehurst writes: “Most impressive part time bowling performance was surely when MS Dhoni took off his pads and brought himself on against England a couple of years ago. Not really for the bowling itself, more for the cojones required to actually do that. Best record as a part timer might be Alastair Cook, who has an average of 7 and a strike rate of 18 or something ludicrous (over an admittedly small sample). Presumably he doesn’t bowl more because he doesn’t want to mess his figures up.”

80th over: England 224-6 (Bairstow 16) Bairstow gets the final hour of the session underway with a neat swivel pull through square for four. This is definitely the right way for the hard-handed Yorkshireman to play the spinner. He knocks the next ball out to mid on for one more. Piedt then gets a touch more bounce to Taylor and it loops up off the inside edge and pad and over the keeper’s head. The batsmen exchange singles, then Taylor is out off the final ball for a well-made 41. England lead by 313.

This is great bowling. Piedt pushes it through a bit quicker and Taylor, coming down the wicket, misses it. De Villiers completes the job nicely.

@DanLucas86 Part-time bowlers? I saw Geoffrey Boycott take wickets against Australia at Lord's,bowling while still wearing his cap.

@DanLucas86 Old skool part-time trundler nomination: Gooch's wobbly medium pace. Pinned Mark Waugh with a bouncer in Brisbane aged 41 too...

@DanLucas86 part time bowlers? Never played a ODI but Mark Butcher was an occasionally great partnership breaker in tests. Wobbly swing

79th over: England 217-5 (Taylor 41, Bairstow 10) A single apiece from the last over before drinks, with England seemingly happy to see off the seamers. They lead by 306.

Mike Selvey sends his nominations for the part-time dobbler hall of fame: “Rather fond of Kamran Akmal. And those wealthy people who own Highland Spring, the McTombs.”

78th over: England 215-5 (Taylor 40, Bairstow 9) Steyn currently sits on 406 Test wickets, 15 behind Shaun Pollock’s record. You do wonder now if he’s going to make it. Piedt finds the edge as Bairstow flicks down the leg side, but the ball ricochets away off the gloves and away for a couple to fine leg. Bairstow brings out the slog sweep next and sends it sailing miles over midwicket for a glorious six! England’s lead goes past 300.

77th over: England 206-5 (Taylor 39, Bairstow 1) Everyone’s favourite Scot, Hamish Amla, makes a nice diving stop at mid off to prevent a Taylor drive from earning any reward. He gets one with a nurdle off the hips, the only run of the over.

76th over: England 205-5 (Taylor 38, Bairstow 1) Taylor adds one more to his total with a pull out to deep square. That brings Bairstow on strike and it’ll be interesting to see how his hard hands go on a spinning pitch. He gets off the mark with a nudge into the on side, then Taylor backs away and drives to cover for one more.

A fun question, this, from Derek Walmsley: “Given that South Africa are now a team getting by with part time bowlers, I wondered what your favourite occasional trundlers were? I always liked seeing Ian Bell taking his cap off, so you could see his gentle, teasing away swing. Perhaps most underused of all was Forest Gate hero Ravi Bopara, who could always be depended upon whenever you needed six balls just outside off stump coming in a touch, and never doing anything else.”

75th over: England 202-5 (Taylor 36, Bairstow 0) The new man is Jonny Bairstow, starting at the non-striker’s end, and you imagine he and England will be ever so slightly nervous as this is South Africa’s morning so far. I’d say England are still on top, but they need to beware a patented middle order collapse here. Abbott serves up a juicy half volley for Taylor, who clips it uppishly through square leg but nowhere near a fielder and away for four. Nicely played and that’s the 200 up for England. A single behind square on the leg side takes the lead to 291.

I bloody knew it @DanLucas86. A classic jinxing. It's not like I don't have form. Guess we'll be nurdling then.

74th over: England 197-5 (Taylor 31) Ah here we go, Stokes gets out the reverse sweep and plays it immaculately, backward of square for four. He tries it again from the final ball, doesn’t play it anywhere near as well and gets himself out.

Here’s Ali Martin with the full story on Dale Steyn:

Related: South Africa’s Dale Steyn will not bowl again in first Test and is doubtful for second

Stokes goes for the reverse sweep but it’s too straight for the shot. It loops up off his gloves and Elgar, treading backwards from leg slip, takes an easy catch.

73rd over: England 193-4 (Taylor 31, Stokes 1) A second maiden on the spin, which makes this a neatly timed email from Guy Hornsby:

“Surely this situation is custom made for England’s lower order and particularly Ben Stokes? Sure, there’s some reverse swing and Abbott and Piedt are bowling decently, but this should be us putting our boot on the Saffers throat. We should be trying accelerate, with the batting we have, so we can declare before tea, giving ourselves a good 130+ over to bowl them out. I fear we’ll nurdle to a 400 lead and run out of time tomorrow.”

72nd over: England 193-4 (Taylor 31, Stokes 1) From round the wicket Piedt finds some very sharp turn that takes the ball past Stokes’ outside edge when the batsman goes fishing. A couple of balls later he drops short, but Stokes misreads the pace of it as he looks to slog it out the ground and connects with naught but air.

71st over: England 193-4 (Taylor 31, Stokes 1) A change of bowling now as Abbott comes on. There’s a bit of reverse for him too and a full one finds Root’s inside edge on its way to the pads. Much better from the batsman next ball though as he drives to mid on, where only a good dive to parry the ball keeps them to two rather than the four that shot probably deserved on aesthetics. He’s gone a couple of balls later, succumbing to the reverse swing. He finishes with 1,379 runs for 2015: the second highest for England in a calendar year behind Michael Vaughan.

“Enough of this dabbing nonsense, could someone come in and just blast this game away from the saffers?” asks Ian Copestake, who will be delighted to hear Ben Stokes is the new man.

A wicket out of nowhere almost. The ball moves away a touch and Root looks to dab it down to third man with an angled bat. He gets a top edge on it though and finally a catch sticks at slip.

70th over: England 190-3 (Taylor 31, Root 71) Piedt comes round the wicket now and Root paddle sweeps from outside leg, wide of the fielder, away for the first boundary of the day. He repeats the trick a couple of balls later, but the long leg fielder keeps them to a single. Taylor then misses out on a filthy full bunger (is there any other kind?) that the bowler half stops on its way out to mid on for one. A sharp single of the final ball makes it a very good over for England; they’re not letting the spinner settle.

69th over: England 183-3 (Taylor 30, Root 65) A rare couple of runs off Morkel as Taylor nudges one that keeps low off his pads and past a misfield at square leg. The new ball is 11 overs away and you’d think South Africa would be keen to take it, but the uneven bounce - Morkel catches the shoulder of Taylor’s bat here effecting an incoming short leg - might mean they go with this one a bit longer.

“Hi Dan.” Hi, Robin Hazlehurst. “I wouldn’t be too harsh on yourself for getting details wrong in the preamble. According to its time stamp it was posted up 21 hours ago, which means you wrote it at lunchtime yesterday. Predicting the match situation so accurately at that point is already uncanny, getting the score right is truly spooky, so a wicket or two more or less is hardly a big miss. Or possibly there is another wrong number floating around there.”

68th over: England 181-3 (Taylor 28, Root 65) Root opens the over with a single, before Taylor edges one into his pads. The Notts man hasn’t quite found his timing this morning, but he gets off strike with a push out past the midwicket fielder. Piedt drops short and Root squirts it away for one more, then Taylor nudges a single off the last.

I don’t know why I’m highlighting my own double error, but can we just agree that England have lost three wickets so far and leave me in peace? It’s early.

@DanLucas86 Heh. It's a technicality, though: we have seven batsmen, but only six wickets in hand, I would think...

67th over: England 177-3 (Taylor 26, Root 63) Taylor is busy at the crease against pace as well, shuffling across and looking to manoeuvre the ball into a gap. He’s forced to defend by Morkel, bowling just back of a length and getting it to reverse, though, and plays out a maiden.

“The one and only thing I share with Dale Steyn is that like him I also woke up a bit stiff,” writes Ian Copestake. “I do feel for him that his experience actually made headlines, but I guess some of us are just blessed.”

66th over: England 177-3 (Taylor 26, Root 63) Spin from the other end, with Dane Piedt, although I suspect Hashim Amla wouldn’t have wanted to bring him on this early normally. Root uses his feet to come down the track and work him to midwicket for a single, then Taylor does the same to mid on. Half a shout for lbw as Root gets hit on the pad, but he was outside the line. Root then sweeps for another single, before Taylor comes down the track again and works another single to mid on.

65th over: England 173-3 (Taylor 24, Root 61) It’s Morkel opening up the day’s play, bowling to Root and varying his length. He has figures of one for 19 from his 13 and a bit but bowled so much better than that yesterday. Root nudges the fourth of the over off his hips for a single, then Taylor is beaten by one that reverses back into his pad.

Look it’s really early and I know England have seven wickets in hand, OK?

Pre-play advert watch: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Christoph Waltz, two of my favourite film stars, are advertising rubbish app games for your phone. Nicole Kidman is advertising car insurance with weirdly Russian meerkats. This is miserable.

It’s a long way off yet, but if Joe Root gets another 103 runs today he’ll overtake Steve Smith as the leading Test run scorer in 2015.

15 minutes to go until the start of play. Here’s your pre-match musical interlude.

It’s a hot, clear day in Durban. Unlike here in Manchester, where it’s still dark and I’m coming down with a cold. The pitch is very dry, so (a) spin will play a big part and (b) there will be a bit of uneven bounce, which is dangerous for England given how well Morne Morkel bowled yesterday.

Ah, yes.

@DanLucas86"261! - with four wickets in hand." Heart in mouth there, until I realised it was a typo! We have six in hand.

The scans have come back inconclusive so there is no tear. He woke up very stiff this morning and is unlikely to bowl today, but they are treating it as a simple strain. It’s touch and go whether or not he’ll play in the second Test.

We’re beginning half an hour later than yesterday, you’ll notice, as we have now made up the overs lost to rain on day one. So half an hour or so to go until the start of play.

Well this is a nightmare. I can’t find the remote. Still, when my alarm went off earlier and I heard someone bowling to Taylor on the radio, my heart was in my mouth. Luckily it wasn’t England’s diminutive batsman...

Related: Australia v West Indies: the fourth day of the Boxing Day Test – as it happened

Morning/afternoon/evening/whenever, folks. Yesterday I wrote about how finely balanced this Test was. How wonderful it was to see a match so finely poised, with all three outcomes as likely as the other two. Those were the heady days, weren’t they?

If you’re an England fan, this is still a brilliant match, only for different reasons. Two hundred and sixty one runs ahead - yes 261! - with six wickets in hand. The opposition have two bowlers given Dale Steyn’s unfortunate injury and Kyle Abbott’s less unfortunate rubbishness*. South Africa are overly relient on the green Dane Piedt and England have their two best players of spin at the crease.

Related: Stuart Broad at the peak of his powers for England in Test cricket | Ali Martin

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England beat South Africa by 241 runs in first Test – as it happened

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Moeen Ali and Steve Finn led the way for England as they wrapped up a dominant victory on the fifth morning in Durban

Related: England and Moeen Ali race through South Africa tail to clinch first Test

Right, that’s it from me. Stick around for Mike Selvey’s full report from Kingsmead and all the reaction from Ali Martin. See you in Cape Town. Cheerio!

Moeen Ali is named man of the match, and strays into stating the bleedin’ obvious: “It was nice to not go for many runs and pick up wickets.”

And here’s Alastair Cook: “You can never get complacent. [But] we’ll enjoy the next few hours as a team. It’s our first win away from home for a long time.”

Here’s Hashim Amla, who takes to the presentation stand to near silence. “The bowlers did a great job, it’s just our first innings that let us down … it’s more a confidence thing, once you get runs under your belt you play a bit differently.”

Related: England and Moeen Ali race through South Africa tail to clinch first Test

South Africa lost their last seven wickets for 38 runs – there will surely be changes for the second Test. England will likely make a change too, with James Anderson proving his fitness with six overs this morning and presumably coming in for the solid but unspectacular Chris Woakes.

What a performance from England, who go 1-0 up in the series. They’ve outplayed South Africa in every department and it’s the world No1 team who have all the doubts heading into the second Test in Cape Town.

Related: England and Moeen Ali race through South Africa tail to clinch first Test

Stuart Broad, after just one over earlier this morning, returns as England strive to find this final wicket. The first is a loosener, a juicy half-volley that Morkel shovels through the covers for four more. The next, though, beats the outside edge. And though Morkel stands firm for a few deliveries, a bit of extra pace from the last which is a bit inswinger which beats the outside edge and crashes into the front pad. The finger goes up and Morkel reviews because he might as well. It’s out every day of the week, though, and England have won this by 241 runs.

70th over: South Africa 170-9 (Duminy 26, Morkel 4) Woakes, struggling to discomfit the batsmen, sends down a maiden at Duminy.

69th over: South Africa 170-9 (Duminy 26, Morkel 4) Morkel clumps Moeen over the top of mid on for four. And he looks again very happy out there until the final ball of the over, which is, in the end I suppose, a perfectly judged leave – the ball missed off stump by a whisker.

68th over: South Africa 166-9 (Duminy 26, Morkel 0) “This is very impressive from England,” writes Gary Naylor. “No wickets for Anderson (obviously) and just seven runs for Cook and we’ve hammered SA away.” Yep, agreed. The former is the most encouraging I reckon – the batting options are strong but to get a reassuring glimpse of an Anderson-less future is very encouraging.

Duminy leans into a glorious cover drive, which prompts whoever is in charge of the PA system to blast out a bit of Toto’s Africa. He follows that up with another boundary, this time driven back past Woakes as the bowler overpitches a touch.

67th over: South Africa 158-9 (Duminy 18, Morkel 0) Moeen skips in again with the giant figure of Morne Morkel in his crosshairs. He’s going at the ball a little hard but looks comfortable enough. Or at least as comfortable as you could expect a No11 to look with six men round the bat and his team 258 runs and 70 overs from victory.

66th over: South Africa 158-9 (Duminy 18, Morkel 0) Woakes once more. Duminy keeps his powder dry. A maiden.

65th over: South Africa 158-9 (Duminy 18, Morkel 0) Moeen replaces Broad after just one over. Duminy sweeps for two, then wristily flicks away for a single. That leaves Morne Morkel with two balls to face … leg slip, short leg, silly mid off and a couple of slips are around the bat but Morkel manages to survive both deliveries.

64th over: South Africa 155-9 (Duminy 15, Morkel 0) A 27-ball duck for Piedt then. England need just one more.

Dane Piedt’s trial by spin is over for now, withChris Woakes replacing Moeen Ali. And it’s immediately clear why Piedt was sat at the spinner’s end – he fends blindly at the first which hoops away outside off then gloves one just short of short leg. And the final ball of the over catches the inside edge, flicks onto the pad and loops up for James Taylor at short leg to take a comfortable catch.

63rd over: South Africa 155-8 (Duminy 15, Piedt 0) Stuart Broad replaces Steven Finn, who has put in a fine hour’s work this morning. Broad beats Duminy’s outside edge with a beauty that moves away a touch from the left-hander but he survives.

62nd over: South Africa 155-8 (Duminy 15, Piedt 0) An inside edge zips well wide of Taylor at short leg as Moeen continues at Piedt, who can’t be tempted to anything more aggressive than a block.

61st over: South Africa 155-8 (Duminy 15, Piedt 0) Finn finds Duminy’s outside edge … but the ball drops short of the slip cordon, perfectly bisecting fourth slip and gully. Four more to the total.

60th over: South Africa 151-8 (Duminy 11, Piedt 0) Piedt is coping well with this spinner v spinner battle. He’s now blocked out 15 balls without scoring but he’s largely looked solid. Could well be that he and Duminy have had a conversation and opted to take an end each.

59th over: South Africa 151-8 (Duminy 11, Piedt 0) Full and wide from Finn and Duminy gratefully drives through the covers for four, the first boundary of the morning. And a couple of balls later he times one sweetly down the ground for four more to long on. Gorgeous shot.

“This morning I was thinking how rubbish I thought AB, Amla and Steve Smith were on first viewings,” writes Ian Truman. “And how wrong I turned out to be. Yet we still seem intent in writing off Hales, Buttler, Bairstow so early into their careers... I think this England team has a lot of improvement in it. Good to see.”

58th over: South Africa 143-8 (Duminy 3, Piedt 0) Moeen comes round the wicket, looking to turn one through the gate. Piedt, though, blocks out with some certainty and from the last Bairstow makes a fine take down the leg side. Another maiden.

57th over: South Africa 143-8 (Duminy 3, Piedt 0) Finn probes Duminy’s defences once more and the batsman stands firm without looking like scoring. A maiden.

56th over: South Africa 143-8 (Duminy 3, Piedt 0) Moeen welcomes Piedt to the crease by sliding one past his outside edge. South Africa have lost five wickets for seven runs in 9.3 overs.

Duminy takes a single off the first of Moeen’s latest … which turns out to be a misplaced show of faith. Two balls later Moeen traps Abbott on the back foot, slap-bang in front of middle-and-leg.

55th over: South Africa 142-7 (Duminy 2, Abbott 2) Finn goes full and straight, looking for the lbw, but Abbott neatly steers the ball away to backward square leg for a couple to get off the mark. The bowler gets one to rear up and take Abbott on the gloves, then fizzes in a yorker. Abbott looks well organised, though, and does well to keep the ball out.

“On the other hand, of course, specialist wicketkeepers do have their uses…” notes Richard Woods.

54th over: South Africa 140-7 (Duminy 2, Abbott 0) Moeen continues and for the first time this morning offers a batsman a bit of width – Duminy cuts away for a couple to get off the mark. Moeen has just lost his radar a bit here and Duminy misses out on one dragged a little short and down the leg side.

53rd over: South Africa 138-7 (Duminy 0, Abbott 0) South Africa’s 136-3 has become 138-7.

A missive from our very own Mike Selvey: “For all those who insist a ‘proper ‘ keeper would have made that stumping (which was not an easy one), can I just point out that arguably the best keeper in history, Alan Knott, dropped a simple catch off me at the Oval in in 1976. It happens. Also that Alec Stewart, Matt Prior, Rodney Marsh and others were poor keepers when they started their international careers.”

Finn pitches one up to Steyn outside off and gets the ball wobbling away off the seam. It’s far too good for even a capable tailender like Steyn. And so is the next, an almost carbon copy delivery but this time angled in on the stumps, one of which is ripped out of the ground as Steyn again fishes uncertainly. This could be over before lunch.

52nd over: South Africa 138-6 (Duminy 0, Steyn 2) Moeen gets a first bowl at Dale Steyn, who fends, blocks and dead-bats for five balls before squirting the last away off the toe-end for a single through backward point.

51st over: South Africa 137-6 (Duminy 0, Steyn 1) Finn v Steyn, round two. Ding, ding. Steyn fends off into the leg side, past the man at short leg, to get off the mark and give South Africa their first run of the morning.

That stumping, by the way, is England’s first in Tests since Mumbai in 2012.

50th over: South Africa 136-6 (Duminy 0, Steyn 0) Duminy, a specialist batsman at No 7 in this South Africa lineup that is batting at No 8 here thanks to the nightwatchman, rather nervously blocks out the remainder of the over. Including the Du Plessis wicket last night, South Africa have lost three wickets for no runs in the past four overs.

If England thought they had the perfect start before … JONNY BAIRSTOW HAS A STUMPING! Bavuma wanders down the pitch at Moeen and misses. The wicketkeeper this time, collects and whips off the bails in a flash. England have two wickets in 15 balls for no runs this morning.

49th over: South Africa 136-5 (Bavuma 0, Steyn 0) Steven Finn thunders in to Dale Steyn, who plays a couple of defensive shots slightly away from his body. “Thunders in” is the phrase too – Finn has attacked the crease in fine old style in this Test, which is a wonderful sight for English cricket. There’s an aggression and a purpose to him which hints that he might not just be back to his best but in a place that exceeds his previous best. Steyn, with minimum foot movement, survives a hostile over.

48th over: South Africa 136-5 (Bavuma 0, Steyn 0) Moeen Ali takes the first over of the day and he finds huge turn from the off, trapping De Villiers with his third ball and prompting another huge appeal as Bavuma is hit on the pad. This time the batsman is outside the line but those six balls do not bode well for South Africa.

Pitch on middle-and-off, tweaking away to thunk into leg stump. No reprieve for De Villiers. That is a stunning start for England.

Now then! The third ball of the day keeps low and takes De Villiers on the pad. The finger goes up but AB reviews immediately …

Out come the players. AB de Villiers strides to the crease alongside Dale Steyn, the nightwatchman who could get the momentum turning a touch in South Africa’s favour if he can hang around for an hour or so. Let’s see …

Some pre-play emails: “Even if England win today the overriding emotion I will take from this Test is the thought of Rob Smyth watching the day’s play unfold in his undercrackers,” writes Ian Copestake.

“Morning ‘Ashers’,” writes Chris Drew. “Surely that should read ‘fish pie’ Ashdown? Some of us never forget!” Never forget, never apologise.

Paul Farbrace has been talking to Sky Sports before play and has given his support to Jonny Bairstow, suggesting that the missed stumping chance to remove AB de Villiers was not all that easy. Which is true, but only inasmuch as no stumping chance is ever all that easy. The day of the specialist wicketkeeper is over though, so for my money, rightly or wrongly, you simply have to readjust your expectations of the competences behind the stumps. And it’s worth remembering too that even the very best with the gloves make mistakes. There’s never been a flawless wicketkeeper.

Hello all. And welcome to the fifth and final day of the first Test at Kingsmead with England six wickets from victory and a 1-0 lead in the series. South Africa, on the other hand, need another 280 runs with six wickets remaining.

With the pitch deteriorating (having not been an easy surface to play on in the first place) England are heavy favourites. Moeen Ali should play a key role whatever happens, although Steven Finn has been the battering ram for England in the second innings thus far, looking back to his best and taking three wickets, including that of Faf du Plessis in the final over of day four.

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Melbourne Stars vs Melbourne Renegades: Big Bash League – as it happened

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  • Melbourne Stars beat Melbourne Renegades by seven wickets
  • Record crowd of 80,883 flocks to MCG as Luke Wright ton gets Stars home

Great scenes here in Melbourne. 80,000+ at the MCG and a fine game to boot.

I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from the bossman. This was a momentous night, but the rise and rise of the BBL is not the same thing as the death of Test cricket. What a sport cricket is.

You know what is actually happening? Millions of Australians are absorbing a game into their nightly summer routine and that game is cricket

Wright needs just one ball, clearing the leg and bunting Gannon over mid-off for a mighty four. Absolute scenes as a pretty outrageous fireworks display begins immediately. Wright finishes 109 not out, Stars win by seven wickets.

19th over: Melbourne Stars 159-3 (Wright 105, Handscomb 13). TARGET 162

Wright gets four to fine leg then a single into the offside and that’s 15 from the over, and the game, you’d think. He’s kept the strike, three required, Gannon to bowl the last. Renegades need a miracle.

Melbourne Stars 154-3. TARGET 162

It’s Rimmington to bowl the penultimate over. Wright tries to scoop him over short fine leg, but doesn’t get it and sends Handscomb, who is halfway down, back - but the Renegades muck up the run out chance. That’s no use. Wright swings mighty hard at the next (he looks seriously tired), and somehow they scamper through for three. There’s a brief delay as a beachball is removed - a slightly rotund (but rapid) steward comes onto the field to take it from the umpire, much to the chagrin of the crowd. Handscomb looks to be pinned in front by Rimmington but the ump says no and they scamper through for a leg bye.

18th over: Melbourne Stars 144-3 (Wright 91, Handscomb 13). TARGET 162

Bravo’s back to bowl his last, and finds a dot ball first up from round the wicket, even when Wright finds himself halfway down the wicket desperate for the strike. Gayle’s not quick enough. They get their single next ball, and then Wright misses with a massive yahoo. He wants this done swifto. There’s another dot next up (Bravo is still going round the wicket), as Wright tries to ramp over short fine leg but gets none of it. He gets on the fifth ball, slicing to the offside for two that takes him into the 90s. A single from the last keeps the strike. What an outstanding over, just four from it.

17th over: Melbourne Stars 140-3 (Wright 88, Handscomb 12). TARGET 162

Gannon’s back to bowl his penultimate over. Three singles to kick things off, all safe enough. Handscomb glides the fourth past the keeper for another, and they think about a second, especially when a misplaced throw comes in, but they settle for one. Wright middles it to deep cover, then Handscomb slices over cover and they take three. Decent enough over, but they need wickets. Eight runs from it. Three overs remain, just 22 runs required.

16th over: Melbourne Stars 132-3 (Wright 85, Handscomb 7). TARGET 162

Bravo swaps ends, and the Renegades are desperate for a wicket again. The first two balls are singles, then Handscomb drives through cover for two, then pulls short of fine leg for one. Luke Wright is just absolutely ticking now, Bravo drops short and he just angles the bat and glides it over the keeper for four. There’s an appeal off the last ball of the over but they scamper through for a single. At the end of the over, the crowd are told that there are 80,883 of them in the house and go suitably bananas.

15th over: Melbourne Stars 122-3 (Wright 80, Handscomb 3). TARGET 162

I was just thinking to myself that Luke Wright was the game now. X-Do’s back and the batsmen trade singles, before Wright goes downtown. Long-on’s under it and diving forward. But oh no! He’s shelled it and, to compound the misery, it’s rolled away for four! Wright makes them pay.... He plays the same shot, but catches it better, and it’s a massive SIX into the member’s. And he’s done it again! SIX more! Slightly wider this time. A sympathy dot finishes the over.

Final #BBL05 crowd at @MCG: 80,883. #congrats

14th over: Melbourne Stars 104-3 (Wright 63, Handscomb 2). TARGET 162

It’s Peter Handscomb, not the wise old head of David Hussey or the finishing excellence of Jimmy Faulkner ambling to the crease. Rimmington returns at the Great Southern Stand End. There are just five singles from a very chilled out over. Breath.

13th over: Melbourne Stars 99-3 (Wright 60). TARGET 162

This is bubbling just beautifully. Lovely stuff. Bravo’s back into the attack, and the Renegades really need a wicket. His first ball is pummelled back past him by Wright for four. Wright tries to do the same next ball, and it’s back at Bravo (very sharply), who shells it! Half-chance, no more. But he’s a freak in the field and Renegades need something to stick. They scamper through for one, and Maxwell takes one himself. Bravo drops short next ball, and Wright just drops back on one leg and pulls for four. The fifth ball is hit even harder, also pulled, but straight to the man at deep midwicket.

12th over: Melbourne Stars 88-2 (Wright 50, Maxwell 21). TARGET 162

Gannon, who bowled an outstanding first over, is back. Maxwell’s ticking now and flicks two through the offside, which the man running round from deep cover cuts off well. There’s a dot, then a single down the ground. Gannon drops short and Wright, with wonderful, clinical control, pulls along the ground in the vacant backward square-leg region for four. Same result next ball, although it’s not pretty - a hoick down the ground evading mid-off, who was up, and a diving long-on. A hit-and-run offside single takes Wright to a well-taken 50 off 34 balls.

11th over: Melbourne Stars 76-2 (Wright 41, Maxwell 18). TARGET 162

X-Do continues and Wright takes a single down the ground. Oh, that is spectacular from Maxwell. He just flicks a six over square-leg’s head. It’s all wrists. A pair of hard-run legside twos follow, before Maxi settles for a single down the ground to end the over.

10th over: Melbourne Stars 64-2 (Wright 40, Maxwell 7). TARGET 162

Tremain on for his final over, and Broad-lite has bowled well. In the first four balls there’s just a legbye, and Maxwell nearly plays on. They trade singles at the end of the over. 98 required off 10.

9th over: Melbourne Stars 61-2 (Wright 39, Maxwell 6). TARGET 162

With KP gone, his one-time nearly-nemesis (read: bunny) X-Do is back into the attack. Wright biffs two, then one to long-on, then they run hard for two into the offside off Maxwell’s bat. Oh, that’s cute, just turned round the corner for two more, hauled in on the fence by the man at fine leg. They trade another single each to end the over, and there are almost some buzzers, but the Renegades clean up. The crowd, for god’s sake, have started a mexican wave. There’s no pleasing them.

8th over: Melbourne Stars 52-2 (Wright 34, Maxwell 1). TARGET 162

Three balls left in the over and there’s a single each for Glenny Maxwell and Wright, before Maxwell knocks it to midwicket for a dot. Outstanding over from Gannon.

Gannon into the attack for the first time. He manages to get two dots at a defending KP, and now he’s got him! KP tried a slightly strange short-arm pull to a short one and just edged through to the keeper. A rather understated departure for the big man. Huge wicket.


7th over: Melbourne Stars 50-1 (Wright 34, Pietersen 6). TARGET 162

Interesting bowling change now the powerplay’s done. Finch has brought himself on. Class from Wright first up, rocking back and just swatting him to the legside fence for a pair, bisecting the two men in the deep. The batsmen take singles two singles each, before Wright fails to swat one to leg and it’s a dot. Not the worst over, but not sure we’ll see Finch again.

6th over: Melbourne Stars 42-1 (Wright 28, Pietersen 4). TARGET 162

As Ricky Ponting says on comms, KP can’t have done much batting over the last week, what with his wife having a kid in London and all. But he’s off to a flyer. Tremain overpitches to the big man and he just leans forward and eases it down the ground, past the outstretched fingers on mid-off and to the fence. Beautiful. He knocks two dots to square leg.

That’s outstanding running to the first ball of the over. Stoinis flicks Tremain behind square on the legside and under barked orders from Wright, gets through for three. Wright gets served a wide that was too high, then spanks a short ball to leg for three more runs. Oh but WHAT A CATCH! Stoinis had a massive swing at a wide one, and Wade dived full stretch to his right to take an outstanding one-handed catch. Game on. KP to the crease, to many cheers and - as per - a few boos.

5th over: Melbourne Stars 31-0 (Wright 25, Stoinis 4). TARGET 162

Bravo into the attack, and there are two more dots to start the over. No runs off the bat for eight legal deliveries. Bravo follows it with a good bouncer that Wright goes to pull and top edges over Wade’s head for four. They all count, as they say. He has a huge yahoo outside off next ball, which Bravo - and Bravo alone - thinks he’s nicked. No dice. Then there’s another two dots, defended firmly to cover, a firm drive stopped by the bowler. Just one scoring shot in the last two overs.

4th over: Melbourne Stars 27-0 (Wright 21, Stoinis 4). TARGET 162

Tremain continues, and starts the over outstandingly, with three dots to Stoinis. He then pokes a single to square leg but Gayle comes round and Wright doesn’t fancy taking him on. Tremain then bowls a wild wide, but recovers and find two more dots to finish an excellent over.

3rd over: Melbourne Stars 26-0 (Wright 21, Stoinis 4). TARGET 162

Rimmington into the attack. Stoinis pulls it away to the man at deep-square, before the bowler follows a wide with a pair of dots to Wright. But that’s better from the British Biffer, a well-timed flick to leg getting him two, then a low pull beating the man at mid-on and going for four! Oh my, that’s even better. Don’t bowl there to Wright. The last of the over is full, straight and flies over mid-on for six of the best. That’s about as orthodox as Wright gets, to be honest.

2nd over: Melbourne Stars 12-0 (Stoinis 3, Wright 9). TARGET 162

People say Chris Tremain’s action is reminiscent of Stuart Broad and I can’t help but agree. It’s the tailing right arm that falls away towards point. He’s on from the Great Southern Stand End, and Wright pushes wide of short fine leg for two first up. After defending into the offside, there’s two more, uppish in front of square on the legside, then another two twos just behind square. That’s four twos in the over, which finishes with an LBW shout that was definitely too high.

1st over: Melbourne Stars 4-0 (Stoinis 3, Wright). TARGET 162

So, X-Do to open the bowling. Stoinis and Wright take a legside single each, before the former drills it hard back at the bowler, who fields well. A couple of the 80,000+ think it’s a catch, but it ain’t. It’s a bump ball. A well run dab to leg follows, then Xavier finds a couple of dots to finish up.

The players are out and we’re just about off... Xavier Doherty to open up for Renegades, with Luke Wright and Marcus Stoinis at the crease for Stars.

Cricket Australia have issued a statement about the problems faced by fans getting into the MCG. When the games started, there were 55k in the ground, now there is well over 80k, which is just extraordinary.

“The Melbourne Cricket Ground has been highly proactive in their security measures for major cricket events this summer. The match tonight experienced an unprecedented record crowd for domestic cricket. We thank fans for their patience and apologise for the delays experienced entering the ground tonight. The safety and security of our fans, players and officials is always our number one priority and rest assured we’ll continue to work with the MCG to ensure everyone has a fantastic experience at any cricket event this summer.”

20th over: Renegades 161-7 (Tremain 1, Gannon 2)

It’s Tremain and Gannon at the crease now and the former gets a single and the latter two to long-on to finish the innings.

Bravo knocks it into the offside and takes two, then is BOWLED by a yorker, taking a massive swing. Oh, and his bat’s gone flying about 30 yards into the legside. Two balls left.

Hastings to bowl the last, and he’s not happy when a wide is given for his bouncer first up to Bravo. Next ball, his miscued pull loops up and nearly hits the pegs but they sprint through for a single. This is Cooper’s first bat in four games this comp, remarkably, and he’s GONE! He tries to pull-ramp-scoop one that isn’t that short and gets a top edge into Faulkner’s hands at fine leg. Four balls left.

19th over: Melbourne Renegades 154-5 (Bravo 4, Cooper 12)

Faulkner’s back, the specialist at the death. There’s a single to Bravo, a wide at Cooper, who then plays an outstanding ramp over fine-leg for six. Then there’s two into the offside, and a miscued slog to fine-leg for one. Bravo drives back at Faulkner, but it slips straight over his hand and lands on the stumps. The crowd goes wild, thinking he’s touched it, but he hasn’t and they take one. A push to leg off the last gets two, well run. One over to go.

18th over: Melbourne Renegades 140-5 (Bravo 2, Cooper 1)

There are a couple of singles then a bit of a shambles on the over’s last ball. Bravo patted the ball back to Hilfenhaus, Cooper set off, was sent back and then when turning, tripped over his own legs. He was lying on the ground, stumbling and Hilf just had to underarm the stumps down from three yards. He misses, Cooper gets up and they get their single. Strange times.

Hilfenhaus squeezes a dot through Beaton, who is hungry for runs. He then wallops it to leg, just past Glenn Maxwell’s fingertips at cow. It goes for four and I’m not sure he picked it up. Anyway, never mind, next ball he goes for the same shot, it goes a bit squarer and Adam Zampa takes a good catch.

17th over: Melbourne Renegades 133-4 (Bravo 1, Beaton 8)

Jeez, way to play yourself in, Tom Beaton. He just blasts Beer straight down the ground for six, which sails over long-on’s head. After he pushes to that man at long-on for one, we have a delay because the umpire is chasing a plastic bag or something similar round the field. It’s sort of funny, or probably not, to be honest. Bravo away with a single into the legside, then Beaton gets one to his favourite friend down at long-on.

Now that has thrown the Renegades off course. Beer continues and after a dot ball, goes for the big thwack to leg. He gets down on one knee but sweeps straight to the man at deep-square... Very good knock though.

After a single from White, Wade tries to be too cute to the over’s final ball and only ends up ramping straight to the keeper. Not a bad time for Dwayne Bravo to come in, mind.

16th over: Melbourne Renegades 123-2 (White 53, Wade 24)

The return of the Duke. Wade nudges into the legside for one, before White tries an outrageous stroke a sort of reverse lap thing that he misses because it’s too wide. And called wide, too. There’s another single, then another wide, then another single, as Wade drills to deep cover. White finishes the over with a crazy-clever ramp over the keeper’s head for four to bring up a fine 53 off 36 balls.

15th over: Melbourne Renegades 114-2 (White 48, Wade 22)

Wade looks hungry for a slog or two here. Beer back for Zampa after that massive White six. They take three singles to start the over, before White is fooled and it’s a dot. OOSH White’s hit the hard, it’s gone for four down to long-on, beating the man and going all the way along the ground. Amazing stroke. And so is that, much cuter, just turned round the corner past the man at third man, who is up. Four more.

14th over: Melbourne Renegades 103-2 (White 39, Wade 20)

We officially have 75,000 people in the MCG. More to come. Hilfenhaus is back and Wade tracks him and sticks it over long-on’s head (just), for six. He’s done by a slower ball, then takes a single to fine leg. White hoicks a four across the line, through midwicket, which is strangely left vacant by David Hussey. Two more singles finish the over.

13th over: Melbourne Renegades 90-2 (White 34, Wade 12)

Zampa continues from the Members’ End. The Renegades are circumspect for a couple of balls, trading single either side of a dot. Then White trots down and thrashes Zampa over cow for his third six. That’s massive. Another pair of singles ends the over.

12th over: Melbourne Renegades 80-2 (White 26, Wade 8)

More Stoinis. Wade miscues a pull just away from the man at square leg and they scamper two. That’s another miscue down to third man, but it falls short and they get one. White defends, then hacks to leg, and takes one, before Wade plays a lovely lofted on drive that beats the man at long on and goes for four. Just a short arm jab really. The last is cut tamely straight to point.

11th over: Melbourne Renegades 72-2 (White 25, Finch 3)

Now it’s Zampa swapping ends. Renegades charge has been neatly stymied by the Stars, who have rotated their attack well. Much, much better over from Zampa, four singles from it.

70,000 at the 'G' for the #BigBash ... 53,000 at the first day versus the West Indies...!!!! Test Cricket needs to act fast ....

10th over: Melbourne Renegades 68-2 (white 23, Wade 1)

That’s a terrific first over from Stoinis, who I didn’t fancy to bowl too much tonight. After the wicket of Finch, Renegades have two former Stars men at the crease as Wade joins White. They get a single each, with Wade off the mark with a knock into the offside.

Stoinis is into the attack and after a White single, he’s got Finch! It’s outside off and he tries to hoick to leg, but skies and is caught at point. Massive wicket.

9th over: Melbourne Renegades 65-1 (Finch 36, White 21)

Beer’s back, and things calm down. Finch goes over the infield for two, then Beer finds three dots and a single and the over costs just three.

@willis_macp How much is a ticket? The crowd is mighty impressive, but I bet they're not paying British prices (on the gate anyway).

8th over: Melbourne Renegades 61-1 (Finch 33, White 20)

Time for a bit of legspin, as Adam Zampa comes into the attack. White and Finch trade singles to start things off, then, after a dot, White gets bored and hits a pair of massive sixes down the ground. Huge. A scampered two ends the over, and the Renegades are on the move. 36 from the last two overs.

Excluding World Cup, this 70k+ crowd is higher than past 23 ODIs/T20Is for Aus at @MCG. Threatening 84,041, T20I vs India in Feb 2008 #BBL05

7th over: Melbourne Renegades 45-1 (Finch 32, White 5)

Hilfenhaus has swapped ends. White gets a single to point, then Finch drives handsomely down the ground and gets two as mid-off, who is up, deflects it into the path of long-on. Three dots follow but he ends the over by slapping it over deep midwicket for six. That was a lovely shot, with his back leg off the ground.

Scratch that, we're up to 70,000 and counting! https://t.co/D7W46tih1o

6th over: Melbourne Renegades 36-1 (Finch 24, White 4)

Every time I look up at the crowd it feels like there are 5,000 more in the MCG. I tell thee, there aren’t many spare seats. The lads on Channel Ten reckon we have 70,000 in already, which is outrageous. The Duke Hastings continues, and the Renegades are picking off singles in the unguarded square leg region, until Finchy (bloody good rep) gets on the back foot and turns a pull past short fine for four. The last ball goes finer, but with the same result: four for Finch. Powerplay over, 36 for one.

Panorama of the @MCG 20 mins into #BBL05 derby: just broken 70k. And still more to come outside. pic.twitter.com/vt5RLAowxh

5th over: Melbourne Renegades 25-1 (Finch 15, White 3)

Michael Beer into the attack from the Members’ End. He starts with a couple of dots to Finch, who then punishes him for overpitching by clearing the leg and bashing it through the covers for four. A single to short fine leg follows, then White reverse sweeps for one, too. A dot ends the over and there’s four from it.

4th over: Melbourne Renegades 19-1 (Finch 10, White 2)

Cracking first over from Hastings, that. The big wicket of Gayle and just two runs - a flick to leg from White - against his name. Good start from the Stars.

Hastings into the attack and another dot to Gayle leads to him trying to take a huge swiped pull at a ball not short enough and miscuing to Pietersen at mid-on. Massive wicket, although Gayle did look out of sorts. Big boos for former Stars man Cameron White as he comes to the crease...

3rd over: Melbourne Renegades 17-0 (Finch 10, Gayle 4)

Faulkner continues. He starts with a full toss that Gayle fails to put away, then there’s a quick - or as quick as Gayle bothers with - single into the offside. Faulkner again bowls a wide down the legside and Finch again hoicks to leg for a couple. They finish the over by trading a single more each.

2nd over: Melbourne Renegades 11-0 (Finch 7, Gayle 2)

It’s big Benny Hilfenhaus from the other end. For no real reason, I have a lot of love for Hilfenhaus. He starts with a yorker, which is dug out by Gayle for a single. A legside hoick gives Finch two, then he takes a single. Gayle defends a couple of dots, then pulls a short ball to fine leg for one to pinch the strike.

1st over: Melbourne Renegades 6-0 (Finch 4, Gayle 0)

After one of the BBL’s favourite institutions, the fan count down to the first ball, Faulkner starts by going round the wicket to Finch. The first is left, the second driven meekly to cover and the third middled back to the bowler, whose stop probably prevents four. Faulkner has a chat with his frenemy KP, who is stood at mid-off, then serves up a pair of legside wides. Silly James. Finch then slogs a length ball from outside off over Pietersen’s head for four, before Faulkner finishes with a pair of dots.

The players are out. First over coming up, to be bowled by James Faulkner. As per usual, Aaron Finch and Chris Gayle opening up for the Renegades. I’m actually rather excited. Don’t forget to fling me your emails and fire me your tweets.

We are about six minutes away from getting under way. The MCG, I have to say, looks a blooming picture. The crowd is already pretty whopping, and they’re still streaming in.

Very big (for #BBL05) crowd at @MCG 15 mins before start of derby - and a heap still stuck outside due to THAT fence pic.twitter.com/GwQsMW4gZG

Earlier on, Stars played Renegades in the Women’s Big Bash League. After a pretty disastrous start, which saw skipper Meg Lanning fall in the second over of the match as the Stars lost their first four wickets for eight runs, as well as 2,000 fans trapped outside because the MCG chose to only open one general admission gate, it was a resounding success. By the end of play, when Renegades crept home with a ball to spare chasing just 86, there were 12,901 people in the ground, which is just swell. Much fun was had by all in a low-scoring bum-squeaker of a game.

This fella also introduced himself to the world. Yes, that literally is a small boy eating a watermelon whole. He’s the sort of chap the internet enjoys, for one reason or another.

The WBBL has the best fans. #watermelonboy#WBBL01pic.twitter.com/PCKUDBguD9

We have some team and toss news.

David Hussey of the Stars won the toss, and invited the Renegades to bat first. The Renegades batted first in their last game and were beaten by the Scorchers by 10 wickets. Probably means nothing, may mean something.

We've won the toss and are bowling first in the #BBL05 Melbourne Derby. Final team below, Hasto and KP in. #GoStarspic.twitter.com/7LLlbxEHzz

Just the one change to the lineup - Doherty comes in for Hauritz #getonred#BBL05pic.twitter.com/te4bfIbDSY

Hello! Welcome to the first (by about an hour) Guardian over-by-over of 2016. Happy new year. I hope you and yours enjoyed wonderful holiday seasons.

So, that cricket, then. It’s the Melbourne derby, that famous, long-standing institution between the historic domestic behemoths and cross-town rivals, the Melbourne Stars and the Melbourne Renegades. Ok, maybe not - I own underpants with older than either of these teams/clubs/franchises/whatevers. But it should be a belter, with plenty of quality talent on either side - your Gayles, your Pietersen, your Maxwell, your Finches - and crucially, both teams needing wins, having lost two of their first three fixtures. We should have a bumper crowd here at the MCG, too. There was talk earlier in the week that it could maybe even smash the competition record, which is 52,633 at Adelaide Oval for last January’s semi-final between the Strikers and Sydney Sixers. There are whispers that 60,000 could show up, which would be mega.

Will is going to be dropping by shortly to take you through all of tonight’s live action but in the meantime, you can check out what went right for the Hurricanes in their 11-run win over the Thunder or perhaps check out Russell Jackson’s look at the first West Indies tourists of 1930-31.

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